//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: And They Call It Puppy Love // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// “Dr. Hornwinkle?” The doctor looked at his patient. She had a strained smile. Her eyes darted back and forth. Her face twitched slightly. She seemed slightly distracted. Her pupils dilated wildly, shrinking and growing, showing signs of a highly excited state. “Yes Screwloose?” “Did I get my cutie mark because I was crazy or did my cutie mark and my destiny make me crazy?” Screwloose asked, cocking her head. Dr. Hornwinkle stared at his patient, looking thoughtful. “I am not sure if that can be answered.” He said after a long pause, nodding slightly. “And why did they call me Screwloose?” Screwloose said, looking pained. “Because when we found you, all you did was bark. You barked like a mad-pony. And you had a screw for a cutie mark. I suppose it was inappropriate for the asylum staff to call you that. Would you like a different name?” Dr. Hornwinkle asked. Screwloose shook her head no. “I don’t think I do. I guess this sums up what I am. Am I getting better doctor?” “I think so.” Dr. Hornwinkle replied. “How goes your dating?” Screwloose blushed. “Not well?” Dr. Hornwinkle inquired. “I’ve placed a personal ad in the paper.” Screwloose said in a low voice. “I’ve met two stallions. Both found a reason to leave when they met me.” “How are you dealing with the rejection?” Dr. Hornwinkle asked. “I’m not.” Screwloose said, beginning to rock back and forth. “I’m not.” Dr. Hornwinkle frowned. “Perhaps you should rewrite your ad. Maybe be more direct and open. Let somepony know exactly what they might be in for. You would be surprised. Ponies are good and compassionate creatures. Somepony will develop an interest.” Screwloose nodded. “And about that other thing…” Dr. Hornwinkle said, his voice trailing off. “No. Not the slightest attraction for any stallion I’ve met. Am I gay Dr. Hornwinkle?” Screwloose said, her muzzle scrunched with worry. “Perhaps.” Dr. Hornwinkle replied. “Maybe a personal ad seeking a mare might be prudent. Tell me, what do you think of the female pony form?” “I don’t know.” Screwloose said, starting to rock back and forth again. “I have some body issues. I still don’t feel right in my own skin. I still see a stranger when I look in the mirror.” “I see. Well, in psychology, we have a saying. The exotic becomes the erotic. Perhaps not feeling comfortable in your own skin is a manifestation of hidden desires, perhaps for female companionship.” Dr. Hornwinkle scribbled down a note on a sheet of paper as he spoke. “I’ve never wanted what other ponies want Dr. Hornwinkle. I don’t want a family. I don’t want foals. I feel all wrong on the inside. I feel broken.” Screwloose said, the corner of her eye twitching. “I am not sure if I even want to go dating.” “I’d like for you to keep trying. Maybe looking for female companionship will be the key. And I meant what I said. Rewrite your ad. Be totally and completely honest with what you want from a potential date. The results may surprise you.” Screwloose nodded sadly, one ear twitching in time with her eye. “And I think that concludes our session today. You have done very well Screwloose.” Dr. Hornwinkle said, smiling. “I always get the feeling that you are smiling for own benefit, not mine.” Screwloose said. “I’ll see you next week.” Dr. Hornwinkle said, now scowling. Screwloose sat in her tiny rented room, staring at a sheet of paper scrawled over with words. She sighed, seemingly unhappy with what she saw. She had rewritten this a dozen times, and each time she felt a little worse about what she had written. Her roommate, Mint Jewelup, had thoughtfully brought her a cup of tea, which was now slightly cooled. She took a sip, and returned her gaze to the paper. Was she attracted to mares? She didn’t know. She wasn’t attracted to Mint Jewelup. She had tried looking at Minty in that way, and there was nothing particularly interesting. Mint was simply a friend, a good friend, and the only friend she had. Who was now out with her friend Parasol, after thoughtfully leaving the tea. Screwloose scowled at the paper. Single mare seeking something. I don’t know what. I am open to almost anything I guess. I don’t know what I want. I come with emotional baggage, so please be kind and gentle. I can’t deal with any more rejection. I like long walks. Howling at the moon. Dragging my backside through cool wet grass. Playing fetch. I like chasing things. I am sick of chasing my own tail, maybe I could chase yours. Must love squeaky toys. It was the stupidest thing she had ever written. And she had once filled a notebook with over seven thousand copies of the word “bark” one time, not too long after learning how to write. She couldn’t remember her life before being found. It was all blank. Just a dark gap. She had learned how to talk, how to write, how to read, she had learned how to be a pony. She still didn’t feel like a pony though. Now matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t seem to fit in. Mint Jewelup didn’t expect her to fit in, which was comforting. Mint liked that she was different. She glared at her personal ad. Honesty certainly wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She had left out the part about how she liked to chase wagons. Or bunnies. Or squirrels. Sighing, she carelessly folded the paper and stuffed it into an envelope. Maybe it would make somepony laugh and feel better after a bad day. She took another sip of tea. Minty made good tea, she reflected. Always the right amount of honey. This particular cup was peppermint blended with red tea leaves. She grimaced as she licked a stamp and stuck it on the envelope. She took another sip of tea to get the horrible taste out of her mouth. She had once heard a story about the glue on the back of the stamp, and that glue was made out of ponies. She shuddered. Her roommate in the asylum was awful. She finished her tea with a few gulps and then rose up to go and place the envelope into the mailbox so she could place her ad in the paper. “Doctor?” “Yes?” “Nopony has replied to my personal ad and it has been two weeks.” Screwloose said, her eyes downcast. “These things take time. The important thing is that you have made the effort.” Dr. Hornwinkle said. “Yeah, well, this effort has made me feel worse. This was a bad idea. I was totally honest, just as you suggested, and nothing has came of it. Ponies probably think of it as a joke.” Screwloose sniffled slightly, her eyes just beginning to water. She wiped her nose with her foreleg. “I must say, you’ve been doing rather well in my opinion. You’ve been under some stress, dealing with some issues, and you’ve held together. No relapses, right?” Dr. Hornwinkle inquired. Screwloose slowly nodded her head yes. “How is your relationship with Mint Jewelup?” Dr. Hornwinkle asked. “I’m not attracted to her if that is what you are wondering.” Screwloose replied. “I tried getting a few good looks at her. She caught me looking. I gave her an honest answer about what I was doing. She said she was flattered and winked at me.” Screwloose blushed, her ears turning several shades darker. “Now my roommate keeps strutting around the house, trying to look sexy.” Dr. Hornwinkle chucked slightly as he made a note. “I don’t know how to look sexy.” Screwloose said, causing the doctor to drop his pen. “I still don’t feel right in my own skin. How do I attract another pony if I don’t feel sexy, don’t know how to act sexy, and still can’t look at myself in a mirror without feeling some nausea? Who else would want to look at me if I can’t stand to look at my self. I don’t even comb my mane most days.” Tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she buried her face into her forelegs and cried. “Screwloose, I cannot tell you my opinion about your appearance, but I can assure you that you will make somepony ridiculously happy. As I have stated, try to view yourself as others might view you. You shouldn’t be so harsh. You are a good and worthwhile mare. You have made a great deal of progress. And each day, I see you getting a little better.” Dr. Hornwinkle offered up a smile. “I still don’t feel better.” Screwloose said. “Our time is wrapping up Screwloose. I would like to ask you to sit down with your roommate and have a discussion about what you see in each other as friends. Can you do that for me?” Dr. Hornwinkle asked. “Yes I can.” Screwloose said, nodding. “Good. Remain positive.” Dr. Hornwinkle added. When Screwloose returned home, she noticed that there was an envelope on her desk. She carefully tore it open and laid the paper down upon the desk to read it. Meet me in Ponyville park Thursday after sun sets. I be near bench. By big brass clock. Sit on bench and have newspaper. Sorry for wording in letter. I not write good. Want to meet you! She stared at the letter for several minutes, silent, unsure of what to do. It dawned on her that today was Thursday. She felt a rush of panic through her body, making her tail twitch. She gnawed on her lip. She started to feel sweaty just under her dock, a sure sign of being overly stimulated and nervous. Screwloose wondered what she was going to do.