//------------------------------// // Prologue -or- Where the Hell am I? // Story: A Jew Elf in Equestria // by Sir Mortimer of Eden //------------------------------// I walked down the hall into my room and went towards the bed as my thoughts drifted towards the new ‘game’ Cartman had created for all of us to join in where the goal was to protect a stick. He called it the 'Stick of Truth' and whoever controlled the stick, controlled the universe and I was to be the king of the elves while he was going to be the king of the humans, kind of ironic since we had always gotten into fights almost every day. I had just finished making my new outfit for my role in the game. It was a nice red robe with ‘elven’ symbols that were stitched onto it, a rope that kept my robe in place and a crown made out of tree branches. My weapon was going to be my golf club since it was the closest thing I had that compared to a magic staff in my house. As I pushed those thoughts out of my head and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me and after a split second of them being closed, they were instantly open again and I found myself somewhere else…a forest. I instantly felt cold and wet underneath as I jumped up onto my feet as I found that I was soaking wet. “What the hell!?” I yelled out loud as all the birds started flying out of the trees and into the sky as I stared down at the puddle beneath me. Ok, I was in the middle of a forest, had no food and I was in my…elf robe? Where were my pajamas? As I looked down at my robe I noticed that it was…real, and not fake real I meant real real as in there were no stitches where the symbols were, the robe felt exactly my size, my crown looked like a real elf crown and not just some sticks attached together and the rope that was on my waist was now a thick black rope with small emeralds encrusted into it. Everything felt so real and all of these changes made me actually feel like royalty and I actually felt like I was an actual elf king. Then I noticed that that my ears…were pointy. I rubbed my eyes thinking of it as just my eyes playing tricks on me but they were not. I looked up and noticed that the sun was shining through the leaves of the trees, so that meant it was around twelve maybe one o’clock. I sighed heavily as I started to walk in a random direction hoping to get out of this forest…and hoping that this dream won’t have those Christmas critters here, that bloody story that Cartman made was stupid. ‘This way young one…’ I heard the voice of a young lady. I turned around to find out who it was but found no one there. But then I realized that the voice was in my head, how was that possible? “Who’s there? I swear that you better stop screwing with me whoever you are!” I growled out ‘Follow the wind…’ As soon as she had said those words I felt a breeze softly blowing through the forest as I headed in the direction the wind was going due to my new ears so I guessed that I would follow the wind, besides it’s just a random dream and I would wake up soon so might as well go with it. … As I was following the breeze I noticed that the forest was getting less thicker than it was when I had woken up. I also felt weird being in this forest as I felt emotions coming from the trees, am I able to feel the tree's emotions…maybe because I am an elf king in my dream? I just wanted to get out of there because it was starting to give me the creeps. That’s cool I guess since this was the weirdest and actually best dream I have had in a long time. As all these thoughts were running through my head I noticed that the breeze had stopped, I quickly looked around to find that I was out of the forest and in some weird town, and I mean weird. As I took a closer look I noticed that the entire floor was like a checker board with dark blue and light blue colours, there were small islands –some carrying houses- floating in the air and the gravity around me kept on switching as I watched the water floating up and then switching to go down after 4 seconds this place was so…chaotic. As I walked through the crazy town I noticed that the houses were made of stone and hay, what was this now, Meet the Flintstones?! I breathed a heavy sigh as I sat down behind one of the houses, wondering when I was going to wake up when I saw rabbits…with the legs of a giraffes running through the town that made it look like a small stampede of elephants. “Jesus, I need to stop taking those double chili hot-dogs starting tomorrow,” I muttered to myself, already use to the randomness that is with this dream. "Playtime...over..." With the incredible hearing from my elf ears I heard something, the voice of a woman. I got up from where I was sitting and followed the voices wondering what my dream would make of people in this random place. As I took a look around the house I noticed that there was some sort of creature sitting on a throne which seemed to have two red crystals on it as well as antlers. But what I was shocked to see was two ponies, one white which was taller than the other one which was dark blue in colour. 'WHAT!' I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw them, talking ponies with manes that flowed in a nonexistent wind that looked like a rainbow and the night sky...well my mind is now blown. As I continued to question myself for thinking of why I had imagined talking ponies in my dream, I over heard them talking about stopping that thing on the throne. I took in a breath as I decided to intervene with this chat -and also calming myself down- as I started to walk over to them, starting to bring in my acting skills as being a king into action as I had just decided to roll with what was happening by saying those first four words. "You will be stopped," I said to the creature on the throne as he and the two ponies had there attention on me at the blink of an eye. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" he grinned in amusement maybe due to my outfit as I stopped in between him and the ponies. I faced him with determination on my face. "I would recommend that you stop this chaos now, other wise you will be punished for your actions," I literally had no idea what I was saying as I said those words hoping that he was the one causing this. He laughed and pretended to be sad. "Oh woe is me, about to be punished by a creature in a bath robe" he wailed as I gritted my teeth at his attitude, bringing out my golf club which I noticed had changed as well as it looked more genuine and as I held it in my hand I felt something coming from the club, a weird power. I ignored it and looked at the creature with anger clearly in my eyes. "Do not mock what you haven't faced yet whatever you are!" I yelled as the two ponies started to walk up to me. "Do you think one such as you can defeat me!? I am Discord, the spirit of chaos but I wonder, who might you be little one?" he asked as my anger started to rise, I wasn't little as I was about the same size as the blue pony. I twirled my club around in a spinning motion before smashing the tip on the ground, the head of the club facing upwards as I thought of the most heroic line I had ever thought of. "I am the hearer of the winds, the whisperer of the trees, My name is Kyle, King of the Elves!" I yelled/boasted in a firm voice as I pointed the head at this so called spirit of chaos. He just smiled like a maniac, clearly unimpressed as I felt like I wanted to beat his head in as the two ponies looked at me with a look of both shock and curiosity but nevertheless they were still focused on Discord. "You're a King? Then where are your subjects then?" I shrunk down a bit at that as I wasn't expecting him to say that. "My subjects are all dead, I am the only one of my kind left Discord," I spoke back to him. It wasn't really a lie since I was the only elf here. "But I will not fail, you will be stopped!" I yelled at the top of my voice as I didn't expect the next thing to happen. My club started to glow a bright white light as a beam of magic shot out of the staff at very quick speed as I put both hands on my staff to stop myself from being pushed back by the sheer force. "What is this!?" I heard Discord yell as I opened my eyes to see that I had created a sphere around him which seemed to stop him from doing anything. I smiled to myself. "I told you that you will be stopped and I intend to keep my word!" I yelled in a happy voice since this was the most fun I had ever had in a dream. I heard the white pony yell to the blue one. "Sister, Now!" she yelled as I saw a blur of a glowing rainbow and a bright white light as I heard the so called spirit scream at his demise. 'That's what you get you douche,' I thought smugly as I collapsed onto the ground, sleep overtaking me.