//------------------------------// // It'll all be ogre soon // Story: One day in the Swamp.. // by Dredgen //------------------------------// ONE DAY IN THE SWAMP One day, Shrek was ready to take his usual fat ogre shit and do a little bit of reading in his outhouse. When he stepped in, he found a book ready for him. It was called My Little Pony. He hadn't found that book before, but decided to read it anyway, even though it appeared to be a silly childrens book. The Story began with.. My Little Pony: One day in the Swamp.. The Heroes of Equestria, The Mane Six, one day stumbled into a nasty creepy swamp. It was rumored to have idiot ogres in it who ate onions, which is stupid, because they have laye- Shrek was so furious he sat up and continued his shit onto the book, and threw it out into the trees. He then turned around and saw some six Little Ponies, like he had seen in the book he had recently released his feces on. He roared a mighty ogre roar and questioned the ponies: ''What are you doin' in mah swamp?!'' The purple, (or lavender if you want to get technical) one spoke for the group. ''Well, sir, we were looking for some idiotical ogres who ate onions around here.'' She answered. She wore a strange grin on her face as if she was hyped up on drugs. In fact all of them did, and seemed not to care than an ogre that ate onions was right in front of them. Shrek got so angry that he punched her straight in her face and planted an onionade in it. She just sat there with a dopey smile until her head exploded into blood and guts. Then all the ponies, sat there with the a monotone voice and said it all at the same time, like a chorus, ''Oh no.'' ''Twat Sperkles, our beloved friend, has just died by a smelly explosive.'' ''Aaaagh.'' They said, in almost slow motion. They then turned around and started to inch away. In literal inches. Shrek took pity unto them, and decided not to kill them with an onionade for being so horribly retarded. So he walked up behind each one of them, except for the purple maned one, and snapped their necks. For the last one, he snapped her neck with a fashionable scarf he had just pulled out of no-where. He just had some weird notion to kill her with fancy clothing. He then took their bodies back into his cottage, and plucked out their eyeballs. He also took a dull butter knife, and spread them on his toast. To garnish the plate, he put some onions on top of the toast. He then ate it, and went over to his comfy bed, and went to sleep... It was now the next morning. Shrek decided to ignore what had happened the day before, and went out to his outhouse to take a fat ogre shit. Without reading any books of course, for safe measures. After he was done, he peeked around to make sure there weren't any more infernal ponies around. He was relieved until two ponies with wings and a horn looked down at him from the top of his outhouse and both had the same monotone voice the last ponies did and said the same sentence together, ''Oh my, it is an ogre.'' ''In fact it is the one that killed our friends.'' ''Die, ogre.'' ''We banish you to the moon.'' Shrek got irritated quickly, because the duo were now screaming: ''To the moon!'' Atleast now they had gotten off of his beloved Outhouse. Shrek now realized it would never be ogre. But not for him, but for them. Eternal Onions. He was now pointing to the sky, and the air became smelly. The ponies were now tearing up. A giant onion fell from the heavens and it began to roll after them. The blue one now put on a fedora and they both walked away, onion slowly following them. He then took mud off the ground and painted on his face, and began to pull spears out of his magnificent ears and threw them towards the ponies, who had someone how gotten into an airplane and were now escaping. ''Stupid Farquaads.'' Shrek muttered under his breath. It took him so long to do that, that it was now the middle of the night. He now walked back into his home and had crawled into bed. He now pulled out a book. It was the Holy Bible of Shrek. He flipped to layer 14 and was now reading the page. HOW TO GET ANNOYING CREATURES OUTTA YOUR SWAMP Go out into the swamp, and release a massive shit from your anus. Won't Margaret be impressed? Shrek didn't remember having that page in his own Bible, which was about him, but he didn't care. He calmly walked out into the dark swamp, and pulled down his trousers. He then squeezed out so much crap, he was sure the swamp was now 20% muddier. He repeated this process for the next 30 minutes. He then pulled up his pants and swaggered back into his house, and got into the bed. He flipped back to layer 14, and found out he hadn't entirely read the page. In tiny text it read: May or may not bring crowds of bothersome creatures to your swamp. And the answer is no, Margaret won't be impressed. Shrek was so furious that Margaret wouldn't be impressed that thousands of these so called ponies would invade his amazing swamp, that he burst outside, and now turned into uber shrek! Thousands even millions of ponies were outside, singing horrendous songs. ''DAMN ALL YOU FARQUAADS BACK TO THE HELLISH LANDS FROM YOU CAME!'' He screamed, with the intensity of a thousand drecks. He then pushed his hands together, pushed them forwards, and released a mighty roar: KAME-HAME-GETOUTTAMAHSWAMPNOW-HA! The world then exploded. The End. The grandfather ogre then shut the book, and his little ogre grandson looked up at him and smiled. ''Gramps, I wanna be like Supreme Ogrelord Shrek when I grow up!'' They both then shared a laugh and kneeled down in prayer: Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life.