//------------------------------// // [ARC II] Chapter 30- He Set Us Up the Bomb // Story: Building Walls, Burning Bridges // by MonolithiuM //------------------------------// "Cyka blyat." –Russians on CS:GO Let it be known that the Cutie Mark Crusaders will follow any direction to a tee if said directions may lead to a Cutie Mark. This is the entire confession of how I managed to convince– and dupe– the Cutie Mark Crusaders into obtaining off-limits chemicals, mixing them into an explosive, and planting the aforementioned explosive onto Lyra Heartstring’s person. The same explosive that caused nine-thousand bits worth of property damage, put Lyra Heartstrings into the ICU, injured seven others, and singed Twilight Sparkle’s mane. So, nothing really new, just some more illegal shit that couldn’t be pinned on me. Though, now that time has been kind to me in my old(ish) age, I feel I can freely talk about the events that led to the absolute clusterfuck that became of the Spotted Lupus. It all started when Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle returned to my room with not one name, but the entire list of every pony that had been in the hospital since I had been admitted. As it turned out, quite a few. Probably because of all the righteous ass-kicking at the first game. Hella. “So, you brought me the entire goddamn list instead of doing what I asked you? I said when I was admitted and before this morning! It was so simple! How could you fuck that up?” I honestly didn’t understand, what could have possibly happened to- Oh wait, I had been talking directly to Scootaloo, Sweetie had never been a part of that conversation. Scoots probably had ADD, and what happened had happened. So, I instead shut up and looked through the list. “Sweetie, when was I admitted?” Sweetie Belle brightened up after the mild scolding and replied, “Seven thirty-three P.M.” “…I was admitted almost three hours after suffering through serious bodily injury and possible brain trauma?” “Well, Princess Twilight said she’d seen ya recover from worse, and faster too. So we all left ya propped up against Twilight’s couch for a while. When yer head kept slumpin’ to the side after Pinkie pushed it up a bunch, we figured it was time to get ya fixed up.” Applebloom’s explanation slowly filtered through my head, feeding into the series of complex reasoning systems and logic algorithms that caused me to throw my IV stand hard enough to pin Applebloom to the wall by her bow. I proceeded to have an aneurysm while Nurse Redheart struggled to hold me down against my inane will. \\\|||/// When I woke back up, covered in spittle and blood from Redheart’s broken nose, I immediately chewed out the Crusaders for their foolishness. Though I did come to the conclusion that it was probably their siblings and their friends getting back at me. Fuckers. Instead, I began to flip through the registry, and one name caught my eye immediately. “Heartfelt Lyre. Are you fucking shitting me?” That was probably the most basic bullshitting anyone could have possibly ever done in the history of lying and bullshitting. Christ almighty. “There’s nopony in town named Heartfelt Lyre,” commented Applebloom. I leveled my no fuckin’ shit stare at her and rolled my eyes. “Who would use a fake name like that? And fer what?” I threw the papers at her, to little effect, unfortunately. “To poison me. Also, it’s obviously Lyra Heartstrings, the friggin’ cunt. She’s probably still pissed at me for what happened in Canterlot.” “That epic bio-missile punch?” said Scootaloo. “Yup. And it was so dope she actually got jealous and is now trying to off me and assume the move herself.” Sweetie Belle tilted her head in confusion. “I think she just hates you, Mono.” “I know, it’s just that my version sounds cooler and would actually make this seem like less of a couple of idiots feuding and more of an epic showdown between two powerful superbeings. But, I suppose that you kids are more perceptive and I am more prone to run-on sentences than I thought.” I grabbed a pencil from the nightstand drawer next to my bed and held my hand out toward Applebloom. “Appledoof, gimme papers.” She hoofed them over, and I began scribbling down ingredients for a little life-threatening payback. Meet force with force and all that. If I wanted to really fuck her over, I could mix in some bleach and drano, but I didn’t know if ponies had even invented bleach yet. “Alright, so I’ve got a plan,” I told the three young fillies. “What is it?” I grew a twisted grin. “We’re gonna give Lyra ‘The Works’.” \\\|||/// “We need somethin’ called ‘Sodium Hydroxide…” Applebloom quirked an eyebrow at some of the words. Because Mono’s language was impossible to decipher, he had to spell it out for Sweetie Belle to write. “This sounds pretty science-ey” “Mad science-ey,” said Scootaloo. She had climbed the shelves to search for Aluminum Foil in the janitor’s closet. Having found it, she had returned to Sweetie Belle and Applebloom ready to return to Mono. “Girls, I don’t like the way he smiled when he finished explaining what we needed. He didn’t tell us what we needed this for, and he and Lyra really don’t like each other. For all we know he could be giving us this list so that we can seriously hurt-“ “Found it!” Cried Applebloom. “Though I don’t know what he’s gonna do with Iron Will’s Super Cleaning Solution…” “Maybe it’s symbolic of washing away Lyra and his differences and starting over. Maybe he’s using the foil like some kind of mirror so that they can see their true faces? Is it maybe some deep representational gesture that only a human would come up with?” Sweetie Bell looked to her friends for speculation. They all agreed that must be it, and so they returned to Mono. \\\|||/// ‘Iron Will’s Super Cleaning Solution’? “Alright, I guess this’ll do for what I’ve got in mind. Gimme that sports bottle, Scootaloo.” She tossed it to me, and I poured a good amount of the solution into the top of the bottle, filling the container a quarter of the way. I capped it quickly, not wanting any of the dangerous fumes getting into the room. I had Applebloom at the door to warn us if Redheart was coming, and so far she had said nothing. I looked at Scootaloo, holding the bottle carefully. “Now, Scootaloo, listen to me very closely. This is very important. I’m really not screwing around when I say that this is a dangerous mission.” That got her attention, and she smiled with confidence. “Sounds cool.” “Yeah, think of yourself as a secret agent. Now, listen to me. I’m really serious right now when I say that you will have to throw this,” I held up a large, crumpled fist of aluminum foil, “inside the bottle and quickly give it to Lyra. You do not put the foil in until you’ve found her, then you have only a little bit of time to give her the bottle.” Sweetie must have noticed that I hadn’t swore at all, and I shot her a deadly serious look. “Mono, if this thing is so dangerous, should we really be giving it to Lyra?” Ah crap. “Us humans, generally, believe in the concept of justice. Do you know what justice is?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “Yes, but it doesn’t usually mean hurting someone else to achieve it.” “Well, that may be how your sister and her friends manage all of their enemies, but trust me when I say that they’re chumps. Maybe not in terms of power, but in terms of savagery and ruthlessness, I’ve seen worse in people my age.” I kept eye contact with the little filly. “Lyra is like one of those enemies to me: ruthless and savage. She tried to kill me, I’m going to show her a little bit of retaliation.” My attention swiveled to Scootaloo jumping around humming action music. I really hoped that she would follow my directions to the letter. I didn’t particularly like the kid, but seeing her hurt would fuckin’ suck. A lot. How would Featherweight get that puss if it was plastered to the cobblestone road? … Well, thoughts of young ponies getting their freak on and maybe exploding aside, I really hoped that I hadn’t put too much of the cleaner in the bottle. I wanted to scare the shit out of Lyra, maybe give her a nasty bruise. I didn’t want pre-meditated murder on my already-long list of grievances against Equestria. “Well, maybe we could at least do this right. Could we put the bottle in a box so that it’s not so suspicious?” Thank you Sweetie Belle. \\\|||/// The screams were worrisome. The huge amount of activity in the hospital was concerning. Twilight Sparkle teleporting above my bed and slamming her hooves on either side of me was alarming. “‘Sup, Sparkleass,” I said, smooth as the fuckin’ Fonz himself. Inside of my gut, though, was the swirling miasma and sinking abyss of extreme apprehension. I was fuckin’ scared, alright? Even if she couldn’t use magic on me, she was still four times heavier than I was– easy. “What’s going on outside?” “What did you get Scootaloo to do? Why did you do it?” She was cold, angry, and those teeth looked incredibly solid this close. My face refused to betray my emotions, and my heart was equally steady. The fear was purely in knowing what would become of me if I failed to navigate the upcoming rhetorical minefield. “The fuck are you talking about, shitlord? I’ve been here in bed like some kinda paraplegic fuckin’ retard sipping lunch through a straw.” “You’re not that injured.” “No, I’m not. But my feelings are.” She wanted to hit me so badly. It was kinda cute. Then she smirked. “Fuuuuuuck me…” “Applejack, will you come in here for a minute?” Twilight hopped off of my bed, standing to its left with that smug, shit-eating expression. A furious, two-hundred pound powerhouse of tree-shaking terror stomped into my room and came snout to nose with me. Her green eyes stared through my corneas into my occipital lobe and started causing migraines for me. Shit was that intense. “Mono, why did you plant an explosive on a pony while endangering the lives of innocent bystanders and children?” Twilight asked me. Even with a living lie-detector on their side, I was gonna push my luck. It’s worked this far, right? “I didn’t give anyone anything that made that explosion!” I glanced at Applejack, who looked lost for a minute in my statement. “You are a liar, Mono! We caught you red-handed! I can’t belie-“ Applejack shoved a hoof into Twilight’s mouth as she stared at me. Applejack then looked over at Twilight and shook her head. “He ain’t lyin’.” “He isn’t?” “I ain’t?” Applejack glared at me. “Sorry, got caught up in the illiteracy of the moment.” Then she punched me into my bed so hard it folded in half. \\\|||/// “Sorry, Twi, Ah didn’t mean to hit ‘im so hard…” Applejack looked remorsefully at the little bundle of cloth currently being pulled apart by nurses. Mono was in all of that fluff… somewhere. Alive, hopefully. Maybe. Twilight Sparkle sighed and turned to Applejack, giving a tired smile. “I know,” she began, “but he did deserve it. Everything he’s said and done, somepony needed to put him in his place.” The Princess paused as she looked over the nurses tugging a stubby hairless leg out of the imploded bedding. “I just didn’t think that place would be inside of a hospital bed.” “Ah just, I dunno, snapped. Like Ah wasn’t in control of me for a second. Just thinking that he coulda put Applebloom and the girls in danger made me angry. Really really angry. And when he insulted mah kin again…” Applejack had a solemn look on her face. “Ah couldn’t stop myself.” Twilight Sparkle knew her friend to be one of the most level-headed–if a bit stubborn–ponies she had ever known. For her to just snap like that was concerning, but she kept that thought to herself. Twilight hadn’t heard from Fancy Pants and Fleur for a while, and the Princesses had been taking care of… something for a while now. In fact, Celestia and Luna seemed to spend a lot of time away from the public eye lately. Discord had also been keeping away for quite a while, something that Twilight almost immediately regretted thinking. When nothing happened, Twilight refused to sigh in relief. That would only invite him. Was it possible that Celestia and Luna had been spending more time with Discord? Cadence had once mentioned that Celestia and Discord could be an item, but her love magic was far too weak to give them that extra push. Maybe Luna was showing interest and pushed her sister to confess as well? Were they– “NO!” Twilight’s vision went blurry and she heard glass shatter, yet the image persisted in her mind’s eye for another few seconds. Shaking her head roughly, she continued to chant “no, no, no” until she had completely sealed the awkward coital image deep within her psyche, never to be touched upon again. It was one of the few embarrassing thoughts she would take to her grave. Another memory that would join that one would be walking in on her BBBFF jerking it in the bathroom. The alicorn looked around at the devastation, but was surprised to only find Penchant stuck in a medicine cabinet ass-first, drenched in coffee with one of the cups hanging off his ear. “If you didn’t want any, all you had to say was ‘no’,” he said, and then tried to wiggle out. It failed. “Pull me out, AJ?” The earth pony did, and Penchant immediately yipped and turned his head to his flank, reaching back and biting down on a small shard of glass with his teeth. He pulled it out and spat it onto the floor. “Ow. So, any leads? Questioning Mono go down well?” The blue pegasus glanced to his right. “Guess not.” \\\|||/// Lyra Heartstrings blinked her eyes and slowly roused from her magically-induced coma. Instead of blinding light compounded by white walls and sterile air, she found dark walls and rusty bars. The mare pulled herself up from the cot she currently was resting on, blinking the grogginess out of her eyes. “Lyra Heartstrings,” said a voice from beyond the bars. The unicorn gave a muffled acknowledgment and focused her eyes on a local guard. “Your sentence in Ponyville’s first precinct began eight minutes ago. You are hereby sentenced to three months in confinement, charged with possession of a lethal weapon.” Lyra seized up. “But, officer, I… It was Mono! He planted that explosive on me!” “Additionally, after your three month sentence here in Ponyville, you will be transferred to Canterlot to serve your two year sentence for attempted murder.” “But my trial! What about my rights!” “They’ve been overruled,” said the guard with a dark smile. His eyes shone with a golden light arcing through his brown irises before he left the stunned mare behind. Have a great stay, ma’am. The stallion with the disembodied voice and impossibly beautiful eyes then crumpled to the stone floor as his normal eyes returned to him in his slumber.