Pessimism and Sarcasm
Chapter 2
First Impressions
Rainbow Dash continues to stare at the screen, and I win another duel. I move the character around some more - looking for another victim. I wonder how long she's going to stand there. It can't be much longer; this game must seem pretty dull to those who aren’t playing it. I find my next victim, Syrus Truesdale, and start up another duel. Rainbow Dash sighs as the now all too familiar duel music sets in. This must be it. Now the question: Is she going to leave or talk?
"Is that all that's ever gonna happen? Geez, boring." Talk it is.
"Oh, and I suppose you could find something more entertaining." Please do.
"Yeah! The Daring Do book I was reading is way better than this!"
The duel with Syrus ended with my victory, as usual. I save and go to the Vita's menu. "Really now, and I suppose you're book can do...THIS!" I load up the game Playstation All-Stars and let the intro play. Whatever expression was on RD's face must have changed, as she doesn't respond or move away. She’s probably entranced by the elaborate intro.
I decide to take advantage of her vulnerability. "So, what exactly happened to me? How did I get here?"
"Somepony found you in a field and brought you in,” she answers quickly and monotone, without taking her giant eyes off my screen. From what I could see, you weren't doin' too hot."
Now I sigh. "Could you be more specific?"
"You were all gray and purple when you came in." A mass of bruises, grand.
"So, do you know who brought me in?"
"A pony named Applejack." She mumbles this as she sets her forehooves on the edge of my bed, stepping forward and pushing me over to make room for her to lie down. Her right wing fluttered gently, the feathers tickling my face.
"Gaah!" I nearly fall out of the bed as I recoil, brushing the feathers away and trying not to sneeze. "Holy crap, it's called personal space!"
"Hey, I couldn't see what was going on in your doohickey from just the side of your bed."
"Right." I press the power button on the Vita, putting it in sleep mode, and slip it back into my pocket, prompting her to back up. "So what landed you in here, then?"
"Tch. I broke my wing. Again.” She blushes slightly as she slides off the bed, showing me her bandaged right wing. "But I should be outta here today. You too, I think."
I lean my head back onto my pillow and look up at the ceiling. Let's see if I've got this straight: I'm stuck in Equestria. When I came in here, I was all bruised up, but those bruises seem to have healed. I don’t know the difference between time flow here and back home, so asking how long I’ve been unconscious wouldn’t help much. I have no way home, but somehow I have my gaming devices for comfort.
Both our heads turn as the door opens. Another familiar pony walks in - all purple with a horn, wings larger than Rainbow’s, and a dark purple mane with a pink stripe running through it. I prepare myself to play Twenty Questions, but when Twilight sees that I’m awake she turns and leaves immediately, with a cheerful smile on her face.
"Uhm, wh-?"
I’m cut off by the sudden arrival of seven more ponies: the other five "Elements", Celestia, and Luna. The sound of their hooves clopping against the linoleum floor echoes throughout the room. I recognize them all instantly, but don't show it. Bronies dream of this moment, don't they? How jealous they would be if they knew. I groan inwardly at the thought, but I stifle my groan when I look at Celestia, the only pony in the room whose face is unreadable, except this slight gleam in her eye.
All the others look at me excitedly and with fierce curiosity. Even Fluttershy, though the nervous pony is hiding, crouched down behind her friends, looking up at me from between their legs.
Celestia finally smiles at me. "I am Princess Celestia. This is my younger sister Luna, and this is my star student and the newest princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle."
Twilight cheeks blush and she waves to me as Applejack takes a step forward. "Howdy, I’m-"
"Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie. What's your name?" The energetic pony gasps and continues without giving me a chance to answer, “Oh my gosh you're new here that means I need to throw you a Welcome to Ponyville party!" There’s a slight pause as she gasps again, remembering that I wasn't even from Equestria. "But I also need to throw you a Welcome to Equestria party! Two parties in one! This needs to be an extra special super spectacular-" Pinkie’s interrupted by Applejack shoving a hoof in her mouth.
A party. That's not something I need right now. What I need is to wake up from this crazy dream...or is it a nightmare?
"Well as I tried to say before, I’m Applejack. That,” she says with a deliberate stare at the party pony, “was Pinkie Pie."
"Hello there, darling. I'm Rarity, Ponyville's most fashionable Unicorn.” She tosses her mane dramatically over her shoulder, holding her chin high and a hoof to her chest. “Now, I couldn't help but notice that when you were found you were wearing the oddest garments. You simply must come to my boutique and tell me all about them. I want to know everything there is to know about the fashion of this ‘other world’ from which you came."
Grand - just grand.
Rainbow punches her hoof into my shoulder, accidentally knocking the wind out of me. Stupid bruises! She doesn’t apologize. "The name’s Rainbow Dash! I'm the fastest flyer in Equestria!"
I nearly roll my eyes. Lastly, Fluttershy is practically shoved into view, hiding her entire face except her left eye behind her long pink mane. "I'm Fluttershy."
At least someone feels about the same as I do. Maybe they’ll all leave soon, and I’ll be able to play some more.
Celestia rejoins the conversation. "So now you know us all,” she says with a soft laugh. “As for how you got here however-" She pauses, both her smile and that gleam in her eye disappearing.
No! Go Back, Be Cheery! I'm looking for good news! GOOD NEWS!
"Unfortunately, even I am not quite sure. Applejack explained to us that her younger sister and her friends found you near their treehouse, unconscious and bruised over. They called Applejack, and then together with her older brother Big Macintosh, they brought you to Ponyville's hospital. That was almost two days ago."
Again. Whatever that means.
"I should probably tell you who and what I am then. I'm Jacob. I'm a human. So, it was nice to meet you all. I do think I should be getting home now, though," I say with a meaningful look at Celestia.
Please let there be a way home.
"That is going to be a problem, as not only do I not know how you got here, but I also have no way to send you back to wherever it is you came from." Her face is somber. She's not lying. Not good. This is definitely not good.
Then her face lights up slightly. "Do not be discouraged, though. Luna, Twilight, and I will search for a way to send you back to your home. In the mean time, however, you will have to stay here in Ponyville. Of course you’ll be staying with Twilight or one of her friends."
The others suddenly straighten, their ears perking up. Apparently they weren’t thinking of this. Poor Fluttershy’s eyes seem to be about to fall out of her head.
I’m excited too, Fluttershy. Don’t worry.
Celestia and Luna nod to me and step out of the room, while the other ponies convene to discuss my living arrangements. Pinkie Pie hops around them, simply repeating the word “discuss”, in her high and bubbly voice.
I roll my eyes again, and interrupt their meeting. "Okay, one thing before you all go nuts about this, I'm deathly allergic to cats-"
"Wait, what do you mean by "deathly allergic"?" Rarity looks at me with confusion.
"I mean that when I'm exposed to a cat I get itchy eyes, stuffy nose, it’s hard to breathe - you know. Allergy stuff."
"Oh."
"Anyway, I'm allergic to cats. Pollen too, though it isn't as bad as cats. I just get the itchy eyes and stuffed up nose."
"Well, that seems to rule out Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s,” Rainbow Dash says, acting like the chief justice in the matter, folding her forearms across her chest and leaning back on her bed.
"The pollen thing may be a mite of a problem back at the farm," Applejack shifts her eyes back and forth as she says. Her eyes finally land on Twilight, as everypony else also looks at her.
"Okay, well. That leaves my place. I hope that’s okay with you, Jacob." Though she says this modestly Twilight isn't really hide her excitement too well, what with a massive smile on her face while she bounces back and forth on her hooves. I can just tell that I’m in for a lot of experimenting.
Can this nightmare end please? I don't want to be stuck here. I couldn't handle being away from my family for three days, and the nine and a half months in Virginia a couple of years ago were just awful. This is going to be much worse. Oh, I can already feel my depression setting in.
I decide it’s time to get out of the bed. As I slowly sit up and get ready to stand I practically feel Twilight's gaze focusing on my every single movement. This is probably the most uncomfortable I've ever felt in my life as I shift the blankets and stand up, crossing to the chair with my other clothes and my laptop bag. I first put on my shirt; it's a black T-shirt with a large logo of the Systems Alliance on the back and small one up front, and under it the red 'N' and white '7'. Next I pick up the laptop bag by the strap, pulling the strap over my head and placing it over my left shoulder so the bag landed next to my right thigh. The bag itself is also black with the word 'Alienware' printed along the front.
Then I sit down in the chair, and put on my socks and shoes. My shoes were yet more Mass Effect paraphernalia, made to match the paragon and renegade ratings. If only they knew about Mass Effect, then I wouldn't have to answer the likely coming questions about each of these. That, and at least I’d have something comforting to talk about. Looking outside once again, I see that it is still rather dark, which confuses me. The sun should have come up by now.
Rainbow Dash trots over and looks out the window with me. “Oh good,” she says, exhaling on her bangs to get them out of her eyes. “The weather ponies remembered we scheduled a storm for today.” She struts back to her friends. “I was worried. Those guys can hardly do anything without me.”
Well, at least it's raining. One good thing in this nightmare - at least I hope it's a nightmare.
"Alright then,” I turn to Twilight. “I'm ready when you are."