//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Surprise // Story: My Little Serial Killer: Murder is Magic // by TheGentlemanCreeper //------------------------------// I find the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it directly. And if it all possible, lashed to a table so it can be picked apart piece by piece. However, I didn’t exactly have that luxury with the problem before me. All I could do was sit in my chair and stare at the wall. Fetlock Holmes once said, “A pony should keep his little brain attic stocked with all the furniture that he is likely to use, and the rest he can put away in the lumber-room of his library where he can get it if he wants.” So it was time to do a little mental spring cleaning. Bringing myself up on the couch and stretching out, I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes and turned inwards to the storm that was currently my mind. When is Scootaloo going to be home? Is Big Wig going to call the police? Does Tumbler have any family? Will they look for him? Did I make sure to get rid of every trace of myself at the Carousel Boutique? What about Twilight? What does she know? What is she doing? With a heavy sigh, I concentrated and started to quiet the louder thoughts, leaving only the little ones. Do I have enough groceries for the week? Are my knives sharp for what’s to come? Does Scootaloo suspect anything? With the louder thoughts out of the way, it left me with only a few niggling things that were quickly brushed away. And like the calm after the storm, there was only one thought left in my head. Who was trying to dump the body at the lake? There it was, plain as day now that the rest of the noise was gone. And everything was clear. The smell of water coming off of the lake, the way the light of the stars and the moon bounced off of the water’s surface, the sound a garbage bag sliding across the wet grass. I was there again I was- “Daymos, I’m home!” Like a nail against a chalkboard, I was dragged as quickly from my zen-like state as I entered it by a bouncing orange filly who didn’t have much care for noise level. Still, I had to put on my best smile and act like a responsible guardian. “Welcome home, Scootaloo. How was school?” I asked with feigned interest as I sat up. “Learn anything interesting?” “Yeah, we learned about all sorts of ponies in history and had a presentation on important Equestrian figures in history.” “Ohhh well, tell you what. You can tell me all about them while I get dinner ready. Summer salad sound good?” Scootaloo nodded and I got to my hooves with just a little bit of a sigh. I was comfortable and in the zone, but not anymore. “So why don’t you tell me about these important ponies in history?” I asked aloud as I grabbed a hoofful of tomatoes. Going for the knife drawer, I pulled out one of the bigger knives and turned my attention to the kitchen counter. “Well...” she began, “There’s Summer Song, one of the first ponies to perform at the Redreach Canyon Orchestra with the griffons and then there’s Lightning Mane who was..” Everything else became white noise as the blade dropped down on the first tomato, sending red juices spilling over my hoof. Such a familiar feeling that sent a shiver of excitement down my spine. It’d feel even better if it was that mystery pony... I felt a smile creep across my face and I idly agreed aloud. “Mmmhm...” Now concentrate while the little brat is distracted. You opened the bag and there it was: Jenga in pony form. All that bloodless, clean looking meat. And there’s a hair in there. What color is the hair? Red. Try again. Magenta. Warmer. My eyes went wide for a moment as it crossed my mind and I could almost hear the Whisper clapping. Pink. There it was, plain as day — a dull-pink hair sitting in the garbage bag. There was no more doubt. I was 100% sure of what I saw. Good. Now assuming it was a mare and not a stallion with a dye job, you just cut the possible killer list by 50%. There are plenty of pink mares in Ponyville still, so I got my work cut out for me... I think I’ll need to- “Daymos? There’s somepony at the door.” I brought the knife down one final time and looked up, pulled from my thoughts again. “Can you get the door, please?” “Umm... Okay,” Scootaloo said as she got to her hooves. Looking down at my hooves, I realized just how close I was to cutting through bone and not tomato. Setting aside the finely sliced fruit and moving on to the next, I did my best to put on a happy face as the door opened. “How can I help-” My voice died in my throat. “Pinkie Pie? W... What are you doing here?” Without even asking, the pink mare stepped inside, wearing a wide grin that stretched from ear to ear. “Ohhh, you know... Nothing much. Just stopping by to see how my favorite stallion is doing!” You never did tell her where you lived. She followed you. Something’s wrong here. “Well... I’m alright. Just working on dinner now. Summer salad.” “Oooh~ Sounds good,” she said with that same smile. “I was actually hoping you could help me with something a little important... How good are you with porcelain? I got a little thing from my Grandma Pie and it’s got a little crack in it. I was hoping you would know how to fix it.” I’m telling you, something’s off! LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT! She doesn’t call her- “Well, it depends on the age, but I think I can take a look at it. It might take some time, but I’d be happy to do it.” The smile never changed on her face and now I felt something off. It’s like her eyes were staring right through me and it sent a shiver down my spine. “Great! I’ll bring it over in a bit, sound good?” I stared right back, but before I could answer, her attention turned to Scootaloo. “Oh, I almost forgot! Sweetie Belle and Applebloom stopped by the shop and asked me to tell you to meet them at the clubhouse.” Scootaloo cocked her head to one side. “Huh? Weird, I saw them not too long ago and they didn’t say-” “It was after you had left. I said I was going to see Daymos here and you and they asked me to tell you to meet them at the clubhouse. Something about an upcoming bake-sale or something... Okay?” With that same smile, she brought herself down to Scootaloo’s level and now she felt something off. “Umm... Uh, okay... Daymos? Do you mind if I go now? I’ll be back in time for dinner, I promise.” Scootaloo was already grabbing her saddlebag, so I simply shrugged. “Keep an eye on the time and don’t be out after dark, okay?” Quit acting like some sort of concerned parent, there’s seriously something wrong here! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!? With a smile and a nod, Scootaloo bounded out the door. “Alright, I will! Bye Daymos, bye Pinkie!” “Goodbye!” Pinkie called back. The door closed and her eyes fixed on me. “Mind if I use your bathroom before I go? I had just a little too much soda before I came here.” She let out a laugh that finally got my attention. It was dry and... emotionless. Something I was familiar with. My eyes narrowed slightly, but dear old Daymos kept the same dreamy smile. “Sure it’s-” My breath caught in my throat as she went to the basement. “No, that’s not it,” I called out. But she didn’t hear me or didn’t care, because the door was open. I forgot to lock it. She looked down into the darkness for a few seconds and cocked her head. “Ohhh, silly me... Wrong door.” She started to close it, much to my relief, but it was short-lived. “What’s that down there?” I blinked a few times in confusion. “What’s what?” “There. Down at the foot of the stairs? Come on over. It’s right there.” Don’t do it. Finally, I decided to listen to the Whisper. “It’s probably nothing, maybe a rat or something... come on, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” A single step down the stairs was enough to send my heart racing and for me to ignore the Whisper’s pleas. “No, it’s not that, it’s bigger... Like, a lot bigger...” Something pulled at me and I got to my hooves. My sanctuary was being invaded. “I’m telling you, there’s nothing down there,” I said as I joined her side. “There’s nothing-” I didn’t even have a second to react. A hoof on my back, a little shove, and I was sent tumbling down the stairs. I tried to break my fall, but I still dropped before hitting the concrete landing with an audible thud and a moan. “Ohhh, my mistake,” a new voice called from the top of the stairs. “It’s just you.” The click of the lock turning and I knew right then and there I needed to get up and move. Glancing up to the top of the stairs just in time, I saw her leap down at me with outstretched hooves. I tumbled out of the way and made it my hooves shakily. There, standing before me, wasn’t the bubbly mare that I was used to. Her hair and mane were dull and lifeless. Her pupils merely pinpricks as she stared at me with a look I knew all too well. But it was that smile. That same, plastic smile she wore when she first showed up made my hair stand up on end. She and I simply stared at each other, circling my workshop like two wolves, ready to pounce. “Nice place you got here,” the not so Pinkie thing in front of me said. “Now tell me, what’s a cleaner colt like you need all these knives for?” My mouth felt dry, but I managed to croak out an answer. “They’re, uhh... They’re for a client. Now Pinkie, I-” “Don’t call me that,” she snapped. It was quick, direct, and sharp. Almost as sharp as the knives in question she kept ogling. She picked one of the serrated blades up idly and, to my surprise, spun it around her hoof in such a manner that made me a little jealous. The back of the blade rolled across her wrist, and in one quick little motion, she bounced it into the air and snatched it up. “Now stay still.” I snapped out of wonder as her gaze turned back to me and I just couldn’t obey her request in good health or conscience while she had that look in her eye. She lunged towards me and slashed at empty air. I had already dived under the table and used it as a barrier. “I! TOLD! YOU! STAY! STILL!” she cried out, punctuating each word with a knife swing that was getting closer and closer to its mark. Behind you. Grab it, now. I reached out blindly behind me, hoping the Whisper wasn’t trying to end me. “AH! SON OF A...” My hoof stung in pain as I continued to grope, having found the knife of the blade, but not the handle. Whipping the blade in front of my face, I managed a small smile as I held out the 8-inch butcher’s knife. “Gryphon steel, don’t fail me now...” I half prayed, holding the knife out, pointing it at the mare I thought I knew so well. She was the first to stab again, swinging low towards my stomach. I jumped back and slashed downwards, hoping spear her hoof, but she pulled it back to quickly. “Hah!” she cried out with that same creepy smile. “Gotta be quicker than-” My free hoof connected with the side of her face and sent her reeling. “FUCKER!” she cried out, cradling her nose. “GET THE FUCK OVER HERE SO I CAN SKIN YOU!” In a scream of anger and rage, she dashed forward on her hind legs and started jabbing and swinging at me. “You’re good,” she remarked as matter-of-factly as she could as if we were talking over tea. I kept quiet and let the Whisper direct me. Your left. Right now. She’s telegraphing that attack. It’s coming down from overhead. Now strike! True to the Whisper’s word, Pinkie left herself wide open. And I could have quickly brought the knife up and killed her right then and there. But I hesitated. I hesitated. Despite the twisted face of rage and the drip of blood coming from her nose, she was still Pinkie Pie. And I couldn’t do it. And I paid for it. Kicking herself forward, Pinkie tackled into me and sent me falling backward. My knife was knocked from my hoof and she straddled my chest. “Perfect...” she almost purred, her voice dripping with malice. “Now, how’s that little rhyme go...” Too bad it was too far away to grab while she sat on me. “Oh yeah... ‘Snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches.’” Pinkie was positively giggling by now. “This will teach you to stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong...” Stall her! TALK! DO SOMETHING! “I... I... I didn’t snitch, I swear. If anything, I helped you.” Pinkie’s eyes said curious, but the knife she raised above her head said ‘Daymos’ day to die.’ “I got rid of the body.” Her eyes now said surprise and she faltered. “No way... Why? Why on earth would a good little colt like you get rid of a body? Tell me... Why haven’t you gone to the police?” I leaned back and laughed. An honest to goodness laugh. All I could do was chuckle out the words, “Come closer and I’ll tell you.” This is my only chance... Pinkie leaned in an inch further. And I beckoned her again. Waiting for the right moment. By now, she was at least three inches away from my face. Do it. “Now tell me wh-” Grabbing onto Pinkie’s shoulders, I slammed my forehead into her face as hard as I could, eliciting several curses and a steady flow of blood from her nose. “YOU BASTARD!” she screamed as she stumbled backward. Scrambling for my knife, I grabbed hold of it and turned on her. Kill her! DO IT NOW OR SHE’LL KILL YOU! IT’S THE ONLY WAY! Still a little stunned, Pinkie didn’t even have a second to react when I pounced on her, making sure to bounce her head off the cold, hard floor. Her grip on the knife loosened and I didn’t hesitate to fling it aside, leaving her defenseless. I brought the knife to her throat, every bit of me intended to end it there, but again, I couldn’t. Not with so many questions left unanswered. The biggest one on my mind was the first to pass my lips. “Now tell me. What the hell is going on, Pinkie? How did you end up like this?” A smile through what looked like a lot of pain was all I got from her. I brought the knife as close to her throat without cutting flesh. “Out of all the ponies... You... How?” She looked at me and her smile got wider. “Pinkamena.” That’s all she said. “Pinkamena?” “That’s my name... Pinkie’s not here right now, please leave a message after the beep.” JUST. KILL. HER. She tried to kill you! Do it! “You’re not making any sense... Pinkamena. Start talking straight.” The dull pink mare rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Fine... How do I put this? While the cat’s away, the mice will play. Here’s something else; You can’t kill me without killing Pinkie Pie. And you’re too good-” I shook her slightly and made sure she remembered right where the knife was. “I could kill you and Pinkie Pie right now and I’d only lose a single night’s sleep. And that’s because I’d have to go to great lengths to make sure that nopony would be the wiser that you were gone.” Her smile finally falters for a second and Pinkie’s face contorts into one of true confusion. “Holy shit, you’re not kidding... Wait, if you’re not kidding...” The smile came back and a chill went down my spine. “You’re not a good little colt, are you? You’re naughty. Just like me.” “Well... You’re not wrong, but...” She knows what you are. Kill her now, you dolt! QUIT TALKING! “...but stop dancing around my question. Who or... What are you?” “Well... I think it’s like this... I know about Pinkie, but she doesn’t know about me. The only time when I get to play is when she’s not around.” I blinked a few times in confusion. It sounded like multiple personality disorder. I read about it in a story but had thought it was nothing but a writer’s fancy. “Basically, Pinkie and I are two sides of the same coin. And if you do anything to me, you’re doing it to her.” My head was swimming by now. “She’s... Asleep? Alright... But... Why are you trying to kill me?” “Simply put? You saw me. And I thought you had already gone to the police... I wanted the only witness gone.” The way she said it, plain as day was so... Cold and calculating. It reminded me of someone. Me. Then she pulled out something else that made me reel. “So tell me, how many ponies have you killed? Be honest. I’m dying to know if you’ve beat my record.” My heart raced in my chest and my mouth started to open to answer. Don’t tell her. For the love that all is holy, listen to me! She’s going to run off and use whatever you tell her- “How far back we going here? I killed one last week. All in all though? I think... fifty. Fifty or so.” I didn’t know why I was telling her, but... It felt good. It felt good to brag for a change. Pinkamena’s face changed. Her eyes lit up and a more... softer smile adorned her face. “Ohhh nice! You got me beat, that’s for sure. I’m actually a little jealous... And turned on.” I went limp for a second, not knowing how to respond to that. All I could do was stutter and stammer like an idiot. “Umm... Uh... I, uh... T-Thank you?” I said with a nervous chuckle. “I’ve... Never really met anyone who’s approved of my... work.” Things went quiet for an awkward moment so to break it, I brought up the thing that made us meet. “I... I like what you did with the stallion. The cuts were so clean and neat. And how did you drain the blood? There wasn’t a drop anywhere.” Pinkamena smiled at me in a way I could only define as ‘sultry.’ “Tell you what... Help a girl back up and I’ll tell you.” The whisper growled from the back of my mind, but it was wrong this time. I just knew it. “And you promise not to try and kill me again?” “Only if you give me a reason to.” Her tongue ran across her upper lip, licking up a little blood. “Besides, you’re way too much fun.” I waited a second and slowly stepped off of her. She looked up to me and actually smiled in a way that didn’t strike me as unnatural. She seemed... Happy. “I hang them upside down,” she finally said. “What?” “I hang ponies upside down, slit their throat and let gravity do the work.” “That’s...” So many words floated through my mind, so many images. I wanted to slap myself upside the head for not thinking of that before, but instead, I just chuckled. “That’s smart. I’ve been trying to get a hold of a mortician’s pump, myself. Something that could let me easily drain the blood with a flip of a switch. But that is just a smart, simple solution. Bravo.” Pinkamena let out a little giggle and kicked the ground idly. “Oh shucks, you know how to make a girl blush, don’t you Daymos? Not like Winter. Ugh!” She practically gagged as the name left her mouth, prompting me to ask. “Winter? You mean...” “The pony in the bag. Asshole tried to rape me on my way home and Pinkie blacked out in fear when he pulled the knife. It was a spur of the moment thing, but I managed to get him to my basement where I had all the fun I wanted with him.” Pinkamena punctuated the sentence with a wink and I could feel myself melting. “So, Pinkamena... Where do we go from here?” I finally managed to strangle out. “Because I thought you had plans for me.” She circled me like a hungry shark, her eyes running up and down my body. “Depends... What did you have in mind? This girl’s bored after all and Pinkie is going to be out until morning. Dumping your body into the lake was supposed to be my entire night.” “Well, how about we head upstairs and I treat you to dinner before I see you out?” I asked, putting on a plastic smile. “End our night on a high note. Sound fair enough?” Pinkamena shrugged and motioned for the stairs but stopped short. “Oh! Speaking of fair...” I didn’t have much time to react when she grabbed hold of me, pushing me onto my back hooves. She held me there and I looked into her eyes. She fluttered her eyelashes and leaned in close. All I could do was sputter out a few words and try to walk back. “What are-” My jaw clenched and my world went white for a second as a knee was brought between my legs, making me gasp out in pain. “That’s for striking a lady,” she said, letting me go and falling to the floor. “I’ll see you upstairs.” I curled up in a ball and made my best effort not to throw up as I regained my composure. That should sum up everything that’s going to happen to you if you don’t call this off now. Grab a knife and end this. “She just does not play fair,” I mumbled under my breath. Shaking it off and making my way up the stairs, I let out a little laugh. “Still, better than at each other’s throats with knives...” “There’s that!” Pinkamena called out, holding the door open. “Oh come on, don’t be such a big baby. I didn’t hit you that hard.” I grumbled under her breath and she cocked an eyebrow at me. “Want me to kiss it and make it all better?” I felt my face go red and shook my head quickly. “No, you do not have to kiss it!” I cried out. Pinkamena shrugged her shoulders. “Your loss. Onto a more brighter subject, tell me... Got any good kill stories? I got a few myself.” I rolled my shoulders. “I don’t know... I mean, I’ve had a few squirm on my table and say some things...” “Oh come on, big strong stallion like you don’t know how to make somepony squirm with a knife to their throat?” Pinkamena giggled. “Maybe I was wrong about you.” She and I sat down onto the couch and I felt my eyes narrow. “I’ve got plenty of stories.” Pinkamena leaned in and mouthed two words. “Prove it.” And prove it I did. * * * Scootaloo had long since returned, claiming that her friends never showed up. I consoled her with a bowl of summer salad and told her it’d been a long day. She agreed and went to her room for the night. Meanwhile, ‘Pinkie Pie’ said she was sorry she didn’t see her friends and that Scootaloo could come over for a cupcake whenever she wanted. As soon as I heard the door close upstairs, I turned to the now rather dull pink mare in front of me and shook my head. “How in Equestria do you do that?” I asked, referring to her sudden change in appearance. “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure myself... All I know is that if I act all ‘happy and sunshiney~’” she said, propping her head up with her hooves and putting on a huge smile. And much to my surprise, a bright pink coat and poofy pink hair. “Then I’m lovable ol’ Pinkie Pie.” And as quickly as it came, her smile disappeared and her hair fell flat. “So maybe it’s a force of mind thing, I don’t know. Now come on, you were telling me about the stallion you scared to death!” I laughed and put a hoof up to my mouth. “Shh! I don’t know if Scootaloo’s fallen asleep yet, so you gotta keep it down.” Although, it’s not like I was doing a better job. I kept breaking out into a fit of giggles every time I tried to start the story. “W-Well... I told you my mother was killed,” I said below a whisper. “I decided to track down the son of a bitch who did it and I found him in New Colt City. He thought he was so safe and that he had gotten away with it.” Pinkamena was so enchanted with my stories. She was hanging on every word I said. And I loved it. “But I managed to find him after bribing a few bar patrons and drugged him in an alleyway the next night. I had him strapped to a table underneath an ancient building and I had plans. Beautifully, bloody plans.” Pinkamena visibly shivered with excitement. “Go on.” “I was going to make him watch as his own heart was ripped out.” I said it plain as day. It was the first time anypony heard what I had planned to do that day. Even more, what actually happened. “I made sure to place the scalpel on his chest and tell him ‘You’re going to die here. You’re going to die this way. All by my h-’.” I stopped short and Pinkamena leaned forward. “That’s when he went limp and stopped moving,” I said with a huge grin. “The bastard had a heart attack.” Pinkamena’s jaw dropped and she started letting out a howl of laughter until she brought her hooves to her mouth, forcing it shut. “That’s... That’s... That’s beautiful!” she managed to croak out. “I mean, not as beautiful as ripping out a pony’s heart and showing them, but still... You managed to scare somepony literally to death! Oh Daymos, you really know how to push all the right buttons.” That’s when something odd happened. I felt a blush creep up my neck and send my ears tingling. “Well, thanks,” I said bashfully. “I try my best.” A glance at the clock and Pinkamena let out a long, heavy sigh. “Damnit. Ol’ fudge-butt is going to be up for a little snack in a bit, I can feel it. And she’s going to be mighty confused if she woke up in your house.” “Uh... Yeah. Let’s not have that happen,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Anyways... Goodnight Pinkamena.” She waved as she stood in the doorway before blowing me a little kiss. “Good night Daymos... And see you again real soon.” I waved back dumbly, out of sheer confusion more than anything and let out a little laugh. “Well... Today’s been a day...” I finally manage to say after the door’s been closed. “She goes from potential murderer to friend in no time...” My smile faded and I slumped slightly into my chair. “Well, there goes any idea of tracking down another killer... And I still need to get rid of you.” The Whisper was quiet, grumbling, and growling from the back of my mind. I knew it didn’t like me talking with Pinkamena, but she seemed innocent. And I already made sure to point out the fact that while she could go to the police and tell them everything about me, I could turn around and do the same. Apparently, she was the one responsible for a clown pony by the name of Big Top. I knew of the clown in question and while he seemed to enjoy bringing smiles to the faces of the kids of Ponyville, he was wanted for questioning in Canterlot after a few fillies who attended his show went missing. The one thing I made sure not to mention was the location of my prizes, sitting beneath the house. As much as I liked bragging for a change — as much as recounting my tales to a like-minded individual excited me — I was not about to give her that over me. Still, I was eager for the next time I saw her. Which was supposed to be at her place. Tomorrow night.