//------------------------------//
// Discord 2 
// Story: A Mile In Her Regalia 
// by Foals Errand 
//------------------------------//



“Okay, okay. Now, do we all know how to play safe?”

The gathered forces of the Cream Pie Parliamentary Democracy all nodded their heads, their leader bowing down before me to swear undying faith in my rule. The tentacle monsters just waved their tentacles around a lot. They weren’t the most talkative bunch.

“Okay. That’s good. Can I trust both of you to keep things under control while I leave for a few moments?”

They all nodded again, a dull murmur of agreement coming from the pastries.

Once again, the tentacles just did their tentacle… thing.

“Very good. Now, I’ll be popping out for a few moments. Play. Nice. I don’t want to have to clean up another World War in here. Pudding-covered roses aren't easy to pick off the wall. Well, actually they were, because I’m awesome. But still, it’s the meaning that counts.” I stared into their eyes deeply. “Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do.”

With those parting words, I disintegrated into slightly purple potted plants that exploded into confusion.

Come to think of it, I probably shouldn’t have told them all to act like me. That’s never a good idea. Well, too late for that now.

With a snap of my finger, I was turning into smoke and rising through the ceiling.

I was now floating on my back above the figure of a large white pony who was laying splayed out on top of a round bed. Oooh, and what do we have here? A poor innocent sleeping Celestia? Well… damn, this is getting confusing. Luna… In Celestia’s body. Should I call her Luna? Celestia? Nah, screw it, I’ll just call her Luna. That’ll work.

And she’s looking all peaceful. Aww, how cute. I hate cute things. Why can’t she be made out of bubblegum. Ah, well, a Draconequus can dream.

Still…

I looked at the sleeping form of the Lunar Princess. I couldn’t just let her sleep away the whole day. Not when there was precious pranking to be done. No, this would not stand at all. I would have to remedy this situation.

With that in mind, I dressed Luna  in a multi coloured tutu, placed a very beautiful - in my opinion - clown’s wig on her head, and teleported her to one of the fanciest restaurants in Canterlot. 

Yes. That would do nicely.

I left the room with a sinister laugh, sinking into the floor as I returned to my abode, plotting what to do next; this time to Celestia.

I quickly teleported myself down into the bowels of my domain, finding that all hell had indeed broken loose, and that the two sides had were playing a real life game of chess, in which taking a piece meant completely and utterly destroying any trace of it.

I had never felt so proud of my little creations as I did just then.

I walked onto the chess board and started clapping loudly, gathering their attention. 



As one, both sides started cheering loudly. I’m still not sure how they cheered, but they did, and I’m not going to ask questions.

It’s magic, it don’t gotta explain shit.

Anyway, I let them have their happy celebrations for a few more moments for holding up my hands.

“I know, it’s big news. And the best part is, it’s completely not true! That’s right! The war is still on! Have fun fighting to the death! And do you know what that means! We’re getting a change of scenery! Yaaay!”

The pies were completely still, and the tentacles were looking angry as all Tartarus. No cheering was heard.

Spoilsports.

“Fine,” I said. “If that’s the way that you feel about it, they get out of here. You’re grounded. And by that I mean you have to fight to the death. Get out of my shed.”

I snapped my paws and banished them from my underground shed, never to return. I then realised that I’d probably have to get someone to sort out the war that I’d just teleported into their castle.

As I sank through the floor with an evil grin, I imagined just how Celestia was going to take having a delicious and slightly creepy war dumped in her metaphorical front lawn...