//------------------------------// // Prologue: Don't you hate convoluted magical interference? // Story: Pessimism and Sarcasm // by Jerec the Ascendant //------------------------------// Pessimism and Sarcasm Prologue Don't you hate convoluted magical interference? By: Jerec the Ascendant "Ahh, so good to be home.” I walk through the front door, letting it shut behind me. It was a long day of work. Well, it feels that way to me. 8:00 am to 2:00 pm isn't exactly long, but it sure feels like it when you work at a thrift store. I'm Jacob, by the way. I'm twenty-two years old and 5' 10" tall. I have short brown hair and a penchant to play video games, particularly those by Bioware. I make my way through the house to my room; I still live with my parents and younger sibling. I turn on the TV while readying my 360, planning to finish Mass Effect 3 for the second time. The initial click and hum of electricity sounds through my room as the TV screen comes to life. I press the Xbox Guide button on my controller to turn on the console, expecting to hear that welcoming crescendo that I’m so used to. The universe, however, seems to have something else in mind. TZZZTT!!! "What the...." I begin in astonishment as the TV suddenly courses with sparks of electricity. My mind goes blank for a second as the impossible occurs in front of me, streaks of lightning lancing up and down the TV. The electricity has an odd appearance though: each lance seems to have a different color, covering the color spectrum. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!" Charging out of the room, I immediately head into the garage toward the power switches, thinking to throw the one to my room and effectively stopping the surge, and hopefully a fire. I get to the box, open it, and see the switches. Quickly, I read the diagram on the side to see which one of the switches is for my room. I reach out to grab it when suddenly a lance of the prismatic lightning occurring in my room bursts out of the switch and into my hand. A searing pain courses through my body as the prismatic lightning dances across my skin. Everywhere the rainbow lightning went, it left horrid burns. The last thing I see before blacking out is my hands turning to ash, and the ash speeding off in a sudden gust of wind. My eyes jolt open only to find that there’s nothing but an empty void around me. "What happened? Where am I? Ugh..." My head swims as I look around, and nausea overtakes me. This empty, pitch black void is not only leaving me without sight, but without a sense of direction or even balance. The only thing I feel are the clothes I have on; there seems to be nothing else to feel. I’m not lying on the ground - I’m suspended in the air. This is adding to the nausea. "Well, guess I'm gonna be seeing lunch again." My body attempts to make me puke, but it can only manage some dry heaves. The pain is dreadful and escalates quickly, as my entire body suddenly finds itself wracked with an intense pain. "CRAP, WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME!!!" I scream before blacking out, once again. My mind returns to consciousness after what must have been hours. Slowly, I regain first my sense of touch. I feel a soft sheet covering me, and a mattress beneath me. It isn't my mattress though - it feels odd, unfamiliar. I still have the cargo pants I had been wearing but my shirt is gone, along with my socks and shoes. I feel strange things attached along my right arm, which is placed over the sheet. The next sense to return is smell. The room really has nothing much to note, other than a pervasive odor of sterility. I must be in a hospital. It could be worse, I suppose. Next, my hearing returns. I hear the rhythmic pulse of a heart monitor beeping in my left ear, while in my right ear I can hear some quiet whispering. The voice sounds eerily familiar - a feminine voice, slightly raspy, that sounds almost like whomever it belongs to is reading to itself. My sense of taste still evades me, but I finally decide to work my eyes open. The room around me is, unsurprisingly, how you'd expect a hospital room to look, except one thing: it seems to be smaller than a typical hospital room. It’s shorter and thinner, as well. To my left there’s a small chair with my shirt, socks, and shoes neatly placed in a pile on the seat. I look to my right. About five feet away is another bed, but what’s hidden under the sheets doesn't look human. "This can't be good."