//------------------------------// // It's Not Like We Need Them! // Story: Lunatic // by Arm Maggedon //------------------------------// Lunatic Chapter 2 - It's not like we need them! Arm was prancing around Ponyville like he does every day of the week. He took a rose from a vase belonging to the town florist, put it in between his teeth, and said to her, "Je n'ai aucune idée ce que je dis. Je ne me fous pas aussi de toi." "O-oh my!" the florist mare said, blushing. "That means, 'Young lady, I have no idea what I'm saying. I also do not give a darn about you.'" Arm gave his signature creepy smile. "Wait....WHAT?!" "Boop!" Arm said, poking her nose, and prancing off. The florist threw the vase at him in anger, hitting his head. It was not very effective, as Arm kept on prancing. He happened to prance by Big Mac, but didn't notice him. Macintosh, however, instantly recognizing the crazy....thing, instantly ran off in the hopes of not being pummeled by his own cart again. Suddenly, he heard a scream from afar. Gleaming, he announced, "A woman in need of help?! This is a job for......," he quickly grabbed a curtain from a nearby shop and tried to spin around dramatically in it, only causing himself to get caught and have himself tied up. He then angrily ripped apart the curtain and ate whatever remained of it. "This is a job for....," he said again, grabbing a second curtain, only to have the exact same result. He grabbed a marker from a waiter in a nearby restaurant and drew an "S" on his chest. "This is a job for SUPERMAN!!" He then jumped through the window, pretending to fly, then ran off toward the source of the cry for help while humming the Superman theme. He ran up to Cheerilee, whose hind hooves were crushed by a fallen sign. "Help me!" she said. "I can't get this off!!" Arm flicked the sign and it instantly fell over and off of the injured mare. Cheerilee looked down to see that her hind hooves were broken. "Oh no!" she yelled. "I have to go to a hospital!" "Fear not!" Arm said, "I will take care of this!" "You can fix my hooves?" "No! I'm going to get you to a hospital! DUH!!" He got up on his own hind legs, picked her up, and rushed to a hospital. "Oh no!" Cheerilee yelled.....again. "What am I gonna do about my students! I'm supposed to give a lesson today!" "Fear not!" Arm yelled....again. "I shall take care of your class for you!" "But-" "Say no more! I will take care of everything!" Arm kicked open the door to the hospital and carried Cheerilee up to the front desk. "This woman is in need of medical attention!" "B-but I have a splinter!" a stallion behind Arm said, holding up his hoof, which had a tiny piece of wood stuck in it. Arm removed the splinter, then kicked the stallion over. "There, it's out. Happy?" He put Cheerilee on a gurney, then said, "No need to thank me! I'm just another one of you, trying to-" They kicked him out, closing the door behind him. "......HYPOCRITES!!" he yelled, before prancing off toward the school. -------Show Intro------- The fillies were waiting for Ms. Cheerilee to show up, bored out of their minds. Suddenly, Arm kicked open the door, making the students jump. They stared at the strange being before them as he marched up to the front desk. "Hello, students! My name is Arm Maggedon!" He wrote his name up on the board. "I will be your substitute teacher for today!" "Where's Ms. Cheerilee?" Snips asked. "Cheerilee got her hind legs broken from a sign and is currently in the hospital," Arm answered. The fillies gasped. "Is she gonna live?!" one from the back shouted. Arm was silent for a moment, then laughed loudly. "What, she might die from broken hind legs?! Nah, she'll be alright, kids. Those hospital ponies can fix anything! Heck, I bet they they could cure Chron's Disease! (No offense meant towards anyone with Chron's disease.) The fillies looked at each other in confusion. "What's Chron's disease?" "In any case," Arm said, "I will be substituting!" "Wait a minute!" Snails yelled. "Do you have a teacher's degree?" "Nope!" Arm said, keeping a smile on his face. "Do you have any experience in teaching?" Snails asked. "Nope!" "Then how come you're the one teaching us?" "Well, do you know of anyone else that teaches filly school that lives here in Ponyville?" The students looked at each other again. None of them were able to think of anyone other than Ms. Cheerilee who could teach fillies. "Exactly!" Arm said. "And with that, we shall-" "You spelled your name wrong!" one student yelled. Arm cringed when interrupted. "Yes, I know Armageddon is spelled A-R-M-A-G-E-D-D-O-N, but my name is spelled A-R-M space M-A-G-G-E-D-O-N. Why? Because that's the name I was born with......actually no, I just gave myself that name randomly. Now, if there are no further interruptions, we shall continue with our lesson!" There was silence in the room. ".....What was she teaching you about, anyway?" Arm asked Applebloom. "Well," Applebloom said, "last time, she was teaching us about 'echo systems' or something like tha-" "Ecosystems!" Arm yelled. "Ecosystems are fun! That is, if you want to know exactly how energy and matter move through small communities on our planet, which I find incredibly boring! Nonetheless, who can tell me what ecology is?" None of the students raised their hooves. ".....Ecology is the study of ecosystems! And who can tell me what an ecologist is?" Again, none of the fillies spoke up. Arm looked at Applebloom and said, "I thought you said she was teaching you this stuff." "Well.....we weren't really payin' attention in class..." "Wait, NONE of you were paying attention to her lesson?! You weren't taking notes or anything?!" "What are notes?" one filly asked. Arm's jaw dropped so that his mouth was wide enough to swallow a whole country. "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT NOTES ARE?!?!?!?!" Arm yelled. Guilty looks sprouted on the students' faces. "She never told us about them!" a filly yelled from the back. "Then get out your pencils and paper!"Arm commanded. "I'm gonna teach you how to take notes!" The students' look of guilt got even worse. "W-we don't have any supplies," the same filly said. Arm's jaw - oh come on, there's no possible way to describe how shocked he was without getting ridiculous. "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SUPPLIES?!?!" Arm yelled. "I mean, what is this, KINDERGARTEN?! Doesn't she tell you what supplies you need for school?!" The fillies looked down as Arm yelled at them. "Ok, ok, it's fine," Arm said, calming himself down. "She probably has stuff in her desk we can use." He searched through the drawers of her desk, but found nothing. "There's nothing in here?! Not a pen, pencil or a piece of paper?! WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL IS THIS?!" The fillies felt encouraged to hide under their desks in case their angry substitute started throwing things. Calming himself down once again, he asked the students, "Is there anything in this class that we can use?" "Well," Scootaloo said, "there's some pencils and paper in the back." She pointed to a stack of paper and a cup of pencils sitting on a container in the back. "Fine," Arm said, "everyone will take a piece of paper and pencil from the back." The students lined up and did as Arm told them, while he laid down on the desk like a corpse. "The substitute is CRAZY!" Sweetie Belle said to her friends quietly. "I know!" Applebloom responded. I liked it better when Ms. Cheerilee was here!" "That's because Ms. Cheerilee took pity on you blank flanks, blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara said, smirking. *sigh* Oh lord, here we go. "Not true!" Applebloom said. "She just didn't like you because you and Silver are just big bullies!" "HAH! I don't need special treatment from her! My family is luck enough to have a sweet little girl who got her cutie mark before the rest of you! And chances are, YOU," she pointed to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, "will be the LAST ones to get your cutie marks. The three friends growled angrily at Diamond Tiara. "She's right you know!" Silver Spoon said, "you doofuses are so desperate to get your cutie marks that you'll probably get them after everyone else has HONESTLY gotten theirs!" "You better take that back!" Sweetie said. "Oh please!" Diamond exclaimed. "We all know that you'll eventually be down in the dirt- oh wait, one of you already is! Suddenly, a loud SLAM made the fillies jump. Arm was standing on his hind hooves right behind Diamond, and not looking the least bit happy at her. "You know," he said, "I'm not sure what the rules are here, but I'm pretty sure that there's at least one that's against bullying." Diamond Tiara gave a loud gulp. Arm said, "I want you to apologize to her, right now." "I don't have to! I'm pretty sure my dad-" "Your dad," Arm interrupted, "may be able to buy a lot of things. But one thing he'll never buy, KIDO, is my concern for the feelings of others. Now, I want you to apologize, and I want you to apologize NOW." Diamond looked angrily at Arm, then turned around to face Applebloom. "Fine, I'm sorry," she said. "Sorry that your family has to live with a bunch of animals while we sleep on the finest beds in-" Before Diamond could finish, Applebloom pounced on her, causing a cartoony fight between the two. Arm broke them up by grabbing Applebloom with his left hand, and Diamond with his right. "YOU!" he yelled at Diamond. "Apologize! NOW!!" Diamond, fearful, looked at Applebloom and said, "I'm sorry!" "Don't say, it!" Arm yelled. "MEAN IT!" "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!" Diamond yelled. "Good." Arm put her down, then faced Applebloom. "YOU. I want to talk to you after class." Applebloom gulped loudly as students exchanged fearful looks. -------Commercial Break------- As the students started exiting the classroom, Applebloom was pulled back in by Arm and put at the desk in front of his. "Now," he said, sitting at the large desk, "tell me about this issue with cutie marks." "Don't you know about them, mister? Everypony gets their cutie mark when they figure out their special talent!" "Mmhm. And why did Diamond Tiara think she had the right to make fun of your family?" Applebloom cringed. "She thinks she's better then everypony because she and Silver Spoon got their cutie marks before any of us. And they like poking fun at me and my friends the most because we're always doing stuff to get our cutie marks." "How so?" "Well, we formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders, mister." "One, call me, Arm. Two, the WHAT?" "Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Applebloom said, jumping onto her desk. "Our mission is to find our cutie marks and not be blank flanks!" "What's wrong with not having a cutie mark?" Arm asked. ".....Diamond and Silver keep making fun of us for not having cutie marks. They think we'll never get them because of how stupid we are." She slumped her head down on the table. "Hey hey hey, look at me," Arm said, bringing her head up. "You are NOT stupid. Ok?What you are, apparently, is ambitious." "Ambitious?" Applebloom asked. "It means that you want something so bad that you'll do anything to get it.....at least, I think that's what that means. Anyway, wanna see something that you kids didn't even notice?" "What is it?" Arm turn to had his left side facing her. He pointed at his flank to show that he too was blank. (Hey, that rhymes!) "You're a blank flank!" Applebloom gasped. "That's right! And I'm glad I don't have one of those cutie marks! 'Cause who would want to do the same thing for the rest of their life? That'd get boring after a while, people!" "So, you don't have a cutie mark because you think they're bad?" She gasped again. "Are cutie marks a bad thing?!" "No! Nononononono, you got it all wrong, kid! The reason I don't have a cutie mark is because a) Well, I'm not exactly a pony. And b) I never went searching for mine like you and your friends are! I never did everything that came off the top of my head! Heck, I wasn't even interested in getting a cutie mark!" "So.....does that mean we should give up searching for ours?" Applebloom asked, a sad but cute look forming in her eyes. Completely un-phased, Arm put his hand on the filly and said, "Absolutely not." "Really?" "Kid, if you and your friends want your cutie marks so bad, you go for them. But don't do everything on the planet searching for them! Just do the things that appeal to you." "Appeal to me?" Applebloom asked, raising an eyebrow. "It means, do the things you know you would like to do. Like me, I just like going around town, bugging other ponies because it's fun!" "I don't think there's a cutie mark for that, Mr. Arm." "One, call me Arm. Two, there doesn't need to be! Just do the stuff that you KNOW you would like to do. Like swimming, helping out on that farm of yours, and so forth. Get what I'm saying?" "Well....sorta," Applebloom said, rubbing her head. "Well, think about it. If you don't get it now, you might get it later." "The cutie mark or what you said?" Applebloom asked. "Both!" Arm answered. "Now go on, and join your friends now!" Applebloom smiled. "Thanks, Mr. Arm. Oh, I mean, Arm!" Before she got to the door, Arm stopped her. "Oh, one more thing! The next time Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon make fun of ya, just ignore them!" "But-" He put a finger on her lips. "Just ignore them. Got it?" "Yessir!" Applebloom said. Arm opened the door, and Applebloom joined Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. "What did he say to you?" Scootaloo asked. "Are you in trouble?" Sweetie asked. "Nope! I'm calling a special meeting for the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Applebloom said. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TO THE CLUBHOUSE!" The three fillies cheered as they ran off. Arm chuckled to himself as he closed the door to the school. He turned around to meet the angry eyes of Twilight Sparkle. "Arm, you have a lot to answer for!" she said angrily. "You tore apart somepony's curtains, you smashed the windows of a restaurant, and-" "Twilight," Arm interrupted, "it's probably all taken care of right now." "Taken care of?! You-" "Look!" Arm said, pointing to the shop he took the curtains from. "New curtains are already in place!" "Yes, but that doesn't-" "And look!" Arm said, pointing to the restaurant from earlier. "A new window is already there! You ponies fix things impossibly fast in this place!" "MR. MAGGEDON!" Twilight yelled. "You took advantage of an injured pony! "And you should think more clearly. First of all, is there any other teacher that can teach a class of kids?" "Well....," Twilight said, "I could have taught them!" "Twilight, have you even taught a class before?" "Uh-" "BAAAH!" Arm yelled, imitating a buzzer. "The answer is no. Second, where were you when poor Ms. Cheerilee cried for help?" "I-I was busy helping Rarity-" "Oh so helping a non-injured friend takes precedence over an injured friend?" Arm asked, raising an eyebrow. "N-no! I-I-" "THIRD! I wasn't taking advantage, I was doing something for somebody because they were unable to do it. Have YOU done something for somebody because they were unable to do it?" "Well, y-yes! I have!" "So then you would know what that's like! And what you need to do is think more clearly about what you think someone is doing before you go accusing them, wouldn't you agree? "B-but at the time, it seemed-" Arm interrupted her by bopping her on the head with his open palm. "Yes. The answer is yes. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to see if any restaurant in town serves chicken pot pie." And with that, he pranced off, leaving Twilight to reflect on what just happened. -------Commercial Break------- The next day, Arm was prancing around when he heard the sound of tiny feet copying his prancing movement. He spun his head around to find Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle copying his prancing in perfect harmony. He stopped, and they stopped with him. "What are you kids doing?" Arm asked. "Well," Applebloom said, "you told me yesterday that we should do what we know we would enjoy." "She told us," Scootaloo chimed in, "and we decided we want to do what you do, Mr. Maggedon!" "One," Arm said, "call me Arm. Two, WHAT?! Kids, all I do is going around, causing mischief and goofin' off! And don't you have school today?" "There's no school today, Mr. Arm," Sweetie Belle said. "And you have so much fun doing what you do," Scootaloo said, "we wanted to have fun too!" Arm thought for a minute, then said, "No." The fillies used their puppy eyes to try to sway him. Arm groaned, then said, "Fine." "YAY!" the three fillies cheered. Arm continued prancing, and the fillies followed suit. When Big Mac came into his sights, Arm tapped the big stallion's back. All it took was one glance for the big guy to recognize Arm well enough to run away quickly. "Heh," Arm said, "what a wuss." Running around a corner, Big Mac stopped to take a breath. Scootaloo tapped him on the back, and Big Mac, thinking it was Arm, ran away quickly, leaving a large dust cloud behind. The fillies coughed at the big dust cloud Applebloom's brother left behind. Later on, Arm pranced by a restaurant sign and stopped when something on the menu caught his eye. "YES!!" Arm yelled, "THEY HAVE IT!!" He quickly went inside and sat down, with the fillies following him in. "What will it be, sir?" the waiter asked. "One large chicken pot pie!" Arm said, a sense of pride in his voice. "Chicken?" the fillies asked each other. The waiter came back quickly with Arm's meal. "Bon appétite." Arm payed up a bag of bits, and the waiter went off with it. "Where did you get those bits, Arm?" "I picked them off of some pony," Arm said. "It's hilarious how safe ponies think their money is here!" Somewhere in Ponyville, Filthy Rich noticed that the bag of bit he was carrying was now gone. Arm took his fork and took a large bite from the chicken pot pie. "Mmmmmmm~!" The fillies picked up their forks (don't go yelling at me, I don't exactly know how ponies eat) and took a bite out of it as well. "Mmm-" And only then did they realize how hot the bite they had put into their mouths was. "HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!!" they yelled. The fillies spat it out as they tried to find anything that would put the fire in their esophaguses out. Arm paid no mind and continued to enjoy his meal. Even later on, Arm noticed Pinkie Pie setting up a stand that gave free samples of cupckes (one sample only). As she left to go get additional trays, Arm quickly went up to the stand, took the tray, ate the remaining cupcakes, then ate the tray, then ran off. When Pinkie returned, she was surprised to find her tray gone. When she replaced that one, Arm quickly went behind her and took the other ones that she brought with her. The pink mare turned around and screamed at the fact her cupcakes just disappeared. She ran back to the bakery to get more. The three fillies quickly took the tray on the stand, and rapidly tried to eat the cupcakes. Unfortunately, they were unable to finish them off before Pinkie came back. "Hey!" she yelled. "Were you three stealing my cupcakes?" "U-uh......" The fillies were unable think of anything, and quickly ran off. Before Pinkie could give chase, Arm struck her with one of the trays, knocking her unconscious. He put a cupcake in her mouth, then went after the fillies. The fillies took a breather, thinking they got away. Arm approached them and said, "Ok, this is where the buck stops, kids. Enough of this pretending to be me." "But you were having so much fun-" Applebloom started to say. "Yeah, that's because I like doing this!" Arm said. "And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here that likes doing this sorta thing." "But-" Sweetie Belle started to say. "Look kids, if you want your cutie marks so bad, you shouldn't try to get them by copying what other people do! Do what you know you want to do!" The fillies looked confused. "In other words, you are YOU. YOU are nobody else. Therefore, you should not try to be anyone else. Ya got it?" "Well," Scootaloo said, "sorta." Arm was silent for a moment, then said, "Eh, you'll get it eventually. But for now, just stop trying to be me, got it?" "Yessir!" The three fillies said. They went off to their clubhouse while Arm pranced off to wherever the wind would take him. Twilight, who happened to be keeping an eye on Arm the whole time, smiled as she realized something about Arm. That night, she took a letter to Celestia. "Dear Princess Celestia, Today, I learned something valuable some someone I didn't think I would learn a lot from. While a pony may be lacking in one area of expertise, it doesn't mean that they're lacking in all of them. What I mean is, even if a pony might not be the best at behaving, they may have an obligated sense of responsibility. Or if a pony isn't honest, they may be loving and caring of others. We should never judge a pony at first glance until we really understand them. And even though I've known our latest citizen for about a week, I feel like I have a lot to learn about him." Suddenly, a chicken pot pie was thrown in through the window. Arm poked his head in and said, "Eat it! You'll LOVE it!" As he left, Twilight went back to her letter. "A LOT to learn. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."