//------------------------------//
// Pulling a Rabbit out 
// Story: Mad as a Hatter 
// by squitxl 
//------------------------------//


(Unknown time in the past)

It felt like I had a really nice nap. When I start to wake up I never open my eyes, I listen to everything that is going on around me. There were birds chirping, whistles going off in the distance. My bed is quite hard, I must have passed out after the party last night. The party? My mind was started to wake up enough to remember certain things. A bird chirped nearby, but it sounded more like a tuba. The night sky, an air horn sounding bird was in the tree to my left, the trap, I think a marching band of mice were close, and those damn shadow hands.
You know, I bet when I open my eyes I'll wake up on the damn island in the game. My mind was not ready for the world that my eyes showed me. It was like a truck filled to the brim with kindergarten paint supplies had crashed and covered the world in its contents. Directly in front of me was a marching band consisting only of mice, like I had guessed. I closed my eyes and lied back down into my starting position.
You know, I bet when I open my eyes I'll wake up in a really childish candy land, with colors that really piss me off. I sat up and opened my eyes. Score one for me world. I furrowed my brow and sighed. I looked in my immediate vicinity to find anything that could tell me anything. Then I locked eyes with it.
"You! You damn dirty book!" My argument was with a book. "Where am I? Why am I here? These are the questions that need to be answered." My hand shaking as I pointed at the book. "Well, they really don't since the chance of me leaving this place is slim to none." My emotions going back to neutral. "This was probably a one way ticket sorta deal and you just had to lose the directions on how to get back." Throwing my hands up into the air in my tantrum. I stood up and brushed myself off. "I bet you want me to use your powers to take over this place using evil shadow creatures. Well guess what, I am never going to use you!" I was shouting at a book on the ground, but by all account this day can only go up. "Scratch that, I will most likely have to use you, so I will change my answer to me only using you as a last resort."
I gave my surroundings another look around when I noticed something that would turn my anger into pure bliss. "My hat!" I ran to it with outstretched arms, picked it up, and hugged it with all my might. "I thought that monster of a book took you from me." I released it from my grasp and gave it a good check. I stared at it and smiled. "Where's the necklace?" I flipped the hat and peered inside. It was positively empty, that I could say without a doubt. "You best be joking, dear hat." I did what any smart, thought out planner would do. I jammed my hand in it. I gave it a few seconds and noticed something strange. Why can't I feel the bottom? I did the second thing I smart person would do. I shoved my entire arm inside the hand, up to my shoulder. I still couldn't feel a bottom, or sides, I could move my elbow any which way and still not hit a side.
"How are you doing that?" I now noticed I had an audience. A certain chimera looking creature that sounded quite young, past the teens sort of young. He was staring directly at my hat which was hanging off of my shoulder. I pulled my arm out slowly and gave a short bow.
"I have no idea." Finally answering his question.
"Oh..." He seemed disappointed with my answer. He pointed his finger up. "Right! I should introduce myself, I am King Discord."
My eyes went wide as I finally figured out where I am. Now, I should say this now, I am what people call a 'loreophile.' Someone who has a insane love for beautifully crafted lore that spans over many books or media. This would include Star Wars, Warcraft, Game of Thrones, you know the ones. If it has over five huge books of story without any holes in the plot I normally love it. Well the craze with ponies came by a few years ago and I thought I would check how well built the world it was set in is. I pooled all of the lore in the matter of minutes. It was like a pamphlet you find under your car's wiper. Sure I read through everything but saying it had lore was a overstatement. But because of reading that small amount of information I was able to figure out where I am. Equestria, during Discord's reign as king.
I was reminded to introduce myself as he stared deeply at me. "You can call me..." Crap, I don't feel like giving away my real name after getting thrown into a different dimension. Got to think of a new name. Let's see, I have a completely swag hat. "...The Mad Hatter." I don't need originality with a hat like this. "You can call me Hatter if you want, I don't like to be formal."
He nodded at that and raised his finger to me. "You...don't look like a pony."
"I will assure you I am not a pony." I placed my hat upon my head and waved my hand towards the book. "This little article of evil seemed to forcefully bestow me a path to this world and slammed the door behind me." Discord looked between me and the shadowy book on the ground. "One thing I have learned from this whole experience is to never trust books. They fool you with their nice words and when you become engrossed, teeth jut out of the sides and bite down hard on your hands." What was I trying to explain again?
"And the magical aura coming off of your hat?" He looked at my hat closely.
"My hat has magic?" I pulled my hat down to have a better look and put on a long grin. "There must have been some magic in that old silk hat I found. For when I placed it on my head, I began to dance around." I replaced the hat and did a small twirl.
"This book also has-" He started as he went to pick up the book.
"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" My yell was loud enough to silence all the wildlife nearby. His hand became still and he turned his face was that of a deer in headlights. "I said that book was evil and I truly meant it. From what I know about its history, it feeds off the user like a parasite eating away at their sanity. When the user becomes weak enough to overpower, the book activates itself and turns the user into a mind controlled battery." He hastily pulled back his hand and looked at the book deeply from a distance.
"Why would a book like that even exist?" He looked towards me with fear. "Did they really need power at the cost of their life?"
I started towards the book. "As for why, there are only theories as who wrote the book. The second, even I don't know if it was used to its fullest potential." That was a lie, Maxwell used the book for years in his magic shows until it took him and transformed his assistant into the beast in the shadows. "But if they did I wouldn't know if it was worth it when you would become a husk using the book's magic on others until they would die or they survive and the cycle would repeat." I picked up the book and gave its cover a good long stare. "I am going to make sure this thing is throw into a vault." I remembered my bottomless hat. "But for now I'll have to see how deep my hat is." I chucked the book into my hat, even though the book was too big to fit the hat seemed to stretch until the lip was a big enough size. I pleasantly looked in to see the normal bottom of my top hat. I wonder how it knew what size to become. I put my hat back on.
I faced Discord and frowned. "I am sorry for shouting your Highness." I gave him a stout bow.
"You don't have to apologize. You might have even saved me from that parasitic thing, but is it going to be alright keeping something like that in your hat?" He tilted his head at me.
"Not sure, but probably. I mean if my hat could talk it might be able to answer."
"I think I can talk." A voice in my mind rang out.
I tilted my head ninety degrees. "I don't mean to be rude, but did you hear another voice besides ours?" I held a strong pokerface.
"Another voice? No, I don't believe I did." He answered truthfully.
Well hello Nancy, how are your jillbows today? Oh they're doing shamspackling, Gibley. I may have just gone insane at that moment.
"Would you rather me not tell you I could talk?" The annoyed voice questioned. I visually sighed at this.
No...I'm glad you told me now. "Just found out my hat can talk, just only through telepathy."
"Does that mean it can also talk to me?" Discord was starting to get excited. Guess he likes these sort of magic tricks.
"I don't know, can you Hat?" I looked at the cap on my head.
There was silence.
"Can you hear me now?" I wiped the sweat from my brow. Dodged a wacko bullet there.
A fangirl type noise came from Discord. "That is amazing, I haven't ever talked to a magical artifact." He started to go off on a tangent about the possibilities of talking and moving objects.
How much do you know by the way? This gave me some time to find some things out.
"About as much as you do."
So you don't ever wonder why were here? I had to see if my theory was right.
"Do you mean why were standing in this spot here or do you mean as a whole cosmic coincidence." My trap was sprung.
HA! You answered my question with a reference to Red vs Blue, you really are just has a copy of my memories. It was the highest possibility.
Another bit of silence as Discord rambled in the background.
"I think your right, or at least nothing to make me believe I'm a copy of you personally. Just the knowledge you have." I could hear the shock in his voice.
Even when you're off my head?
"Yes, I had the memories before I was picked up." This gave me a lot of things to work with now. It could be seen as having another head on my shoulders.
"Hey Discord?" This brought him out of his delusions and he turned to me. "Why is the entire world look so aimlessly nonsensical?" My question seemed to make him wince.
"That...was my work." Discord looked towards the ground for a few seconds, then glanced at me. "Is it really that bad?"
"If I could put it in any other way I would, but it's just mindless chaos." I sympathized with him, everyone's been told the truth about a failed project at one point.
"But that means I did it right, it's chaos." Raising his hands into the air as if fireworks were going off behind him.
"There's no reason for this though, it should be some good kind of chaos. I mean there are different types of chaos." My comment baffled him to no end. Sure, chaos was chaos, but he could at least do something worthwhile with it.
"Different...types?" Full attention was on me. "Like?"
Let me see if I can mold him into something better. "I can break chaos down into three categories. Mindless chaos, which is what we have around us. It means there is no reason for it, like turning each and every tree a different gradient of color. Bad chaos, which usually leads to death, like an anvil falling from the sky and landing on someone." From the gaping mouth before me, I didn't believe he was that type of guy. "And finally, Good chaos-"
"Good chaos? Is that really a thing?" Discord interrupted my teachings.
"Well if you think of it like this, in the middle of a big snowstorm where it's too cold for anyone to leave their house, a big bag of food falls down their chimney. This is both random and ends with the recipient alive and happy." Finishing my example Discord seemed to find this discovery astounding.
"That's genius, I have never thought chaos could save somepony's life." He looked up towards the sky and quickly went back to me. "Do you have some place to stay?"
"Well seeing as I just woke up here and was thrown here by a book. I don't think I do." I could see where this was going.
Discord had a grin that spanned across his face. "Then how about I give you a job that comes with free meals and a place to live." I thought he was just going to give me somewhere to stay.
"A job? What sort of job?" I eyed him suspiciously, but after giving it a second thought. "It's not like I'm going to get a job somewhere else though, so a job from a king? Sure, I'll take it." Giving him a shrug as I finished.
He giggled. "Ok, close your eyes and get down on one knee." This can go one of two ways. I did as he said and got down. He cleared his throat. "Mad Hatter" his deeper voice started formally. "Do you take on the responsibilities as the first knight of chaos?"
I gave a thought to say something a formal knight would say. "I will uphold the chaotic nature to better this strict world." Discord sounded like he needed to collect his bearings after that.
"Then with the power vested in me." When you get knighted you have a blade placed on either side of your shoulders, not some floppy flaccid thing was slung over it instead. This going both ways was not part of my plan. I resisted the urge to open my eyes and look at what it hopefully wasn't. "I name thee as the first knight of chaos." The thing went over my head and on my other shoulder, then lifted away. I opened my eyes rather quickly to see Discord happy with what he had accomplished, and a extremely over-sized piece of black licorice. "Now that it's complete, shall we?" He gestured to down the path behind him. I followed closely after him.



The colors of this place felt like they were jabbing me in the eyes. "You really need to change the trees back to normal." Another thing were the random changes from day to night, as if my eyes weren't already in pain. "And the change of the day cycle is going to drive someone to suicide." It was a jump I know. He curiously turned to me expecting an explanation. "The different lengths of night cycles can lead to sleep deprivation, which a scientific study from where I'm from concluded that it raises the chances of depression and suicidal thoughts." Thank you college for making me read the newspaper.
"But I really want to make the sun and moon my own." This made me give him the strangest look, like he was speaking insanity. "I mean I want to make it more chaotic." He explained sheepishly.
This reminded me of the teletubies, for some strange reason. "You could always have the sun and moon have different faces on them every day. It wouldn't negatively affect anyone and it would still give you a laugh when they discovered it." 
I could tell he was imagining the surprised of ponies waking up to find the celestial bodies back on their schedule, only to see funny faces on them. He let out a huge laugh that lasted for awhile. "That would be a better use of my chaos."
We talked about the little things he could do to improve this chaotic place when we reach what I assumed was his castle. A castle was the debatable term, since it looked like someone took pieces of architecture from different times and places and patched them together. There were Greek pillars, Arabian bulbous tops right out of Aladdin, bright gardens that looked like it came from a elvish city in lord of the rings, and even some Nordic buildings sticking out. I may not be one for fashion but this is a disaster.
"You can take the tower over there." He pointed off to a moderately sized tower to the left of the castle. It's not that big but it'll be fine what for I need. We reached the front door of my new residence and he opened the door for me. To my surprise the inside was bigger than the outside. I looked towards Discord to see him hiding a smile and expecting a response from me.
He wants me to make the Doctor Who reference, even if he doesn't know who he is. I could either ignore it and laugh at his disappointment, or I could say something he wouldn't expect. I stuck my head in the doorway and pulled it back out. "Is the entire tower enchanted or just the room?" His joke was ruined but he must have felt pride in the fact he did such a feat.
"While it may have been quite a sum of magic, I did enchant the whole tower to be bigger on the inside." He put his fist over his chest in to boast. So he made the reference himself, that creates more questions about this world. I did give a good look at the size of the inside. It gave me enough room to have a study, a small kitchen, and maybe a workshop. There was a spiral staircase in the middle that I quickly climbed. The floor above was considerably smaller, more like normal. It was bare and had a bed, an end table, and a stool. It's like a college dorm room. "Is it to your liking?" Discord came from the stairs speaking in an English butler type accent.
"This place will work great for what I had in mind." Which is absolutely nothing at the moment. Discord's grin grew bright at my words. "With rooms as big as these I'll be able to test and see my magical capabilities." I could only hope I had the ability to use magic now. A thought came off the top of my head that begged an answer. "Discord? Where are the closest neighbors from your kingdom." I must have hit the nail on the head since he became quite deflated.
"What brought on this question?" He spoke to dodge the question.
"Do you have some past relations with them?" I was taking shots in the dark to create a mental map that lined up with what little information I had. Discord must have felt like I had guessed his secret past with the expression he wore.
"The two alicorn princesses live to the southwest at a castle in the Everfree." He pushed past my last comment and reluctantly gave me directions to them. I went down the stairs and started for the door. "Where are you going?" He snaked himself in front of the door.
"I'm going to tell them my story and that I'll be living here." I pitched him my plan.
"That you're living here? With me?" His reaction was to be expected. I had guessed him becoming king was because of or had caused some distance if they knew each other.
"Do you not want me to?" I must have created a minor ultimatum for him. "Well, with whatever you choose I'm still going to greet them." 
"But, Hatter only bad will come of it." He vaguely tried to change my mind.
"Discord...A good neighbor never lets it be a surprise." I put on a gentlemanly like feel. I wonder what these ponies will be like. What is their history? That thought seemed to set something off in me. They must have books of battles and progress with all sorts of things. If I do remember the gryphons are to the west and there was some turmoil between ponies and them. I must have the information. I grinned a very Joker like grin. I walked past him and out the door.
"Wait!" I turned to the doorway to see a very conflicted Discord fighting some internal battle. "I'll go with you. You most likely need a guide anyhow."
My smile increased two fold. "Then, let's meet our friendly neighbors." I strolled away from the castle with Discord floating through the air next to me.