//------------------------------// // Excerpt XII // Story: Seashell // by Winston //------------------------------// Seashell XII From the journal of Sunburst, October 16, 1329 YS: It's over. Today was the last day I was a guard. Tomorrow, in the dark of the early morning before the sun rises, I'll leave the city and follow the road until it fades away into nothing. Then I'll travel the trackless wilds beyond Equestria until I finally reach the Seawall, days from now. I and whoever the unicorn is who gets sent with me will relieve the ponies currently there waiting for us to send them home. They'll leave gladly, as quick as they can. They have families and friends who've been waiting a very long time to see them again. Then there's six months of pure isolation. Six months of being alone with my thoughts. That's right, just you and me, journal. Just you and me. No more watching them. That will be a relief. I suppose it's true that I'm running away, and I admit that. I do wish I was stronger, better equipped to handle this. At the same time, though, I feel that I can take my exit with dignity and at least a little bit of pride in myself. I'm not running away without any resolution, and that's what's important. My one major loose end is tied off, as much as I'm able to do so. I've realized that part of what makes this so difficult is that a pony can be helped only so much as they realize that they want to be. Sometimes most of the battle isn't as much about intervention on your part as it is about getting them to that realization - when a pony has a smudge on their face, they don't need somepony else to clean it off for them, they just need a mirror held up so they can see things as they are and then they'll clean themselves. To that end, I developed a plan. I was scared I would chicken out and not execute it, but I did it somehow, and that... That's what counts. It's a longshot, but it's the only shot there is, and I took it. Before I came to the palace for my last day, I found my way back to that little flowershop where I'd probed at the differences between white and red roses. It's a little out of my way, but I couldn't think of a better place to do this. This felt like where my inklings about the captain and the princess began all those months ago, so it seemed... Poetic, or something. I don't know. Maybe I just don't know where else to buy flowers right off the top of my head. The same pale pink coated earth pony mare was there behind the counter. The same explosion of colors in fresh, vibrant blooms still surrounded her. "Hi!" She greeted me with that same cheery voice and a morning-fresh smile. Again I noticed her pretty jade green eyes, colored in perfect compliment to her coat and mane. I actually think I got lost in them for just a second. I don't usually find myself getting drawn to other mares like that, but I realized she's really attractive to me. It didn't last too long, though. I couldn't really afford much time before my last shift was supposed to start so I shook it off. "Good morning!" I nodded back to her. "I think I'd like to get some roses, please." "Great! And, umm... Well, what is it you're hoping to say with these roses, if I can ask?" she inquired. I gathered that she was really asking, most essentially, what color I wanted. The answer to that was obvious. In my dreams the key they always needed was always the same color. "Red," I answered her. "I need to say what it is that red says, to... Well, to somepony I've known for a very long time and I... Haven't been able to say that to before. And I need to say how strongly I've felt it, and I need to say it loud enough to make up for a lot of lost time feeling it without being able to tell her. I need to say I should have done this a long time ago, because I need this... Because I know we both need this... And how I feel is deeper than the ocean and higher than the sky. We can't pretend it's not there and I can't keep living without this anymore." She stared at me for a moment with wide eyes, taken with surprise. "... You don't have anything like that, do you?" I asked hopefully. "Wow," she said quietly. She thought for a moment. "I think... You're gonna have to say that from your heart, 'cause as nice as flowers are, even I have to admit they only go so far. But maybe I can get you a good running start." She turned to some of the many flowers filling her little shop and scrutinized a variety of roses. She started sifting through them. "It'd have to be... Ahhh... Yes. Yes, here. These." She pulled out a particular selection of a dozen red roses, then laid them on the counter. "These are the best of anything I can get you, for what... What you want to say." She said they were the best and they looked it. I don't think I've ever seen a more saturated, vividly dark intense crimson. They were deep burgundy red like rich wine... Like the lifeblood straight from a vein. The petals of every bloom were perfect, flawless in their delicate curves and smoother and softer than the best satin or silk. Their scent was a gentle perfume that spoke of the fondest days of spring sunshine, with an erotic undertone of warm nights, in a subtleness that paradoxically made it seem even more emphatic because of the attention it quietly but unmistakably commanded. I don't even know anything about flowers, but I could tell anypony without hesitating that these... These were pure sex appeal on long elegant thorny stems. I suppose that being the reproductive organs of the plant, that is an apt way to view flowers generally, but these were just above and beyond. These were elite supermodels. These were the kind of flowers you give a princess. "These are just... Amazing. Perfect," I said quietly. "I'll take them." I didn't care what the price was. Money has little meaning where I'm going for the next six months anyway. The shopkeeper wrapped them up carefully in tissue paper, tied together with a little string, and I paid. I gently packed them into my saddle bag, where they would go unseen. "So who's the lucky mare?" The flower selling pony behind the counter winked at me and smiled. "She sounds pretty amazing." "I don't think you'd believe me if I told you..." I think my voice was a little unsteady. "Don't wanna say, huh? That's alright, I understand," she nodded. "Nervous?" I nodded. "Well, don't worry about it, a lot of ponies get nervous," she reassured me. "Don't be, though. She'll love 'em." "I hope so," I nodded. "Thanks for your help. I gotta get going. Gotta be at work soon..." I started to walk away. "Good luck!" She called after me enthusiastically. Yeah. I thought to myself. They're gonna need it... When I got in, I stashed the flowers in my locker and changed into my armor. Slipping on that chainmail coat is something I can't tell yet if I'm going to miss or be kind of glad to not have to do for the next six months. I'll bring one out there to the wall, of course, just in case. It is still a military posting and I can't get caught unequipped, but I can't honestly anticipate needing armor. I doubt it'll get worn. I said a lot of goodbyes throughout the day. Most of them were the other guards in my section. I haven't gone out of my way to ever really hang out outside the job or get particularly close, but I guess looking back at it a certain kind of bond just naturally forms when you're around a group of ponies working and training with them for this long. I think this day was probably a personal record for the most hugs I've ever gotten. One in particular meant the most to me. I haven't been able to help but get a little attached to Princess Twilight's student, Azure Sky. I guess the feeling is mutual. When she hugged me goodbye she threw her forelegs around my neck and clung to me with a grip that seemed several times stronger than should be possible for a little unicorn filly her size. I'm still suspicious that it was magic assisted, whether she was conscious of using it or not. Unicorns have been known to react with surprisingly forceful bursts of reflexive telekinesis and other effects at emotional or distressing times, and she's already very powerful as it is even when she's calm. "Why can't you stay here and keep us all safe?" She asked sadly. "Got new orders. I'm sorry, Azure," I felt like kind of a heel even as I said it, though. I didn't know how to tell her that I'd requested those new orders, and I could have foreseeably still been here for a very long time if I hadn't. But how do you explain this, all of these circumstances pushing me to it, to a child? I just don't know. No, I'm not entirely proud of every aspect of how I'm running away and leaving. I just don't know another way. "Will you at least come back to say hi sometime?" She asked. "In six months or so, when I get back to Canterlot again, I suppose I can," I told her. "If it's alright with Princess Twilight." "It will be. She says friends are as important as books and reading," Azure told me. "And that means really, really important. So I know it'll be fine." I didn't tell her I've never been so much of one for friends, exactly. Maybe she's right. Maybe some friends are important, or should be more important at least than I've made them. I suppose I could try it out. I guess we'll see if that notion sticks by the time I get back half a year from now. "Alright. I'll see what I can do, when the time comes," I finally told her. "Good," she nodded. "Goodbye, Sunburst." "Goodbye, Azure," I gave her one last squeeze. She kissed me on the cheek and then let me go. Eventually the shift was finally over. In the locker room I took off my armor for the last time, and put on my saddlebag. I stepped out into the hallway. Captain Dash's office was only one door down. I waited until every other pony had gone on ahead of me, and I slipped in and closed the door behind myself silently. I opened my saddlebag and took out the flowers, and unwrapped them from the thin veil of tissue paper protecting them until now. This was it, the moment of truth. I left the roses on Captain Dash's desk. I wrote a note to go with them, and left it lying on top of the bouquet where she would easily find it: Captain Dash, I know that this must seem strange, but I felt like I had to do this. These roses are beautiful, but they'll wither away quickly and before we know it they'll be gone. The memory of what they meant and how special they were will be all that's left. The lives of ponies are like that, too. You know that it doesn't do to waste the time that you have wanting something but being too afraid to ever take your chance. Please, take these and give them to her. Tell her how you feel before it's too late. She feels the same way. I've seen it in you both. I've been watching it all this time. Don't let that slip away from you. You both deserve to be happy and you can be, together. I believe that more than I've ever believed anything. Goodbye. I snuck back out of her office and I left the palace for the last time, and that was that. It seems such a simple, small thing, leaving behind some flowers and hoping it's enough to strike a spark, but it's the only thing I can think of. I've done all I can for them. The rest is up to them... As it must be. What'll happen to me for this? I don't know. I know that the captain will know it was me, the first thing she'll do is put two and two together with the flowers just happening to show up on my very last day. Maybe I'll get chewed out. Maybe nothing will happen. Either way I'll very shortly be out of anypony's reach for six months, so it'll be a pretty cold issue by the time I can possibly get yelled at anyway. Besides, I didn't mention any names in that note, only pronouns, so I didn't expose anypony to any real risk of scandal or embarrassment. Plausible deniability, always keep it handy for things like this. Besides everything else, Captain Dash isn't the kind of pony who flips out about this kind of thing. She'll understand that it was meant in good intention, even if she doesn't decide to take the suggestion and act on it. No, something tells me it'll all be okay. At the end of it all, it's worth whatever risk there is. I'm glad I walk away with my head held high. And with that, I'm done here. My saddlebags are packed, and I'm ready. Enough writing. Time for me to grab a few hours of sleep, then grab my stuff and go. See you in the fashion pages, Canterlot.