The Wager

by kudzuhaiku


Chapter 1

A long serpentine figure walked down the hall, following Celestia, his claws clicking on the tile, his shaggy brown coat shedding hairs and leaving them on the otherwise spotless white marble. He was grinning, and one long pointed fang protruding from under his upper lip.

“Just a little harmless wager.” Discord said, goading Celestia.

“No.” Celestia said again, firmly.

“Oh come on. Winner gets gloating rights. No less, no more.” Discord said in tempting tones.

Celestia halted, her wing feathers ruffling. She shot a withering glare at the draconequus.

Discord smelled weakness. He smiled a manic rictus. “I think you give your ponies too much credit.” Discord said, hoping to bruise her pride.

“Discord, you could never make me doubt the virtuous goodness of my little ponies.” Celestia said, annoyed. She raised a matronly eyebrow at the Lord of Chaos.

“So prove it.” Discord snarked. “Prove me wrong.”

“Alright. What is this wager.” Celestia said.

Discord cackled with glee. He stood up on his hind legs and clapped his paw and his claws together. He cleared his throat. “Very simple actually.” He said in velvet tones. “I do not think all of your little ponies are so goody goody. For all of their supposed love and virtue, they seem to love only ponies. My wager is simple. I do not think your ponies are capable of loving something alien to them. I will find something suitably horrible, summoned up with my magic, and you will find something to love what I summon. It cannot be Twilight Snarkle and her band of diminutive pastel equine cronies. In fact, all of Ponyville is off limits. There are some other conditions, and those will be explained after you agree to this basic condition.”

Celestia bit down on her lip. Seemed too simple. All she had to do is agree to that condition and that seemed easy enough. “Very well Discord, I accept that condition. Seems simple enough.”

Discord chuckled, rubbing his paw and his claws together, his tail twitching wildly. This had been too easy. “So you accept.” He said, smiling. “Very well, I shall present more of my conditions.”

He snapped his claws, causing a loud pop. Something else appeared in the room with them. Celestia stared at what had been summoned.

“Discord, I agreed to the conditions, not the wager.” Celestia said in a troubled voice. She began to move towards what now lie on the floor.

“You agreed to the condition that I summoned something. Think carefully upon my words.” Discord said, cackling madly.

“Discord, send it back.” Celestia commanded.

“Are you sure you want me to?” Discord said. “You’d be sentencing it to death.” There was another manic outburst of glee.

He pointed to the figure on the floor. “It lies dying, even now as we speak. You can save it Celestia. Give it life. Give it a home. You really think your subjects could love that?”

Celestia moved forward. She leaned down and sniffed the figure, her nose crinkling, causing her to jerk her head back.

“That is…” Discord paused, “well, the name is no longer important. We shall call her Anomie. She lay dying in her crib, forgotten by her drug addled mother who was busy cooking up a syringe full of drugs in the kitchen. She hasn’t eaten in days. She hasn’t had any water. She is debris, cast aside, thrown out, unloved, uncared for, unwanted. She represents the breakdown of her society. And potentially, yours as well.”

Celestia lifted the bundle in her magic, her nose still crinkling from the horrible smell.

“Her diaper hasn’t been changed for days.” Discord said, fanning his paw in front of his nose.

Celestia pulsed powerful healing magic into the small figure, a dull ache in her heart. She carefully undid the soiled diaper, trying to peel it away from the skin. Ulcerous sores lie under the diaper, impacted with feces. Skin pulled away with the diaper, but the figure did not cry. It was lifeless and limp. Maggots crawled in and out of the ulcers in her skin and through the feces in her diaper.

“Discord, this is a human child.” Celestia said through clenched teeth.

“I know.” Discord said smugly. “And you should remember what happened the last time I brought a human here. Come on Celestia, you should have predicted this. You are slipping dear.”

Celestia whirled on Discord, glaring at him, seething, furious. She continued to peel away the diaper as she did so, carefully, trying not to do any harm. When she had the diaper free from the infant, she hurled it at Discord. It stuck to his face with a splat.

“That was very, very immature young filly.” Discord said, magicking the diaper away and making a disgusted face.

“I accept your wager.” Celestia hissed angrily. “Speak your terms monster.”

“Now now Celestia, flattery will get you everywhere.” Discord said, waving a claw in a dismissive gesture. “The rest of my conditions are as follows. She must be raised to adulthood by a family that genuinely loves her. No magical interference. If you get Cadance involved, I’ll know. And you’ll fail. Should this condition be met, once she reaches a mature age, somepony must fall in love with her. After this condition has been met, she must marry.” Discord deadpanned.

“And that is all?” Celestia questioned.

“Well, that and consummation of the marriage.” Discord added.

“Discord, you and I both know that there are going to be some physical differences that will get in the way of that happening.” Celestia said, still cradling the infant in her magic, warming it, trying to flood life back into it.

“And that makes it a challenge.” Discord said, smiling in a very disturbed fashion. “No transmogrification magics. No turning her into a pony. No turning a pony into a human.”

“Discord, I cannot accept these conditions.” Celestia said.

“So now she is here and you admit defeat.” Discord said. “Very well, I accept your unconditional surrender. I shall prepare to gloat immediately.”

“Wait!” Celestia bellowed. “Wait.” She looked thoughtfully at the human infant. “I object to these conditions because of the physical harm it might cause. Discord, be reasonable. What would Fluttershy say if she found out about this wager?”

“Don’t you dare!” Discord said, pointing a claw at Celestia. “I’ll never hear the end of this! That’s blackmail!”

“As uncomfortable as this might be, I say we find middle grounds. Should love be found and marriage happen, before any consummation we both step in and do a little magical rearrangement. Make things fit. Without either of them knowing it. No harm must come to either, or else the wager is off.” Celestia glared at the chaotic tyrant, her eyes burning.

“I guess that is agreeable.” Discord conceded. “But this will never get that far.”

“I have faith in my ponies to be good and virtuous creatures.” Celestia said.

“Shagging a human is good and virtuous?” Discord said, surprised.

“In the right context it can be.” Celestia said, trying to clean the filth from the infant. It was starting to squirm now. “Anomie Discord? Really?” The babe made a faint cry as life flooded into it.

“Well, you remember what happened the last time.” Discord said smugly.

Celestia sighed in frustration, remembering the last time. She was determined to prevent past mistakes from repeating. She began to flog her brain, trying to think of a plan.

She didn’t have a plan, but she had the next best thing. A course of action. She turned to say something to Discord, but he was already gone, off to find mischief elsewhere.

“Welcome to Equestria Anomie.” Celestia said to the human infant. She felt a pittance of pity looking at her. Her skin was covered in weeping sores, her bones were visible just under her skin, and her skin had a pale blue waxy appearance. She had gingery red hair and brown eyes. “I really hope you do not live up to your name.”