Chapter 7: Best job ever- the chronicles
Cloud Chaser sat by her desk for a while now, hooves supporting her head. She glanced at the clock over the door. 11:26 AM. Not much progress since she last checked at 11:24AM, but it felt slightly shorter then when she waited from 11:20AM to 11:23AM, despite logically being a full minute longer. Logic had no place here. This house was the home of feelings first an foremost, whether it's love of her life allowing her to live here despite being broke and jobless for Celestia knows how long (probably not even Celestia knew), or friendship that connected her and Soarin and let him rent a room despite general awkwardness regarding what happened on the Summer Sun Celebration (before Nightmare Moon's return, that is), or even bitterness that Flitter felt toward Soarin, though in reality she liked him just as much, just had troubles expressing her true feelings to anypony in general. It took her forever to open up to Cloud Chaser even after they hooked up, it was just a matter of time before she brightened up to their new lodger as well. Especially now that he had a job and even gave her one, all without actually having to move out of cozy, comfortable and clean cottage (she loved alliteration). Of course, if it even works at all. Flitter was skeptical to this idea and wasn't too keen on dividing the house into what was basically a 'love clinic', but Cloud Chaser knew a few weaknesses of her fillyfriend that she could use to her advantage, she had no chance but to give in. Good times.
She glanced at the clock again. 11:32AM. So thinking about dumb things helped pass the time. Who knew?
She wasn't bored. She expected a lot of downtime as a secretary, so she prepared some life savers in form of a newspaper, a random action-adventure book from public library (curiously, two of Soarin's friends actually ran it now), a fashion magazine she bought only because it came with free calendar which now adorned the wall of the office (though she would lie if she didn't enjoy the pinups and lingerie ads), and even one saucy, clearly not PG rated magazine she kept hidden in between stacks of mostly blank documents. She didn't touch any of them thus far, much too busy waiting and panicking. 11:34AM. Various thoughts flew through her head. What was taking them so long? This was supposed to be a short session, but it's been almost entire hour since the first client entered. Did something gone wrong? Did he bored Soarin to sleep? Was this a serial killer who killed him and escaped by window? Or even worse, was this beyond his abilities and this entire business is a bust? All this effort, so much hype and hope put into this project only for it to fail miserably and make things like they were before, except now with the added sour taste of regret?
"...and be sure to come by and tell me how it went," Cloud Chaser instantly perked up when she heard Soarin's voice coming from the door, which opened and he escorted the other pony to the desk. Both were smiling and none seemed stabbed, which was a good sign "Although, if you don't come back, I'll pretend it went perfectly and you won't need me anymore."
"I dunno," the client said, scratching his head "it sound's easy, but I don't think I can..."
"Tsk, tsk," Soarin shook his head and patted his client on his shoulder "what did I say about thinking?"
"Umm... don't?"
"See? You already sound like a pro."
Once the door were closed, the two tenants, love guru and his secretary, took a long, slow breath. They glanced at the clock. 11:41AM. Then their eyes went towards the desk, where an object was lying, which just two minutes ago, 11:39AM, wasn't there. Neither Cloud Chaser nor Soarin dared to pick it up, just looked at it with neutral expressions on their faces. It wasn't until 11:43AM that Cloud Chaser made the first move and raised her hoof ever so slowly, so that by 11:44AM it was closer to the object in question. A bead of sweat fell from her forehead. She looked at her employer. He nodded, which made the spike maned pegasi gulp and finally do it. She nudged the bag. It made a muffled, metallic sound. She prodded it again with same result. At 11:46AM, she finally took a long breath and finally opened the purse. It was, indeed, filled with golden bits. They knew it, but it was still impressive to think about it.
"Yup, it's money alright." Cloud Chaser nodded.
"Golden bits." Soarin agreed "Of course there's bits."
"Yeah, bits."
"Bits that we just made." Soarin nodded.
"We just earned a bag of bits." Cloud Chaser repeated, once again nudging the bag.
"For the first time."
"Our first payment..."
"...from the first client."
Some time passed, but for once, neither of them actually checked it.
"We just made our first money... from the first client." Soarin said again, but this information bears repeating, which is what his assistant provided in a higher pitched tone then usual.
"We made our first money!" Cloud Chaser almost shrieked, as a huge smile grew on her face.
"We made our first money!" Soarin said once again, because quite honestly, it felt so unreal he had to spell it out loud for them to truly believe, constantly. They couldn't take it anymore, it's been building up since 11:39AM and neither could deny it anymore. Simultaneously, both ponies almost exploded in a fit of giggles and squealing like little fillies.
"Squeeee!" both ponies agreed, as they hopped maniacally in one place for a short moment, before somehow ending up dancing together on the table, completely ignoring the mess of papers and various office tools they were making,, until a soft cover of a fashion magazine enacted vengeance for his desk buddies, by just being there, where Soarin's hoof landed and slipped, sending the pegasus falling on his back! In the last act of desperation, instead of using his wings like a normal pegasi, he grabbed the first thing that was in front of him, which turned out to be his secretary. Cloud Chaser, despite tomboyish appearance and mannerisms, wasn't strong enough to hold them both, which meant she plummeted right with him.
SMACK!
A bunch of papers flew through the office, once again messing up a perfectly clean floors. Soarin couldn't care about the mess on the other side of the desk, because his head hurt right here, right now. How long has it been since his last crash? So much training, so much getting used to it, only to find out that it still hurts. He tried to massage the throbbing pain in the back of his head, but his hooves were currently crushed by something else. Though that something else wasn't nearly as uncomfortable. In fact, Cloud Chasers hooves were pleasantly soft, if a little heavy, which could also be said about the rest of her body, now on top of him. She moaned from pain and rose her head, only to notice Soarin's face. About five inches away from hers.
Her first instinct should have been to rise up instantly and pretend nothing happened, but she made a critical mistake of looking into his eyes. His hipster glasses fell of during the fall, which was pretty dangerous.
"Y-you know..." she started blushing "... I never noticed that... your eyes are so..." she swallowed, before finishing "...green."
"Y-yeah, I know..." he responded, also captivated by her own eyes. He always considered her hot and cool (oh the irony) in a more masculine way, but cute? Not until now, though he wasn't sure whether it was her, or just a concussion messing with his perception "You're eyes are so... purple."
None of them noticed the the pony that slowly opened the door, but just as soon closed it and left
Lyra sighed deeply, blushing heavily. So close, yet still so far away. She cursed herself internally. She wasn't a coward, she could play her lyre in the open space for tens if not hundreds of ponies without a problem... yet she had hard time approaching one pony that could help her get what she wanted the most.
"Next time for sure!" she reassured mostly herself, but also her new friend that swung on a necklace "You saw them, they were busy, so I'll come back some other day! There will be a better day. Someday. Eventually."
"..."
"That's besides the point!" Lyra blushed.
"..."
Lyra stopped moving and facehooved "I'm talking to a rock!"
"..." Darwin admitted, making Lyra blush furiously.
"S-shut up! I don't wanna hear that from you!" she lashed out at the rock, attracting the attention of several shopkeepers on the market. Applejack raised an eyebrow and tried to ask her something, but Lyra just smiled and dashed away, cursing her existence.
Back in the office, two blushing ponies, one atop the other, were slowly getting really awkward. Soarin waited for Cloud Chaser to patiently move away from him, but deep inside, he enjoyed her soft, warm coat on him. Who wouldn't?
"So..." he decided to stop the silence "...are we gonna bang or what? You're sending mixed signals."
Cloud Chasers eyes widened at the question. She opened her mouth, then quickly closed it. She moved a bit closer to his face, dangerously closer then even before and whispered...
"No."
All of a sudden, all the romanticism poofed and disappeared and both ponies instantly smiled and chuckled.
"You know you want it, girl." Soarin said with his eyebrow raised "Just say one word..." Cloud Chaser rolled her eyes at that.
"Careful. From today on, this could be called sexual harassment... boss."
"Tempting." he smiled seductively "I might take you up on that offer..."
Unlike previously, this time the two managed to hear the door opening and noticed a very spooked, blushing mare at the entrance.
"I-I-I... I'm s-sorry, I-I will be b-back..." she turned to the door, but a lightblue hoof gently closed them right before her.
"Welcome to Big S, home of Love Consultant and Guru," Soarin quickly established eye contact with the mare. It took a second for Cloud Chaser to notice that Soarin was no longer under her. Like many, she took a moment to remember that he was indeed, a Wonderbolt once "please don't mind the mess." he continued, charming the mare with his eyes, just so he had time to fix his mane without anypony noticing. Aside from Cloud Chaser of course, but she was busy getting up and fixing her own hair. Again.
"Chasey, be a dear and get us some tea." he asked her, escorting a client to his room, picking up his glasses along the way.
"Sure thing... boss."
"Geez, let me guess, your job is ama-- wait for it, --zing and you feel like a king of the world, yadda, yadda, good for youl."
Hoof it over to Thunderlane when it comes to messing up a good atmosphere at their usual hangout at Sugarcube Corner. Five stallions couldn't help but just roll their eyes at the sight of their friend being in bad mood, once again.
"What happened THIS time?" asked Prince Blueblood.
"Blossom dumped him." Doctor shortly answered "Again."
The group of friends nodded. They went past the 'it's a big deal' phase long ago and just called it 'Friday'. Since moving in Ponyville, Soarin (and other two as well) already witnessed it three times, only for them to be back together again two days later, at worst. Before that happened, both Thunderlane and Blossom had to be either avoided or treated very carefully. Ponyville's Weather Patrol already had contingencies for that planned in advance. And when your local branch has more training with babysitting troubled couples then they had with actual weather, you knew you had a problem. Soarin himself couldn't quite figure out what to think about the pair.
At first glance, it looked like a disaster and highly abusive relationship, except nopony was being abused. If anything, the only pony that truly suffered from this relationship was Thunderlane's little brother, Rumble, and only because he always ended up confused over who would babysit him next time.
And on the other end of the spectrum, there was always the guarantee, that no matter what happens and how often they fought, it never went too far and they always found each other in the end. It was... adorable? Creepy? A mixture of both? It was a weird feeling, every time he met a mare that he could not quite decipher. Blossomforth joined this very narrow category, right next to Princesses, Pinkie Pie, Sapphire Shores and several other he'd rather not think about.
"You know," Soarin started "if you want some help with your relationship, I could try to help you." emphasis on 'try' "I mean, I am a professional now."
Thunderlane looked at him for a moment and after a short pause, he sighed deeply.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."
"You failed." Prince responded dryly. He earned a jab at his ribs from both Shiny and Big Mac.
"I know," Thunderlane stood up from his seat " Look, I'm just not in the mood, guys. I'll better go home, before I burn down the rest of my relationships."
With that said, he left the shop, hopefully stopping the contagion of his nasty mood. Soarin made a mental note to himself to try and talk to Blossomforth in near future, just in case he missed something important.
"So," Doctor mercifully stopped the awkward silence "it's been almost a week now. How's your job going?"
Soarin chuckled at that "I could tell you, but Thunderlane beat me to it. Simply awesome. Although, sometimes..."
A quarreling couple entered his room just a moment ago. They couldn't stop bickering for even a moment, going as much as wasting their precious time, sitting on the same couch, while Soarin observed and listened carefully, before going into action and giving them some suggestions.
Right now, their mouths were occupied with some other activity. And like last time, they were going at it, not even daring to stop, despite Soarin's best intentions. How did they even breathe when their lips were sealed with each other for so long?
"Umm, I don't want to be rude, but..." he scratched his head "I think the proper phrasing is 'get a room'. A different one."
He was swiftly ignored. On one hoof, he was glad his advice worked out... better then he imagined. On the other, he was starting to feel really uneasy.
"You can stop now and continue in your home... no? Ok, suit yourselves." he looked at the clock. They still had more than half hour of their time and nopony could force them to leave. He tapped the desk with hif hoof nervously. For a moment, he thought about grabbing a book from his bedroom, but he was too afraid to leave them even for a second, or else things could escalate. He sighed, resigned. If anypony was going to bang in this room, at least he wanted to be first.
"Can I at least join?"
"Look, what I'm about to say might sound a little... not right, but all things considered, I'm here for you, right? Yes, I am. That's my job, to help ponies like you. And to do that, I must face you with the harsh, but necessary truth of the matter. It's all for your own good when I'll say it, so please don't take it the wrong way, but... see, this is harder than I thought, but..." he took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say it.
"The world doesn't revolve around jelly..."
"...and like, he doesn't even say anything, like, what am I, not good enough for him? Pshh, filly please, dude doesn't know what he's missing. Like the other day, I went to him and I was talkin' bout the dance coming soon, like how nopony invited me and I kinda wanted to go, which was a lie, one guy was totally into me and kept bugging me but please, me? With that dweeby little nerd? I have standards, I'll have you know, like, I won't just go with anypony! Can you imagine what would others say if they saw me with him in one place? Eww, my rep would be like, sooo gone and I gotta keep up my image, you know? So anyway, I was hinting that stud, but he was just standing there, looking at me like I'm some piece of art, well, can't blame him, I mean, where do you think I got this purse? Marremani original, my daddy bought it for me when he was in Canterlot, at least he knows what a little treasure I am, unlike somepony else I know. So, what d'ya suppose I should do?"
Soarin's eye twitched. He listened to every single word that his client said. He regretted it dearly. He took of his glasses for a moment to massage temples between his eyes.
"Where should I start..."
"Maybe... maybe I'm just ugly?" the pegasi mare on the couch sobbed, burying her face in hooves. Soarin's heart almost broke at that view. She wasn't exactly the prettiest mare he saw in his life, but she was by no means ugly. Hearing somepony like that having problems with finding a mate hurt. He knew something wasn't quite right, but couldn't quite put his hoof on it. He needed some more answers. But first, she needed to calm down.
"Oh come on, that's not true."
The mare sniffed and turned one eye to him "R-really?" he nodded gently in response. She calmed down a little, but didn't stop frowning "You're just saying that to make me feel better." she pouted and lowered her head. Soarin went from his seat and sat before her.
"I'm saying that, because I believe it." he said with great conviction.
"Y-you think I'm pretty?"
"Yes, I do. And I know every stallion in the world thinks so too."
"Every... stallion..." she blushed She was feeling better already. One more push should be all he'd need.
"Yes. I bet there are a lot of guys waiting to date a beauty like you."
"E-even you?" she asked suddenly. Soarin raised an eyebrow. It was getting dangerous, the line was drawing closer and closer, one bad step and he will cross it. Still, she had those sweet, innocent eyes and he wasn't good at saying no to them.
"Yes, I guess..."
"I DO TOO!" she pounced at him, promptly smashing him to the ground with her own body. He had no time to react, only screamed and fell, hugged tightly by the surprisingly strong pegasi mare. She nuzzled his face a bit too affectionately "And we'll be together for-e-ver," he tried to deny, but his lungs were crushed too tightly to make a single sound out, let out getting away with his own strength "and I will never, ever, ever, ever let you go... unlike those last three liars." at least the mystery was solved. He still couldn't breathe, which was a downside of being held tightly by an average looking mare. Which was the least of his problems anyway.
The rescue came in form of his doors getting kicked off the hinges by none other, than his lovely secretary, as she rushed in the room with two strongly built stallions, each wearing a guard vest and batons strapped to their hooves.
"Get your dirty hooves of my boss, you slut!" Cloud Chaser ordered. The mare in question squeezed Soarin even harder.
"NO! Nopony will deny our everlasting love! Not this time!"
One of the guards stepped forward "M'am, leave him alone and just come quietly, we don't want anypony to be hurt!"
"NEVER!"
Soarin used the commotion to struggle his head out of the headlock to grasp some air and attempt to save himself.
"I'm not your coltfriend!" he yelled out.
All of a sudden, the grip loosened. The crazy mare opened her eyes wide and looked at Soarin.
"Y-you aren't?"
"No."
"But..."
"It was all just a misunderstanding... sorry."
The mare opened her mouth, but closed them afterward. It seemed like she calmed down just enough to fully let go of Soarin and lower her head with shame.
"Oh... well, whoops. I got carried away. Sorry." she smiled sheepish. A few seconds of awkward silence later, Soarin started chuckling. He was joined by Cloud Chaser, followed by the crazy mare and the guards. Before they knew it, the room was filled with awkward laugh, for once. Before it stopped, however...
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" the mare stood up on her rear hooves, pulled out some small object from... wherever she had it and tossed it under her, creating a large smokescreen. Next thing they heard, was a sound of glass shattering. Once the smokescreen faded, she was gone. The guards groaned and rushed towards the exit, leaving Soarin and Cloud Chaser alone, with the smoking room and broken window.
"Huh..." Soarin hummed, scratching his head "...that just happened."
"Yeah." Cloud Chaser nodded. She waited for a moment before continuing "Lets pretend nothing ever happened, ok?"
"Sure."
They both nodded in agreement. Soarin got up and massaged his hooves, just glad that it was over. He shot a glance at the door, now fallen out of its hinges.
"The door was open, you didn't need to kick it out."
To which, Cloud Chaser slyly smiled and said
"I know."
Soarin smiled and nodded with acknowledgment.
Suddenly, the crazy mare crawled out from under the desk and looked at two pegasi.
"Are they gone now?"
Back to present, four stallions looked at Soarin with their eyebrows raised. The blue pegasi himself hummed and scratched his head.
"...oh yeah, I wasn't supposed to tell anypony... whoops," he shrugged "no word to Flitter, ok?" his friends still gave him the look. That look, the one that demanded some explanation. Soarin hoofwaved at it "Oh that? Pfft, weirder things happened when I was still a Wonderbolt."
That time, when they decided that nothing will surprise them anymore? Yeah, nopony remembered it anymore.
What helped him get through this week, was of course spending it with his friends. Not just his Element friends, but also his Disciple Trio, which now become his new clients. They had a large discounts for helping with advertisements and they used that generously during the day. And while they had a great mentor, their road was still long ahead...
"Guys, really," Soarin shook his head "I say it so much it should be burned into your heads by now. When I say 'confidence', I mean 'all the time'."
"Yeah, easy for you to say," Poindexter pouted and crossed his hooves "it's easy to you, I'm just a nerd, not a former idol."
"YEAH!"
"Dude, you're not helping!"
Soarin sighed once again.
"Hey, I wasn't always a superstar, you know. In fact, I was a Wonderbolt for only over a year. And I barely even performed at that. Before, I was just doing odd jobs. Waiter, courier, bartender, mailpony, the list goes on. Just because you're you doesn't mean you don't deserve a pie."
They blinked "A what now?"
"A pie." Soarin confirmed "When you want a pie, what do you do?"
The trio shrugged.
"Umm, I pay for it..."
Soarin's eye twitched. That metaphor was going places he'd rather avoid.
"No, I mean, yeah, but more importantly, you ask for a pie! Because you want it and nopony has the right to deny you that, right?"
"Umm..."
"And if you don't get it in one place, you look in another. You want a pie and won't stop until you get it. Do you get it?"
The trio looked at each other and shrugged.
"I guess..."
"Okay then, how about a little exercise?" he pointed at Poindexter, now looking perplexed as ever "Say how much you want a pie!"
"I dunno, it sounds stupid..."
"Come on, work with me here! Say that you want a pie!"
Poindexter scratched his head. He didn't see any reason or logic in talking about pies when he was trying to learn how to woo a lady, but Soarin wasn't wrong before. He scrounged up some courage to say it.
"I want it."
"You want what?
"A pie."
"Now say it with more conviction."
"I want a pie."
"Louder!"
"I want a pie!"
"More confidence!"
"I want a pie!"
"Again!"
"I want a pie!"
"Keep it coming!"
"I WANT A PIE!"
Soarin slowly clapped his hooves, while Poindexter breathed heavily. He had to admit, that feeling, as unreasonable it was, was pretty good. He had cravings for some pie, but more importantly, knew that he was not to be denied one. The energy surging through his body felt amazing!
"Alright, now you try!" Soarin pointed at Hemp Leaf.
Hemp shrugged "Okay, I want a pie."
"Again and louder!"
"I WANT A PIE!"
"Awesome! Now you try!" he pointed at Bulk this time... and clogged his ears while he had a chance.
"I WANT A PIE!"
"Good. Now everypony!"
The three took a breath and released it together, bound by a perfect synchronization.
"WE WANT A PIE!"
"Again!"
"WE WANT A PIE!"
"I brought a pie!" said Pinkie Pie.
"AAAAAH!" four stallions reacted as expected, falling from their respective seats onto the ground. They breathed heavily, watching puzzled at Pinkie Pie that just spontaneously appeared in the room, armed with a cheerful smile and a tray of freshly baked apple pie in her hoof. It took a moment for their hearts to calm down and resume their beatings in regular tempo. Only after achieving that (Pinkie waited patiently), Soarin finally confronted her.
"Pinkie Pie, what... how... why are you here?"
"Oh you know the usual, I was working, baking cakes and cupcakes, when suddenly my nose was twitcha-twiching, my eyes were batting and I sneezed, which usually means..."
"Pie emergency, I know." Soarin finished, sighing. He should have figured out saying the word 'Pie' too much, with enough conviction, would activate the 'Summon Pinkie Pie' spell. At least he knew his Disciples were getting better at it.
"But this time, I was ready!" she beamed proudly, then left the pie on the desk "Oh well, my cameo's done, gotta go back to my work. See ya!" and then she left the room, this time via normal doors.
The Trio looked at the door, then at the pie, finally at Soarin.
"See? Enough confidence can make miracles!" he smiled widely. They did not notice a large bead of sweat that fell from his forehead.
As Pinkie walked through the office, she waved towards Cloud Chaser.
"Hi Cloud Chaser!"
"Hi Pinkie!" she waved her hoof at her, not even letting go of the magazine she was reading.
"I left Soarin a pie, but I gotta go back now. Bye Cloud Chaser."
"Bye Pinkie!"
And she was gone.
Moments later, Cloud Chaser had a sudden epiphany.
"Wait a moment..." she threw the magazine on the desk and rushed towards the room, opening it without knocking.
"Hey Soarin, leave me some pie, will ya?"
After making sure that's confirmed, she gladly got back to her seat and resumed reading.