Chapter 1337: Back to Apep
*Enter: The Present*
Having finally digested his meal, the whole day with a wash down of supernova, Apep decided to go see what the ponies had gotten up to. To Apep’s surprise, they had totally forgotten about him! They instead decided that telling fairy tales were more important than him! They told many stories indeed. From a human clopping with Celestia to a dead TV salesman! Apep swiveled his great eye south, and to the east to the Great Empire of Whinnia... what?! Even the unchangeable, immovable powerhouse that was Whinnia had changed! With Apep’s great TI-82 calculator, he discovered about six million Naga had died.
That was quite a lot of the snake-tailed ponies.
He plugged a few more figures into his calculator, attempting to predict what would happen next. Then he ate it. In rage. Yes, Lord Apep had foreseen the future in his calculations, and he was displeased. The writers of this horrid story would forget him! Then, a thought struck him. He would have indigestion for eating that calculator.
The appearance of Coral in the distant future would put a large damper on his day-eating plans as well. How, precisely, he was not yet sure, but it would. The fool Arthur too would have to be dealt with. Apep had not yet come up with a plan for dealing with the two of them yet, but he had a sneaking suspicion it would involve eating them. Or using them for ornaments, which ever turned out to be more practical. His hearth was looking a bit bare.
(What’s the process for mounting heads on the wall referred to as? Um, Taxidermy, that’s right! Hmmm, I wonder how much that costs?)
Apep pulled out his Macbook and began to research taxidermy.
"WHAT! Those prices for two heads!? That’s outrageous!" He then chucked the Macbook through the computer screen, striking the current author unconsc—
Cthulhu looked up from his cards. "Is there a problem? Should you not be trying to conquer Equus?"
"No," the great serpent said. "I must do something I have not done in a LONG time—” The serpent fell sideways and started twitching. “Swim! Swim in the so-beautiful aether that is interplanetary space!”
Strange, semi-corporeal muscles rippled under the scintillating scales of the aeons-old being, which somehow exerted some kind of friction on the biting-cold vacuum.
And Apep swam! He swam loops and figure-eights and icosahedra and tesseracts--naturally, his divine body was long and dimensionally-flexible enough to pull off just about anything, don’tcha know. Even his evil twin pepA paused in his own machinations to watch in awe from the adjacent universe, and Ophiuchus the Great smiled in benevolent contemplation of one of his most-favoured creations.
Cthulhu looked to Dagon, who had come through yet another Gate. The fish-like Great Old One took one look at the serpent.
“What’s with him?”
Cthulhu shrugged, stroking his beard-tentacles. “I think he finally lost it.”