//------------------------------// // Door Jam // Story: MXC Equestria Edition // by Soothing Stone //------------------------------// “Welcome back to MXC, as the battle of the Pegasi and the Unicorns continues!” the announcer says, as the show gets back on air. For now, Ken and Vic are over at Celestia’s observatory tower by themselves. There’s a giant telescope pointed at the sky. Even for scientific endeavors, size matters. “Well, this has been an interesting series of events today,” Vic reports. “So far the Unicorns have dominated, and do not appear to be letting up anything soon.” “It’s interesting all right, in the sense that watching a Serbian Film is good if you didn’t want faith in humanity anymore,” Kenny grumbles. “Now Ken, just wait. Your favorite part is almost here. Wait a minute, here's Celestia now.” Celestia comes through the glass doors, with a blank expression. “The Royal Guards said you wanted to know where I was. What is the matter?” she asks kindly. “Indeed. You left in the middle of our last event, not that Ken here cares…” Ken looks like he’s willing to do bad things to Celestia. “So we would like to know what you were doing out there.” “You sure you want to know?” she asks. Vic nods in response. “Well, I didn’t like how Captain Tenneal hit Trixie on her back like that. I had to do something, so I banished him to the moon.” “WHAT?” Vic and Ken shout back. “How could you do this, you insensitive, overprotective pony!” Ken adds to insult. “Right you are Ken, this is getting a little out of hand. And we need a captain out there. So how could you get away with this?” “I'm really thankful you allowed that Royal Guard captain to participate, he's the new captain of MXC,” Celestia responds. Ken mutters something under his breath. “I'm really not OK with this. But no matter, let's move to Door Jam!” says Vic. We're now at the entrance of the course, with the Royal Guard captain taking Tenneal’s place, complete with whistle at hoof. We pan from wall to wall during Vic's explanation of the event. “And in this event, ponies make their way through four walls, and they must pick one of four doors for each. But some are solid, and others have netting in them.” Out comes everyone’s favorite crossed eyed pony, Derpy. “I know my eyes are weird! I'm still not getting surgery!” “And this is Derpy Hooves, the only pegasus to be complemented by ex-Captain Tenneal. But how is she getting across the first wall with those eyes?” “She's just lucky, those eyes probably make her so uncoordinated.” “But now she's past the third wall, and she stares down the last wall. Taking her charge...AND SHE MAKES IT!” “How is this possible? Um, I guess we go down to Spike now…” Ken trails off. Off to the course with Spike. “What was your secret to success?” Spike asks the fan favorite. “No real secret. I can see straight, but I'm not sure why my eyes are like this,” Derpy explains. “It's almost as if a designer messed up with them…” Down at the great Canadian place dubbed DHX Studios, a character artist is drawing on a tablet, with the TV turned in to the show. He looks up just in time to see Derpy bad mouth him. “Stop reminding me that it was a mistake!” he grumbles. “I created the best pony meme ever, and this is how you thank me? You're fortunate you're famous!” Onto the next pony, that being Rainbow Dash. “There's no way I'm going on Kenny's Top Ten!” she cheers. “And next for the pegasus, it's Rainbow Dash herself. Let's see if she lives up to her name.” “Haven't you been in Equestria long enough to know everypony does?” Ken points out. “Wrong you are Ken. Oh my goodness, she finished within five seconds. Left a rainbow trail in her wake, leaving all four doors smashed to pieces. And some of them were solid and netted!” “You know, this would've been a great time for that Impact Replay...and an interview with Guy...forget it, I loved the way this show used to be.” “Top Ten Most Painful...say it with me...Let's go on now to the next one.” “Stop overdubbing me! I got nice words for you, I swear!” says the next pony. “Our first unicorn for Door Jam is Lightstream. Working on electrical currents, she's working with Celestia right now on making TV possible for Equestria.” “With great power, comes great irresponsibility, but at least our audience is about to double,” says Ken. “Right you are Ken. Gets past the first door without issue. She scans the wall for an opening, taps one of the doors lightly, and a hoof full of door falls to the ground, could be the entryway. Rushing in, but OH! It's a netted one!” “Did you see how sure she was on that one? MXC: Finding ways to screw with your performance since 2004.” “Indeed.” Let’s see who’s next...oh God. It’s Trixie again. “I like this captain better than Tenneal. Did you see the cut he left on my saddle?” she says, almost flirting with the new Captain. “Enough with the flattery. GET IT ON!” he shouts back. “Oh my God, I think he's almost as good as Tenneal,” Vic states in wonder. “Key word, almost.” “Indeed, and with that comes Trixie's second attempt to be somepony other than a letdown, despite her rabid fans worldwide.” “Hey, you didn't hear how she threatened me over the break. It was either let her compete or be transformed into a dragon.” “You passed up becoming a dragon, Ken?” “I heard the dragon girls are mean and like it rough. That was the deal breaker for me.” “Anyways, she's on the last wall, the most tricky of them all. Only one door will do it, and she slams just one door over to the left too far, and lands on her back.” “Is it OK if I said I felt bad for her. My emotions get mixed up every time I see her.” The next victim steps up to the stage. “Celestia’s the best flyer in Equestria, not us!” says the familiar yellow pony. “Interesting point there, as our next victim begins, Spitfire. She's the leader of the Wonderbolts, the best fliers of a town called Cloudsdale. But the ground seems unfamiliar with her, as she's not the fastest galloper so far.” “Puts a new spin on having your head in the clouds. Still, she's not all that bad. Just not familiar with this kind of competition.” “Kenny, you're not being yourself there. But she passes the first wall tumbling through the wallpaper. Going for the second door, succeeds without a sweat. Onto the third wall, and gets nothing but net! And that's the first time this is a bad thing. What a shame. Let's go to Spike.” Next to the walls is Spike, chatting with Spitfire. “You were doing well until that point. What was going through your mind there?” “Not enough practice. I know there's a formula to figuring out which doors will stop your run. All I need to do is have another run, and I'll do better next time.” “That's what you think…” Ken says in a creepy tone. Onto the next pony. “If Rarity can win her event, I can win mine too. I love you, Sis!” says the pony with the squeakiest voice ever. “What the hell? Who is this kid?” Ken asks in confusion. “This is Sweetie Belle, at what is called ‘filly’ age. So young that she doesn't have a cutie mark.” “What's a cutie mark? And who authorized this to happen?” “When you consider she's past the first one, which most grown men can't conquer, you throw questions like that out the window.” “Still, her elimination is going to be more fun to watch just for the reaction.” “Now that's the Ken I know. And OH! She fully charges head on to a solid door! But...she's getting up without a scratch. If you wanted a good reaction, you could have Trixie do it again…” “Eh...I'll live.” “And after three events, the Pegasi make a comeback to tie the Unicorns, 2-2!” Back to the throne room, and it is vacant save for the duo and Celestia, now sitting on her throne. “Nothing like the underdog coming back to win like that. Right, Ken?” “Half of our format is either gone or banished to the moon, and YOU can smile? What's your secret? No, seriously. Did someone give you happy pills? Slip Viagra into your wine last night? Wait, that’s what I did...” In the meantime, Celestia is not pleased. “Half the time, he insults ponies, and the other half, he makes jokes too raunchy for the Hub,” she whispers. “What am I to do with him?” “Considering your other jobs, I'm surprised you're playing the pessimistic role. After all, we still have one more event left to go on our own comeback. And everypony here is having a good time.” “You mean Celestia when you say ‘everypony’, right?” “I mean everypony.” “Said like a servant of Celestia,” Ken grumbles again. “Now you're grasping at straws. Ignoring all comments, let's go to commercial, as we find out who will take the contest at long last.” The next montage of wipeouts and crashes is displayed, and this one...is not that pleasant, to put it lightly. “When we return, it's a non-stop barrage of flips and spins in the always harsh Log Drop! Don't be one of those guys who gets soaked out there!” the announcer dares.