//------------------------------// // Twilight is the Worst Time of Day // Story: Princess Stupid Jerk McButt Has A Picnic With Her Dumb Friends and Fluttershy, by the Great and Powerful Trixie // by Twinkletail //------------------------------// It was a bright, glorious day. Almost as glorious as the Great and Powerful Trixie, but not quite. Trixie was sitting outside her house (which was not a tree and therefore not stupid), just minding her own business and practicing her amazing feats of prestidigitation. She did not need practice, of course, because she was excellent at magic, but it did not hurt to do so anyway. Trixie probably should have charged passers-by for this impromptu show, but she was feeling gracious that day. So gracious that it did not matter to her when the hat that she had left on the ground in front of her (for decorative purposes only, of course) was left empty. She would have certainly turned down anypony who had attempted to put money in it, and was thankful that nopony even tried to, because she did not want to feel awkward turning them down. Then everything was ruined. A shadow was suddenly cast over Trixie and the group of small baubles which she was using for her latest trick. Trixie was bothered, but not furious, because Trixie is calm and collected at all times. She was quite enjoying the sunlight until that point, and it made her tools easier to see. She looked up into the sky, and who did she see? I'll give you three guesses. It was Princess Stupid Jerk McButt. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt appeared to be taking time off from her job being an idiot in order to be a selfish braggart. There she was, flying overhead with her stupid wings that Trixie was definitely not jealous of, because wings are annoying and ugly, unless they are colored nice colors, like maybe a light yellow or something to that effect. Definitely not purple, though. And despite the awfulness of purple wings, Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was in the air, bragging to everypony who could see her about how she had them. She may not have been saying anything, but Trixie could tell by her body language that her intent was to boast. Trixie is insightful like that. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was absolutely bragging. Little did she know. I bet you thought that was going to be the beginning of a sentence, didn't you? Well, it isn't. She really did know very little, on account of being so stupid and purple. Trixie decided that she should attempt to have a nice, pleasant talk with Princess Stupid Jerk McButt. Doing so was no easy feat, as it took a certain level of intelligence to carry on a conversation, but Trixie was good at everything and figured she could pull it off. Trixie called Princess Stupid Jerk McButt down in a tone that was very polite. It made Princess Stupid Jerk McButt's ears fold back, but that was probably because she was too dumb to understand that sounds only hurt your ears if they are loud. Trixie tried to explain, with a level of elegance that rivaled even the classiest of ponies, that Princess Stupid Jerk McButt's insistence on blocking her light was detrimental to her practice. She was all like, "Oh, but I was only above you for two seconds!" She would think that, what with her lack of intelligence and all. Time clearly wasn't a concept that she could grasp. Trixie, ever the generous soul, attempted to teach it to her, but this only resulted in Princess Stupid Jerk McButt getting all angry and saying things like, "I know what minutes are," and "You're causing a scene!" But Trixie would not be lowered down to Princess Stupid Jerk McButt's intelligence by acknowledging her lies. Trixie asked (not demanded, as Princess Stupid Jerk McButt would later claim) that she kindly go elsewhere and leave Trixie to her magic tricks. It was then that Princess Stupid Jerk McButt had the unmitigated gall to ask if Trixie needed any help! The nerve! Trixie stood there wearing an expression of surprise, which some ponies of particularly low intellect might have misconstrued as a rage-filled glare, as Princess Stupid Jerk McButt tried to tell her how to fix up her magical technique. Trixie did not have any intent of following the dullard's advice, although she did take mental notes of one or two things she said. She would later try these things Princess Stupid Jerk McButt suggested out of pure curiosity, and while it may have looked like it improved her technique, Trixie knew that it was sabotage by the diabolical dunce, and swore to only use said pieces of advice in instances where she could show ponies how wrong Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was. Trixie countered the idiotic advice of Princess Stupid Jerk McButt with an eloquently-worded diatribe of the many things she could do with her advice. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt asked Trixie to stop being so rude, but Trixie knew that the things she was saying were only being said to help the poor oaf. After all, the knowledge of exactly where one could or could not put something was invaluable, and if Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was smarter, she could understand that one could not put words in the place that Trixie suggested. This, of course, went right over her head. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt asked Trixie to show her how she was doing the trick before if she was so smart. Trixie was indeed smart, making this the second thing Princess Stupid Jerk McButt ever said that was correct. As it was, Trixie never did get to show her exactly how it was done, because it was just hen that Fluttershy flew by. Princess Stupid Jerk McButt was lucky, because if Trixie had done that trick correctly at that moment, which she absolutely would have, then Princess Stupid Jerk McButt would have looked stupider than she already did (which was already very stupid). Fluttershy hovered above Trixie and Princess Stupid Jerk McButt, her form casting a nice shadow over Trixie and her baubles. Trixie was relieved by this, as the sun had been beating down on her rather handily, and the shadow landed on her baubles in such a way that made them look far less shiny, and therefore easier to work with. Fluttershy asked what the problem was, and Princess Stupid Jerk McButt rudely accused Trixie of hollering at her, never once informing her of how rude she was being by bragging. Trixie followed up on her majesty's lies with a beautifully-spoken and absolutely fair recollection of the terrible events. As it turned out, Trixie was quite lucky that it had been Fluttershy who had shown up, as Princess Stupid Jerk McButt's other friends were too dim-witted to understand what had happened. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, understood perfectly, and even asked Princess Stupid Jerk McButt to apologize to Trixie. Her royal dumbness was very upset by this, but Fluttershy whispered something to her, which was probably something about how great Trixie was. Whatever it was, it was enough to convince Princess Stupid Jerk McButt to give Trixie a much-deserved apology. Trixie did not completely believe her apology, but she accepted it anyway because of how nice and smart she was. The moral of the story is: nopony likes Princess Stupid Jerk McButt, her shadow is just as awful as she is, and sometimes even the most dumb of ponies are able to apologize if prompted to do so by a far superior pony. Perhaps Trixie should invite Fluttershy over for tea one day. Good ponies should stick together, after all.