Ch. 17 - Nadir?
Months Ago
“Thank you for taking me to the beach, Filia.”
The two girls tread across sand, their uniform shoes leaving uniform footprints. Waves surged and receded to their left, a warm sunset beyond the sea's horizon.
Filia smiled weakly, brushing a lock of golden hair behind her ear. “...sure, Carol...it's no problem...” She seemed uneasy.
“Oh, was this a bad time?” Carol said, gasping. She frowned, lowering her head, eyes facing the ground. “...you don't need to keep doing this for me, if you don't want...I know that an important girl like you doesn't need to hang out with someone like me...”
“Carol, don't say that...” Filia said. She placed a hand on Carol's shoulder. “...I couldn't ask for a better, truer friend...”
“...you mean that?” Carol asked, looking up at Filia Medici – beloved progeny of the Medici family. “I'm not too much of a bother?”
“Of course you aren't. You're my best friend, don't let anyone tell you different.” Filia gave the other girl's shoulder a firm squeeze, let let it drop.
“...thank you...” Carol said, smiling. She looked back towards the expanse of empty beach ahead, taking in the color of the sunset.
Almost imperceptibly, Filia lagged behind a few steps. Her voice was low and strained, “...which is why...this is the hardest thing I've ever done...”
“...huh?” Carol said, puzzled, stopping in her tracks. “What are you talking ab-”
“I'm sorry, Carol.”
Pale, slender arms wrapped around Carol. Before she could think to scream, one hand clasped a plastic breathing mask over her mouth and nose. “Mmm!”
“I'm sorry!”
Carol tried to struggle out of the hold, but it was entirely useless. A rush of gas flowed into the mask, tickling her face. Without thinking, the girl inhaled. The effect was immediate, her vision starting to swim, her muscles relaxing. In a second, she couldn't even keep her legs beneath her. As they gave out, the strong arms hugged tighter, keeping her upright.
“That's it...nothing to worry about...” said a new voice, that of a grown woman. It was deeper, and perhaps even a bit sultry. Not that Carol knew what that really meant, nor was in any position to care. Dark spots started forming before her eyes. “...I'll take good care of you...I promise...” The woman's voice betrayed the slightest hint of sorrowful resignation.
Somewhere behind, Filia's voice was significantly more sorrowful. “I'm...so sorry.”
Present Day
Painwheel kept her eyes closed. Maybe if she simply willed herself to, she could go back to sleep. To capture by force of will alone that rest so denied her the last few days.
Just think of a black wall, she told herself. Think of a black wall, and nothing else. A plain, unremarkable, pitch-black wall. And hope no one...
“Good morning, Painwheel!”
So much for that. Painwheel opened her eyes. “...good morning, Fluttershy...” Not that there was anything good about the morning in particular. By her internal clock's (admittedly warped) reckoning, it shouldn't even be morning. It should be nighttime, when Painwheel was supposed to be asleep. She sighed.
The pegasus flapped down from the basement overhang, struggling with an added weight in her forelimbs. It was a vase. A vase with more flowers. “I hope you don't mind...oof...” Fluttershy said, face contorted from the strain. Finally she landed near to Painwheel's chair, lifting the vase with additional effort. “...but...oh my...I brought you some flowers, since I know how much you like them.” She ambled over to the side table and planted the vase on it nest to Applejack's geraniums. “Hoo! And since Applejack told me she got you some, I thought I'd bring my own. I picked them from a field near my cottage.”
Red human eyes drifted toward the vase. “Zinnias*...” she muttered. How ironic. No, not ironic, she remembered. She used to have a sixth grade English teacher who drilled into his students' heads every day on the use of words in the right, descriptive contexts. Coincidence was not irony. Couldn't forget that. “...thank you...”
“What are friends for?” Fluttershy said softly, smiling.
“...indeed...” Painwheel said, averting her eyes. “...what are they for?”
Fluttershy frowned. “...did I do something wrong? I'm sorry.”
“Ugh,” groaned Painwheel, clamping her eyes shut, “stop doing that. When you do that...nevermind...”
“What am I doing?” said the pegasus, yellow as a sunflower. “I can stop it if you want.”
Painwheel paused. The pony really didn't sound too much like...her. She sounded more like Painwheel...like Carol. “No, it's nothing,” she said, “forget I said anything.”
“No really, I can stop whatever it is that's bothering you.” Fluttershy looked mildly distraught. “What happens when I do that?”
“...it's not you, it's just...” Painwheel sighed. “You remind me...of an old friend...”
“Oh! I do!” said Fluttershy, perking up. “Would you mind telling me about them?” She grew slightly more apprehensive. “I mean, if that's alright with you...” she trailed off, darting her eyes between Painwheel and her hooves.
Painwheel sat still. She sighed again. It was too early for this. “...fine...” A furtive look to the Zinnias. A bouquet of many colors: red, white, yellow, and magenta. “Filia is her name...and she was my best...only friend...”
“...was?” Fluttershy asked.
“Was. I think.” Painwheel frowned. “Let me start over. I met Filia in middle school. She was this rich girl – blond, good-grades, popular. Everything I wasn't. I mean, my grades weren't terrible, I suppose, but Filia was so much more well-read than me, so she always aced her exams.
“She was also a Medici.”
“A Medici?”
“The Medici Family is...kind of a big deal in the Canopy Kingdom. New Meridian especially. Wealthy, influential, powerful. Filia was the daughter of the Medici's boss.”
“Boss?” said a very puzzled Fluttershy. “I thought you said they were a family. Is that what humans call their eldest member, or something?”
“When I say 'Family', I mean that figuratively,” Painwheel said. “The Medicis were an organized crime group. The mob, or one Family of it.”
“Oh. Oh! Oh...” The pegasus' ears fell flat against her head. “Oh...my...”
Painwheel nodded. “Filia was from a powerful family, but in the bad sense. Anyone who was anyone tried to stay on their good side, and Filia was no exception. A lot of kids were super nice to her. She could have anyone be her friend.” Painwheel smiled wistfully. “Yet she befriended me, someone with no friends, no outstanding talents, no charm, and no pedigree. She just came up one day, said I looked lonely, and asked if I wanted to hang out.
“All that stuff, about being from a mob family?” Painwheel asked, raising an eyebrow. “I didn't learn about that until later. I didn't know anything about the organized crime in my country. All I knew was that this rich, popular girl took the time to hang out with me.” She actually laughed; more a chuckle really. “We'd go to movies together. Eat out at fancy cafes. She would paint my nails – magenta, my favorite color. I'd show her the flowers in the garden, or the ones that grew on the side of the road. She'd give me all these books she liked, telling me to read them. And she had a lot of books; the benefit of coming from such a rich family.
“And sometimes...we'd walk along the beach at sunset...” Painwheel's smile fell apart, inverting into a frown. She shook her head, dispelling the memory. “And no one ever gave me a hard time for being plain, or for having a big mouth, or for not having the best grades. She was always super nice. And very pretty.” The human beamed with pride. “Yet she hung out with me. I was so lucky...so...lucky...”
“It sounds like you two were great friends,” Fluttershy said, giving her own small grin. “It's like you had a couple of my friends all pushed together into one.” The pony's expression changed to one of concern. “You miss her, don't you? You look so sad.”
A frown. “I...I don't miss her...”
“Why?”
Painwheel didn't answer for a full minute. Thankfully, the pegasus saw how contemplative the human was, and waited patiently. Finally, Painwheel said, “...I don't miss her...because she betrayed me.”
“Oh goodness!” Fluttershy exclaimed meekly. “What happened?”
“...I don't really know,” Painwheel said. “It wasn't too long ago. We went walking on the beach...and then she apologized.”
“Apologized? For what?”
Painwheel began fuming. “For letting that fucking nurse take me!”
Fluttershy flinched away reflexively. “W-what n-nurse?”
“The nurse that DID THIS TO ME!” Painwheel shouted, squirming in her chair. She watched the pony shift between confusion to comprehension, and then to horror. Painwheel's entire body shook, an effect that induced stinging squirms from her passengers. “I d-don't remember it all that well – that nurse knocked me out or something – but I know that Filia was there and she could have helped me but she didn't! And then I got made into this! I g-got made...into this!” Her voice grew hoarse. It was all she could do not to devolve into a coughing fit.
“I'm sure she would have helped you if she could,” Fluttershy offered tentatively. A small, weak smile appeared on the pony's face.
“No,” Painwheel said, shaking her head. “No, no, no! She didn't try to save me. She apologized for it, remember? She wasn't too weak to stop Valentine; she was in on it! It was her plan!” The human rocked back and forth, straining against her bonds and suffering the inflamed sensation rocking her insides. Tears began forming at the corners of her eyes. “She was my friend! My friend! And she betrayed me! Sold me out to Lab Zero! All of it happened because of her; everything! Everything!”
“Painwheel! Stop!”
“Why, Filia! Why did you do this to me?!” cried the human, tears starting to roll down her scarred visage. “What did you do it for?! Why me?! WHY?!”
“Painwheel, please! Stop! You're hurting yourself!”
“It always hurts! It always hurts, any she's to blame!” Painwheel tried to slam the back of her head against the back of the seat. Unfortunately, it was padded. Fortunately, she was in enough pain already that it didn't matter.
“P-please stop!” Fluttershy whimpered, tears running down her own face. She looked about ready to rush over and seize the human. If not for the ever present threat of Painwheel letting loose and impaling her, she might have.
“And...a-and I can't even hate you!” Painwheel sobbed, head bobbing down. “You helped ruin my life, and I can't even hate you anymore!”
Finally, Fluttershy worked up the courage, sidling over and nuzzling under Painwheel's chin. “There, there, let it all out.” She waited while the human sobbed, pressing into the pony's snout. “It's okay. No need to hurt yourself anymore.”
Painwheel sniffed loudly. “...okay...” Her voice was gravely and weak.
“Now tell me, why can't you hate Filia? Can you tell me that?”
“...b-because...it's because...”
“Yes?”
“Because she can't remember.”
“Huh?” Fluttershy said. “Can't remember what?”
Painwheel shook her head. “Anything. Everything.” She paused, blinking away a pool of tears on her eyelids. “I met her...after I got turned. She was different. Her old blond hair was gone...replaced...by this huge, talking parasite on her head...”
“Gracious!” Fluttershy exclaimed, holding her hooves against her cheeks.
“And when we met, I tried talking to her...but she didn't seem to remember who she was,” Painwheel said. “Like she had amnesia. She seemed to remember me, I think, but when we fought, we ended up getting separated. I don't think she even remembered...what she did.” She heaved, frowning. New tears flowed. “So now I can't even hate her. How can I? The Filia I knew...or thought I knew...was gone!
“And now...all I can think of is how unfair it all is! She betrayed me, and then died! And I'll never know why she did it! Or if she was ever really my friend to begin with!” She shook her head more, lips pursed together. She let the pony beside her continue holding her. “It's not fair! It's not fair! …it's not...fair...”
Painwheel cried. Again.
“Painwheel cried again?”
Fluttershy nodded, looking at her assembled friends. None of them looked any happier than she did.
“Land sakes, that's the third time in so many days!” Applejack said.
“I really don't want to seem insensitive, or anything,” Rarity said, sadly. “I was there for one, after all. But one would think she'd at least take a breather from emotional breakdowns.” She tapped her chin. “Fluttershy, what in Celestia's name did you talk about?”
“We got started talking about friends she might have had. Turns out she had a pretty bad experience there. It was just awful.” Fluttershy proceeded to explain what Painwheel related to her.
At the edge of the table, Twilight Sparkle cringed, rubbing her head. The explanation was a second hand account of something the alicorn already knew intimately. And she couldn't add a single word to the discussion, because she was ordered not to. It was sort of like the time Fluttershy and Rarity both forced her to promise not to tell each other about that Fluttershy fashion modeling business, even though she could solve it in two sentences.
Though, obviously, Painwheel's emotional distress was a thousand times worse.
“How awful!” Rarity said, throwing a foreleg over her face dramatically. “First the business about losing her grasp on etiquette and self-sufficiency, and now betrayal by her only friend!”
“Don't forget the part about her folks drivin' her off, thinkin' she's a monster,” Applejack said. She frowned, taking off her hat. “I almost think I'd rather have my ma and pa stay dead, than hear that from 'em.”
“Sounds kind of like a soap opera to me,” Rainbow Dash mumbled.
“Oh don't be so insensitive, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity exclaimed.
“That's not a very nice thing to say about Painwheel,” Fluttershy said, frowning. “She's been through so much.”
“I know, I know!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, waving a hoof. “I'm not trying to downplay her problems, okay? I get it. Believe me, I know just a bit about betrayal, and how much it stings.”
“You're just never gonna let that Mare-Do-Well thing go, and you sugercube?” Applejack said.
“Hey, I got tricked for months,” Rainbow said. “With you all dumping on me, making me feel terrible, just because I bragged too much. And then you went and got me believing I was at fault, and deserved what I got!”
“We said we were sorry, Rainbow,” Applejack said. “Can we just let that die? We got bigger problems. Painwheel's problems.”
“You're dang right we have Painwheel problems!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, jumping up from under the table. She looked around at her startled friends. They hadn't remembered the element of laughter actually being present. Granted it was Sugercube Corner, but still. “I've been giving singing telegram invitations to everypony in Ponyville, yet barely anypony agreed to go to the party!”
“The party?” Dash repeated, eyebrow cocked.
“Wheelie's Party, duh!” Pinkie exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. Yet not waving them as if she was bereft of concern for the matter. She totally cared about anything party related, and especially if it was thrown in the name of cheering someone up. “I keep getting rejected, often before I finish the first verse of my invitation song. I had to rewrite the song just to avoid mentioning it was Wheelie's party until the end, and I still got rejected big time!” The party pony frowned, ears flat against her head. “And even if I got everypony around to attend, if Wheelie is as bad as it sounds, I don't think even my party is going to help.”
“It does appear our little guest is getting worse by the day,” Rarity said. “I honestly don't know what to do.”
“Relax, guys,” Rainbow Dash said. “Look, she's had plenty of chances to cry, so the way I see it, she's bound to start improving now. Can't get much worse, right?” Rainbow weathered the others' skeptical expressions. “It's going to fine, trust me. It's my turn to visit tomorrow. I'll go in, and keep as far away from the hard, serious topics as possible. Try to cheer her up, you know? Besides, we've been talking her up for two weeks now.” She turned to Twilight. “Look, I know you can't tell us what you learned or else we wouldn't even need to do all this. But come on, Twilight. Just tell me there aren't any more surprise issues bubbling in her skull that I might blunder into. Please?” To punctuate, she pressed her hooves together pleadingly.
Twilight Sparkle considered it a moment. “...given everything we've found out so far, I can't think of any new problems that haven't already made themselves known. Granted, I did get a massive dump of her memories, thoughts, and feelings, so I might have missed something. But I'm drawing a blank.”
“See? Tomorrow will be easy, you'll see,” Rainbow said, shutting her eyes proudly. “I promise, if I can steer the conversation, that she will not cry again before that party.”
“Whaaa!”
“Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, jaw agape. She hovered over the basement floor, watching the human.
Painwheel was sitting in her chair, already weeping openly.
“You've gotta be kidding me! You're already...ugh!” Dash pressed her hoof to her head. She needed to calm down. Painwheel was in serious trouble, and shouting wouldn't make things better. Rainbow Dash flapped over, taking a seat on her haunches beside the sobbing creature. She put on a more sympathetic face. “Okay, okay, calm down. What's the matter?”
“...sniff...Rainbow...D-dash...” Painwheel choked out, facing the pegasus. She opened her eyes, though Dash couldn't be sure at all if the human's eyes were bloodshot, already being red. Then again, Dash thought her blood was black or blue anyway, so what the heck? “...have...hic...have you e-ever...k-k-”
“What? Talk to me, girl, I'm here,” Dash said, her tone softening as much as she could. She really wasn't suited for emotional nurturing. “Have I ever what?”
“...have you ever...k-k...killed someone?”
“What?!” Rainbow yelled, nearly pitching backwards in surprise. “K-killed someone?! No, never! Who do I look like? I've gotten in plenty of fights, but I've never killed. Who does that?”
“...m-me...” choked Painwheel, grimacing more deeply. “I-I did...I killed...I killed a l-lot...”
“D'oh!” Rainbow said, suddenly feeling very, very awkward. “...r-really? Oh cumulus.” This was heavy. Dash now wished she could have had any of the other conversations with Painwheel besides this one.
Painwheel nodded, tears flowing further and flying off with each frantic bob. “It d-didn't occur to me until now...I was so preoccupied with all of the t-things that were wrong with my life...I completely forgot...that I...” The human began shaking in earnest. “That I...that I'm...a mur...murderer...” Eyes clasped closed. A wicked, agonized, teeth-bearing scowl formed. “I'm a murderer! Murderer! Whaaah!”
And the crying started in earnest again. “Oh gosh, oh gosh,” Rainbow said, looking nervously around. “Oh this is bad! Very, very bad!” Definitely the very last conversation she wanted to be having. “Okay, okay...Painwheel, come on buddy.” She stepped over and tried to make direct eye contact with the human. Difficult, since Painwheel seemed not to want to open her puffy eyes. “Come on, girl. Just...just talk to me. We can get through this.” When the human finally looked at her, she continued, “Okay, talk to me. Who did you kill? I promise I'm not gonna get mad, but this is pretty important...yeah, pretty darn important...”
“Sniff...when I was...p-part of the lab...Lab Zero...Brain Drain...hic...sent me out...” Painwheel explained. “...he sent me out...with a mission...to find Lab Eight...and destroy it...sniff...”
“Okay, we're getting somewhere,” Rainbow Dash said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than she was. She even did a sad little laugh, patting Painwheel's chest. It didn't help that she was completely at a loss as to what these labs were or why they were so important. “So what happened?”
“...hic...I...hic...I got the order to...kill everyone I met...” Painwheel explained. She shook her head, seeing the expression on Rainbow's face. “H-he told me to do it! Brain Drain...he made me kill them!”
“Who? Who did you kill? How many?”
“...hic...I don't...hic...know...sniff...ten...twelve people, I think?” Painwheel shook like a leaf when the weather patrol whipped a storm up. “...security personal...scientists...I couldn't help it...Brain Drain was in my head...and it hurt s-so m-much...and I was so...angry!” She shook her head. “I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't stop myself. Didn't even really feel like myself...just a big, sharp, angry ball of pain, with a voice in my head telling me where to go and...and who to k-kill...And they're dead! They're dead because of me! I did it!”
Rainbow Dash really wished she could be Fluttershy right now. “B-but it's not your fault. Like you said, you were brainwashed! Under some jerk's control!”
“But it was me!” Painwheel screamed, new waves of salty liquid pumping out of her eyes. “It's no excuse! Because just after, I shrugged it off! I could fight back against Brain Drain! And I did!” More shaking. “If I was just stronger! If I could have just kept it together! If I could just regain control sooner, none of them would have died! None of them! Whaaaaaah!”
Dash watched the human give into her emotions fully, wailing and gnashing teeth. All the pony could do was sit there, aghast. Useless. Impotent. From the bottom of her heart, she lamented how helpless she was.
Today wasn't a good day. How could things get worse?
The undead was ready.