//------------------------------// // Chapter Two. // Story: Meeting 'Father' // by Golden Paw //------------------------------// Chapter Two. Dustpan felt his blood run cold as the miss-matched eyes of Discord regarded him with a quizzical expression. Of course Dustpan had heard of Discord, how he’d been reformed by the legendary Element Bearers over ten years ago. That was old news, but to be in his presence was like stepping into a storybook. With a mounting dread Dustpan realised where he was; this was Discord’s realm, chaos central and.... Dustpan finally took in what the draconequus was wearing. From all the stories he had heard of Discord, none had quite prepared him for a colourful smoking jacket. Then there were the evening slippers; one shaped like a bright blue bunny rabbit and the other a red and black frog. It didn’t fit the mental image Dustpan had formed of the 'master of disharmony and chaos'. “Screwball my dear, it seems you have picked up a stray. What have I told you about bringing pets home with you?” Discord continued to watch Dustpan as if he really was some mongrel dog dragged off the streets of Canterlot. “He’s not a pet father, he’s Dustpan remember I told you about him next week,” Screwball explained. Discord cocked an eyebrow, “Indeed.” A strained silence followed and Dustpan fidgeted on the tiled floor, wilting under Discord’s now disapproving scrutiny. Dustpan forced a nervous smile onto his muzzle, removed his cap and held it in trembling hooves, “Sorry sir, I think there has been some sort of mix up. If you could just be so good as to send me home I’ll be out of your mane...er hair, er horns in no time.....” Dustpan’s ramblings drifted off under the continued 'yellow eyed' focus of Discord. He’d thought Screwball’s stares were bad, but Discord’s eyes were full of madness, without depth and Dustpan could easily believe that he could get lost forever in those red pupils. After another drawn out silence Discord’s face split into a grin, “Nonsense my good sir, you will of course be joining us for breakfast.” Discord snapped his fingers and the whole room spun with multi coloured lights. Dustpan felt his stomach lurch, as had the impression of tables and chairs popping into existence before they began chasing each other around the massive hall emitting yelps and barks. No piece of furniture was like any other: For example an assortment of mixed carved chairs (decorated in gold) which looked like they belonged in Canterlot Castle were drawn up under a picnic table spread with a gingham tablecloth. It was a riot of colour and noise that made Dustpan’s head spin. “Er.... thank you Mr Discord.....” Dustpan began only for Discord to wave an admonishing talon in front of his eyes. “Doctor if you please,” Discord said and Dustpan shook his head in confusion. “Sorry are you ill?” Dustpan asked, bemusement covering his face. Discord laughed out maniacally, quickly joined by Screwball and Dustpan shrank back from the pair as a flash of lighting came out of nowhere: Both were silhouetted by the bright light while ominous pipe organ music began playing. The moment passed, Discord coughed and to Dustpan’s complete astonishment the draconequus looked slightly embarrassed. “Sorry Dustpan, old habits die hard,” Discord explained before turning to Screwball who was still laughing madly, her hooves raised to the sky. “Now, now my dear; time and place,” Discord cautioned. The sinister music slowed, like a record player running down until it stopped completely and Screwball blushed covering her mouth with both hooves to suppress a giggle. It was only then that Dustpan noticed that her eyes had changed. Where once there had been a pair of pupils that bored right through you, now was a pair of spinning swirls and Dustpan took a few steps back, “Um your eyes?....are you?” Dustpan ventured. Screwball smiled happily, “Yep, told you I was barking.” She paused for a moment and her little hat spun while the blades stayed firmly in place, “Well that’s more 'S.L’s' thing, she really does bark you know.” “S.L?” Dustpan asked dreading what he might discover this time. Discord waved his paw dismissively, “There will be time to meet the staff later Dustpan.” Discord upended his mug and after a long slurp fixed the stallion with a lopsided stare. “Sorry about that, I thought you were making a joke before. What I meant was that you should refer to me as 'Dr. Discord' or just 'Dr.D',” Discord explained. “You’re a doctor?” Dustpan asked suspiciously, “What are you a doctor of?” Screwball chimed in at this point, “Why of psychology of course.” She treated Dustpan to a conspiratorial wink, “I prefer psycho-trickery myself, but father says that’s too dangerous.” Discord coughed sternly and Screwball shrugged before bouncing into the air and landing on one of the now laid out tables. Dustpan had been so absorbed by the conversation he had failed to notice that the vast room was now arranged as a dining hall. Screwball rolled off the oddly shaped table and took her place on one of the empty chairs. The hall was now full of such tables and chairs, stretching into the distance and providing enough seating space for hundreds of ponies if Dustpan was any guess. Discord calmly settled himself down next to Screwball and motioned with his eagle's claw for Dustpan to take a seat also. Dustpan looked around in amazement before asking, “You’re expecting some more company?” Discord took another leisurely slurp from his mug, “Well, this is a working establishment; we need to cater for the rest of the staff.” Dustpan’s attempted request for an explanation was headed off suddenly, as ponies began to pop into existence all around them with a variety of coloured flashes. There were hundreds of them; of all shapes, sizes and Dustpan came to realise in completely different manner of dress. The noise level of the hall rocketed as the assembled crowd began to shout, laugh and in some cases bark or squawk. There wasn’t a pony in the room that wasn’t behaving in totally bizarre manner and Dustpan was forced to cover his ears against the sudden din. “Marvellous isn’t it!” Discord bellowed at Dustpan who had screwed his eyes tightly shut. He forced one eye open just in time to see Discord snap his fingers and various trays bearing bowls of food floated about the hall. The sounds of ponies eating messily soon filled the massive space and to Dustpan’s dismay food was soon flying through the air. “What in Celestia’s name is going on here?” Dustpan yelled over the din. He looked around but was forced to duck as a bowlful of dog biscuits sailed past his head and shattered on the floor. Discord flicked his hand and a pair of pink fluffy earmuffs flashed into existence in front Dustpan’s desperate eyes. Gratefully he grabbed them and rammed the gift over his throbbing ears. Instantly the volume of the room dropped and to Dustpan’s astonishment so did the manner of conversation. Where there had been a garbled cacophony, now all Dustpan heard were normal ponies talking in a calm manner. With bemusement he looked about at the scene of utter chaos still unfolding, but mercifully his ears were spared the anarchy. Cautiously Dustpan lifted one of the muffs off an ear and the riot of sounds rushed back in before he hastily replaced it once more. “This is my 'Home for Interesting Ponies' Dustpan, where ponies with a different outlook on life come to be cared for,” Discord explained before he tipped up his mug once more and drained the last of its steaming contents. Having done this Discord stuffed the mug into his mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully. “You mean the insane?” Dustpan asked as the truth of the situation suddenly dawned on him. Screwball nodded as she bit down on what looked to be a chocolate hamster before Swallowing delicately. Dustpan saw her whole demeanour had shifted, she now held herself with poise and grace that would have been the envy of the Canterlot social elite. Screwball picked up a napkin and dabbed at her mouth with every sign of cultured upbringing. “Yes Dustpan, this is where the ponies who are mentally unstable come to get better,” Screwball confirmed. “But where are the staff, you can’t run this whole place by yourselves surely?” Dustpan asked. “Why my dear colt, you’re looking at them!” Discord announced with a dramatic flourish that took in the ponies all around them. Dustpan blinked in shocked silence for a few moments before raising his hoof to his fore head, rubbing his temples, “You’re telling me that the inmates run the asylum?” The sudden silence was deafening as every pony on the room turned to Dustpan with a look of utter disgust on their faces. Dustpan shrunk down in his chair as glares of anger and hurt assailed him from every direction. “That my colt was not a nice thing to assert to,” Discord cautioned. “We don’t use those terms here, these are my patrons, charges and staff. None of them are here against their will and are certainly not prisoners.” Dustpan nodded slowly; acutely aware that a number of sharp implements were being used by the ponies all around him, “Sorry I misspoke, so these are your staff then?” The tension in the hall vanished instantly and soon the 'mad' banter resumed in full force. Screwball smiled again before going on, “Yep, we all help each other out here.” She placed the last of her meal in her mouth and as Screwball chewed a look of complete bliss crossed her muzzle. “Since I gave up the whole ‘Lord of Chaos’ gig I needed to find other ways to use my time you see,” Discord explained. “We do the entertainment for the occasional party now then, but mostly we care for those ponies who are considered a few feed bags short of a trough.” Dustpan glanced about once again and was astounded to see just how many 'mad' ponies there were; the hall was packed. Screwball offered Dustpan a steaming mug and he was blessed with the rich smell of hot chocolate. Sipping the smooth drink carefully Dustpan was rewarded with a comfy warmth that spread from his core, “I had no idea there were so many who needed help.” He let out a contented sigh before eagerly taking another draft from his mug. “Oh these are just the best example of those I work with from everywhere or everywhen,” Discord said proudly. Dustpan eyes widened before he sprayed hot chocolate in a torrent before him and earned a number of cheers from the surrounding tables along with some applause. Coughing a few times Dustpan winced as he refocused on Discord, “You mean many of these ponies are from different periods in history?” “And future,” Screwball added helpfully much to Dustpan’s astonishment. Discord grinned, “Of course Dusty, do you really think Equestria would function if so many ponies were as demented as my dear Screwball here?” Screwball visibly blushed and looked lovingly at Discord, “Oh father you’re such a flatterer, you’re embarrassing me in front of our guest.” Discord looked uncomfortable for a moment, “Sorry dear, I let my tongue get away from me.” To reinforce the point, Discord's tongue did just that and flew away to mingle with the other air borne objects. “Speaking of which, why did you come here Dustpan?” Discord asked, his lack of tongue causing him no trouble with speech it seemed. Dustpan had been so wrapped up in what was currently happening he had almost forgotten that he’d been ponynapped by Screwball. “I er was brought here by your daughter, who said that she wanted to make up for ruining my life?” Now that he had a chance to say it out loud Dustpan realised just how strange his day was turning out to be. Discord glanced at Screwball who was delicately nibbling on some dark blue toast before looking back to Dustpan, “I see.” Discord rested his elbows on the table and drummed his 'fingers' together in thought. “Don’t suppose my daughter mentioned how she was going to achieve this?” “Well I assumed she had a plan to fix.....” Dustpan began only for Discord to shake his head. “No, no, no, Dustpan; are you always this slow? I mean please tell me how she’s going to ruin your life. I would be quite fascinated to hear what my little ball of mayhem gets up to on her visits to the outside world.” “I er...” Dustpan trailed off once more in the face of Discord’s stare, his eyes slowly revolving in his head. If he was honest, Screwball hadn’t done anything to mess things up for Dustpan: Well there was the incident in the alley with the cart, but that had been Dustpan’s fault too. Discord let out a dramatic laugh before thunder once again echoed around the hall, “Ah this is going to be more fun than I could have hoped for; we still have all the good bits to look forward to!” He rubbed his hands together with enthusiasm and Dustpan felt another shiver of cold dread slither down his spine, “Now that you have had breakfast we can begin the tour!” With another wave of his claw the tables all began to melt away like ice under a blow torch, covering the floor in a soup colours that slowly drained away leaving a number excited ponies rolling around on the ground, some still trying to swim in the rapidly vanishing liquid. It took Dustpan a moment to realise that he was now standing in a white overcoat and that his normal cap had been replaced with a mane-net. Looking down he saw that his hooves were also neatly tucked into blue plastic coverings. “Can’t be too careful you know, sanitation is vitally important here,” Discord explained. Dustpan looked up to see that his two companions were dressed the same way. Although Screwball still wore her propeller hat over her new mane-net, her manner had switched once again. Screwball wore a pair of stylish glasses, her mane was tied back in a professional manner and she held a clip board in her hooves, “Phease shate your name for sher records.” Screwball mumbled around the pen now held between her teeth. Dustpan paused for only a moment before shrugging, “My name is Dustpan.” Screwball nodded and scribbled something on the clip board, “And what ish your profession?” Dustpan opened his mouth to say garbage pony before he remembered he may not have a job to return to. If he ever returned..... “I’m probably between jobs right now,” He finished uncertainly. Screwball nodded once again and made further scribbles on the board. “Purpose of vishit,” She asked, her words still distorted by the Byro in her mouth. Dustpan gave up, “No clue, why am I here?” Screwball gave Dustpan a dirty look before turning her nose up at him, “Shere is no need to be like shat sir, I’m jusht doing my job.” She scribbled down more notes on the clip board before spitting out the pen and handing a sheet of paper to Dustpan. “Please stamp this disclaimer for your time here,” Screwball coldly instructed Dustpan as Discord watched on, clearly eager to get this over with as he looped around and around in mid air while sparing Dustpan bored looks. Dustpan glanced at the form before him and quickly came to realise it to be complete and utter 'nonsense gibberish', “Should the client develop a desire to wear three trifles weekly and twice on Tuesdays...?” “That’s a standard clause Mr Pan and a popular one if I do say so myself,” Discord commented. “In broad terms it says that you will not hold us responsible for any psychosis or insanity contracted during your visit; that you come here freely and of your own will.” “But I didn’t choose to come here,” Dustpan shouted, “I was dragged here by your daughter" he pointed at Screwball: "She ponynapped me!” Discord paused mid loop before glancing suspiciously at Screwball, “Is this true my dear?” Dustpan saw Screwball’s ears droop and a contrite look of guilt pass across her muzzle, “I may have done a little ponynapping dad.” The little propeller on her hat slowed almost to a stop and tiny tears formed in her slowly swirling eyes. Discord looked stern, “Now Screwball, you know it’s not right to steal ponies off the street like that.” Discord folded his arms as he admonished Screwball, “We have rules here and there are reasons for them.” Discord gave Dustpan an apologetic glance, “Terribly sorry about this Dustpan, had I know what my daughter was up to I would have stepped in sooner.” Dustpan felt a flood of vindication rush through him. Finally he was getting somewhere here. “What do you say Screwball,” Discord asked as he motioned to Dustpan. Screwball turned her tear lined cheeks towards Dustpan once more, “I’m sorry Dusty and I’ll do it right this time.” “That’s okay I...wait, what!” Dustpan began before his world went dark as something coarse and smelling of oats covered his head. Dustpan thrashed about as the muffled sounds of Screwballs voice filtered through to him proudly, “See father: I used the sack over the head this time, do you want me to bind his hooves too?” “That won’t be necessary dear,” Dustpan could almost hear the grin on the draconequus’ face, “It’s the thought that counts and I’m sure he won’t hold it against you.” Discord assured Screwball as Dustpan felt himself lifted off his hooves by unseen hands. “Right, now on with the tour,” Discord announced happily and Dustpan felt himself being carried along. “And here is the main ballroom; the decor here is late Nightmare period you will see. There are particularly fine examples of the ‘constellations’ style with Nightmare moon dominating the centre stage of the work....” Discord rambled on and on and Dustpan simply listened through his encompassing sack as he sat on the cold floor. The poor stallion had been wearing it since the start of the tour and had long since given up trying to remove it. He’d been carried around for what felt like hours already in confused darkness and it didn’t seem like his situation was going to change any time soon. If what he’d been led to believe was true then they had already passed through hundreds of rooms, ranging from kitchens to the ‘shark’ habitats to beyond the pogo arena. All the while Discord had some obscure fact or strange tail about each chamber, some of which even managed to interest Dustpan despite the fact he was currently breathing hessian. All of the sights however were hidden by the obscuring sack, leaving only the odd smells and strange sounds to reach Dustpan’s senses. Every so often he’d try to ask a question, only to be ‘shushed’ by the ever present Screwball. At one point something wriggly and rubbery attached itself to Dustpan’s leg, but after some stern shouting from Discord along with a couple of unnerving roars the stallion was released with only an unpleasant slime left to mark the encounter. Finally Dustpan realised that Discord had finished his current explanation and that the world outside his small sack had gone quiet. He waited perfectly still, was this some new trick? Cautiously Dustpan put forth a questing hoof to blindly explore his surroundings. He experimentally tapped the floor gently before calling out quietly, “Um hello?” No reply. Turning his smothered head this way and that Dustpan tried to listen for any sounds at all. He could only hear the sounds of his own heart and confined breathing. The sack was really starting to itch and Dustpan attempted to remove it once more. To his surprise the coarse cloth came away freely this time and Dustpan found himself back in the massive hall once again. Looking around he saw that the candles had burnt low and that the room was almost totally empty now. The only other occupants were Discord and Screwball; the first was leaning over the second and Dustpan saw that Screwball was curled up on the floor sound asleep. Even as he watched Discord turned his face to Dustpan and he saw a look of doting joy there. “My poor little disaster area; she’s worn herself out again. Well it has been a long day for her,” Discord said quietly. With incredible care Discord lifted the sleeping mare and with gentle steps walked her over to a bed that had (as usual here) appeared out of nowhere. The bed was shaped like a pair of sea ponies bursting from the water. Discord tucked the peacefully sleeping Screwball in, pulling the covers up before leaning over and planting a brief kiss on her forehead. The whole scene was so at odds with Discord’s normally boisterous and theatrical manner that Dustpan could only sit there in mute witness. With snap of Discord’s 'fingers' the bed along with its occupant slowly sunk into the floor with a ‘slurping’ sound before Discord regarded Dustpan once more. “Now my colt, we can talk properly.” Discord waved his paw as one more the room began to spin. Dustpan felt the now familiar sense of dislocation as he revolved with it; spinning around and around before the hall finally settled into a vague approximation of an office. Looking around Dustpan saw that desks of all shapes and sizes were drawn up in disjointed rows, where many of the breakfast ponies he had seen before were now busy writing in ledgers. The sounds of quills scratching across paper filled the air as Discord beckoned for Dustpan to follow him. The first thing that struck Dustpan was just how quiet it was, all these ponies who before had been shouting at the top of their lungs were now all studiously working in their books. It was a far cry from the previous bedlam of earlier. “We have set times for things you see Dustpan, all part of the rehabilitation program,” Discord explained as he led Dustpan along a meandering route between the desks. “You arrived during a 'free period', where those being treated can be themselves for a bit.” Discord stopped by a blue earth mare with white mane and tail, “This is ‘S.L’ or ‘Screw Loose’ for example," Discord introduced and Dustpan smiled at the new pony. “She’s the one you heard barking earlier.” Screw Loose smiled back at Dustpan, “Pleasure to meet you and welcome to the family,” She held out a hoof for Dustpan who shook it gingerly. Discord smiled, “Sorry Screw, Dustpan is just visiting for the moment.” Screw Loose smile dimmed somewhat, “Aww sorry to hear that, well enjoy your stay as much as it is then.” Discord led Dustpan further as Screw Loose resumed her work, “All the ponies here are at different stages in their treatment, some stay for only a few weeks, or even just pop in for day visits.” Discord reached the main desk, which was set facing the rest in the room, upon it was a bizarre assortment of little devices and paperwork all written in different colours and styles. Discord stepped through the desk, which offered no barrier to him before indicating the large ornate throne behind. “Relic of the old days, many a happy century I teased Celestia and Luna from this old thing,” Discord tapped the throne which seemed to hum with power, “But far better days now.” Discord said happily as he pointed out a crooked picture on the wall. The golden and decorated frame held a picture of Discord playfully giving a yellow pegasus a friendly ‘noogie’. Dustpan knew that pony, not personally but by reputation of course, “Is that Fluttershy?” Dustpan’s voice held a no small trace of wonder, “As in ‘the’ Fluttershy, one of the former Element Bearers?” Discord beamed proudly, “Yes she is, happily married to some farm pony now and with foals of her own,” Discord bore a whimsical expression for a moment, “I owe her a lot you know; without her I’d be a stone statue with no friends; now look at me!” Discord spread both his arms wide to take in the scene before him. Dustpan was almost hesitant to ask, “You don’t miss the whole 'Master of Chaos' thing then?” Discord’s face became wooden, even sprouting a few shoots, “Well I do admit I had some laughs, but true happiness comes from friends and family my dear colt.” He coughed and returned to his usual self, “But we’re here to talk about you Dustpan.” Discord indicated another picture hanging the other side of his throne; this one showed a small purple filly in with a spinning propeller hat beaming with joy, her muzzle covered in chocolate cake, “It seemed my ‘daughter’ has taken a shine to you Dustpan, only to be expected as she’s growing up.” Discord sighed and a look of almost fear crossed his odd features. Dustpan’s eyes went wide as he understood what Discord was getting at, “I....what? Your daughter grabbed me off the street and placed a sack over my head, that doesn’t sound like ‘taking a shine to me’.” Discord chuckled, “You don’t know her like I do Dustpan.” Discord produced a very thick file from a draw in his desk and pushed it over to Dustpan. “Screwball is my greatest failure and my proudest moment all in one you see,” Discord explained in a distant tone. Dustpan hesitantly opened the file to see just three words in bold type on the front page. Screwball, Discord’s Daughter. Not certain he should press on but encouraged by Discord, Dustpan turned the pages to see that they were all....blank, “I...er?” Discord nodded, “Exactly: There is nothing written at all, Screwball has been here pretty much since the beginning Dustpan and I am still no closer to understanding her than the day I started.” Discord steepled his fingers, “You’re the first ‘normal’ pony she has ever taken an interest in Dustpan and you must understand that I worry for my little Screwball. She's not used to the outside world besides it being an interesting place to visit, but with her sudden interest in you that could quickly change....” Dustpan stared at the file for a moment longer before looking up to the draconequus, “Is she really your daughter?” Discord watched Dustpan for a long moment, “Do you want the long or the very long version?”