//------------------------------// // Here Comes Tom! // Story: Rocky Road Trip // by Metool Bard //------------------------------// Chapter 2: Here Comes Tom! The next morning, the Pie sisters got up bright and early. They were just as eager as ever about their trip, and they wasted no time making preparations. Over a light breakfast, Limestone already had a checklist at the ready. "Alright, since we're just going to Nana Pinkie's house, I figure we should travel light," she said. "Just a few necessities that'll fit in our saddlebags, y'know?" "Maybe we should bring Nana Pinkie a gift," said Marble. "You know how much she loves gifts." "There is some leftover rock candy from Pinkie's visit," said Maud. "I could make another necklace." "Yeah, good thinking," said Limestone, scribbling down Maud's suggestion on the list. "It'll give her something to remember you by. And speaking of rock candy, any ideas on what we're gonna bring for food?" "Hmm," mused Marble. "Well, how about something simple? Like cracker sandwiches?" "Huh. It's a start," said Limestone. "I don't know about you and Maud, but I'm actually in the mood for something a bit sweeter." Marble raised an eyebrow. "How are cracker sandwiches with peanut butter and honey not sweet?" "I'm talking about a different kind of sweet, Mar-Mar," said Limestone, giving her a wink. Marble sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hoof. "Limestone, would you please just say what's on your mind and not be cute about it? I'm not telepathic." "Poo. You're no fun," said Limestone facetiously. "Alright, remember those ice cream sandwiches Pinkie sent you for your birthday last week?" "How could I forget?" said Marble. "We're still having trouble getting into our cold storage. She really went overboard with that one, as she usually does." "So, we've got some left, then?" "I'm sure we do." "Excellent," said Limestone, licking her lips as she made a note in her checklist. "And of course, we'll need an icepack for our saddlebags to keep them cool." "If we can get to it," said Maud. Limestone gave Maud a bemused look. "Hey, I make the wisecracks around here, alright? You stick to your thing." Maud blinked. "I wasn't making a wisecrack." "Annnnnnd you missed the point of the joke," Limestone sighed, turning back to her checklist. "Alright, we've got food covered. Do we need anything else?" "We should have some kind of music with us, just in case," said Maud. "Well, we've got Marble," said Limestone with a shrug. "She knows a few good rock lullabies." "Will that be good enough?" inquired Maud. "Hey, if worse comes to worse, she'll probably improvise something," said Limestone. "The Pies have always been a resourceful lot." Marble blushed and twiddled her hooves. "Um, I dunno, Limestone. I mean, I've only sung to rocks before. I don't have any experience singing to anyone else." "Oh, quit being such a worrywart," said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "It's just gonna be me, Maud, and Boulder. You're not gonna be singing on Bridleway or anything. Besides, we might not even need it." "I-if you say so," said Marble, casting her eyes downward. "Actually, I think I might bring Roxanne along, too." Limestone arched an eyebrow. "You want to bring Roxanne? Why?" "Well, I don't want her to get lonely while I'm gone," said Marble meekly. "Plus, she must be frightened of the impending shortage." "Yeah, but aren't you afraid that she'll smash our snacks or something?" asked Limestone. "Geodes aren't exactly small rocks, y'know." "I promise, I'll be careful with her," said Marble. "After all, I've been taking good care of her ever since I was a filly." Limestone shrugged. "Fair enough. Whatever floats your boat," she said, making a note in the checklist. "Speaking of which, why don't you bring Feldspar along?" inquired Marble. "I'm sure he'd like to join us." Limestone's lips curled into a wry smirk. "It's a nice thought, Marble, but I think Feldspar can weather the shortage without me. He's made of tough stuff." "I thought he was made of gold, which is soft and malleable," said Maud, raising an eyebrow. "And that means he's flexible and doesn't freak out over change. So there," Limestone countered. Marble stroked her chin in thought. "Well, if you think it's okay, then I won't question it. But if it's all the same to you, I would at least like to leave a little something for Feldspar before we go." "Alright, fine," Limestone relented. "I almost forget how much you care about pet rocks, Mar-Mar." "Well, somepony has to," said Marble with a giggle. "So, is that everything?" "I think we're good to go," said Limestone. "After breakfast, we can get ourselves packed, and then we'll be on our way." "I can't wait," said Maud, although her voice only vaguely reflected her sentiments. "Thank you both for doing this for me. It really means a lot." "Hey, no problem, Maud," said Limestone, giving Maud a friendly pat on the back. "We're just trying to make your last week with us special, just like Pinkie did." "Indeed," concurred Marble. "And nothing's more special than three sisters going for a peaceful walk over to their grandmother's house." *** Meanwhile, in the North Field, the boulder known as Tom started to fidget in place. Must, move, the rock thought as he shifted from side to side. Must make this rock farm mine. I can't do that if I can't move. I... Just then, an epiphany struck him. Wait a minute. Rocks aren't supposed to think! By the powers of chaos, I'm sentient! How the heck did that happen?! After that epiphany came another. Oh wait, I don't care. With that, his body generated a bluish-white luster that projected an aura of energy. As he glowed brighter and brighter, he found that he could lift himself off the ground through the power of mere thought. "It seems I have psychic abilities as well," he mused, his body flickering with every word that passed through his mind. "Mmm. I could definitely grow to like this. Now I can truly dominate this rock farm!" He then started hovering back and forth. "But where oh where to start? There's just so much that I want to have, it's so hard to choose what to go after first! The ponies; the rocks; the house; the dirt? Ooh, why does this have to be so complicated?! Why can't I simply take it all in one fell swoop?! All of this should be mine, anyway! Everything would be so much simpler if I could do that, but noooo~! Those rock-farming ponies would probably object and try to destroy me. Not that they could, but it would be quite the inconvenience. Hmm, what to do, what to do?" After a few seconds of pacing, his whole body lit up like a lightbulb. "Idea~! It's so simple! That monotone pony, Maud Pie! She's the key! She said her Cutie Mark resembles me. That must mean her destiny is to rule this rock farm as my queen! And if it isn't, then I'll make it so! Tom, you are a genius!" He then telepathically grabbed two chunks of dirt and superheated them until they formed a pair of sunglasses. He placed them on one of the many faces of his body. "This should be a suitable disguise," he said to himself. "Now, if I recall correctly, those younger ponies are going on a bit of a journey. Well, I think I can make it more, intense for them. And by the end of it, the one known as Maud will be all mine, and the rest of the rock farm will follow! Look out, Pie family! Here comes Tom!" With that, he floated off towards the Everfree Forest, chortling nefariously all the while. *** While all this was going on, a large spectacle was taking place in the town of Mustangia. Standing on one side of a long dirt road surrounded by ponies was Cheese Sandwich, the premier party planner of Equestria. On the other side was none other than Discord, the Master of Chaos. "I am so glad that you decided to answer my challenge, Cheese Sandwich," said Discord, who was decked out in cowboy attire complete with a ten gallon hat, a bandana, and spurs on his mismatched feet. "I was almost afraid you'd turn me down, given my reputation." "The Super-Duper Party Pony never turns down a Goof-Off, Discord," said Cheese, narrowing his eyes. "'Sides, if any of your shenanigans end up seriously hurting somepony, you're automatically disqualified." "Ugh, rules rules rules," Discord groaned, pretending to gag. "Why must everything have such arbitrary rules? They're so boring and restrictive. Why can't we just have fun?" "It's all fun and games until somepony gets hurt," said Cheese. "Isn't that right, Boneless 2?" The rubber chicken on Cheese's back simply slumped over. "I can see how my friend Pinkie Pie has inspired you," said Discord, stroking his goatee. "But I must warn you; even she can't hold a candle to my abilities." "Sounds like you're gonna be a real challenge then," said Cheese with a sneer. "And here's my warning to you. There isn't a pony alive who has ever been able to out-goof me. Not even my own mentor." "Well, good thing I'm not a pony then," Discord snickered. "Alright, enough banter. Let's..." Just then, there was a melodious beeping noise coming from Discord's body. Everypony stared at him in confusion. "Hang on, I have to take this," he said, reaching into the pocket he spontaneously had. From it, he produced what looked like a small pager and carefully examined it. "Ah, I see. Interesting." Cheese arched an eyebrow. "What's that you've got there?" he asked. "Oh, this?" said Discord, indicating the pager. "It's nothing special, really. It's just my Chaos Pager. It lets me know when my chaos magic acts on its own accord without any influence from me. This happens a lot more often than you'd think." He then snapped his fingers, and a sheet of paper appeared in front of Cheese. "On a related note, do you think you could do me a favor and sign an affidavit to that effect?" Discord asked. "Normally, I wouldn't care, but if my friend Fluttershy gets wind of whatever's happening, she needs to know that it wasn't my fault. I wouldn't want to lose our friendship over something I didn't actually do, after all." Cheese stroked his chin for a moment. "Well, I suppose that's fair," he said, pulling out a pen and signing the document. "I guess it's true what ponies are saying. You really are reformed." "Don't get your hopes up, Cheese Sandwich," said Discord, snapping his fingers and causing the document to disappear. "I still don't plan to pull any punches in our little Goof-Off. Are you ready?" "I was ready before I was born," said Cheese without missing a beat. "You?" "I was ready before I even existed," Discord retorted. Cheese blinked. "Wait, that doesn't make sense." "Oh, I'm well aware," Discord said simply. "Now then, let's see if you can truly stand up to the Master of Chaos." "Bring it on, tough guy," said Cheese without any hesitation. The two of them started advancing towards each other. The only sounds that were heard were the squeaking of Cheese's elephant slippers and the jingle of Discord's spurs. When they met in the center, Cheese let out a single phrase that started the battle: "Draw!"