Observer
Chapter 1
Standing tall on top of a precarious cliff, preparing to jump off of it and be taken away. Kind of depressing, isn’t it? But it wasn't! Why? Because I wasn’t doing what one might think I was doing. I stared across the hundreds of trees that littered the ground far below, the glorious sun illuminating the cloudless sky. The slightly baggy black suit I wore stood out easily compared to the brightly lit area around me. My black helmet was still on my head, as always, along with the dark-tinted glass plate attached to it that covered the front of my face. Oh, and of course the black duster coat that I wore, waving in the wind that pushed by me. That was basically me, that cool guy.
Tilting my head down, I looked straight to the ground far below, unfazed by my imminent downfall. It was far too common for me to fall from large heights. In fact, I had fallen from orbit one time! Well, more than one time, multiple times actually. Long story short, the landings always hurt. But I’m getting ahead of myself. With a short sigh, taking a small step back.
"Alley-oop!" I said, giving a simple hop that was enough for me to start my plummet. I didn't resist, I didn't even really care, doing wicked tricks that only I can appreciate. Though, I just did simple flips, I felt pretty good about it! Eventually, I turned my body so that I was falling back first towards the incoming ground. I slipped my hands into my suit pockets, acting way more causal than anyone else would in that situation. The cliff wall zoomed by, everything becoming a blur in my vision. I was thankful I don't get motion sickness. That would just be messy in my helmet.
"Sixty feet…" I muttered, bobbing my head left and right in impatience "seventy feet…"
At that point, I shifted my body to see the grassy knoll underneath me, but suddenly it was a small, swirly black hole! Not the sucky kind, both literally and figuratively, but the portal-y kind. It was a good thing I calculated the fall so accurately. If it wasn’t a hundred yards or more, I would have been a nice flat pancake without all the delicious condiments. Though, if I did miscalculate and end up on the ground, I don't think I'd like to suddenly be transformed into a pancake.
I wasn't paying attention, as usual, so I had quickly passed one hundred yards, entered the portal like one would a simple doorway, you know, without the screen door in the way. My senses felt nothing; no wind, no heat, no cold. Only the boundless darkness of emptiness! And bubbles, many many bubbles. An infinite amount of the things. As always, I found myself uncomfortable yet exhilarated, feeling giddy to see another Universe. The moment lasted very briefly, like a quick run to the bathroom sort of length, before I instantly found myself falling in the other Universe. There was never any reasoning why I would suddenly pop into another Universe, but I liked the invisible portal idea. Making something invisible is always awesome.
At first, I wondered why there was gunfire, and where it was coming from. Then it hit me, the ground that is! Then the pain hit me not long after that.
***
As Twilight hid behind a fallen marble pillar, her hooves covering her head to drain out the constant gunfire, she tried to piece together exactly what had happened.
First, she and her friends had brought the two strange creatures - calling themselves ‘humans’ - that had appeared out of nowhere in the middle of Ponyville to Canterlot, under the request of Princess Celestia herself. That had gone very smoothly, as the humans didn’t have anywhere to go or anything to do.
Second, Twilight, her friends, and the princesses were officially introduced to the humans. The Courier and the Lone Wanderer were their names. There were really titles, but the ponies weren't going to argue what was a name and what wasn't. Surprisingly, The two humans were actually familiar with each other, even though they had never met until that moment. They explained their violent tendencies, with all the killing and blood, but had assured the ponies that they only attacked those that deserved it.
Finally, the throne room was suddenly attacked by dark creatures that resembled Timber-werewolves. They stood solely on their hind legs, their forms shrouded in dark shadows, yet their eyes still held the same predatory yellow Twilight was familiar with. They appeared in wisps of dark smoke, quickly surrounding everyone. Everything erupted into chaos, one that Discord would have loved if he wasn't off doing something nopony particularly cared about at the moment. One thing lead to another, and the next thing Twilight knew, there was an explosion, and a pillar nearly crushing her.
As she cowered there, hearing howls of pain mixed with loud bangs, shaking harder than Fluttershy ever could, wondering if her friends were alright, she wished that something would come along and stop all of this.
And the lesson she learned that day was ‘be careful what you wish for’.
Right after thinking that, Twilight heard something land next to her, causing her to flinch. "Oww..." someone groaned. Peeking out, hoping it was one of her friends, she was surprised to see it was a human. It was a new human as well, not any of the others she had met before. He was facing away from Twilight, lying down with his limbs spread out beside her as the chaos continued to unfold. "Note to self," the human said, "Stop falling with hands in pockets. You'd think I would have learned that after every single jump."
Twilight found his words utterly confusing, but she was too timid to question him. He sounded like a stallion, based off his voice, and since the human was completely covered by some sort of black suit, she had no visula cues to tell her his gender. Like the humans. Come to think of it, she didn't know if there was a difference between males and females with humans, or if there was even there were human females!
“H-Hello?” she asked, hoping the humans was as friendly as the others. The human didn't respond, sitting up as he rubbed the back of his head before turning to face her. Twilight held her breath, her mind racing to how the human would react. Instead of confusion like the other humans had showed, the stranger tilted his head to the side.
"Oh, Hey, Twilight," he greeted, lifting his hand up as he waved. After which, he glanced around the area, noticing the destruciton that dominated the once serene area. "I see you got yourself in another pickle, huh?"
Twilight was much confused.
“What?” she said, her brain becoming blank.
The stranger stared back a moment, before jerking his head up, "Your right, Twilight! There's no time talking about pickles!"
Twilight blinked, her troubles suddenly forgotten, “What?”
The stranger looked over to the marble column that served as their cover, putting a hand against it to pick himself up. "Alright," he said, putting a hand to his chin. "What are we dealing with today?
“What?” Twilight said yet again, and the stranger stared at her for the longest time.
Then, he snapped his fingers, “Right, the name's Observer, by the way. I always forget to introduce myself. But I caught myself! Which is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself."
Twilight was able to stop herself from repeating the same word as before, but since it was the only thing that came to mind, she decided to just look at him in shock until something made a lick of sense.
Observer walked along the pillar, whispering congratulations to himself as he did, until he came upon an opening where it had broken off from the rest of itself. To Twilight's growing surprise, he stepped through it and into the open, gazing about with his hands on his hips. He did it so nonchalantly, that she wondered if she was dealing with a human that had lost his marbles.
Just what Twilight needed, a human that was crazier than Pinkie Pie on Thursday jumping in headstrong into the kill zone. Just peachy.
***
So, we had dark covered Timberwolves leaping to and fro, the Courier and the Lone Wanderer shooting at them like action heroes, and the princesses doing the same with their magic. It certainly was a battle of the ages, and I had the sudden urge to grab something salty, buttery, and corny. I'd have to page Pinkie as soon as possible.
That was when Princess Luna landed in front of me, blasting away another dark Timberwolf with her magic. If a semi-large pony destroying a monster with arcane mystic powers wasn't majestic, I don't know what is! After which, she turned to me, looking me up and down like I was some foreign alien without my green card, though it'd probably be a black card in my case. She gave a small smirk as her expression became slightly relieved, “Ah, another human has joined our ranks to assist us with our predicament."
“Well,” I drew out, crossing my arms as my head tilted up in deep, deep, deep thought, "When I think about it, you're absolutely right, Lulu. I am the bane of all things not the good guys."
“I beg your pardon?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow and a hoof. I was pretty sure I spoke English, but I guess this Universe doesn't know it, even though she spoke just spoke it. Obviously, she was fakin' it. As I faced her, preparing to repeat my words again - only slower, because that always works - I saw a dark Timberwolf behind her, just about to pounce on her!
“Watch it!” I shouted, tackling her out of the way. She was so surprised by my sudden move that she didn’t put up any resistance. Which I was glad for, these princesses’ weren’t exactly light, especially when they eat cake.
Just when I had knocked ourselves out of the way, the dark Timberwolf landed on the ground where Luna had once stood, growling at us for having gotten out of the way.
“Bad dog! Heel!” I shouted at it, shaking a fist like an old man would a stick. Luna jumped to her hooves and shot another magic blast at the dark Timberwolf, sending it flying against the wall and exploding in the gory fashion of sticks and stones!
“Nice one, high five!” I cheered as I jumped to my feet, turning to Luna with a hand in the air. All she did was give me a frank look, merely glancing at my hand. “High hoof?” I tried, my arm faltering. With no change from her face, I slowly retracted my hand, bringing it behind my back like it had never happened. I'm sure my actions were recorded somewhere. Probably on some webpage for all I know.
“Will you assist us or not?” Luna asked harshly, and I stared at her, long and hard.
“I always do,” I answered with a shrug, walking past her. “Wouldn’t be right if I didn't with the stuff I’m able to do, Lulu!”
Before Luna could ask what I was able to do, I ran towards a group of dark Timberwolves who were focused on the Courier. Ah, man, I always loved feeling like I knew what I was doing! Indirectly fighting someone is better than it seems. Think about it, you're defeating someone without actually defeating someone! ...It's a lot cooler than it sounds.
***
The Courier, dressed in the typical NCR riot armor, was using his Sequoia revolver expertly. Having dealt with large, fire-breathing lizards, the situation was a piece of cake. If only he knew what cake was. From what he can understand, it makes people heavy.
Even still, he was kicking some major butt and loving it. He knew when a dark Timberwolf was too close, and would quickly aim his revolver at it, greeting it with a not-so-friendly bullet.
With a brief look, he could see that the Lone Wanderer was handling himself pretty well. The Brotherhood of Steel power armor he wore protected him perfectly from the enemies’ jaws and claws. The laser rifle that he wielded burnt the dark Timberwolves to ashes with only a few shots. He was like a tank, except on two feet and without a large devastating cannon.
Things were going smoothly for the two, even though they had no idea what happened to the ponies. The dark Timberwolves, however, were getting smarter. They used the fallen rubble as cover, dodging the crimson laser beams and bullets. They also attacked when either the Lone Wanderer or the Courier were reloading, forcing the two to knock the enemies away to give themselves some space.
Eventually, the dark Timberwolves surrounded the Courier and the Lone Wanderer as the two stood back to back. The enemies kept their distance, and the two warriors waited for them to make a move with their weapons at the ready.
“What are they waiting for?” the Courier whispered, glancing around for any sudden movement.
“For us to let our guard down,” the Lone Wanderer responded, tightening his hold on his laser rifle. Silence reigned over the room, except for Celestia, who was watching a ways away with wide eyes, wondering why the dark Timberwolves focused on the newcomers.
Luna, instead, was staring at the stranger in black, as was Twilight, who peered over the marble pillar with her mouth wide open. The stranger was right behind one of the dark Timberwolves, simply studying them as he leaned forward. The two wastelanders caught sight of the stranger, and had to do a double take to make sure he was actually there. That's when the stranger realized he was being watched by all, and gave a two finger salute before tapping a dark Timberwolf on the back. It blinked for a second before turning to come face to face with the black stranger, who remained motionless as he stared right back.
“Don’t mind me,” he commented nonchalantly as the dark Timberwolf growled, bearing its many wooden teeth with drool falling from its mouth, “Just trying to get your attention.
“Aaaaand... it's doding time,” he remarked, and the dark Timberwolf opened its mouth to bite his face. In the nick of time, the black stranger jumped back, pointing a mocking finger at it. "Ha, ha! Your feeble mind cannot understand the power I control! Which is none whatsoever!"
Ignoring the comment, the dark Timberwolf jumped at him, fangs bared and ready to rip him to shreds. Luna was about to use her magic to blast it away before it attacked the new human, but was surprised when he rolled underneath the monster, looking back from his crouched position. He didn't get a chance to respond with another snide comment as he glanced back to the other Timberwolves. Another one of the monsters took a swipe at the black stranger, who was able to move out of the way to dodge the attack. Another swipe, made the stranger jump back. With each swipe from the dark Timberwolf, the stranger was able to move out of the way, fluidly avoiding the attacks. After another swipe, the stranger rolled to the side, standing back up to full height. For the briefest moment, the two humans though he was a badass. That is, until his next words were spoken.
"That was super sweet!" he squealed, "Everyone saw that right?". The dark Timberwolves approached him slowly, like predators would prey. The stranger looked over to them before humming to himself. “Okay, I think I’m the target now.”
“Ya think?” the Courier said with a roll of his eyes, annoyed with the way the stranger acted
“I do indeed!” the black stranger said with a slight amount of glee. And after the Courier face palmed, the black stranger took off away from the Timberwolves, causing them to give chase.
The Lone Wanderer walked up to the Courier’s side as they both watched the black stranger run around the room like a chicken without a head, with the group of dark Timberwolves just on his heels.
“We’re probably going to have to save his ass, aren’t we?” the Lone Wanderer said as his head tracked the stranger, shouldering his laser rifle.
“Yes!” the stranger shouted, looking back as he ran faster, “That would be the idea of my distraction!”
“I dunno,” the Courier said playfully, rubbing his chin while the other hand was on his hip. “This is kind of entertaining.”
Luna trotted up to them, looking distraught with the black stranger's predicament. "Is it not rude to ignore someone in their time of need?" she asked the two.
The Lone Wanderer and Courier dipped their heads in thought as the black stranger let out a grunt of disbelief. "Seriously!?" he shouted, his head snapping towards them as he ran past, “After everything we’ve been through?! For shame!”
That caught the two wastelanders’ attention, causing them to look at each other to see if they had heard right. Princess Celestia was just as intrigued, stepping up to Luna as she kept her eyes on the stranger.
“I believe we need to save him,” she remarked, facing the two, “And not simply because of his strange statement.”
“Right, sure,” the stranger said sarcastically with a shake of his head, “Help me out when I suddenly give you a reason. Coincidence? I think not!”
Ignoring his comment, the Courier holstered his revolver and dug into his duster coat pocket, extracting two grenades from within. He tossed one to the Lone Wanderer, who caught it nimbly, instantly knowing what the Courier intended to do. After he slipped his laser rifle onto his back, they both pulled the pins and tossed the grenades at the large group of dark Timberwolves.
***
Grenades? Sure, why not? It wasn't like I might be in the crossfire. Oh wait, that's exactly where I was! If I wasn't very close to a hundred percent sure, I'd say they were the evil counterparts. But the very close increment basically makes it a hundred percent, so it was completely unlikely. Since that's teh case, I was three hundred percent annoyed with these wastelanders.
That was what I was thinking, until the two grenades the other humans had suddenly fell from the heavens and landed in my path. And knowing the outcome of most thrown grenades, I knew I needed to jump ship, so to speak. I did, indeed, jump to the side and out of the way, but I was still inside the blast radius. So I was launched quite far when they went off in a ordinary explosive fashion, twigs and branches hurled every which way, since the last of the dark Timberwolves were also in the blast. I flew over the heads of those six adorable ponies as they gawked at my awe inspiring flight. I had no idea why I was launched so dang far, but I was going to enjoy while I still could. And what better way to do that than utter baffle everyone in the room!
“Nice to see you all again!” I called as I passed them, before slamming into another marble pillar head first. I swear that pillar wasn't there a millisecond before. A collective sounds of ‘oh’ in the room was all the sympathy I was given. I would never escape the firm and awkward embrace of pain.
Falling to the floor, I landed on my back with another wave of pain to greet me. The sound of approaching footsteps and hoofsteps told me that everyone was gathering around, ready to hear why I knew all of them when they had never heard of me.
Staring off into space, or the ceiling in that case, I thought back to all the other glorious ways the same moment went down. A bullet to the head, a wave of fire, a push and a shove. Oh, and a slap to the face. Though the last one may have been because I had appeared in the women’s changing room…
Then, the face of Twilight filled my vision, tilting her head and silently prompting me to get up and explain myself like an eight-year-old who had broken that one important fragile item in the living room. Trust me, every living room had that item.
Planting my hands onto the ground, I pushed off, using the momentum to land on my feet, startling Twilight as she backed off to give me space. I brushed a hand on my coat yet again, taking out all the dust on my Duster. Brushing myself off twice in the same five and half minutes wasn’t rare, and I looked pretty cool as I showed off my Duster as well. I love that thing.
Straightening out that thing, I faced the large group that had suddenly found everything I did interesting. And who wouldn’t! A universe-trotting - no pun intended - being such as myself should deserve recognition! But not in the bad way, mind you.
“Uh, we haven’t been properly introduced,” Twilight started for the group of starers.
“Rightio!” I said, putting my fists on my hips, “I am Observer, Multiverse extraordinaire and the most meddling son of a nutcracker you’ll ever meet!”
“He’s very cheery,” the Courier noted, “I don’t like it.”
“Boo hoo,” the Lone Wanderer replied quickly, “Suck it up.”
“Well, I do like it!” the ever pink Pinkie Pie cheered, hopping up to me as she bounced in place. “What’s your favorite color!? You must tell me!”
Favorite color? I had to give it some thought; it wasn’t every day someone asked you your favorite color. And with Pinkie Pie, you had to give her the right answer, or otherwise face the consequences, which was having the wrong color at your party. And I didn’t want that!
“It’s not periwinkle, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said at last, jabbing a finger as she bounced up.
“Shoot!” Pinkie cursed, landing on the ground in a contemplative pose, “How close was I?”
“On a scale from one to ten,” I said, crossing my arms, “Pi.”
Pinkie gasped loudly, her jaw dropping, "I was that close!"
I leaned forward a little bit. "You were!" I said dramatically.
"Okay, knock it off," the Courier growled, placing his hand on his holstered revolver, “We don’t have time to talk about favorite colors."
I grunted, “I bet yours is boring brown.”
“It is not! …It’s amber.”
The Lone Wanderer raised his hand, “Mine is radioactive green.”
“Focus!” Twilight shouted, catching all of our attention as she glued her eyes on me. Not literally, you sickos. “You said ‘Multiverse extraordinaire’, care to elaborate?”
“But of course,” I said with a french accent thrown in for fun, “I go from Universe to Universe, exploring, and having fun.”
“Universe to Universe?” Luna questioned, lifting a hoof to her chin.
“Yep,” I said, my hands slipping into my suit pockets, “Every time I fall exactly one hundred yards, I’m whisked away to another dimension.”
“So you’re from another dimension!?” Rainbow yelled in excitement, flying in front of my face. It took all of my willpower not to flinch from her sudden movement, but I failed miserably. “That’s awesome!”
“Heck yeah, it is!” I agreed enthusiastically with a fist pump.
“So…” Applejack drawled, stepping forward slightly, “Is that how you know ‘bout us?”
“Know?” I scoffed, feeling offended. “AJ, I practically lived with different versions of you all more times than I can count, which is pretty high, let me tell you. Same goes with Courier and Lone Wanderer.”
“I suddenly feel a shiver up my spine,” Rarity remarked, turning towards her back.
“That would be Transdimensional Shivers,” I explained with a dismissive wave, “People get it when they realize that they’re not the only person of themselves in existence. At least you’re not the Hulk. He thought I was playing with his mind and punched me through a brick wall.”
I shuddered from the memory, my hands up to my chest in a vain attempt to stop it. “Now that’s something to shiver about.”
“Okay, okay,” the Lone Wanderer said as he rubbed his head, though his helmet was in the way. “So, you jump from different Universes some of which are parallel, right?”
"Yep,” I answered, “ And I should also mention the Pluriverses while we're at it."
“Pluriverses?” Twilight asked, tilting her head to the side as she raised an eyebrow in doubt. That’s the last thing she should have done! No one doubts Observer and gets away with it! Well, except everybody, but I was determined to win this time!
“Think of it like this,” I said, drawing an imaginary circle in the air, “Take a normal bubble, and call it your Universe, then insert that bubble into an even bigger bubble, and call that bubble the Pluriverse. Everything that can interact with your Universe is in that large bubble; No other Universe can go to a separate Pluriverse. So the Universe or two the Courier and the Lone Wanderer came from are part of the same Pluriverse you all share. And all of these Pluriverses make up the Muliverse. And this has been an Observer Teaching moment. Please savor it, because I ain't gonna repeat it.”
“Waaaaait,” Pinkie interjected, “If that’s the case, then how many bubbles are in this Multiverse?”
With another finger, I drew a sideways figure eight, “Infinite.”
The collective gasp was priceless, to say the least. I always liked the moment when I had a bit more knowledge than those with whom I was interacting with. Of course, that advantage is quickly taken down when I remember that I have no offensive capabilities whatsoever.
“And what is your part in all of this?” Celestia asked, eyeing me warily, “Why are you moving from one dimension to the next?”
“Well, my name is Observer, which is my name and title,” I explained, and followed with a painfully long pause, causing everyone to lean forward, waiting impatiently for me to continue. “What, you can’t put it together yourself? Then again, no one else could either.”
“You call yourself Observer because you… observe?” Twilight concluded, gesturing with a hoof in an attempt to see if she was right.
“Correctomundo!” I answered with a swing of my arm, “I essentially visit each Universe to watch and see what I can do!”
“But then that doesn’t exactly make you an observer,” Twilight accused, pointing a hoof at me.
“Shhh…” I whispered, putting a finger up to where my mouth would be, “Don’t ruin it.”
“For who?”
“Well,” I said, my voice going back to it’s normal volume, “As much as I can tell, if there are infinite Universes, then there’s probably a Universe where some wierdo is typing a story of me, and a bunch of other people reading that story.”
“Aaaaaand now I have shivers,” the Courier said, sulking slightly.
“Heh,” I mumbled quietly, “And I didn’t even mention that other people are making stories of all of you.”
“What was that?” Applejack asked.
“Nothing at all!” I answered with a shake of my head “Now then, pushing away all that serious, exposition talk, my raison for being here is because I like savin’ the day, and considering the fact you were all attacked by dark Timberwolves, I’d say you need some savin’.”
The Courier snorted, “Except we had to save you.”
“Yeah, well, my Duster is longer than yours,” I retorted with a defiant cross of my arms.
“Burn…” Rainbow drawled with a small smile, hovering in the air above the Courier as he jerked back from the insult. He gripped his Duster coat in his hands, looking back and forth between it and my own coat. After a moment, he sighed dejectedly, and I gave an internal celebration, complete with cake and confetti. Observer, three hundred fifty one; Courier, two hundred thirty nine!
The Lone Wanderer rubbed the back of his helmet as he asked, “Is that a sex thing?”
“Not to worry, my virgin friend!” I expressed, sidling up to him as I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, “It is not. I’m not really that type of person.”
“V-Virgin?!” the Lone Wanderer stuttered, backing away slowly as the Courier burst out laughing, doubling over and forgetting about his previous depression. “I-I’m not- I mean, How did you-?”
“Lucky guess,” I replied with a hint of snide in my voice, “Thanks for confirming, by the way.”
The Lone Wanderer faced away from the group, and I somehow knew that he was blushing underneath his helmet. A brisk glance towards the ponies told me that he wasn’t the only one, and I was willing to bet fifteen euros that they were virgins as well, seeing how anxious they were.
“W-We’re getting off topic!” Twilight shouted, her eyes darting left and right to see if someone saw her blush before muttering, “Again…”
“Twilight is right,” Celestia said, making all of us pay attention as the Courier calmed down. She always had a way with words that made everyone shut up, kinda like Morgan Freeman or Liam Neeson, except way more girly. “We must turn our minds to the attack.”
“So…” I said with a raised hand as if I was back in school, “More serious talk?”
“More serious talk,” the Lone Wanderer confirmed with a nod.
As I groaned like the nine-year-old within me, Celestia turned and walked towards her throne, everyone else followed behind. I did as well, though way more reluctantly, both of my hands placed behind my head. Why couldn’t we skip to the action-packed parts where I show off my amazing dodging skills like I had done before? I need to look cool for my peers, dang it!
But I would find a way to lighten the mood anyway.
***
As Celestia got comfortable in her throne, she let out a long tired sigh. She had only wanted to learn of a new species in her kingdom, not deal with an overconfident, loud oaf with the impending doom of whoever sent those dark Timberwolves looming overhead. Or perhaps the dark Timberwolves came of their own accord. No, someone had sent them, and that someone was definitely planning something more after its initial plan had failed.
“Before we begin our discussion involving the dark Timberwolves,” Celestia said, her eyes lingering to each pony and person in turn. “We must see where our visitors stand in terms of weaponry and abilities.”
Observer stifled a laugh, though Celestia nor anyone else for that matter knew why. Dropping the thought, Celestia turned towards the Lone Wanderer, silently prompting him to reveal what he had up his sleeves. Figuratively of course; his sleeves didn’t look like it could hold some sort of hidden blade.
Catching the hint, the Lone Wanderer stepped forward, pulling out the laser rifle that was on his back. “This is my laser rifle. It emits a concentrated beam of coherent light that has a high wattage capable of doing considerable damage.”
Twilight was truly entranced by the weapon, staring at it with a sense of awe. Since she was one to love science and magic - two items that would usually be on opposite sides of the spectrum - she wondered how magic could be applied to affect what it was capable of doing. The possibilities were endless!
“I also have a .44 revolver with a scope and a very versatile combat knife,” the Lone Wanderer summed up, placing the weapon back where he got it. "And my armor is durable enough to sustain high amounts of damage without deteriorating at all."
"Anchorage certainly is a wondrous place," Observer mused, still looking laid back as he stared at the stain-glass windows, hands in his suit pockets. Everyone gave him a funny look before turning to the Lone Wanderer, who gave a long sigh.
"This 'different dimension' junk is going to take a while getting used to," he said, shaking his head.
Observer chuckled, "Hey, that's what the last Lone Wanderer said."
With a roll of his eyes, the Lone Wanderer stepped back as the Courier took his place. In a fluid movement, he unholstered a weapon strapped to his back, revealing his shotgun.
"This is my Hunting Shotgun," he explained, looking around to see everyone staring at it in fascination. Even the Lone Wanderer seemed somewhat interested, if only just. “It can shoot a burst of shrapnel at an enemy and kill him instantly in the right place. And if he’s out of range, I can switch the ammunition for slugs.”
“Why would you want to shoot slugs?” Twilight asked innocently, “I didn’t think they had much use out of a garden.”
Before Courier could speak, Observer clutched his chest, trying to stop the urge to break out into a fit of laughter. His movement didn’t go unnoticed as Luna looked at him with furrowed brows. “Is there something humourous from that question, Observer?” she asked rather harshly.
Observer composed himself for a moment, taking large breaths to calm himself before he responded. “That has got to be the best reaction I've seen since Luffy making a smart remark a few Universes ago."
“Anyway,” Courier interrupted, “I’m not sure what slugs you’re talking about, but a slug is a large caliber projectile that can go long distances and still chew up your target.”
The ponies gathered around gave the Courier a quizzical look. He groaned at their ignorance, shaking his head as he put his shotgun away and unholstered his revolver. With a quick move, he ejected one bullet from it and presented it to the ponies. “A slug is roughly five times the size of this here revolver round, and packs a mean punch,” he explained as simply as he could.
“Ohhhh,” everyone, except for Lone Wanderer and Observer, said collectively in realization.
“Why didn’t you just say so?” Rainbow Dash asked, slightly put off that something could have been explained so easily, narrowing her eyes at him.
“He likes toying with your minds,” Observer put in, using both hands to point to his own head, “Just like that Handsome Jack fellow. Or was it Sheogorath?”
The Courier glanced over to him before he holstered his revolver and stepped away. “Forget it,” he muttered, slumping over to the Lone Wanderer to stand by him.
“Huh,” Observer said, putting his hands on his hips, “Guess it’s my turn! Okay, so I’m super observant!”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” the Courier said loudly and sarcastically, causing Observer to point a finger at him.
“Hey, I’ve met him before, you know!” Observer announced, "He doesn't like to be called that. He prefers Bob. He thinks it's more obvious for others if his name is extremely normal.”
Celestia simply gave him a glare before he shut himself up. “Right, first my weaponry,” he started, rubbing his chin, “Welp, I don't have any weapons! I take things out indirectly, because I hate confronting people directly. So I guess you can say I'm part pacifist."
“You put yourself in babies’ mouths!?” Pinkie shouted in disgust and incredulity, backing away slightly.
“That’s exactly what the giant babies thought,” Observer said with a wave of his hand, “Right before they stuck me in their mouths. Not as cute as one may think.”
Shaking off his rather unpleasant comment, Celestia picked out what Observer had said earlier. “You are thinking of a pacifier, Pinkie Pie,” she said calmly, having dealt with her shenanigans many, many times before. “A pacifist is somepony who believes that war and violence are unjustifiable.”
“Right out of the dictionary,” Observer noted with a nod of approval, “Or the internet, whichever you prefer.”
Celestia gave him a weird look, “Though, I do wonder how you would fight an opponite indirectly."
“Just think of me as a Rubik’s Cube,” Observer explained, pretending to hold an object in his hand as he pointed at it with his other. “Really complicated and not worth getting into. Just know that I’ll allow others to fight, and I'll find alternate means to taking down someone."
“Why is that?” Rarity asked, “Besides getting all dirty from such an uncouth activity.”
“Besides that?” Observer asked back, getting into a thinking pose, “Well, what other reason could there be!”
Rarity narrowed her eyes; she knew when she was being insulted. Of course, Observer was obvious to her glare, and continued on, “But seriously, it just fits my name, and… I guess I was raised that way.”
“Admirable, I suppose,” Luna nodded.
“I don't recall saying I was an admiral," the Observer mumbled to himself before shaking his head, continuing on, "Now, other than being a pacifist, I’m also very acrobatic. Years of gymnastics will do that.”
“Gymnastics?” the Lone Wanderer questioned. “What’s-”
“It’s not a girl sport!” Observer blurted, facing away from everybody, “It just has a lot of girls in it!”
Everyone was silent from his outburst, staring at him oddly as he slowly turned back around. He chuckled uneasily, “Sorry, force of habit.”
“Right,” the Courier said, unable to get a clear picture of Observer’s overall attitude. He was all over the place, more so than Pinkie! And that’s saying something. “So, how well is your Agility attribute?”
Observer held up a fist, “Over nine!”
“So quite high then?” the Courier dead panned, crossing his arms.
“Yep,” Observer said with a simple shrug, “I have to be good at dodging attacks, seeing as I have to attack indirectly, and because of the pain.”
“And death,” the Lone Wanderer chuckled, “Can’t forget about that.”
“For me I can,” Observer corrected, “I can’t die.”
“Bullshit,” the Courier grunted.
“Tell that to Kratos,” Observer said with a hint of humor, “Hours of beating me mercilessly got him no where. And he still wanted to keep beating me if I hadn’t gotten the hoot outta there.”
“So you are immortal?” Luna said with interest, causing the Observer to bow his head. He wasn’t acting like it was a joke, he was actually thinking it over, all serious like. Needless to say, it put everyone on edge.
“Not me, personally, just this suit,” he explained, gesturing towards the black suit he had on. “As far as I can tell, it can repel any form of attack.”
"Whoa," Twilight whispered, taking a few steps closer to Observer, "How does it work?"
"Don't know," he replied halfheartedly. "It didn't come with an instructions manual."
“But…” Twilight started, looking flustered as she stopped in her tracks, “You’re wearing it right now. How can you wear something and not know how it works?”
“The term ‘Nanosuit’ comes to mind,” Observer muttered before addressing Twilight, “And did you ever think that I may not have given much choice in the matter? Some food for thought, so let me know when you have the food.”
As Twilight opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, the Courier spoke, “So you suit can stop any type of attack?” he asked, taking out his revolver and slowly raising it vertically, “Even a bullet?”
“Especially a bullet!” Observer quickly stated, throwing his hands out in front of him. “Why does everyone have to prove that I’m not invincible? Am I not trustworthy?!”
“No,” nearly everyone said at once, their eyes half closed. Everyone except Fluttershy, because why would she? She's too cute for that.
“Ah, brilliant,” Observer said with a shake of his head. And that’s when a short red laser shot through the stained glass window where Observer stood, leaving a small burned hole in the window and striking him in the back of the head. The force of the laser forced him to the ground face first… right before he writhed around on the ground, screaming in pain.
“Gah! Son of a female dog!” he shouted, clutching the back of his head. Everyone stared in surprise, their jaws dropped. And though the Courier was stunned from both the sudden shot and Observer’s survival, he couldn’t help but correct him.
“You mean bitch?” he barely wheezed out from the shock.
“Gazuntite,” Observer cried out from the pain, rolling around on the floor.
