Chapter 9 – My Curse
I watched you walk away
Hopeless with nothing to say
Pinkie Pie watched them as they slept, a silent guardian of their dreams, keeping them safe. Every so often, Rainbow Dash would make an adorable noise as she drew in a sharp breath. Pinkie lay beside her and stroked the pegasus’ rainbow coloured mane. It frustrated her knowing that Rainbow would never again feel her touch, the warmth of her body, the softness of her curly fur. Rainbow would never again smell that Pinkie Pie smell or hear the gleeful laughter that accompanied her, every time she laid eyes on her friends.
Pinkie Pie frowned. What am I even thinking? She hasn’t had any of that for a long time.
“I’m so sorry, Rainbow,” Pinkie whispered, putting her head next to the pegasus. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Rainbow stirred. Pinkie sat bolt upright. Had she heard her? Pinkie put her mouth to Rainbow’s ear. “Can you hear me, Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbow snorted in her sleep. Pinkie took it as a “yes”.
“I want you to continue living your life,” Pinkie said. “I don’t want you to be sad anymore. I want you to think of me and remember the happy times. I want you to smile and think of all the joy you brought to my life.” She stroked her friend’s sleek body and hugged it close. “I promise we will see each other again, Rainbow. Being dead isn’t that bad, really.” She smiled to herself. “Well, I can’t eat or drink, I don’t have a reflection and I nobody can see or hear me. But I can float! And I can walk through walls! See?” Pinkie zipped across the room, through the walls and floorboards. She pretended she was a shark, swimming through the floor with a pink fin sticking out on the surface. But her efforts were pointless as Rainbow didn't see her.
Rainbow breathed in sharply. Pinkie pushed her face against the pegasus’ face and almost immediately, a sudden, strange sensation washed over her. A blinding white light forced her to close her eyes tightly and pull away from Rainbow Dash. When Pinkie opened her eyes, she saw that she was no longer in Fluttershy’s cottage, but in a cave that appeared to be underground.
Where am I?
All around her, she could see hordes of diamond dogs, many of them armed to the teeth with, spears, knives, axes and other painful metal objects. Pinkie Pie backed away rapidly, but it was clear that they couldn’t see her, or if they could, they weren’t focusing on her. Their full attention was turned to the blue pegasus that was rapidly dispatching dog after dog with her bare hooves as they came at her in droves.
“Rainbow!” Pinkie squealed.
Rainbow didn’t hear. She was busy slamming a large diamond dog face-first into the ground and breaking his arm at the elbow. One dog grabbed her from behind and tried to pull her away, but she drove her front knees against his head, forcing him to release her. She rolled forward and swept her back legs out, shattering the dog’s femurs and pulverising his knees.
Pinkie looked on in astonishment. She had seen Rainbow fight before, but never like this. She was a black-belt in every martial art she had ever taken to, but the sheer speed at which she was laying waste to these dogs and the ferocity of her attacks, breaking bones, tearing flesh and smashing teeth... it was like she was possessed. Pinkie watched as she hefted a dog up above her head and then broke his back against her knee. The creature let out a blood curdling scream as Rainbow cast his limp body to one side and approached another pack of dogs who were now quaking in fear at the mere sight of the small, blue pony.
“Rainbow, stop!” Pinkie wailed. But it was no use, the pegasus either didn’t hear her, or didn’t care – she waded into the pack of helpless diamond dogs and cleaved at them mercilessly with her hooves. The expression on her face was one of sheer, uncompromising depravity; it was as if an unholy evil that was normally dormant inside her had suddenly exploded to the surface. Why was she doing this? Yeah, diamond dogs were ugly, smelly and a general nuisance, but they kept to themselves usually unless you deliberately went an antagonised them. But what had they done to deserve this?
Pinkie could barely stand to watch as Rainbow grabbed a dog and held him close to her, hooves poised to break his neck.
“Rainbow, no!” Pinkie yelled.
Snap.
The dog fell lifelessly to the ground.
Pinkie sank to her knees.
As Pinkie started to cry, the fabric of the area she was in began to dissolve. The dogs faded into the background. The background faded into an empty, white space, until only Pinkie and Rainbow remained, the latter pony’s head was dipped in shame. She must have come to her senses, Pinkie decided. Pinkie walked over to the pegasus and put her front legs around her. But no sooner had she touched the pony’s fur, Rainbow Dash vanished. The whiteness of the background faded and the world faded into view. Pinkie was in the Everfree forest now, and Rainbow was up ahead, walking slowly through a woodland trail. Pinkie bounded up alongside her, but the pegasus’ head was still dipped in sadness.
No sooner had she caught up with Rainbow, the scenery changed again. They were in Twilight Sparkle’s library. Twilight and Rainbow were hugging each other. Twilight was consoling a distraught Rainbow.
Pinkie was confused. Was this a dream? Or was it...
...a memory? Was she seeing Rainbow Dash’s memories?
Several images flashed before her. Rainbow talking to an unresponsive Pinkie Pie in hospital. Rainbow crying in the toilets of said hospital. Rainbow waiting outside Pinkie’s hospital room in the dead of night. Twilight Sparkle dragging Rainbow away from the hospital. Rainbow standing on the bridge where Pinkie jumped from, crying her heart out and having to be pulled away by Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy. Rainbow breaking down in tears at a funeral service, which Pinkie guessed was hers. Rainbow crying, screaming and smashing things in her house. So much anger. So much pain. So much sadness.
I did this. In the time leading up to her death and shortly after it, Rainbow seemed as though she barely able to hold it together. Pinkie was horrified. She had no idea that her death would have caused so much pain.
In a flash, she was back in Fluttershy’s cottage. She looked around frantically. Rainbow was sleeping soundly next to her; Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy were also asleep. Pinkie Pie breathed a sigh of relief. Had she just explored Rainbow’s memories? It seemed so. But if that was the case, then the fight with the dogs... she must have been out of her mind.
Pinkie looked around and wondered if she could explore the memories of Twilight and Fluttershy as well. It was rather late, but then again she was dead after all: it wasn’t as if she needed to sleep or anything...
Ah, what the heck, let’s do it! She went to find Twilight Sparkle.
*
Pinkie Pie was sitting in a large lecture theatre, surrounded by students. At the front of the class was a large blank chalkboard and next to it, a shaking purple unicorn. It was oddly silent, almost eerily so, with only the sound of a ticking clock filling the air.
Pinkie recognised Twilight Sparkle immediately. She rose from her seat, squeezing passed the ponies sitting on the same row and trotted down the row towards the front of the class.
“Yo, Ms Sparkle!” one student hollered. “Your class blows, man!”
Pinkie Pie jumped up in fright, clinging to the ceiling above her. She craned her head and looked at the pony wearing the skewed baseball cap and the baggy hooded top who was stood up waving his hands around like Diamond Snoop Dawg.
“If I ain’t learnin, why the hell you earnin?” demanded the student, walking out from his row. “You wanna teach us ‘bout Shakespeare? Bitch, I don’t even wanna be here!”
“Mr Jinkman...” the nervous Twilight Sparkle said, watching as the student passed underneath Pinkie Pie on his way to the front of the lecture theatre, still waving his arms.
“This class fuckin’ blows, everypony here knows,” said Jinkman, “that you wanna profess, well ain’t this a mess?” he stopped in front of Twilight Sparkle, who struggled to maintain eye contact with the disruptive student. “Get the fuck out of teachin’, you hear what I’m preachin?”
“Mr Jinkman, sit down!” Twilight shouted, trembling as the student pushed his face towards her.
“You don’t like my talk? Put down that chalk,” Jinkman demanded, “and get the fuck out of this classroom, before your ass gets hauled.” He turned around to his classmates and raised his arms.
A few cheers quickly spiralled into a standing ovation, and Pinkie looked on in horror as Twilight Sparkle seemed to shrink inside herself. Why wasn’t she saying anything? Maybe she can't say anything! Poor Twilight. Pinkie thought as she let go of the ceiling and floated slowly to the ground. Her students don’t respect her, and she can’t do anything about it.
Jinkman turned around to face Twilight and with a cruel grin, he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. As Twilight sank to her knees, more students cheered. Pinkie gasped in horror.
Oh no he didn’t! Pinkie charged right up to the youth and stared him angrily in the face, but it was useless: he couldn’t see her, this was just a memory.
The students laughed at the trembling Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie was powerless to help her. Pinkie shut her eyes tightly and felt a rush of air blowing around her. When she opened her eyes, she was in a well furnished office with a bear rug underneath her hooves.
She was standing next to Twilight Sparkle. Both ponies were standing in front of a desk, behind which sat an overweight stallion with a thick, white beard.
“I’m sorry, Ms Sparkle,” he said, shuffling a set of papers on his desk, “there’s nothing I can do about Pesse Jinkman.”
“Professor Lolhooves, I don’t think you understand,” Twilight said, “he hit me in the face.”
“I do understand,” Prof. Lolhooves said, nodding his head, “I do, believe me. There’s just nothing I can do about it. I can’t expel him.”
“Why not?”
“His father supplies a large amount of funding to this college, if I expel his son, he’ll cut that funding.”
“He assaulted a professor!” Twilight cried, outraged.
“I understand, and I will deal with that personally,” Professor Lolhooves said, “but right now, the best you can do is let it lie.”
“I can’t go back to that class,” Twilight protested, shaking her head, “Not while he is still in there.”
“I understand,” Professor Lolhooves said again, but there was an edge to his tone, and Pinkie didn’t think he was being genuine. He looked bored with the conversation. “Perhaps you should take a few days off? Given your current circumstances, nobody would blame you if you took a leave of absence.”
“No!” Twilight said, defiantly. “There are students who need me.”
“They need a professor who can function properly in their classes,” said Lolhooves, sitting back in his chair. “You can’t do that if you’re grieving. It’s understandable, Twilight.”
“Grief has nothing to do with it; I can’t function when Pesse Jinkman is in my class because he’s a disruptive, self-absorbed, disrespectful little shit!”
“That may be true, but if that’s the case, he isn’t the first and he certainly won’t be the last,” Lolhooves twiddled a pen in his right hoof. “I can sign you off work for however long you need. Full pay. You’ll be able to spend time with your friends and get through your grieving process. You can work on finishing your PhD thesis, safe in the knowledge that there will be a job waiting for you when you get back. You’re a good professor and the college doesn’t want to lose you. Just say the word.”
Twilight looked miserably across the desk at her boss. “I don’t want to get signed off work.”
Lolhooves sighed and put down the pen. He got up and walked towards his office door. “Then I can’t be held responsible for any further drama that occurs in your class.”
“But, Professor- ” Twilight’s desperate eyes followed him across the room.
“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle,” the professor said, opening the door to his office, “that will be all.”
A bright light shot through the door and flooded into the room. Pinkie closed her eyes to stop the glare, and when she opened them again, she was back inside Twilight’s bedroom.
*
Pinkie sat on top of the cloud overlooking Ponyville. While it was still raining heavily, the night sky was clearer than it had been for days. Over in the distance, the storm seemed to be breaking up; maybe the pegasi were managing alright without Rainbow Dash. They probably realised just how much she did for Ponyville and had to up their game just to keep the weather at bay.
“Rainbow’s feeling guilty about mauling an entire pack of diamond dogs when she was angry” Pinkie said aloud, “and Twilight Sparkle is miserable because she’s been having problems at work!” She lay back on the cloud, head resting on her forelimbs. “I know it’s not my fault there’s a student she can’t deal with, but me going out and killing myself hasn’t exactly helped matters.”
“Now you’re getting it.”
Pinkie turned around and jumped out of her skin when she saw the Gatepony lying on empty air next to her He had tidied his beard up and seemed to have adopted a less formal voice.
“M-Mr Gatepony!” stammered Pinkie, clutching her chest where her heart once beat, “What in the heck are you doing here?”
“I thought I’d drop by and check up on you.”
“Shouldn’t you be like, guarding the gate?” Pinkie asked, sitting upright and looking curiously at her uninvited guest, “you’re the gatepony after all.”
“Well, I’m not the Gatepony,” said the Gatepony, “I’m just your Gatepony.”
“My Gatepony?”
“Yeah,” he replied, “everypony gets their own Gatepony.”
“Wow, really?” Pinkie asked. “What do you do after I go through the gate?”
“Well,” the Gatepony began, “once our contract ends, I suppose I’ll become someone else’s Gatepony.”
“Wait, ‘contract’?” Pinkie said, “I don’t remember singing any contract!”
The Gatepony sighed, “Death is a lot more complicated than you ponies realise.” He stretched out his arms. “Alright, here’s the field-trip version. After your body dies, your soul enters this big... space in the sky. It’s called the Incorporeal Body Facilitator Nebula or some official shit like that: we call it the Fish Tank. Your soul is totally dormant. It just swims around aimlessly in this big tank until we can-”
“Wait, ‘we’?” Pinkie interrupted him. This was making her head spin. “Who is ‘we’?”
“The Afterlife Management Committee,” the Gatepony said, dismissively. “Also known as Grim Reapers, Shinigami, Gods of Death. Whatever you want to call us. We manage the Afterlife. Make sure it runs smoothly.”
“You’re the Grim Reaper?” Pinkie said, a little shaken.
“Well, I used to be one of many Grim Reapers,” said the Gatepony, “You think one guy could keep track of all the death in the world?”
“Well,” Pinkie looked at her hooves. “I’d never really thought about it, I just thought that when you died, you went to a big party in the sky!”
The Gatepony chucked, “It’s not that simple. The Afterlife is not too different from the physical realm. It needs to be managed and controlled. It’s a tight balance. The right people need to keep it moving smoothly. Otherwise it would just be chaos; souls wandering aimlessly, causing havoc.” He shuddered at the thought.
Pinkie cocked a confused eyebrow. “Is that what happens when you die? Your spirit just goes walkabout until the Grim Reaper comes for you?”
“Grim Reapers always know exactly how much time a pony has left,” The Gatepony explained, “when your time is up, one will probably be there to take your soul to the Fish Tank. Otherwise it would just wander aimlessly, growing in power all the time. Souls aren’t sentient like spirits. A spirit has all the memories, feelings and personality traits of the body it came from. A spirit is a whole being; a soul is just an incorporeal essence, like your most basic, primitive drives.”
“So how does a soul become a spirit?” Pinkie asked.
“Ah, well that’s the clever part. The body needs to be buried or burned before it can release the other half of a spirit – the consciousness.”
Pinkie put her hooves to her head, “wait, wait, wait. Consciousness?”
The Gatepony sighed, “your spirit has two halves: soul and consciousness. Soul is the physical essence, the body if you like, and consciousness is your mental processes. It’s like body and mind when you’re alive. Your body is just a bunch of squishy organs and bones. Body is a physical thing, but your mind isn’t. You can’t hold somepony’s mind like you can their body.”
“So a soul is like... the spirit body? And the consciousness is the spirit mind?”
“Yeah,” the Gatepony said. “That’s probably a good way of looking at it. Without the consciousness, the soul is basically a wild animal, and they can become dangerous for the living if they are left in the physical world, that’s why Grim Reapers have to take them up to the Fish Tank. But the consciousness gets released when the body is buried or burned. We have until then to find your soul a Gatepony to be there when you wake up in Limbo. Once your consciousness leaves your body, it just passes through into the afterlife and joins with the soul. Somehow it knows exactly how to find your soul, probably all subconscious.” He sighed, “Anyway, the soul becomes a conscious spirit and gets released from the Fish Tank into Limbo. The rest... well. You already know: you just sort of wake up, like from a dream. If their soul is pure, they go to the Afterlife, if not, they go to limbo.”
Pinkie nodded, “What happens if the body doesn’t get buried or burned?”
“You mean if the body was just left out in the open?” The Gatepony shrugged, “eventually the consciousness will release on its own when the body decomposes. I don’t really know. It hasn’t been unheard of for a Grim Reaper to actually burn a body just to release the consciousness. Never seen it happen myself, but like I said, the AMC makes things run smoothly.”
“What’s it like being a Grim Reaper?” Pinkie asked. “Do you get a cool scythe?” she mimed swinging a scythe.
The Gatepony raised an eyebrow at her, “Every Grim Reaper carries a weapon of their own choosing. Mine was a sword. As for what it’s like: some guys love it, going into the physical realm, retrieving lost souls from strange places. We even have a Special Ops unit that tracks down particularly violent, evil spirits and takes them straight down to Tartarus until they can learn to behave. I personally got bored of it after a few centuries and decided to switch to a more... Pony centred role, which, by the way, is why I’m here.” The Gatepony flew up and hovered in front of Pinkie Pie. “Part of my service is to also act as your spirit guide while you’re down here. I’m also here to say that if you want to come back up to Limbo, it’s not too late.”
“But before you said-”
“I know what I said,” said the Gatepony. “It’s one of the things we have to say - it helps us judge whether you really deserve to enter the afterlife or not. The fact that you chose to go down and try to put things right means you’ve got a good heart.” He reached forward placed a hoof on her shoulder.
Pinkie shuddered. She felt his hoof against her body and looked him in the eye, “I can feel your hoof!”
“I’m a spirit like you,” the Gatepony said taking his hoof away and floating up around Pinkie. “But I never got to enter the afterlife.”
“You didn’t?”
The Gatepony shook his head, “nope. I made a lot of mistakes in my mortal life. But I didn’t take my Gatepony up on the offer of trying to put things right... I was afraid of what would happen.”
“What did you do?” Pinkie asked.
“Well, that’s when I became a Grim Reaper,” the Gatepony said. “If you stay in Limbo, you have to work for the AMC. You didn’t think you just sat around all day doing nothing?”
Pinkie shrugged, “I didn’t know what I thought! I thought death was either a big party or a big empty space!”
“The actual Afterlife is pretty sweet,” the Gatepony said. “You basically just become one with your senses. I imagine it’s a bit like becoming a tree.”
Pinkie broke into laughter. “That’s great. Death is becoming a tree. Fluttershy would approve. But my friend Applejack kicks trees...”
“Yeah... but the AMC just manage the Afterlife. We can’t actually access it’s... facilities.
“Why not?”
“Well,” the Gatepony explained, “only a Gatepony can let a spirit into the Afterlife and a Gatepony can’t walk through their own gates. Those gates I was standing outside when you woke up are your gates. Only your spirit can enter them. After it does, the gates close forever.”
“I can’t even come back out?”
“Even if you could, you won’t want to,” the Gatepony said, landing on the cloud and stretching out. “Once you enter the afterlife, your consciousness enters a level beyond what it is now. You become perfect, pure.”
“Sounds like you lose your free will,” Pinkie Pie mused.
The Gatepony chuckled, “perhaps.”
There was a moment of silence between them as Pinkie Pie slowly took in everything the Gatepony had said to her.
“I don’t imagine I’ll ever see the Afterlife,” the Gatepony said quietly, “The people I hurt in my old life are long dead. The best I can do to atone for my mistakes is to work for the AMC and help spirits like you find what they’re looking for.”
“Do you like what you do?”
The Gatepony nodded, “In many ways, it’s better than being alive. I have a job that I like doing, I don’t have to worry about money or food or finding somewhere to sleep. Hell, I can move freely between the physical world and Limbo anytime I wish, seeing sights, watching the world change.”
“Does it never get lonely?” Pinkie said, putting her head down on the cloud, “I feel lonely. You’re the only pony I’ve talked to since I died.”
“It can feel like that at first, but you get used to it,” said the Gatepony, “There are a lot of spirits in limbo. It’s a big place: many times bigger than the physical realm. I’ve made a few friends in my time. Ponies I’ve helped.”
“And now you’re helping me?” Pinkie said.
“Yeah,” the Gatepony replied, “for as long as it takes for you to atone for what you’ve done. Eventually though, you will probably want to think about coming back up. While there’s no limit to the amount of time you have, generally speaking, ponies who don’t atone after a week, never do.”
Pinkie’s eyes widened, “so what do I have to do to atone? I need to find a way to make my friends happy again, but can’t exactly throw a party for them when I’m dead, so what can I do?”
The Gatepony smiled, “Even if I knew that, I couldn’t tell you. Wish I could - it would make my job easier, wouldn’t it?”
“I guess so,” Pinkie replied.
“I’m going to tell you this now,” the Gatepony said, “spirits who work for AMC often have a terrible habit of being cryptic, but I’m going to be straight with you. I’ve helped a lot of spirits through this process. I’d say roughly one in five was able to atone and enter the afterlife.”
“One in five?” Pinkie repeated.
“The odds aren’t great,” the Gatepony admitted, “but that’s how it seems to work. Some give up after a few days, others go months, even years. The longest I ever spent with somepony was fifty-two years before he finally gave up.”
“Fifty-two years?”
“Yeah, for some reason, he really wanted to see his kids die...” the Gatepony shifted in his position, “anyway, you’re a free spirit, as they say. You can stay in the physical realm for as long as you like, or you can give up and come back to Limbo and join the AMC.”
Pinkie looked down at her hooves nervously.
“It’s not bad at all,” the Gatepony said, “You get powers.”
“What sort of powers?” Pinkie asked.
“Well... apart from being able to move freely between the physical world and Limbo, we can all fly, move at super-speed, teleport, pass through walls, read the memories of the living and hold physical objects. The living can’t see us. We can touch them, but they don’t feel us: we can’t hurt them. We can kill them, but only with a Grim Reaper’s weapon.”
“I knew it!” Pinkie said, jumping up and down, “Grim Reaper’s scythe!”
“Anypony who uses a scythe these days gets laughed at,” said the Gatepony.
“Do Grim Reapers kill ponies often?”
“Very rarely,” said the Gatepony. “Everypony’s time of death is written in fate. It’s already decided. We can’t tell the future, but we can see when a pony is going to die. But if something happens that causes a pony to cheat death and they end up living beyond their life expectancy, that’s when we would need to take action.”
“I get it,” Pinkie said. “So if Rainbow had saved me on that bridge...”
“You were destined to die on that bridge. You weren’t destined to die in your room with all those pills,” the Gatepony said, “Fate had already decided that Rainbow Dash was going to save you then, and it had already decided that she wouldn’t be able to save you on the bridge. We can’t control fate, but we have to try and keep it flowing smoothly. If something outside of fate’s control had intervened in your death, then a Grim Reaper would make sure it happened.”
“Nice to know,” Pinkie said. “We’re all destined to die, huh?”
“Absolutely,” the Gatepony said. “It’s the only thing that is certain in this existence and the reason we have Grim Reapers is because if things start to function outside of fate, then we get chaos. A tiny ripple now can create chaos hundreds of years later. Sompony cheats death accidentally because somepony else stepped on a butterfly five years ago. Most of the time things go smoothly, but if something happens on our end, like an evil spirit escapes or a Grim Reaper decides to go rogue, things start getting messed up. Oh and time travel REALLY messes with fate. That friend of yours... Twilight Sparkle? Holy shit, we’re still cleaning up the mess she created when she went back in time and spoke to herself. Apparently, nobody ever told her that creating a fucking time paradox was a bad idea.”
Pinkie giggled to herself, remembering the day.
“Oh, that’s another thing,” said the Gatepony, “We can’t time travel, but we do have the power to move through dimensional space. There are other dimensions where you chose not to take your own life.”
“Multiple dimensions, really?” Pinkie said. “Twilight Sparkle tried to explain that to me once. It all sounds very... big.”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve never been in this particular dimension before. One of the best things is that it never gets old – if you get bored, you can just go to another dimension.”
“How many are there?” Pinkie asked.
The Gatepony laughed. “There is an infinite number. Some will differ only slightly from this one we’re in now. In another dimension, there will be another Pinkie Pie having this exact same conversation with another Gatepony, who might use a different word in one of his sentences. There are an infinite number of minute changes you can make, and there is another dimension for each possible change. When you work for the AMC, you get the power to travel between any of them at will.”
“Have you ever met yourself from another dimension?” Pinkie asked.
“Can’t say I have,” said the Gatepony. “I suppose it’s possible. But it would serve no purpose other than if you, for whatever reason, really wanted to talk to yourself. Generally, if we are in a dimension, we are in there because we have a job to do. I can come and go as I please, but I’ve got to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re trying to atone and not doing anything stupid.”
“Like what?” Pinkie said, smiling sweetly.
“Like throwing ice-cream at the living,” said the Gatepony, cocking an eyebrow in Pinkie’s direction. “Yeah... stuff like that can mess around with fate, since for some reason, it doesn’t seem to account for anything we do. The guy you hit with an ice cream might die five years earlier or later than his life expectancy. If he lives five years later, in those five years he shouldn’t be alive, he could go out and kill fifty ponies. Fifty ponies are dead who shouldn’t be dead, and one of them could have been destined to prevent a disaster, saving thousands of lives. Another might have been destined to start a war that ended millions of lives. Everyone’s fate is written: mess with it, and pretty soon, you’ve got a lot a gigantic cluster fuck all because of one tiny little action.”
“Wow,” Pinkie Pie said, letting it all sink in.“This entire thing is starting to make my brain hurt, I can’t say I planned to spend tonight learning about the physics of death and the afterlife.”
“Yeah, well, I’m telling you all this now because I want you to be objective,” the Gatepony said, “I know you care about the ponies you left behind. I know you’re sorry for what you did. I want you to atone and go to the Afterlife, but I don’t want you to torture yourself thinking that you’re going to Tartarus if you fail.”
“What happens in Tartarus?” Pinkie asked tentatively.
The Gatepony shuddered, “it’s a horrible place where evil souls and spirits are imprisoned. Like the afterlife and limbo, it has one dimension. If a soul is corrupt, it becomes violent when released. If a corrupt soul is left in the physical world, it can cause serious damage. Any time you ever see a haunted house, it’s usually the corrupt soul of somepony who died there and didn’t get picked up by a Reaper. Nobody monitors these things for us: we don’t have some guy with a crystal ball to tell us who is going to die – we have to actively go looking for ponies about to die so we can take their souls. If a Grim Reaper sees that you’re approaching your death day, he’ll keep checking in on you periodically until you pass so he’s usually there to take your soul when you do,” the Gatepony sighed, “I suppose it’s comforting to know that generally, nopony is ever alone in their final moments... they always have a Grim Reaper there to collect their soul and a Gatepony to welcome them to Limbo. It’s just a shame you don’t know that when you’re dying.”
“You think it would matter?” Pinkie Pie said. “I had Rainbow Dash with me when I died. I still felt alone. I’d felt alone for months. I became really depressed after the Cakes left. I don’t even know why, but I wasn’t able to work; my business went under, I had no money and I lost everything. I was days away from getting evicted from my apartment when I took all the pills that I’d stockpiled for months.”
“I’m not here to judge you, Pinkie Pie,” said the Gatepony softly. “Actually, that’s not true: I will be the one who decides whether or not I think you should be let into the afterlife. But I’m not going to judge you for your past mistakes.”
“I want to focus on putting them right,” Pinkie Pie declared, a new sense of determination coming over her.
“I get that,” said the Gatepony, “All I’m saying is, don’t wait too long. You’re just going to end up torturing yourself. Limbo isn’t that bad. You get cool powers and you can’t die.”
“I’m not doing this because I want to go the afterlife,” Pinkie said sternly, “I’m doing this because I want my friends to be happy again! Don’t you understand how it makes me feel knowing I’m responsible for making them so miserable?”
The Gatepony looked at her curiously and then nodded his head. “Then do what you think you have to do to make things right. If you ever need me, come back up to this cloud.” The Gatepony rose up from the cloud.
“Wait!” Pinkie called after him.
The Gatepony stopped and turned around.
“I just want them to know how sorry I am. How do I let them know that?”
The Gatepony smiled sadly, “I wish I could tell you.” He rose back up into the clouds until he was no longer visible. Pinkie Pie watched him leave and sat back down on her cloud.
I have to make things right. I have to make my friends happy any way I can. Then she looked down at her hooves sadly. But what can I do? I’m just a ghost.
*
Rainbow Dash got up early, before dawn. She sneaked out of Fluttershy’s cottage and flew to the top of a large, grey cloud sitting high above Ponyville. There, she gazed down at the village below her, sighing deeply. Far below, she could see the derelict building that had once been Sugarcube Corner, with Pinkie Pie’s little apartment stretching out at the top.
How could we have just let it happen? How could we have just sat by and did nothing? We could have run her business for her. We could have taken care of her better when she was sick! No. They had been so wrapped up in their own lives, nopony had had any time for Pinkie Pie. They all moved on and she got left behind. It was their fault she was dead, not hers.
“I just want to see you again, Pinkie,” Rainbow shouted out loud. “I want to tell you how sorry I am!”
If she had been able to see the little pink spirit that was cuddled up next to her, crying softly about how sorry she was, Rainbow’s face might have softened.
Your silence haunts me
But I still hunger for you
This is my curse.