Space was still and silent, and the space birds dared not make a sound as an apex predator stalked its domain. The black, empty expanse was saturated with the stench of onions, an overpowering aroma that would bring tears to all but the most powerful of creatures. For, high above Equestria, the sunion loomed ominously, its omnipotent gaze twisted into a glare as it looked down on the pathetic creatures below.
And one such creature looked back.
Even as Celestio clopped through the hallways of her magnificent palace, a feeling of dread weighed heavily on her. She knew something was wrong, but not what. She could feel it in her very bones, and she had a lot of bones. How do you think she got so big?
She maneuvered through the twisting corridors for but a fraction of a minute, before coming to her destination: her balcony. The spot from which she watched the sunion, or 'the usurper' as she liked to think of it, every day. She didn't know why, but she had a hunch the horrible sky onion was to blame for these feelings.
As she moved out onto the terrace and looked up, her feelings were immediately proven correct. The sunion wasn't where it was supposed to be at all. It had always followed a pattern as it rotated around the planet, somehow immune to her magical control, but today it was way off course. Instead, it floated directly above Canterlope. Celestio had to crane her neck to even see the sunion, and as she did a creeping feeling wiggled its way into her eyeballs and slithered down her spine like a mashed potato rattling snake.
For the first time in so many months of glaring angrily at the sunion, Celestio could feel it glaring right back at her, but with an anger she could scarcely fathom. And then the sunion lit up brighter than ever before.
Before Celestio knew what was happening, she was on her back. A harsh ringing echoes in her ears, drowning out all other sounds, and, though she knew her eyes were open, all she saw was white. There was heat, not on her, but as though she sat too close to a brazier, and one side of her body was uncomfortably hot. She tried to wiggle to get back up, but a sharp pain in her lower back halted her in her tracks.
And so she did the only thing she could do, she lay there, hoping that her senses would come back soon. Minutes passed, and it was her hearing that came back first. The ringing had faded to a dull roar and all manner of sounds fought for her attention. In the distance, some one was going ape shit on a bell, no doubt trying to warn the crown of whatever was happening. Then there were the screams. So many were screaming, but it wasn't hard to tell that the source of none of them were close by. Still, she attempted to call out, hoping that perhaps someone was near enough to help.
Alas, no sound seemed to come from her throat aside from a faint gasping that wouldn't have been audible over the other noises. Minutes went by like that, before she heard something else making itself present above the din of screams in the distance. It sounded like footsteps, and they were nearby. Celestio was briefly overjoyed that she would finally get help before she remembered that ponies don't have feet and, therefore, don't have footsteps.
A moment later the steps stopped, just to her side. She couldn't see, but she could practically feel whatever was standing over her. It was radiating a type of magical energon she'd never felt before, making it easy to distinguish even without a magical-detection spell.
"Who's there?" she croaked out, her voice hardly audible.
"Oh Celestio," the voice responded, "as though knowing who or what I am would help you in any way. Your doom is assured, and I'll finally get my vengeance."
"V-vengeance?" Celestio pressed, but she got no response. That is, until a heavy weight struck against her head.
--
Sonichu was quick to step in, putting his massive, absolutely gargantuan hands on Twilight's shoulders in a comforting gesture. The awful yellow flaps of putrid carbon that composed his lips undulated up and down in a display that was both grotesque and morbidly fascinating at once, like watching a spider’s mating dance, and the tiny fingers in his throat strummed his vocal cords, causing sound to escape from his sphincter-like mouth much like a farting anus. “Don’t be upset, Twilight. We'll help you get your scrotum back,” the voice streamed slow and consistent from his puckered hole, like a long, drawn-out fart, not as bassy and loud as a strong gust of wind, but satisfying all the same.
"Yeah," agreed Chris who was clenching his hands into annoyed little fists, "we'll kick his butt for what he's done to you or my name isn't Christian Weston Chandler!"
Danny Trejo hardly seemed impressed, however. Being the most fowl creature to ever have life breathed into it, he wasn't afraid of much. He swung his machete in a threatening manner, taunting the lot of them. "I'll cut you up and put you on a tortilla with cheese, gringos."
Chris had had enough. With a mighty scream, he charged forward with all the speed of a raging hippopotamus, ready to strike down any that stand in his way. He could feel the virgin rage coursing through his veins at the thought that his friend who is a girl was being mistreated, and it gave him retard strength.
Unfortunately, before he could make it to Danny, a bright light filled the air with light molecules, blinding the entire group. It lasted a few moments before they managed to wipe the light particles from their eyes and look up, only to see the massive form of the sunion, now hovering directly above Canterlope. Below it, Canterlope was shrouded in smoke. Clearly something horrible was happening there.
"Haha," laughed Danny, his scrotum lips rattling back and forth in the process. "I was merely the distraction, and you tiny-brained gringos fell for it! Now the powers I serve will destroy everything you've ever loved! Muahahaha."
His laugh was cut short as Chris smacked him with his chicken-wing-like elbow, his virgin rage and autism empowering him beyond mortal reasoning. Danny Trejo folded in half from the blow, his skin flaps rippling and roiling like an angry sea. As a scrotum monster, he had no bones, you see, and the force of the hit was more than enough to shatter the crusty scrotums that kept him upright.
Like a limp hotdog, he collapsed to the ground, his scrotum skin bubbling and melting from his body. In a matter of seconds, his entire form was reduced to a liquified pool of scrotums that coated the ground. Twilight trotted up, her hooves being coated in the sticky liquid as she searched for her prize. It wasn't hard to find the masculine, purple scrotum and she quickly scooped it up in her snout, savoring its flavor. She didn't realize how much she missed its taste, but, after being away from it for hours, she couldn't help but think it was the most scrumptious thing in the world.
Without a word, she swallowed it down, absorbing her scrotum back into her body. The other ponies moved up and began lapping up Danny Trejo's remains. The scrotum juice would, no doubt, bolster their own scrotums. Not to mention it tasted pretty good.
"What's going on up there?" shat Sonichu from his rectum-like mouth, sounding as well as smelling similar to how a skunk would while emptying its bowels as it was dying.
Twilight followed his line of sight, seeing Canterlope burning in the distance. "I don't know, but we'd better go check it out!"