The Mailmare
By theamberfox
Chapter 3
I was quite pleased with my progress. I had obtained the necessary information to continue with my search. I knew where my doppelganger resided, or at least where she kept her belongings, and now, as I headed down the street towards the enormous tree, I was confident that I would soon find everything I needed.
But when I arrived at what was apparently supposed to be Twilight’s home, I couldn’t help but stop and contemplate its very existence. Why hadn’t I noticed this place before? It’s true that at first glance, it appeared to be mere foliage, but while a lesser pony might be fooled by this simple deception, I was much too clever to be tricked so easily. There were so many obvious windows and balconies. There was even a path leading to a bright red door at its entrance and a big sign with a book on it that advertised to passersby that it was undoubtedly a library. In addition, it’s not as if I had never been here before. I recognized all of the houses around it and even the very shape of this odd tree.
Given my superior reasoning and flawless observational skills, the only logical explanation seemed to be that Twilight had cast a magnificent spell to conceal her residence and it was now only visible to a pony passing by if they knew for sure that it was supposed to be there. In every other situation, it would appear as if it were only a simple tree, with no characteristics of a house whatsoever. Yes, that seemed much more reasonable than the ridiculous notion that I was so clueless I had actually mistook this obvious library structure to be just a big tree.
Satisfied with my conclusion I started to approach the front door, but soon stopped. No, I can’t use the front door, or any door for that matter. That’s exactly what she wants me to do!
The Twilight I knew was much too clever, too evil to just let me in the front door. There would certainly be a trap, some kind of horrible trench waiting for me on the other side, filled with rusty nails, venomous snakes, burning fire or those treacherous bagels! But though Twilight was indeed clever, she would never be clever enough to fool this mare into meeting her end in a pit of terrible dough rings.
As an alternative, I decided to enter through one of the large windows, waiting until nopony was looking before I tried forcing it open. To my dismay, it was either securely locked or the kind of window that would never actually open for me. But I wasn’t about to give up and I tried another window and another until every view port had been checked and discovered to be firmly locked.
I glared at the tree. She’s mocking me. She wants me to give in and use the front door, but that will never happen.
She was all too crafty, this Twilight Sparkle, but I wouldn’t let myself be stopped by a simple lock.
“I will never fall easy prey to your traps!” I said, aiming a persecuting hoof at Twilight’s house. “Nor will I back down from a challenge!”
Soaring a short distance away from the tree, I glanced over the library once more. And after taking a deep breath, I surged forward, crashing full force into the largest window, shattering the glass and colliding into a dense wall of books. The barricade of literature exploded and books flew in every direction, making a complete mess of the library and leaving me with an adrenaline rush and a slight headache from the impact.
At first, I had felt bad about the mess. Even if this was my evil alter ego’s house, it still wasn’t very nice to break somepony’s window and throw their books all over the floor. But then I realized that this was my house, so why did it matter what I did to it? After all, Twilight Sparkle may have bought and lived in this strange tree house, but she did so using my money and my body, so it’s only fair that I should get to break a window and make a mess of the place every once in a while.
Well that was all very reassuring, but now I faced a different problem. Why did Twilight Sparkle live in a library with all these books anyway?
Fortunately however, my excellent deductive skills had yet again reached a spontaneous and perfectly reasonable conclusion. Twilight Sparkle is a philosopher.
It explained why she had so many books; philosophers were stern intellectuals. And being a philosopher was also the perfect excuse to do wild and radical things. Philosophers were powerful thinkers. But to be a powerful thinker, one must first live intense experiences thwarting crime, making astounding accomplishments in the field of magic, and attending magnificent parties in their most wild and uncontrollable state.
Similar to my opinion of every philosopher in this country, I now had every reason to believe that my doppelganger was a truly terrible monster. She was trying to do something far worse than ruin my life; my life was meaningless to her. She was trying to take over the world! She was siphoning knowledge and power from the princess herself and soon she would have enough power to overthrow the kingdom!
But amid this frightening conclusion, I felt a wave of reassurance wash over me. Twilight would never actually take over the world. That would simply be ridiculous. Why? Because I wasn’t about to let that happen.
From this point forward, I was not attending this party for myself. I was attending this party for the freedom of the entire world! I had to find some way to ruin Twilight’s reputation and make the princess disown her as a student. Only then, would she lose her connection to the alicorn and her ability to gain the valuable knowledge that she needed to take over the world. But before I could do any of that, I needed to learn how to act like a philosopher.
I scoured the pile around me for something that would teach me about philosophy. But when I had only just barely begun my search, the worst possible scenario occurred.
My Twilight’s dragon slave had stumbled upon me.
“Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” the little scaly fiend asked, feigning his curiosity and concern as he worked his way down the staircase, brandishing his terrible gnashing teeth like knives.
Although, in his current state he didn’t look quite as threatening as I had originally anticipated. He was wrapped in a blanket and his face was very queer. Celestia had spoken of the dragon having some stomach illness in her letter, but I wasn’t sure what to make of him. Whenever I had a stomach illness, which happened more often then I would like to admit, I spent the day in the facilities. It was like a little private resort, but with a lot more porcelain and a lot less fun. So although I had actually expected the dragon to be here, I had not expected him to stumble upon me, but rather be restrained to the facilities for the entirety of my visit.
“Uhhh…” I hesitated, trying to stall for more time.
My excellent mind was failing me when I needed it most. What if this dragon attacked me? What would I do then? I couldn’t just give up when the world needed me!
However, it then occurred to me that this dragon was, in the end, a slave. He was being used by Twilight Sparkle, just as I had been for who knows how long. If I could convince him that I was here to save him, then maybe, just maybe, he would help me.
“Little one! I am here to rescue you from the tyranny of your tyrannical tyrant!” I announced, slipping several times as I tried to clamber over the precarious stack of books and pose heroically before him.
“What?” he asked.
“Never fear, for I am not the one to be fearful of! I have come to stop Twilight Sparkle’s reign of terror upon all who fear her!” I raised a hoof in the air majestically, but immediately lost my balance on one of the larger books and fell squarely on my face.
“What… WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!? Twilight, what did you put in that medicine!?” the dragon screamed, dropping his blanket and hurrying back up the stairs into the bathroom.
It hadn’t worked quite the way I had planned, but for now, it would suffice. Nevertheless, I tried to ignore the unsettling noises now coming from the bathroom upstairs and continued my search for a book on philosophy.
The first book I found was called ‘The Foal’s Guide to Philosophy’, but I was no foal, so I kept searching.
The second book was called ‘The Art of Philosophy’. This book seemed much more appropriate for a pony of my stature, so I scooped it up and threw it in my bag. I was sure Twilight wouldn’t mind if I borrowed just one of her books. In any case, she had probably bought them all with what was originally my money.
Now all I had left to do was find a picture of Twilight Sparkle and I could return to my house and prepare. And what better place was there to search than her bedroom? Surely my villainous alter ego would be just as egotistical as she was sharp. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I found a ten foot tall statue of her surrounded by glowing candles and offerings of food and coin. In fact, I expected a brilliant alter of her narcissism.
Although, what I saw was quite strange and very different from what I anticipated. Twilight had a very large, comfortable looking bed in her room, but why would she ever need such a thing? I thought that it must be purely for aesthetic purposes and perhaps the odd minute or two of relaxation in her exhilarating life. She also had a large vanity, covered with several different jars, combs, and tubes of strange pastes. And by her bedside, she had a table not entirely unlike mine. On this table was a picture of her and Princess Celestia along with a book titled ‘My Diary’.
Though I was happy I had found what I was looking for, my mood sunk when I saw what Twilight actually looked like. She was a purple unicorn! Every bit of her was undeniably purple and she had a big horn sticking out of the top of her head! How was I supposed to pretend to be a purple unicorn!?
Concerned, but not willing to give up, I plopped the photo of the unicorn and her mentor into my bag. This was certainly going to make it more difficult for me, but it wasn’t an impossible task. I would just have to find some way to change my colour and grow a horn before five o’clock. Twilight Sparkle did it every single night. Why wouldn’t I be able to do it just this once?
Perhaps, I thought, this “My Diary” book can help me learn how she changes so drastically and perfectly night after night.
I flipped open the book to a random page.
Dear Dairy,
I HATE ASPARAGUS! I HATE IT SO MUCH!!! It’s so green! Why is it so green!? Of course, there’s that white asparagus too, BUT IT’S NOT FOOLING ANYPONY!!! It’s just as terrible as the rest of those horrible, tiny leafed, green monsters…
These strange ramblings seemed to continue on for several more pages, so I skipped past and flipped to a different, more recent part of the book, still intent on finding something useful inside the book.
Dear Dairy,
Today was just terrible! Spike caught me dying my hair! Now he knows! No one can ever know that I actually have blonde hair! Haven’t you heard those jokes they tell!? They say things like,
“If both a blonde and a brunette fell off the top of a building, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions on the way!”
You see!? I can’t be blonde! Blondes are stereotypically regarded as stupid! I’m not stupid!
I tried explaining this all to Spike, of course, but he just laughed! Can you believe that!? He laughed! It’s not funny!
But it’s okay, there’s no need to panic. I found a spell that will wipe his recent memory. He won’t even remember catching me dying my hair in the first place. It’s odd though, it says that a side effect of the spell is that whomever it is cast upon will start to like eating rocks. What’s that all about? I guess that means I’d better pretend that it’s actually ‘normal’ for dragons to like eating rocks.
Regardless, I’m going to make sure the bathroom door is locked before I start dying my hair. I’m also going to hide all my dyes inside the drawer of my vanity so he never finds them.
I slammed the cover of the book closed. The nerve of that Twilight Sparkle! How dare she think that blondes are dumb!? Did she not know that I, a blonde, was the inventor of the cabbage bran muffin, a scrumptious delight that critics have regarded as “a perilous unknown that leaves all whom explore it, incapacitated in a gutter, pleading for a stomach pump”!?
I sighed. I suppose this did actually help my situation. Now I just needed to take the hair dyes out of her vanity and I could match Twilight’s bright purple visage without exerting too much effort on my part.
And with the dyes placed safely in my bag, I believed I had everything I needed to attend the party except a horn and, as the princess requested, something nice to wear. But because I didn’t exactly know what philosophers were supposed to wear, I thought it was best not to take something from Twilight’s house and instead, simply use something of my own. I wouldn’t want to be caught out in the streets hauling an entire wardrobe of dresses out of somepony else’s home. Even if it was technically all my stuff, other ponies would think I was very strange.
~
When I arrived back at my humble abode, the first thing I did was dump all the contents of my bag onto the floor. Normally, I would have emptied it all onto the tabletop, but that was significantly more difficult to do at the moment since it was still in pieces from my unfortunate blunder earlier in the day. All the same, the following items fell out of my bag: a letter from Princess Celestia, the two tickets to the Annual Magic Users Convention, several differently coloured hair dyes and pastes, a picture of Twilight Sparkle standing next to the princess, and a book entitled “The Art of Philosophy”.
Eager to get to work and not wanting to waste any time, I yanked the top off of one of the jars of hair dye and subsequently watched as it slipped out of my grasp and dropped to the floor, spilling the majority of its contents and making a terrible mess of my kitchen.
Curses! That precious purple dye was a fundamental part of my plan. If I didn’t have the proper disguise, I would have no chance of destroying Twilight’s relationship with the princess and saving Equestria from the stranglehold of tyrants.
Glancing once at the picture of Twilight, I realized exactly what I had to do. I threw myself on the floor and began furiously rolling around in the purple puddle. But it wasn’t long after I had started rolling around like a pig in the mud that all the dye had been sopped up. And after looking in the mirror nearby and noticing that I had just barely covered half of the dull, grey hair on my body, I was completely overcome with terror.
I couldn’t show up to the party with such strange splotches of grey matting my new beautiful violet coat. I need to improvise!
I quickly threw open the cupboards and began searching for everything that had even a hint of purple in it, immediately throwing it all into a pile on the floor.
Purple pen ink? Perfect! Blueberries, grapes, plums? Mostly purple! Flowers? More or less, purple! Soap? Close enough!
And before I even had time to understand what I was even doing, I had collected an alarmingly massive pile of purple, blue and red objects on the floor. But that still wasn’t good enough!
I can’t dye my coat with this mess! It needs to be… combined somehow.
I frantically stomped on these purplish things, desperately trying to mash them into a fine, purple paste. It was somewhat painful to see so many of my belongings being maliciously destroyed like that, but it was all for the greater good. At least it was all for the greater good until another purple object caught my eye.
Oh…
It was mocking me, that thing. It was mocking me because it was the second jar of purple hair dye, a jar that was in every way identical to the last except that it had not yet been spilled on the floor and rolled around in by an idiot.
I looked down at my hooves and the purple disaster I was currently standing on. I’ll just have to clean that up a little later…
I pushed that horrible, gelatinous blob of purple into the corner of the kitchen and opened the second jar of hair dye, making sure not to spill it this time. After that was done, the rest of the process went swimmingly. Even when it came to dyeing my mane and tail to match the photo, with those dazzling stripes down the center, it was a relatively simple task.
The only part that was difficult was recreating that odd cutie mark on her flank. It was the most peculiar and complicated thing! Why in the world would a pony named ‘Twilight Sparkle’ have a compass rose as her cutie mark? Furthermore, why would she have a compass rose with the wrong number of points on it? Everypony knows that a compass rose has four major points, not six! What was that even supposed to symbolize, confusion? If anything, it only strengthened my opinion that Twilight was truly an otherworldly being with a deficient knowledge of the world she was trying to take over. Sure, she had done a pretty good job of deceiving the world up until now, but that was all because I wasn’t involved. Now that I was involved, things were about to change.
Alas, I could not reach far enough to accurately paint the image on my flank. But that didn’t stop me from devising a cunning solution to my problem. I painted the image of her cutie mark on the wall and, before I allowed it to dry, I pressed my flank up against it, twice for each side. The result wasn’t very clear and was even completely mirrored from the original picture, but I doubted anyone would really notice the difference. At least, they wouldn’t notice as much as I would notice that horrible multicoloured stain left on my otherwise white wall.
With that done, it was time to gain some philosophical knowledge from the literature I had borrowed. Of course, I didn’t have time to read the entire two hundred-page epic, but I was confident that two or three pages, starting with the cover, would be more than enough.
The Art of Philosophy, written by Princess Trollestia
Although I despised philosophers, they were wretched, conniving creatures that were always doing what they called ‘disproving my logic’, which was essentially embarrassing me in front of my peers, seeing that this book was written by a princess made me slightly less wary of their kind and much more ready to believe the words contained within it. Princesses were always the most honest, knowledgeable, and trustworthy of ponies. Surely a princess would never succumb to the evil that overtook so many of the philosophers I had met, the ones that said such things as, “Derpy, you cannot sell air as your occupation, it is not something that can be bought or sold.” and “Derpy, you mustn’t lure others into your pyramid scheme, it is immoral.”
Chapter 1 – The Basics of All Philosophers
Ah! This first chapter seemed to conveniently outline what I needed to know in a few simple steps. This was certainly enough to firmly grasp what a philosopher did.
1. All philosophers must wear a suit and tie at all times and, if appropriate, a large top hat, for that is the way of the philosopher.
That seemed to be perfectly sound advice. Dress snappy and you won’t sound crappy. The book also explained that this point was further illustrated later on, but I didn’t have time to bother with the question of ‘why’.
2. All philosophers must always ask ‘why’, for that is the way of the philosopher.
I almost laughed out loud. What nonsense! What use was there in knowing ‘why’ when one can take action instead?
3. All philosophers must speak in a strong, incomprehensible accent laced with many complicated and lengthy words, for that is the way of the philosopher.
Unlike the last point, this actually made sense. Philosophers, however cruel and conniving, were intelligent creatures. Luckily for me, I was already well-versed in a strong, incomprehensible accent laced with many complicated and lengthy words. I knew the Queen’s English.
4. All philosophers must be able to justify their actions through interpretive dance, for that is the way of the philosopher.
Yes, this last point was the bee’s knees, the cat’s pyjamas, the icing on the cake! Many times before, I had seen philosophers leaping and bounding about like they were possessed, but in reality, they were only justifying their actions through interpretive dance, a truly necessary art for a cunning intellectual.
Although there were a few more points, I felt I had learned everything there was to know about philosophers, so I slammed the book closed and turned to the mirror. Presently, I looked like a bizarre, winged, hornless version of Twilight, which simply wouldn’t do. The book had told me that I was supposed to wear a suit, tie, and even a top hat, which was actually perfect. As well as providing me with appropriate attire for the occasion, I could hide my wings beneath the suit jacket and my non-existent horn under my hat. And as long as I never took off my top hat, no one would know that I was missing the signature feature of a unicorn.
Being the stylish young pegasus that I was, I didn’t even have to leave the house to find these things. I simply moved back to my room and swung open the closet door. Inside was a wide variety of admittedly underused suits from my days as a professional philanthropist. Grabbing a striking, pitch black suit, matching top hat and a red tie that perfectly clashed with the ensemble, I was now completely prepared for the Annual Magic Users Convention.
I smiled at the mirror in front of me. I almost felt bad for Twilight, my evil, conniving alter ego that was trying to take over the world. She wouldn’t even know what hit her.
~
When I arrived at the castle, however, I found the atmosphere of the event to be rather unsettling. The sun hung low in the orange sky, its glorious light reflecting off the palace windows in a magnificent fashion. A diverse gathering of unicorns were scattered throughout the colourful courtyard, conversing pleasantly with each other, sampling hors d’oeuvres and generally looking to be having a good time. Worst of all, these unicorns were dressed in very formal attire, making even me, in all my supreme grace, look hideously underdressed.
Moving my eyes slowly around the scene, I prepared myself for the daunting task that lay ahead. I had to assimilate myself into this group and gain their acceptance before I could pull the rug out from beneath their hooves and desecrate the evil Twilight Sparkle’s position as Celestia’s student, thus saving the world from disaster. But while this goal ran through my mind, something unusual popped out of the corner of my vision. Hiding in the crowd, one pony stood tall like a brilliant silver statue, defying everypony else in a way I previously thought unimaginable. She was wearing a magnificent violet hat and cape, with a shining crystal broach, a mixture of soft green and blue. The material on her garments was dotted with an assortment of cyan and yellow stars in all sizes, with both items resting carefully on an otherwise unimpressive, light bluish mare with a striped silver mane and tail.
I realized it was really only her clothing that I thought to be so fascinating and, moreover, only because it reminded me of some kind of great superhero, like the amazing mare in my dreams who had fought the evil ‘Salmonella’. But with the image of righteous justice now plastered in my mind, I had no choice but to set my priorities aside, confront this pony and ask her where exactly she had obtained this fantastic hat and cape. Before I was able to do so, however, she gazed in my direction and a dastardly smile crossed her lips.
“Ah ha!” she shouted triumphantly. “The Great and Powerful Trixie knew you would be here, Twilight Sparkle!”
She said my name, or rather my doppelganger’s name with such malice. Her tongue seemed to pierce my soul and dig into my very essence.
I changed my mind. I didn’t want to talk to her anymore, though I quickly realized a conversation with this individual was perhaps inevitable. Against my will, this strange acquaintance of Twilight’s charged towards me.
Drawing ever closer, she cried out once again, “Trixie has a score to settle wi-”
And stopping, frozen directly in front of me, her expression changed completely. For a moment, she said nothing at all, just staring at me like there was something incredibly wrong with my appearance. It was disquieting. I wondered if I had forgotten something. Had I missed some hugely important part of Twilight’s facade?
But I had barely enough time to think, let alone reach a proper conclusion as, after a moment or two, she flatly asked, “You’re not Twilight Sparkle are you?”
My following actions were mindless, drenched in adrenaline, saturated with the Queen’s English. I leapt forward and tackled the unicorn, throwing her to the ground and bracing her tightly there with my hooves. Her hat flew off in the commotion, revealing her dazzling horn and landing in a starry lump to my right.
“WHO ARE YOU!? Her spy? Her ASSASSIN? HUH!?” I glared into her quivering eyes. “Who told you? How did you know? HUH!? Speak to me! TELL ME!”
She was visibly shaken now and her pupils shrunk to the back of her skull. “I… I saw… I mean… your eyes are…”
It had been unwise to confront this mare in public. The other unicorns were staring at us now. I should have led her into a dark alley first.
“…weird…” she finished.
“OH!” I exclaimed vociferously.
How in the world could I forget to take those out?
I stepped away from the mare and chuckled to myself. “My sincerest apologies miss!”
I extended my hoof towards her. After a moment’s hesitation, she grabbed onto it and pulled herself out of the dirt.
The crowd, though noticeably unsettled, slowly returned back to their light conversations. Many of the more disturbed guests started to move towards the building and passed the two guards standing at its entrance, flashing their tickets as they entered.
The angered mare beside me, however, simply picked her hat of the ground, dusted herself off, and plopped the magnificent purple thing back on her head. At the same time, I plucked out my contact lenses and slid them nonchalantly into my coat pocket.
“Wait…” the mare asked, dropping all of her resentment and looking at me even more strangely than before, “you don’t mean to tell Trixie that you’ve just been wearing contact lenses?”
I nodded. “Oh yes, quite.”
“And that you’re eyes are perfectly normal… when you’re not wearing them.”
“Indeed.” I confirmed again.
“Why?” she asked quizzically.
“Well, I happen to use the contact lenses to make my eyes look funny, out of place if you will.”
“No, no, Trixie wishes to know why you want your eyes to look funny.” she asked. “Why do you wear those contact lenses if they only make your eyes look deranged?”
My face contorted. What an absolutely bizarre question. Wasn’t it obvious?
“To fool the pink one…” I said with a generous amount of condescension.
“What?”
It seemed my superior ingenuity was far too vast for her to comprehend. I suppose that was to be expected. Even the most brilliant minds are baffled by my wisdom.
I tried to think of a way to dumb down my answer even further. But how could I explain? How could I tell her that, after my encounter with the pink daemon, I used the contacts to pretend I was a half-wit? How could I put into plain words that if the pink pony believed I was stupid, she wouldn’t bother trying to brainwash me? How could I communicate that the lenses were on sale for a third of the listed price at the Canterlot Department Store? You just can’t beat those kinds of savings!
Finally, I knew what I had to do. I had to follow my instruction and the way of the philosopher. I had to justify my actions through interpretive dance!
I flailed my hoofs wildly in the air and spun in place. I could feel my mane and tail flowing majestically in the cool breeze. It was breathtaking. I was truly an extraordinary dancer!
“Look!” I shouted. “Look at what I am doing!”
But my dancing was too much for her. She couldn’t handle my elegance and was transfixed, completely motionless with an expression of awe and wonder painted heavily upon her face.
“Do you understand now?” I sung out.
But she seemed confused. “What? No!”
Why oh why did I have to be such an excellent dancer!? She was too amazed by my dancing prowess that she couldn’t focus. She couldn’t grasp the true meaning behind my movements!
“Forget it!” she interrupted. “The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t care! She would rather know why you’re pretending to be Twilight Sparkle.”
Defeated, I stopped my display of shear beauty. Planting all four hooves firmly on the ground, I turned back towards her.
“Ah! You see, I’m trying to ruin her reputation and disown her as Princess Celestia’s pupil.” I stated matter-of-factly, astutely maintaining my strong accent in the process.
The unicorn’s eyes instantly widened and soon began to tear up before me. She even lifted a hoof to her mouth.
“Good heavens!” she said joyously, dabbing the moistness away from her face. “That is the most beautiful thing Trixie has ever heard!”
Obviously, this mare knew something about Twilight’s terrible exploits and, upon hearing of my plan to thwart her campaign, was rendered nearly speechless.
She took a moment to collect herself and set her hoof back on the ground. “Who are you?”
“Well…”
I wondered, should I tell her? I supposed it couldn’t hurt to let one overly emotional mare know my secret. Perhaps she could even help me with my endeavour.
“My name is quite simply, Hooves.” I smiled, deciding it best to reveal only part of my name.
“Well, it is an absolute pleasure to meet you, Miss Hooves.” She smiled back and tipped her hat towards me graciously.
“I do say, that is a fantastic hat, miss…” I tapered off, trying to fish out her name.
She looked puzzled, as if I should have known her name by now. But how could anyone expect somepony else to simply know their name without being told it first?
“Trixie.” she said.
Strange, I swear I’ve heard that name somewhere before.
“It is very nice to meet you, Trixie.” I said.
Suddenly, an assertive voice interrupted us, calling out over the gentle ambience of the crowd. “If the remaining guests in the courtyard would please make their way into the main hall, Princess Celestia would like to commence this evening’s events!”
“Ah!” I nodded. “Perhaps we should continue our conversation inside then?”
The bluish mare with the fantastic hat bit her lip and her gaze fell to the floor.
“As much as the Great and Powerful Trixie would love to admire the utter annihilation of both Twilight Sparkle’s reputation and her occupation, she does not…”
She gently rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof.
“…she does not actually have a ticket.” she finished, glancing back towards me and grinning stupidly. “She came so she could throw a banana cream pie in Twilight’s face and disgrace her in front of a large audience of her peers before the Annual Magic User’s Convention started, but it seems that won’t really be necessary... or even possible for that matter.”
I paused for a moment, watching the mildly embarrassed, but still very stylish unicorn in front of me. I do have a spare ticket and it certainly would be nice to have such a well-dressed acquaintance so dedicated to my cause at the party.
“Nevertheless, Trixie wishes you all the best.” she continued begrudgingly.
I really do love that hat. I needed no more convincing.
“Nonsense! You shall attend the party with me!” I announced abruptly, ripping the two tickets out of my pocket and passing one to the mare.
Wordlessly, she slipped the ticket out of my grasp and levitated it in front of her. She seemed doubtful, even astonished of its very existence, her eyes glazing over the simple slip of paper like it were made of solid twenty four-karat gold.
“I…” she hesitated, her face remembering that wide, teary-eyed expression from before. “Trixie doesn’t know what to say…”
“Then say nothing at all.” I grinned, forcing out my accent in a completely convincing manner. “I would much sooner face this battle with a willing second and a delicious banana cream pie, than face it alone.”
Trixie beamed back at me with the most genuinely happy expression I had seen in years. Yes, she will be a fine co-pilot in this, my journey to the very source of mayhem and wonder, a party that no pony will soon forget.
________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer:
“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” and its derivatives are the sole intellectual property of Hasbro©. I do not have, nor claim to have, the rights to the intellectual property that this story is based on.