//------------------------------// // 6. Best job ever- the origin // Story: Ex-Wonderbolts new job // by Jetto //------------------------------// Chapter 6: Best job ever- the origin It has been way too long, thought Big Macintosh as he walked through the ever busy streets of Ponyville market. After almost nine days away from home he was very much eager to come back to his usual life of applebucking, family and friends, but a certain unfortunate incident prevented first part of it from happening. He didn't much minded it himself, after all, it was only going to be one more week until he's in top shape once again, but until then he had to struggle not to roll his eyes every time somepony winced and looked with care at the stallion. To be fair, it looked way worse than it was actually. A big bandage over his torso might raise some suspicions, but it was just a flesh wound to him... at least until he tried to do something more straining, then it was almost as painful as a papercut. Not nearly enough to keep him from walking around and doing his chores, but more than enough for Applejack to freak out and attempt to nurse him back to health by stuffing him in his bed and spoon-feeding him. It wasn't nearly as bad as that nightmare he had back in the Everfree, but he felt miserable still. Both older Apple siblings had much more in common with mules than usual ponies in terms of stubbornness. Eventually, they reached a reluctant compromise after a heated debate, concluded with one angry Granny Smith threatening them with a paddle. In the end, Macintosh was forbidden from bucking a single tree or carrying anything larger than a grocery basket until nurse said he was fine. That only left him with small time-chores but it was better than nothing. It still left Applejack alone doing all the Applebucking during the season, which he wasn't confident she was capable of doing by herself. He added 'look for part timers' on the shopping list, that was the easy part. Convincing Applejack they needed (and could afford) help was a different matter entirely. Since this was his first time in Ponyville proper in over a week, he took his time to catch up. In a town as small as this few days were rarely enough to warrant any change. Not this time however, as he was about to witness a new business opening in the center of the town. And not just any other shop, but something completely different altogether. He wasn't sure what to think when he arrived at the place. It looked innocent enough, just another regular, if bigger than usual, two story manor. The only visible difference, was a sign hanging above its front door. "The Big S, Love Consultant and Matchmaker" He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, pretty sure that this place used to be called 'Home of Flitter and Cloudchaser (and Soarin)". He shook his head before finally opening the door and entering only to witness... "But I have to... ohhh... work... can't... be laaEEEIIGHT!" a ribbon wearing mare moaned. Her left ear was her weakness and her assailant knew that all too well. "Did I hear a no?" asked a spiky-maned mare "Just say a word and I'll stop... reluctantly." "N-no, don't you dare!" protested the defender, as two tenderly hugging bodies messed up some papers, while shuffling on a long, office desk settled right in front of the entrance "You started it, you could at least finish... mhm, yeeesss..." her moaning grew louder, as a tongue of her marefriend found its way going steadily lower, avoiding nothing on her journey from the ear through neck, going even further. Dangerously further, Big Macintosh had to admit, as he covered in a slight blush, too flustered to react. "What about your work, love?" asked Cloud Chaser, pausing her 'work' for a fraction of second, much to her fillyfriends annoyance. "Buck them, Equestria won't burn if I'm ten minutes late..." she answered, then quickly added "... make it an hour. Maybe two." As things were getting a bit too far (especially so early in the morning), Big Mac decided to cut it short before it really got awkward. He coughed once, then once again since one time was rarely enough to catch their attention. Second time did the job, as the pair rapidly turned towards him and froze in place for a moment. "IIIEE!!" they shrieked simultaneously, shaking too hard to keep their balance "AAAH!" they screamed again, falling on the other side of the desk with a loud thud. The following moans he heard from them sounded way less pleasant now. It took a moment for Cloud Chaser to get up first, reaching for the edge of the desk to support herself. She nervously fixed her even messier hair and shuffled through some papers on the desk. "I-I'm sorry, we-we're still clo--... oh," she instantly calmed down a little bit, once she finally identified the newcomer "...it's just you Mac... hehe, sorry about that..." "N-nah, it's fine, sorry." Macintosh turned away, still half blushing. It wasn't the first time he encountered them like that after all. They had a habit of making themselves way too comfortable if left alone for longer periods of time. In the meanwhile, Flitter also got up from the floor and stood next to her fillyfriend behind the desk, also frantically fixing her hair and ribbon. "How did you even get in?" asked blushing Flitter. Mac shrugged "Da sign said it's open an' the door wasn't locked, so..." he trailed of, scratching his back, while Flitter gave Cloud Chaser a deadpan glare. "Uhmm... oops?" Cloud Chaser answered with a sheepish smile and shrug. Flitter rolled her eyes and shook her head. Even though they knew each other for a while, this was the first time Big Macintosh ever entered the sacred realm known as Flitter's house. Now that he had a good look at it, he felt as if it was smaller on the inside. Or at least, it was due to the hallway being separated by a large curtain, confining this small space for the actual... office? As he stood, he could see a part of the house cut of so all that remained, was a small part of a hallway, now outfitted with several chairs and a small coffee table filled with some random newspapers and magazines on it, almost resembling a waiting room you see in clinics. Right in front of the entrance was the messy desk where magic almost happened, if it wasn't so brutally interrupted. On the right from the entrance, he saw a door leading to a small bedroom, or at least, that's what it used to be. Now it had a sign on it: "Soarin - Love Guru" Over bloated ego of a former Wonderbolt earned a raised eyebrow from Big Macintosh. He didn't have much time to comment on it, as the door opened and a familiar figure appeared. And by familiar, we mean the same pegasi stud, former Wonderbolt, currently 'disguised' as a glasses wearing, ponytailed specialist of sorts. It was a while since he last saw 'Hipster Soarin'. If he didn't know any better, he would probably wonder who he was and why was his cutie mark exactly like one of his friends. "Macintosh!" Soarin happily announced as he walked toward his big friend "Hey, you're back! It's been too long, buddy!" "Eyup!" "How've you been, big guy?" Soarin happily smacked big earth pony's back, unfortunately striking the one place he shouldn't, which Macintosh telegraphed with a wince and a hiss of pain. Okay, so maybe it was worse than a papercut after all. At the look of that, Soarin also winced and stepped away, before gently putting a hoof on his non-bandaged shoulder "Woah, what happened to you?" There they go again. Macintosh once again had to roll his eyes, as now not only Soarin, but also his two lesbian roommates took pity on him. Just what he needed. "Nothin', jus' a flesh wound. Ahm fine." Soarin, Cloud Chaser and Flitter hummed for a moment and looked at each other, not sure how to react. Eventually, they shrugged and let it go. Flitter looked at the clock above the door. "Well, I'd better go to work. Bye honey," she left a quick peck on her fillyfriends cheek, completely ignored Soarin as he looked at her expectantly, then nodded to Big Macintosh and left the house, closing the door behind her. "Dang," Soarin shook his head "I swear, one day she'll love me too!" he exclaimed towards Cloud Chaser, who just chuckled before going back to cleaning the desk and its surroundings. Soarin opened the door to his 'office' and motioned for his friend to enter. "Come in Mac. Boy, do I have a story to tell you!" then he once again turned to Cloud Chaser "Chasey, be a dear and make us some coffee, please?" Cloud Chaser saluted "Sure thing, boss!" Big Mac raised an eyebrow and looked at Soarin "Boss?" Soarin couldn't grin harder if he tried "I'll never get tired of hearing that!" When Flitter left the house, she was in a hurry to arrive at the start of her shift, but not as much that she would miss out on a stranger lurking around her house, acting all suspicious. Although, stranger wasn't a word she would use to describe a certain mint colored unicorn with a familiar instrument on her flank. "Lyra?" she asked. The mare in question jumped, then turned towards Flitter, donning the most fake smile invented in Ponyville, not exactly helped by the large beads of sweat coming from her forehead. "Oh, hey there Flitter, hehe... uhm... nice house you have there!" "Lyra, what are you doing?" "What, me? Nothing, definitely nothing suspicious! I was just... uhh..." she looked around desperately looking for an excuse. Flitter would probably worry, if it wasn't Lyra. She was never exactly an example of a smart mare in her eyes, but she was harmless. Usually "I was looking for this!" Lyra suddenly announced, as she lifted a small object with hoof. Flitter looked at it, deadpan. "It's a rock." "Not just any rock!" she quickly added "It's a, uhm... pet rock! Yes, a pet rock!" "Lyra..." "No, really!" she patted the rock with her hoof "I named him... uhm... Darwin! And we were playing hide and seek and I just won!" she smiled even wider "Ok, gotta go, nice seeing ya! BYE!" and then Lyra (and Darwin) was (were) gone. Flitter stood there for moment later, wondering what she just witnessed. "Wow, I didn't know Lyra had a pet rock!" said Pinkie Pie, appearing completely out of nowhere. This, on the other hoof, did not surprise Flitter at all. "So..." Big Macintosh started, in between sipping his coffee while comfortably sitting on a fairly big couch "'Love Guru'?" he asked, still not quite believing the story he just heard. It was Soarin he was talking to, so any lies were out of question and if anypony could be given such title, he couldn't find any better suited for it. "Rolls of the tongue a lot better than 'Relationship consultant' or whatever other name they use in big cities. " "A'right then," he nodded "what happen' next?" "First of all, Prince was all suspicious of Sunny Rays, so he and Shiny pulled some strings and checked her files. Surprise to us all, she really WAS a legitimate start-up agent! Once we cleared that up, she did her magic..." "... okay then, if we are going to do this properly, we have to take it step by step. Luckily for you, I managed to squeeze everything onto one single file for you to browse and fill with your preferred choices. Let's begin, so open at page 1 and..." Sunny Rays kept talking. until she noticed that her two clients weren't paying attention on the printout she gave them. It was the first time they met in the working hours in a small, but cozy little cafe in Horsefield to talk business. This is also when they both discovered that she was nearsighted and had to wear the cutest little pair of reading glasses, unlike casual contact lenses she wore in her free time. "I'm sorry, do I have something on my face?" she suddenly asked the two perplexed, blushing stallions. "Only beauty." answered Soarin with a wink. "Flatterer," she chuckled and rolled her eyes "Pay attention please, we're talking actual serious business here! As I was saying, turn to page 1." Obediently, Blueblood turned the page of 'Business by Sun Ray' open, to reveal a fairly big list with many items along with their short descriptions. Some items were highlighted with fluorescent green marker, some were crossed out by a bright red one and some were left unmarked. "As you probably all know, Equestrian law provides a bunch of financial support for various public events, small businesses and all that stuff. Basically, it’s a giant list of excuses to scrounge a bunch of money from government, provided you know where to look. I highlighted some that you definitely qualify for and some that you won't." They scanned some of the positions highlighted in green. They expected to see 'First new business support', 'Unemployment Bearou for agricultural societies' and 'Support Association For Retired Athletes (SAFRA)', but much to their surprise there were even positions such as many charity drives, with description saying 'regular donation reduces tax rates', 'Equestrian Weekly, Business Edition', which said 'no funding, but they provide free advertisement for random businesses each week'. There was even a group that specialized in lowering the insurance costs for regions nearby dangerous wild magical territories, like Everfree Forest. They raised their eyebrows once something caught their eyes. “What’s a Buck-Starter?” asked Prince Blueblood. Sunny hoofwaved. “That’s when ponies pay for stuff before it’s made.” “That doesn’t make sense.” “I know. I’m not too hot on this idea, but it’s an option. I’d say ignore it, it’s probably just a trend that’ll die soon.” Needless to say, Sunny Rays was a genius at start-ups, but she was no fortune teller. Nopony could foretell the future of Buck-Starter, which is a story for different time. The positions marked in red were usually things like support for lone mothers or immigrants from outside Equestria. Among the unmarked positions was one called 'Support Group for War Veterans and Heroes of Honor', with a description including 'applicable only for Equestrian heroes that actively participated in defense of the kingdom and were honored by Princess and/or Captain of the Royal Guards'. Soarin looked at that particular line for a while, before turning to Prince Blueblood, who only shook his head. "So much money..." Soarin sighed, as he trailed off on his chair at his new desk. This room was once just a small guest bedroom, his bedroom, but they removed the bed and relocated it on the second floor. It gave them the excuse to outfit it with a cozy, second hoof couch which Macintosh clearly enjoyed. "National secrets." said Big Macintosh. Soarin had no choice but to nod. "National secrets." Several pages in was when they realized that this lady is either a genius or angel sent from heavens to protect sexy and unemployed. What usually took days if not weeks was already taken care of before they had their first refill of coffee. "Ok, so far so good!" Sunny Rays happily announced "We're on a roll!" "Another butter roll, Sunny?" asked the waitress passing by. "That would be lovely!" she answered, sending a happy waitress to the counter. This was yet another perk of being her client- coffee and butter rolls were on the house, since this was one of her most successful start-ups to date. As if they needed proof. "Next up, insurance!" she announced happily (for somepony about to speak about insurance), as they turned over to a page with yet another list of green and red markings "The ones in green are once again highly recommended, the red ones don't apply to you." and for emphasis, Soarin's first instinct was to read the red one. True enough, factory explosions were not a threat in a town without a single industrial complex. Interestingly enough, ‘sudden volcanic eruptions’ wasn't marked with red. Everfree magic, go figure, it wasn’t out of question. Before they had a time to ask, they noticed 'Magical Anomaly originated from magical territory' being in a green category. "Take your time to read and check any other you would like to include. Don't go overboard though or the rates will be astronomically high and not worth it in a long run. Just pick ones you feel are most likely to happen." Without a single complaint from his friend, Soarin checked 'Pie-related catastrophes'. “Smart choice.” Macintosh nodded. Even though he didn’t hear anything about the recent Sugarcube Corner incident yet, he knew all too well how to live in Ponyville. His farm had that insurance long before Pinkie Pie even appeared in Ponyville. Nopony was sure why. Granny Smith said it was foresight, but never elaborated on it. “Next up, advertisement! No business survives long without a proper promotion, especially one as niche as yours.” “Alright, so we post a bunch of fliers and posters around Ponyville, right?” asked Soarin. Sunny Rays, however, shook her head and just slowly said. “Nnnope!” which cought both stallions of their guard. They weren’t sure what surprised them the most. Her answer, or how accurate her impression of Big Macintosh was. She denied ever meeting the apple stallion. “Ponyville is the LAST place you want to advertise. For one, it’s a really small, mare centric town, I doubt there’s much business waiting for you around, at least not in a long run. Few posters should be about enough to keep the word going, gossipers will do the rest. It's everywhere else where most business will come from. I’m not gonna lie, this is the hardest part of the entire process. I’ve seen a lot of businesses falling apart because they ran out of potential clients. This is one thing we cannot ignore.” Soarin nodded. Bigger cities, like Canterlot or even Horsefield, had a larger percentage of lonely, socially awkward ponies that required help. His trio of disciples was from Horsefield. Heck, even Shining Armor, the most awkward pony he knew, was from Canterlot. “What do you suggest?” asked Prince Blueblood, half knowing what the answer is going to be, but he was curious about the other half. “We have some options,” Suny Rays asked and pulled yet another folder from her impossibly big bag “I know a few good places that can print fliers for cheap, we could hit newspapers and could hire a bunch of ponies to help distribute them, but…” “That sounds like a lot of money.” Blueblood interrupted her. She nodded. “I’m open to suggestions. If there are some strings you can pull, this is the best possible use for them right now.” Soarin put a hoof to his chin and though for a moment. He smiled, as a particularly well sounding idea sparked in his head. He looked at Prince Blueblood. Judging from the smug smile he had, they were thinking among the same lines. “Ah think ah know where dis’is goin’.” “What can I say?” Soarin shrugged “If there’s anything I have in abundance… are friends!” “… the man’s like… a genius!” Hemp Leaf finally finished his story. It wasn’t easy to get the point across, when right behind the curtains waited hundreds if not more rowdy ponies eager to see and hear their idols, but he managed. He had a talent of making unusual friends in unusual places with unusual methods (that best stay unexplained), though that didn’t apply to opposite sex, obviously. Sleigher, the heavy metal band that was about to play their concert, was no exception, as they looked at the leaflets, nodding and talking among each other. “Sure, we’ll plug the guy,” the main vocalist said “anything for our favorite after party planner.” Volcan, the drummer, a rather large red earthpony in sunglasses and exaggerated facepaint , objected to this idea. “Thrash, you can’t be serious? There aint no way I’m gonna do this!” Hemp gulped. His ultimate plan for the greatest advertisement ever can’t be ruined just like that. He reached into his chest for the confidence built up with recent practice, then approached the neighsayer. “Volcan, buddy, don’ be such a stick in a mud, there ain’t no harm in helpin’ guy a little.” “Pfft, I’m supposed to be believe this guy is some miracle worker? I think you had a little too much of your own stuff lately, Hemp.” Hemp rolled his eyes and tried harder. He walked toward Volcan and put a hoof around his shoulder, provoking a quiet squeak from the defender. “That's beside the point. Now, now, I see what the problem is, dude,” he explained. Volcan tried to stop him, but was cut short “I couldn’t believe it myself, but let me tell ya, this guy can make anypony into a stud, half like he is… dunno which half… the front half has a face so it’s better at picking up, but lower is more important later… then again, he said you don’t need to be handsome, and it’s not how big it is, it’s how--…” “Hemp, shut up!” Volcan deadpanned “And get your hooves of me…” “I mean, I bet he could hook you up with some hottie too!” Volcan went silent, so did the other band members “Come on, I bet a stud like you don’t need any help, but you never know? You can still learn a few tricks on how to use your manly charm, am I right?” Everypony went silent. Other band members were snickering in the distance, as not even the crowd could muffle them. Volcan on the other hoof, slowly took of the sunglasses, revealing a bright yellow, large pair of eyes with long eyelashes. “I’m a mare, you moron.” SHE exclaimed neutrally. Hemp’s jaw dropped low. He opened his mouth them closed it a few times. “Well… bogus!” he said slowly, then realized his hoof was still around her shoulder. He thought for a moment. Normally, he should take it away and apologize. That would be the smart thing to do. “So… wanna go to a dinner tomorrow?” he smiled confidently. “I’d say Tecna is the best fairy!” “Nay! Stella is the best fairy!” “Stella? Pfft, that stuck up fashion obsessed tramp? No thanks, Bloom is my waifu!” “No way, she’s mine!” “Is not!” “Is too!” Even among his own kind, over or underweight bunch of nerds with well paid jobs, interested in titles way beyond their demographic, Poindexter felt different. He could still somewhat identify with them. He was just like them once, spending all his days dreaming of drawn pixies, writing self insert fanfiction and sleeping with body pillows of a certain brown haired fairy. He was different now. Better. Improved. Level 8 and mutliclassing into a ‘complete stud lv.1’. And he was about to share this new feeling with those he called friends despite anything. Just because they didn’t worship Flora and Magnificence Trinket (her voice actress in movie adaptation) didn’t mean they were lower beings. Mostly. And what better time and place to help his fellow Broxies, then at their usual meet-up group. He didn’t expect this to be this hard, though. “Wait, I don’t get it, what do you mean ‘real mares’?” asked one chubby Pegasus holding a custom made, blonde doll. “You know, the ‘three dimensional’ ones. The real ones.” “Ooooh,” another nerd interjected “you mean somepixie from the movie!” “W-wha… no!” Poindexter tried to protest, but the sudden outburst of heated debates over quality of comics and movies stopped him. He facehooved. This room had an average IQ of 150, yet he was still, somehow, surrounded by idiots. “No you morons!” he screamed to silence them “I mean real mares! Women! Flesh and bones! Corporeal! Non-fictional! COME! ON!” There was a small silence in the group. Some murmurs erupted among the crowd, until somepony brave stood out and asked the critical question. “You mean… in RL?” Poindexter deadpanned. His eye twitched at the thought that he used to be one of them. “Yes. In RL.” Everypony was glad for one thing. The great weather. Which in turn meant that windows were open and fresh air was in abundance right now. If it wasn’t, the entire oxygen would be sucked out due to massive gasps coming from two dozen stallions simultaneously. “B-but, what about cooties?” asked one panicked fellow, tightly squeezing his Musa figurine. “Don’t be silly!” another one calmed him, as he walked to him and patted his back “You build immunity to cooties once you turn 24. That’s what my mom told me.” He answered with a smile. Poindexter sighed, grabbed a bunch of leaflets and forced them onto everypony. They needed them. "That sounds cool. Yeah, I know a few ponies who could use help." said some muscular earth pony in between next round of exercise. Some of his friends heartily agreed and passed the fliers between each other, talking enthusiastically about the new business which at that point wasn't even open, but it was highly recommended by Bulk Biceps. Outside, Bulk was often considered a pony of one note, limited vocabulary and highly exaggerated physique. But here, in the 'Not-So-Dead Horse Gym' (it would take way too long to explain the origins of that name), he was the 'MAN'! Here, his words were gospel and his rule was nigh infinite. If somepony was ordered to do thousand wing-ups, they did it because Bulk Biceps said so. Those who did not, left in shame without manliness which they wished for when they first entered the building. Few dared to resist. Those who did, however... "Have a leaflet!" ordered Bulk to one particular pony. He had not yet learned his name, which meant one of two things. One, he was new and not yet made himself a part of the pack. Anypony who enters the Gym becomes a part of pack eventually or leaves, no exceptions. Two, he did not conform to the rules, therefore was not considered a full member of the pack, even if he thought he was himself. Looking at his poor physique, it seemed like both were the cases. He had not yet been assimilated. "No thanks." he hoofwaved at it and went back to the treadmill. Bulk Biceps was not to be denied in his fiefdom. "Take it!" he forced it, but the neighsayer armed himself with logic. "I don't need it, I'm already married." "TAKE THE GOSHDARN LEAFLET, YOU MAGGOT!" The stallion squeaked and covered his face. He finally took it and slowly, carefully, went away with tail under his hooves. Bulk Biceps smiled. This one was not yet lost, he could be salvaged and join the pack. Also, he needed to pay. Not in bits, but in labor, for a crime of not being lonely while he, the master, still was. Justice was not a part of this place, only rules. His rules. Needless to say, this place did not attract many mares "Ah thought so." Macintosh shrugged, sipping his coffee. Soarin smiled and leaned over the desk, joining his hooves in a plotting manner. "Oh, but I have plenty more where that came from..." Soarin coughed, catching the attention of everypony in the line. Along with his trusted adviser, Prince Blueblood, and Prince's number one assistant, Shining Armor, the trio went through their little army, confronting each pony one by one. “What’s the status, private Derpy?” Ditzy Do saluted like a true professional soldier she (probably) never was. By now, any retorts regarding her eyes were considered a friendly banter by everypony. “Sir, I report the mission was successful and every mailbox in Ponyville has been equipped with a leaflet, sir!” “We helped too!” added as chorus of Dinky Do and Rumble, as they saluted while standing right next to Ditzy. Only a few seconds later, Dinky realized that Rumble was saluting with wrong hoof. She nudged him and he fixed that instantly “Sir!” Soarin nodded in appreciation, forcing himself to look away from the foals, just in case he had a heart attack or diabetes from maintaining eye contact with most adorable kids in Equestria. He instead looked at his next subject. “And what about the taverns and inns on the outskirts, sergeant Smith?” “Deployed and taken care of, sir!” Doctor happily announced, completely rolling with the whole play. Soarin had no idea why he picked this nickname, though. “What about Cloudsdale, captain Storm and ensign Flower?” he asked the pair next to Doctor. They, on the other hoof, were a bit less amused. “We’re not saluting you, Soarin.” Thunderlane rolled his eyes, while Blossomforth nodded after him. There always had to be a spoilsport. “Ugh, fine. What's the status?” Thunderlane nodded “Cloudsdale is swimming in leaflets, they're all over the place.” Soarin nodded happily, but couldn’t help but notice that something was missing. Or rather, someponies, a few of them. “Where are the others?” he asked, referring to other three ponies from Weather Patrol, Ponyville branch. “I let Raindrops and Cloud Kicker go home early.” answered Thunderlane. “And Rainbow Dash?” Thunderlane and Blossomforth shrugged. Blossom answered. “We saw her just ten minutes ago, napping on some cloud. We asked her if she made it, but she just screamed and flew of… she probably forgot you even asked her.” “To be precise,” added Thunderlane, watching the clock tower on the town hall “it was nine minutes and fifty seconds ago.” he waited for a moment, then started counting down “Five… four… tree… two… one…” Nopony even had time to ask what Thunderlane was counting for, before a multicolored object smashed itself into the ground, creating a shockwave strong enough, that Ditzy had to hold Dinky and Rumble with her wings so they wouldn’t fly off. Once the tremors stopped and dust settled on the ground, the figure walked out. “Ten…” she gasped for air “…minutes…” and slowly walked towards Soarin, with face mixing up pride and exhaustion, creating a unique mix only Rainbow Dash was capable of “…flat!” and flat she fell, on her face, breathing heavier than she ever had. After a short pause, Soarin coughed. Rainbow was Rainbow, after all. “So… I assume you covered Manehattan and Canterlot, then?” there was no answer, but he could swear he saw her nodding on the ground, or at least trying her hardest to. That had to be almost the academy record there. When it came to speed, any feat was always almost a record because of Spitfire. “Okay, you probably want this now.” He reached out to his saddlebag and pulled out 'the prize'. Unlike everypony else gathered, Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to go out of her way to help him out of sheer kindness. She had to be bargained with and he had just the thing, though he was sad to get rid of it. So many memories were tied to a single object, but it was for the greater good. At least he knew that it was going to good hooves. Shiny and Blue peeked at the object that was now held tightly by Rainbow Dash. What brought her back to her strength and almost made her squeal with delight (almost), was a small picture. It had Spitfire, out of her uniform, dressed in a tight, string bikini, with her hair falling down, posing a little too suggestively while laying on the beach, with calm, blue ocean in the background. It was signed ‘For my biggest fan’. Everypony in the line also eyed him suspiciously. Except Dinky and Rumble, whose eyes were kept closed by Ditzy Do’s wings, as she grabbed them and trotted away from what could be a spicy story. “I’m afraid to ask…” started Prince Blueblood. “So am Ah…” Mac also eyed Soarin. “Well…” The story was fairly simple. It was during his short-lived tenure as a Wonderbolt, particularly the episode when they were forced to model for a fashion magazine for summer collection. All Wonderbolts had to pose in skimpy outfits that made them feel more naked then they were nude. Soarin wasn’t bothered at all, if only because Spitfire looked more gorgeous then ever (other ladies were no slouches, but it was no contest). He somehow managed to convince her to exchange pictures between them while pretending they were each others fans (he was), just for laughs. He hoped she would catch on and realize his feelings for her, admit she loved him too, then they would date, snuggle, kiss and bang after three dates, once they were both ready (he always was). Then he would retire from hunting and settle down with love of his life. “She didn’t catch on?” asked baffled Thunderlane. “No. She’s as clueless as Shining Armor.” As he said that, everypony nodded and looked concerned at the unicorn in question. “What is that supposed to mean?” Shiny asked, nopony answered. “So you asked all yer friends to help. That’s cool.” “Well, there’s one more thing you should know…” "CUTIE MARKS CRUSADERS ADVERTISERS, YAY!" "You used mah little sister an' her friends?" Soarin shrugged "I was going to pay them, but they said they'll do it for the cutie mark." he paused for a moment "I bought them some milkshakes later, if that's any consolation." Mac thought for a moment. He wouldn’t hear the end of it if Applebloom or one of her friends got a cutie mark while he was gone. At least she didn’t get hurt or cause any damage for once. Soarin probably tried to get Applejack’s help too, but considering the applebuck season, this wasn’t an option. “An’ what ‘bout Cloud Chaser?” “Oh that’s the most brilliant part! See, I couldn’t possibly handle the company alone, so Sunny told me to hire somepony, a secretary or assistant, because there was some kind of funding for 'reducing unemployment in rural areas' or whatever. And better than that, once she visited my home, she told us to make the office here! That way I don’t have to pay rent twice and got my awesome roommate a job she sorely needed. Once again, my life if awe—wait for it!” he smiled proudly. “An' Flitter just agreed to it?” “Not initially. I let Cloud Chaser do the convincing. She's a master at it.” his eyes drifted away. Judging by the width of his smile and blush on his face, it was best to drop the topic. And speak of the devil, they heard the knocking on the door. It opened and Cloud Chasers head peeked out of it and looked at Soarin with a mixture of glee and terror in her eyes. “Boss, it's... it's him!”she whispered. At the sound of that, Soarin gulped and nodded. “Be there in a second.” he answered, also whispering. Cloudchaser nodded as well and left, quietly closing the door. Macintosh raised an eyebrow and looked at Soarin, who by now was torn between freaking out and running away... and dancing with joy. “Who?” red pony asked. There was a generous pause, before Soarin finally let out of long sigh and announced with dead-eye seriousness. “My first client!” About a minute later, the door to the office opened and two ponies left it, chatting cheerfully. “Well, either way I'm happy you did well, my friend. Told you it wasn't that hard.” said the light blue pegasus, as he escorted a bandaged, big, red earth pony towards the front door. “Eyup!” the pony answered happily. “Just remember, keep it up for two to three dates, be yourself and remember everything I told you, then you'll be golden. And most importantly...” he stopped mid sentence and looked expectantly at the other stallion. “Confidence!” red stallion finished. The pegasus couldn't smile prouder if he tried. “Go get her, tiger! And remember, if you need me, I'm always here for you.” “Eyup!” Was this just a ruse and a bunch of lies? Yes. Could he do without pretending that Big Mac was his client? Probably. Was this immoral and frowned upon? Most likely. Did it help the newcomer, a lone, shivering earth pony seeking help, relax and gather a little more courage? Definitely. Was it worth it? All the way. Soarin walked towards his first real client sitting on the couch in the waiting room. “Sorry it took so long, you know how it gets when old friend visits you out of blue, but nevermind about me.” he invited him to his office, which the stallion reluctantly entered. Before following him, he turned to Big Mac once again. “Hey Macintosh, one more thing!” he caught his attention. Big Mac stopped and looked at his friend. Soarin took a small breath and said: “...--some!” Macintosh looked at him for a short moment, before snorting, nodding and leaving without saying another word.