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// Can't Let You Do That 
// Story: Pirates of Equestria: Dead Stallion's Chest 
// by The Phantom Joker 
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On The Black Pearl, Cadence was sitting on the steps to the helm, thinking about Shining Armor when Rainbow Dash came up to her with a bottle of cider.

“Something tells me that you are troubled,” said Rainbow.

“I just thought I’d be married by now… I’m so ready to be married,” said Cadence.

Rainbow gave Cadence her bottle of cider, from which she drank. “You know something Cadence? I love marriage. It’s like a bet to see who will fall out of love first.  My money’s on you, personally. And if that should happen, well, there happens to be an available slot on my crew,” said Rainbow.

“No, thank you,” said Cadence, giving Rainbow the cider back as she got up.

“Oh, come on, we’re very much alike, you and I,” said Rainbow.

“Oh, yeah, sure, except for our sense of decency, honor, and… personal hygiene,” said Cadence.

Rainbow took a whiff of her underwing. “That aside, you’ll come over to my side, I know it,” she said as she walked up beside Cadence.

“And what makes you so certain?” asked Cadence.

“One word: curiosity,” said Rainbow. “You long to do what you want to do because you want to do it. One day, you won’t be able to resist. You’re going to want to know what it feels like,”

“Why doesn’t your compass work?” asked Cadence.

Rainbow was taken aback by this question. “My compass works fine,” she said.

“Because you and I are alike. And there will come a moment when you have a chance to show it,” said Cadence.

“I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by,” said Rainbow as she walked away.

Cadence followed Rainbow Dash. “You’ll have the chance to do something courageous. And when you do, you’ll discover something: you’re a good pony,” said Cadence.

“All evidence to the contrary, my dear,” said Rainbow.

“You wanna know how I know?” asked Cadence.
“Do tell,” said Rainbow.

“Curiosity. You’ll want the chance to be admired. And gain the rewards that follow. One day, you won’t be able to resist. You’re going to want to know what it… tastes like,” said Cadence.

Rainbow thought about it for a moment. “You know,” she said, putting an arm over Cadence’s shoulder as she spoke. “I kinda do want to know what it tastes like… so how would I…” Rainbow stopped short as she saw a cery unwelcome sight on her hand: the Black Spot.

“Land, ho!” yelled Applejack.

As the crew and Cadence ran around getting ready to head to the island, Rainbow whimpered and said, “I want my jar of dirt!”

Later…

Rainbow Dash, who had her jar of dirt with her, Cadence, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Lightning Dust were in a longboat headed for Isla Cruces.

“You’re pulling too hard!” said Silver.

“You’re not pulling hard enough. We don’t want the kraken to catch us,” said Diamond.

“I’m saving my strength for when it comes,” said Silver.

At Isla Cruces…

“Guard the boat, mind the tide, and do not touch my dirt,” Rainbow told Silver and Diamond as she, Cadence, and Lightning Dust made their way further into the island. Eventually, the compass started to indicate that the chest was very close by. As Cadence followed it in a circle, it eventually pointed to Rainbow.

“This doesn’t work. And it certainly doesn’t show what you want most,” said Cadence, sitting down.

Rainbow Dash walked up to the compass. “Yes, it does. You’re sitting on the thing,” she told Cadence.

“Excuse me?” said Cadence, confused.

“Move,” said Rainbow. Once Cadence had gotten up, Lightning started to dig.

Meanwhile, on The Flying Dutchman…
Spike watched Silver and Diamond on the beach through a spyglass. “They’re here. And I cannot set foot on land for almost a decade,” said Spike.

“You’ll trust us to act in your stead, then?” asked Komodo.

“I’ll trust you to know what awaits you should you fail! Down, then!” said Spike.

“Down! Down!” said the crew as The Flying Dutchman sank below the surface, which caught the attention of Silver and Diamond.

“Guys!” they cried, running towards Rainbow and her party.

Back with Rainbow Dash…

Rainbow and Cadence were sitting around while Lightning dug, until they heard a loud thunk.
The trio looked down the hole and brushed the sand off of a large metal crate. Cadence used her magic to lift the crate out of the hole and Lightning broke the lock with the shovel.

Inside the crate were lots of love letters from someone named “Calypso.” And a smaller, elegant-looking chest. The three ponies put their ears to the chest, where they heard the unmistakable thump-thump. Thump-thump of a still-beating heart.

“It’s real,” said Cadence.

“Well, I’ll be damned. You actually were telling the truth,” said Lightning.

“I actually do that a lot, yet some how ponies are always surprised,” said Rainbow.

“Gee, I wonder why that is,” said a voice from behind them.

The ponies turned around to find a soaking wet Shining Armor standing behind them.

“Shining Armor! Thank Faust!” said Cadence as she ran up to her fiance. “I came to find you!”

Shining Armor and Cadence kissed, which made Lightning Dust look down. She had always thought of Cadence as a sister, but now that she was engaged to Shining Armor, it felt as though she’d abandoned her.

“How did you get here?” asked Rainbow.

“Sea turtles. A pair of them, latched onto my feet,” said Shining Armor.

“Not as easy as it looks, is it?” said Rainbow with a smirk.

“But, I do owe you thanks, Rainbow,” said Shining Armor.

“You do?” asked Rainbow, confused.

“Well, after you tricked me onto that ship to square your debt with Spike-” said Shining Armor.

“What?!” said Cadence.

“What?!” said Rainbow, accidentally mimicking Cadence.

“I was reunited with my baby sister,” finished Shining Armor.

“Oh… well, then you’re welcome,” said Rainbow.

“Everything you said to me… every word was a lie!” said Cadence, storming up to Rainbow.

“Eh, pretty much. Time and tide, Cadence, first rule of the sea,” said Rainbow. She then saw Shining Armor kneeling before the chest, key and knife in hoof. “Hey! What are you doing?!”

“I’m gonna kill Spike,” said Shining Armor.

Rainbow Dash drew her sword. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Shining Armor. Because, if Spike is dead, who’s to call his terrible bestie off the hunt?”

Shining Armor slowly stood up.

“Now, then, if you please… the key,” said Rainbow, holding out her hand.

Shining Armor then grabbed Cadence’s sword and aimed the point at Rainbow. “I keep the promises I make, Dash. I intend to free my sister, and I truly hope you’re here to see it,” said Shining Armor.

Lightning Dust then pulled out her sword and aimed it at Shining Armor. “Actually, I can’t let you do that either. So sorry,” said Lightning.

“I knew you’d warm up to me eventually,” said Rainbow, before Lightning pointed her sword at her.

“Lady Lulamoon desires the contents of that chest. I bring it to her, then I get my life back,” said Lightning.

“Ahh… the dark side of ambition,” said Rainbow.

“Actually, I prefer to see it as the promise of redemption,” said Lightning Dust, before she struck at Shining Armor, who deflected the attack. And with that, a three-way battle for the key and the chest was underway.

“This is barbaric!” yelled Cadence as the three swashbucklers did battle.

Lightning Dust kicked Shining Armor to the ground before going after Rainbow.

“Guard the chest,”  Shining Armor told Cadence before he got back up and went after Lightning and Rainbow.

“No! This is no way for grown ponies to- oh, all right then, let’s just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other, that’ll fix everything! Well, I’ve had it! I’ve had it with wobbly-legged, cider-soaked pirates!!!” yelled Cadence at the top of her lungs as Rainbow Dash, Shining Armor, and Lightning Dust continued to do battle.

Meanwhile, as Cadence started throwing rocks at the three battling ponies to try to get their attention, Silver Spoon and Daimond Tiara watched.

“Now, how’d this go all wonky?” asked Silver.

“Well, each of them wants the chest for themselves, don’t they? Lightning Dust, I think she’s trying to regain a bit of honor, old Rainbow is looking to trade it and save her own neck, and Shining Armor over there, well I think he’s trying to settle some unresolved business between him and his twice-cursed pirate baby sister,” said Diamond.

“And… how do you know all of this?” asked Silver.

“Eh, just a hunch,” said Diamond.

“You know, that chest must be worth more than a shiny penny,” said Silver.

“Mmm-hmm, terrible temptation,” said Diamond.

“You know, if we were any kind of decent, we’d remove temptation from their path,” said Silver with a wicked grin.

Diamond returned the grin and the two pirates snuck off to nab the chest.

Cadence, meanwhile, had only one trick left up her sleeve. “Oh… oh… the heat!” she said, before pretending to faint. She opened one eye to find that Rainbow Dash, Lightning Dust, and even her dearly beloved Shining Armor were still fighting.

Cadence then sat up cross-legged… just in time to see Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara hauling tail into the jungle.

Now, where do they think they’re going? thought Cadence as she took off after them.