//------------------------------// // Celestia 2 // Story: A Mile In Her Regalia // by Foals Errand //------------------------------// I groan as I push myself up off of the... Ceiling. I turn to see Luna in a tangle of limbs, desperately trying to realign herself. “You alright Luna?” “We take back any kind things we have ever said. We despise that draconequus.” “You do realize he's the only draconequus you've met, right?” I ask. The Chaos Wars may have been in our lifetime, but aside from being the ones to take Discord down, we never really played much of a part in any of the battles. “We still despise him and wish to be off the ceilin- Woah!” She hit the ground hard. What? Why would she fall befor- “Whaaa!” I squeak just before hitting the ground myself. “I hate him too, Sister.” I groan. Luna glanced over at the crystal. “It seems that it tis one am, our court is about to end. We fear that you must take our place and we must take yours until the time that we discover this method of turning back.” “Yes, I understand. Though, if this is the case, I suppose you should practice your modern Equestrian.” I tease. I have a feeling she's gonna be in for a long ride. Oh, and speaking of court. “And since we're on the subject, Sister, would you mind telling me how Night Court has been going?” Luna pawed at the floor “We have not received a petitioner in over a month The ponies still fear us and our night. They would rather stand in a long line to see you then wait no time to see us.” “That is no excuse to abandon your duties to your kingdom. You know as well as I do how important some of those ponies are. Just because you would rather be napping, or playing your video games, that doesn't give you the right to simply shirk off all of your responsibilities.” I sigh. Luna really has no idea how lucky she is. Those ponies can be insufferable at times. “So we are to sit in the empty throne room for 3 hours a night just in case a pony doth come?” “Yes!” I nearly scream. “Yes! Now I don't care what you do there, but as long as you're there, then I have no quarrels with you! Relax, meditate, anything! Just as long as you're there. If you're doing that, then you are doing your job.” I gasp for breath after my rant. “Very well, we are sorry Tia we did not understand how important this is to you.” Luna nuzzles to her now smaller sister. “Now something about our speech?” “Um, oh! Yes!” I say, having forgotten the matter at hoof. “Well, for starters, dear sister, you always use the traditional 'we' rather than using 'I'. Now, I understand this will be difficult to get used to, but if we're trying to keep our predicament under wraps, then you need to learn modern speech patterns, and fast. If you'd like, I could call Twilight up to Canterlot to help you. The train should only take a couple of hours or so.” “You mean that we should tell her? Also why would she not fly tis far faster than going by train.” “Well, between you and me, I don't think her lessons with Rainbow Dash are going as well as they'd hoped. And yes. I believe that her knowing would be beneficial to our predicament. If we don't figure this out soon, I'd rather not spend every day pretending to be you. If she knew, then, being a Princess of Equestria, she could fill in for us while we search for the solution.” “We agree Tia, we still believe she can fly faster then the train though.” “It's only to be on the safe side, Luna. I'd rather not have to order a clean up crew to scrape my former student off the side of the mountain.” I grimace at the mental image of a pile of bloody purple pulp. “Then we will send one of our own chariots to retrieve her, er that is, you as us will do this.” There is a sharp pain in my head as I try to make sense of Lulu's last sentence. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you said.” This isn't going to be a fun day, that I'm already sure of. There is a hesitation “We- no I said that you need to order a few of my guards to pick up Twilight Sparkle. Did we say that correctly Tia?” “Yes, thank you for clarifying, Luna.” I turn to the door, ready to call upon Midnight Shield. “Oh, and Luna?” I turn towards her again. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Do you understand?” “Yes Tia, we understand.” The white alicorn drawls before crawling back into the bed with a sigh, closing her eyes I turn away, and walk out of the room. Well, I've sent the chariot to get Twilight, and Night Court ended shortly after settling everything with Lulu. That just leaves me with the rest of the morning to do whatever I like. Being a Princess of Equestria, there can be no shortage of entertainment within the castle. Even at two in the morning. I. Am. So. Boooorrrrrrred. Who knew being the Princess of the Night was so Mundane? Don’t worry, I’m putting something together to make things more… interesting. What? All of a sudden, Discord’s head popped out of the ceiling above me, toting a malicious looking grin. “Celestia! Hey! Long time no see! So anyway, I was having a little trouble with some political coups, and I thought, who’s the best person to deal with renegade subjects and co-rulers?” “Discord! Even for you that was low! What happened to Luna happened for the best!” “Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I’ve got a war on my hands… again. Your problem now, not mine. HAVE FUN!” With that, his head disappeared again, falling like a raindrop from the ceiling and disappearing into the ground just as the sound of ‘snapping’ could be heard. There is a loud ‘pop’ akin to the stereotypical sound that is normally attributed to the popping of bubbles. A quick glance at my surroundings confirms that I've been teleported to the underbelly of Canterlot Castle. The part of the castle that I gave Discord free reign over. This doesn't surprise me. I can hear unearthly noises from down the hall, and as much as I'd like to ignore it and go back upstairs, I am the pony who claimed she'd take responsibility for Discord's actions. Or, I was. Am I? For all intents and purposes, I might as well be Luna. But as I prepare a teleportation spell of my own, it dawns on me that I'd rather not know what Discord has planned for the real Luna. Scrapping the spell, I turn and head towards the grizzly noises. The sounds of sloshing, screeching, and thrashing are all there. With the faintest hint of mariachi music in the background. How bad could it possibly be? I open the door that conceals my fate. Oh sweet Harmony. That’s a lot of pastry. Walking into the room, it looks like something out of a kiddy book. Or maybe something from one of those adult, Neighponeese comics. The room I'm in is Discord's court. Or it was. On the left side of the room is a fortress made of pie crust and cream pie filling. And, on the right, is a pit of... What appear to be, octopus tentacles. I blush as I notice that some of the tentacles appear to resemble something other than that of an octopus’ limb. Turning back to the Cream Pie Kingdom, I notice that there are... Pies. Specifically, floating pies. Just... Floating. Stranger than that, they appear to be communicating to each other, flying around, and, generally, just going about their business. It's ‘awe’ inspiring... If not down-right disturbing. I would typically humor Discord in these situations. Although, I'm also typically in a better mood than how I feel at this moment. There's just something invasive about being stripped from your body, only to be crammed right back into another. All I want to do right now is get back to my own body. Desserts and tentacles come much lower on my priority list. Not too much lower, but they're still lower. The thought of thought of releasing solar-level heat into the room, knowing it would cleanse the entire room of all organic matter, is tempting. Boom! Problem solved, right? No. Well yes. But that's not the point. The point is that doing so could damage the structure of the entire castle. And, although I would be rid of bizarre these Crimes against Harmony, I couldn't stand to watch my own home literally go up in flames. Oh, and the ponies... I would never want to hurt my little ponies. So with ‘death by fire’ out of the question, I either have to solve this issue in a civilized, democratic manner... Or, find a means of extermination that doesn't compromise the structural integrity of my precious castle. I walk out of Discord's court with my head held high, knowing I brought harmony to those who needed it most. I'm covered with pie filling, and I feel just the slightest ache within the area of my body that some crude nobles have dubbed the money pit. It didn't take me long to realize that the two species had several things in common; one being their taste for... The ‘finer’ things in life. Still, I'd choose my flora over Discord's fauna any day. As I prepare the teleportation spell in my head, I can't help but wonder of Luna got off better than I did. Heh, got off. I cast my spell, and a moment later I appear in my private chambers. I'm still covered in cream from when the cream pies creamed me, and I make my way to my pristine wash room. I step under the shower and turn the faucet. Being the Princess of Equestria has many perks, one of which being the fantastic, top-of-the-line products that are generously ‘donated’ to me and my sister. My shower is one such product; built for the wealthy and powerful, my shower uses magic to heat the water up to perfect temperature instantly. I wash myself thoroughly. I don't want Luna to ever know what I did today in her body. Even if it was in the name of peace and harmony! As I sit under the delightfully hot torrent of water, I can't help but let my mind wander off to the thought of Discord. What could he be planning next?