Chapter Two
April 13th 2012
I feel like a deer caught in the head-lights of fate. This has got to be, hands down, the strangest day I have been through! Let's break this down:
(1.) I had actually went outside today. Completely out of character for me
(2.) The sky was flashing pink. PINK!!!
(3.) I smelled the overpowering scent of fudge. Fudge that I never did find.
(4.) I found this strange dude who called himself Discord, the Spirit of chaos, passed out, laying on a copper statue of a life-sized giraffe.
(5.) I believed that he was the real deal, and shortly afterwards, decided that he, and all the other weird shit that happened today were only a vivid hallucination.
(6.) Figment of my imagination or no, I still let him follow me home like some kind of stray, insidious puppy.
(7.) Which lead to where I am now. My dad has just burst through the door, to see me stripped down to my underwear with a complete stranger, who wasn't an hallucination conjured by my broken psyche, but an Asshole who managed to convince me that he wasn't real.
I feel so violated... It is as if destiny itself is leering at me with rape eyes.
It looks like I am going to just... fake it till I make it
Oh shit think of something! Thinkofsomethingthinkofsomethingthinkofsomthing! Ha! Genius! ~This isn't going to fucking work and you know it Ashton.~
I put on my best poker face as I give a small cough and gesture toward discord."Dad, I would like you to meet Herr Bafflebopfen Von Milenhauser, a photographer from Germany. He is going to be staying here for a couple of days to take pictures of the art district." I turn to give "Bafflebopfen" a stern stare before saying," He hardly speaks English."
Discord stares at the two of us, he then looks at me... He scrambles over himself as he mutters," Ja, wenn der Jesus Cannon den Stör von Stalin zerstört, gewinnen wir diesen Krieg!" He grabs a black handkerchief and wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead. He starts wildly gesturing, his hands frittering as he said,"Wenn Sie meine Fotographie mit dem Koloss Hogan nicht nehmen, diese Kamera verwendend, indem Sie 'KHAAAAAN schreien!!!' werde ich Ihre komplette Nation überwinden." He finished with a shaky smile, or atleast he tried to, since his snaggle tooth made his grin crazed and sinister.
Dad just looks at me. Oh shit he knows everything. Fuck! Oh god, he's smiling! He knows and now he is smiling! Arrggghhhh! He opens his mouth. He closes it, and then he opens it again. I see a glint of disappointment in his eyes. Wait... Does he think I'm- he says,"I am so proud of you son. I am glad that you made the initiative for once, even if it was so unexpected." He hugs me tightly before patting my head. "I am... Going to bed now. Try to keep quite." He sighed, staggering off into what was once my room. The door shuts with a muted thud.
"Ja, Deine Mutter ist ein schwein hund!" He says as he waves at the door before turning toward me. I have had Enough of these awkward silences! I storm out of the living room, heading into the room that I have been sleeping in for the past couple of months. Can't wait until dad relinquishes his hold over my room.
~Face it, this is your room. It has been ever since Dad started putting a sock on the doorknob to your old one.~
Get the fuck out of my head!
Murmuring expletives, I crawl into the chair in front of the computer. I press the power button on the tower to the computer, and feel it thrum to life. The stress melts away as the windows 7 logo greets me with its cheerful tune. "Whats that Ashton?" I heard discord say, his curiosity tinged with an almost alien humbleness that I didn't think he was capable of. Wow, I must have really convinced him that- Oh sweet lord I can't let him find out what this is! ~Wouldn't that entail avoiding the computer until this situation has been dealt with?
Coming to the obvious conclusion, I sigh, saying," I will tell you, but only if you tell me how you learned to speak German."
Discord leans back on the door, holding a slightly solemn expression on his face, which was quickly replaced with a small grin when he said, "That was a language?" He said in mock surprise." I was just throwing around random syllables and umlauts in my head and just saying what rolled off the tongue." He leans back on the door, looking at me. Looks like his cheekiness is back in full swing.
Frowning sharply I demand, "Come on, tell me! I'm curious now!" Discord rolls his eyes at me.
"For a wizard, you certainly aren't wise Ashton. I have been around for a few thousand years now, you would think I'd have picked up the odd few hundred tongues or so." He looks at the computer with curiosity again. " So what is it? Your magic box perhaps?" He nudged the tower with his finger
I am going to regret this soooo hard. "You could say it is a magic box that lets you read books, look at pictures, and listen to music, that kind of stuff."
"hmm" He hums, sounding uninterested in what is, in a sense, an entrance to a temple devoted to chaos. "So whats stopping you from just reading a book, looking at a picture, or going out and listening to music? Sounds pretty pointless if you ask me."
"Well..." I say, now irked." It is also connected to the internet." ~ You reaallly want him to find out don't you? No wonder you hear voices in your head~
"Oh another bookpony thing no doubt. I swear Ashton, you remind me so much of a certain lavender pony, except without the pesky friends. You don't have any friends, do you Ashton?"
~Stab him in the eye with a spoon~, the little voice in my head said randomly. I shake my head and turn to face Discord, who was now laying on the bed, a pile of junk piled up behind him. The stare he was giving me sent a shiver down my spine. "Umm..." I start feeling awkward again, trying to determine if the look he is giving me is a come-hither look, or, more hopefully, an I-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep look. ~The ice cream scooper is in the left drawer to right, just in case you forgot.~
"I thought as much." He said with a smile and a soft chuckle. "So why the whole loner persona Ashton? Does someone have issues? Someponys mommy didn't hug him enough?"
If he is trying to get me riled up, he is doing a piss poor job of it. Yep, I am a rock! I am going to- ~Cry in the shower for mommy. Again.~ " I liked to have friends when I was a little kid, but as I grew up, I guess I just got bored of people in general. Everything started feeling like I was just going through the motions with them. It started feeling mundane, like they were sucking all the fun out of life with all their pesky spats and idle chitchat, so I just started fading out from the scene, stopped talking to people, and just retreated in on myself. "
"Ah, A man after my own heart!" Discord exclaims with a gleeful grin. At least I hope that's glee. "What's so fun about doing normal things, with normal people?" He says with revulsion. "Nothing that's what!" His voice takes a more serious tone, now only slightly playful. "But I am sure you would have had found some real excitement if you had shared what you thought was really fun with you friends."
"But that's just It! they weren't really my friends anymore, they were just people, complete strangers that I couldn't connect with! Plus society doesn't really like what I consider "Fun", so I just keep my thoughts bottled up inside."
"Bottling your thoughts up never ends well... I say this from experience!" He placed his hand on his chest," Spending a few eons locked in a statue will eventually have yourself going over what will happen when you are finally freed, but when It finally does happen..." He scowls. "You bungle up what you planned to do!"
Holy... Shit. So he was conscious the whole time he was in that statue? Fuck, and I thought it was shitty living like this! "I think I am... Going to take a shower." I stammer as I walk out the room, leaving a somewhat puzzled Discord.
I didn't cry in the shower.
~Yes you did, you empathetic pansy boy. Feeling sorry for Discord?!? He's only sad because he screwed up in splitting up the Mane 6 and plunging Equestria into chaos!
I dried myself off, took a quick piss, and boldly went into the room expecting him to do somet-OH SHIT HE'S ON THE COMPUTER CHAIR. "What the hell are you doing on the computer?" I ask, a little angry. No one touches the computer, and gets away with it! Except when they do, which happens a lot.
He was just sitting there, staring at the tower in relaxed concentration. "I don't think its working." I face palm as I grab his head, and twisted it to view the screen. "Oh!" He reads the text on the screen with a squint. "Hmmm, Busty Nude Bimbo Coeds..." Note to self, Delete my fucking browser history once in a fucking while! He pokes at the screen with his finger. Oh thank god he was only reading a link! He snorts in frustration and turns to face me. "Bah, it's just a silly little toy for foals anyway." He says with a pout.
I shake my head sighing when I hear my stomach growl. "You hungry?" I say reflexively to no one in particular. I give a mental wince. It's one of the many knee jerk reactions I have for no reason, and it makes me feel like Pavlov's bitch.
"I could really go for some cotton candy, or chocolate if you have some", he said oh so politely.
"I don't have any of that in stock", I say.
"Can't you just conjure some, you are a wizard after all", he says with a look of confusion.
"You'll get a sammich, and that's it." I grun, bounding off for the kitchen.
Okay, I found the bread behind the bottle of rice wine, and some boloney behind the jar of wasabi. Alright I can do this! I can do this! All I have to do is... damn it.~ Ashton wants to learn "Sammich-Crafting" Delete an old move? Y/N~ I place two pieces of bread on the counter top. I wrap these bread slices with boloney. Finished! I am such an artist!
I take my master piece of the culinary arts to the room. Discord eyes it curiously. "So that's a... "Sammich"?" he asks warily. I think it's around 7 PM Now, due to the room being so dark. "Its different from what I expected."
"Just eat it Discord." I command wearily.
He bit tentatively on the "Sandwich". "Mmmmmmm! The taste is a bit off... but I just love the texture!" He starts eating the sandwich with gusto. "So what is this pink stuff?" He asks.
"Boloney."
"What, pray tell, Is boloney?"
"Meat. From a pig... Most of the time." Discords eyebrows do a strange little jig as he stares at the nearly eaten "Sammich". He shrugs and goes back to eating the "sandwich". Well that is unexpected... I say," You are certainly taking all this in stride aren't you? Does this mean that the other races in equestria actually eat meat?"
"Equestria had the delightfully odd talking carnivore or two when I wasn't trapped in stone, but I don't recall any sentient flesh eating species... Then again, I spent all of my time having fun with ponies." He laughs.
"So what are you going to do?" I say.
Then began the longest awkward silence I had the misfortune to be part of. As he stokes his wispy goatee I just think What happens next? Does he just leave or does he stay? Is this encounter going devolve into some wacky sitcom antics? ~I hope you smother him with a pillow before you let that happen.~
"What is that sound?" Discord says, as he turns toward the window. I strain my ears to hear what he is talking about. I barely hear a Song play in the distance. I move to the window to look outside, the music growing ever louder. I see people in the streets going crazy, running about yelling at the top of their lung, people fighting amongst themselves for drinks and food. My worst fears are realized. The one thing that could make this day worse.
It's a fucking block party!
And thats my second chapter... I think I may make each day take place over 3 to 4 chapters. Unless of course you guys have some suggestions.
Viva Le CHAOS!