I stand staring in the mirror. I'm now fifteen. I'm not the same filly I used to be. Ever since being diagnosed with schizophrenia at age twelve, ponies look at me differently. My mane has long since deflated. I'm not treated the same as I used to. When I walk by, dozens of eyes are on me. I hear whispers all the time. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm just imagining them. Perhaps I'm just imagining everything. Maybe nothing's real at all.
I mean, who's to say anything's real when you've been diagnosed with something that says you don't know reality from imaginary?
"Pinkie Pie," I hear from behind me. I shift my head slightly to the side and see Surprise standing there. She comes into focus and I turn around to face her.
"Hi. I haven't seen you in a while," I say to her, no emotion held in my voice. Surprise takes a few steps towards me.
"I know, I'm sorry. It's. . . been a rough few weeks."
"Weeks?" I scoff. "I haven't seen you in months." I glare at her dully.
She looks surprised, her mouth opening. "Months? Oh, Pinkie, I'm so-"
"Stay away from me!" I back up from the advancing pegasus and hit my rump against the mirror. "You aren't welcome here anymore."
"But Pinkie. . ." She looks heartbroken, her eyes filling with tears already. She weakly extends a hoof towards me, but I turn away.
"No." I stick my nose in the air.
"I'm sorry. . if I had known, I would've. . ."
"But that's the thing!" I shout, swiftly jerking around to look her in the face, "you wouldn't have! I've needed you more than ever, but you abandoned me. In my time of need." I feel tears running down my cheeks. She just weakly opens and closes her mouth.
I continue. "And you know what? You're not a very good guardian angel. You're just selfish. You tell me to say you're real, but then you leave me. They ask me if I see you anymore, but I can't really say that I do, can I?" I see the look of anguish on her face. "Can I?!"
Surprise shakes her head in disbelief, not able to say anything. "I. . .I. . ."
My mouth forms a snarl. "Can I?! Can I?!" I take a breath, not caring if the little white pegasus was crying or not. "Can I, Surprise?! Tell me!"
"N-no!" she cries, letting it out, "you can't! I'm sorry!"
"That's what I thought." I huff angrily. "You know, if you were any sort of 'angel', you'd be there all the time. You'd protect me. But you're not doing any of that, not at all. So, leave. I never want to see you ever again!" I let the final words rise in volume, allowing her to see just how angry I am.
Surprise swallows back more tears, glancing sideways for a moment. She then turns back to me, an angry shield forming around her. "F-fine! I don't care anyways! I never w-wanted to look after a depressed wimp like you! So, yeah, I'll leave, and I won't ever come back!" She opens her wings and leaps into the air. I blink. She's gone.
I harrumph, glad that she's gone. I nod my head firmly and turn away from where she vanished. It's only as I'm taking a step towards my door that I realize what I've done.
I'll never see her again.
"Well, bye family! I'll be sure to visit!" I call as I walk towards the door. My father nods at me, my mother waves, and my two sisters do the same. I stroll out into the sunlight, my eyes bright, saddlebags on my back. It's when I start walking that I feel the happiest I've ever been. My hair inflates in glee as I realize that I'm finally free. My schizophrenia is at the lowest it's ever been; I haven't had an episode in nearly a year.
Then why do I feel so empty without her?
Surprise was my best friend. Why did I drive her away?
No. She was ruining my chances of becoming normal, that's why. Stop thinking these things, Pinkie Pie. It's just going to make you relapse into your old ways.
I continue walking in silence. I bounce around, stopping to smell the flowers and eat them. Mmm, dandelions. Okay, well, they're not technically flowers, but still. It's still food.
As I approach the train station, I feel my excitement rising. The little town I've grown up around didn't have anything for me anymore. I used to be content with the little things here, but lately I've found that I don't. If my sisters are, that's fine with them, but I couldn't live like that. I just want a simple life, filled with fun, but this little old town was too simple. Ponyville seems just right.
"One ticket for Ponyville, please," I say to the pony behind the glass. She glances down and fishes around in a box. She returns her gaze to me, slapping a small green ticket on the counter.
"That'll be ten bits," she says. I blink.
"Ten? Are you sure? I mean, last week it was only five."
"Yes. It's ten bits or nothing."
I look at the seven bits in my hoof. I didn't have enough. I couldn't go back now! Then, I get an idea.
"How about five bits?" I ask, sliding up the money. She furrows her brow and looks at me.
"Ten."
"Five."
"Ten."
"Five!" I throw my hoof in the air.
"Ten!" she yells back, slamming her hooves on the counter.
"Ten!"
"Five!"
"Okay," I giggle, swiping the ticket off the counter and smiling, "have it your way! Five bits it is, then!" I try galloping off, but something grabs me from behind.
A large stallion has his hoof wrapped around my tail. I see a badge on his chest.
He glares down at me from over the top of his dark sunglasses. "I advise you return the ticket, Missy."
I peer back up at him, giving him a sheepish smile. "Sure will do, Mister Cop!" I toss the ticket at him and sprint off, not even taking care to get my five bits back. Sweat falls down my face and I wipe it away, letting my breath out. I then realize that I have only two bits left. For cinnamon's sake. I sit down on a rock. I'm only a bit outside town, but it's getting dark and I have nowhere to go. I can't go back to my house! Then they'd be right, saying that I wouldn't have been able to do it.
I sigh loudly, my mane going limp. It looks like a deflating balloon, half bubbly and half straight. I feel tears in my eyes and put my face in my hooves, elbows on my knees. I sit there for a while before I hear hoofsteps. I glance up, tears still hovering in my watery eyes, preparing to fall.
There stands the pony I never thought I'd ever see again. Surprise.
The pegasus looks upon me, her eyes forgiving and sorrowful. She sticks out a hoof in my direction.
"Hi buddy," she says sadly. I sit up straight, mouth open.
"Surprise?" I ask numbly.
"Yeah, Pinkie. It's me." She looks expectantly at me. I remember her hoof is still out and latch onto it. She heaves, using her light weight body to pull me up.
"I. . . I never thought I'd see you again. It's been a year." I look into her violet eyes.
"Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. I've always been watching." Surprise glances away briefly. "I'm sorry. About everything."
"No," I say, shaking my head, "it's me who should be sorry. I'm the one who got mad and said the mean things first. I've been a real meany lately."
"It's alright. I shouldn't have said those things either."
We share an embrace, not letting go for a few moments.
"So," I say, "we friends again?"
She giggles, "Yeah, Pinkie Pie, friends."
I suddenly pull back. "But what am I supposed to do now? I have no money to get to Ponyville."
"You really think I only came to cheer you up? I'm supposed to help you too, you know." She shakes her head slightly, allowing several bits to fall into the dirt, little indentations around them as they hit the earth.
"You have money? How did you get money?" I ask, looking in awe at the coins laying at my hooves.
"I have my ways," she snickers mysteriously. She looks at me out of the corner of her eye as she turns slightly, a smirk on her face. She puts her hooves up near her mouth, trying to hide it - but only slightly - then opens her wings with a quiet ruffling of her feathers.
"Wait! Do- do you have to go so soon? It's been so long. I still want to talk to you," I say, reaching out for her.
She spares me a glance, but doesn't say anything right away. Surprise waits, her violet eyes falling to the ground, then focuses her gaze on me, still turned away slightly.
"Pinkie, you don't need me. You'll be fine; I promise, this won't be the last you see of me." She smiles sadly.
"Pinkie Promise?"
She blows some air out of her nose in amusement. "Pinkie Promise." She does the actions. I try to not blink for as long as I can, but I feel my eyes watering and let them shut. She's so fast. I'd never be able to watch her leave.
"Thank you."
The train ride is bumpy. I kind of like it. I watch the long curl of my hair that always hangs over my face bounce as the train goes along. It passes the time, at least, but inside, I'm in turmoil; Surprise is the only thing on my mind.
What if I only see her every other year, or something crazy like that. Ever since I'd gotten angry at her for being gone in long periods of time, I'd missed her. I didn't like to admit it, but it was true. She'd been a part of my life for eight years. I couldn't live without her. But even though she doesn't come around very often. . .
I still love her like family.
"Final destination, Ponyville! Please be careful exiting the train!" the conductor calls as he walks through the train cars. I snort, waking up from my slumber. I look eagerly out the window to see what the town looks like. I gasp in excitement.
I quickly grab my saddle bag and throw it on my back. I then scurry off the train, trying to go faster than all the slow ponies in front of me. I excuse myself several times before I finally make it to the door. I feel the sun on my coat, warming me.
"Ooh, I'm so excited!" I squeal, hopping in the air, hitting my hooves together. I bounce off. First thing on my mind: find somewhere to live.
My Pinkie Sense is tingling slightly. I never could explain it, but hey; I can't even explain why I'm pink and the rest of my family is grey.
I don't know where to go at first. I just decide to wander and hope that I'll find someplace. But as I walk into Town Square, an amazing smell draws me off course. The sweet smell of baked goods fills my nostrils, causing my hooves to switch direction. My eyelids flutter as the wonderful scent invades my senses, blocking out everything else. I blindly trot towards the source. . . and run into a door. The smell breaks away as I do, but I look up at where I'm standing.
It looks like a gingerbread house, but, ya know, an actual house. I grin and throw open the door, not caring what I was searching for but a few moments ago. It smells so great as I open the door.
"Why hello there! Welcome to SugarCube Corner! How may I help you?" a voice asks me, breaking me out of the sugary spell. I blink and look up, seeing I've meandered up to the counter.
"Hi! SugarCube Corner, huh?" I ask, smirking slightly. I let my eyes wander over the selection of treats for a moment. Everything looks so amazing. . . but eventually, I see the perfect snack. It's a simple cupcake, but it has layers of rainbow frosting piled on top of it, complete with a cherry.
"Oooh, what's that?" I point a hoof at the glass where the cupcake rests.
The orange stallion behind the counter smiles. "That's our Rainbow Swirl cupcake. They're a great one."
I grin, eyes shining. "How much?"
"Three bits." I glance into my bag. I have just enough left over from the bits I got from Surprise. I'm not sure. But what's better than a cupcake?
"Okay. Here you go!" I set the bits on the counter and he swipes them into his hoof and deposits them in a cash register. He then reaches down for the cupcake and sets it on the counter. I grab it, a huge smile on my face, say a quick 'thanks!', and scurry off to grab a seat. I sit myself down, taking my time to admire the treat. I feel my mouth watering, drool dripping down my chin. I don't realize I am until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I jerk out of the spell and glance behind me.
A light blue mare with a large amount of hair piled on her head - reminding me of frosting - smiles at me. "You have a bit of something, dearie."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry," I say, looking up at her. I return my gaze to the cupcake. "But this looks soooo good. I don't want to just eat it right away. I won't be able to get another one. I've gotta make it last."
The mare tilts her head at me. "Why ever not?"
"Oh, well, I'm not from here. I just got here. This is where I'm going to start my life. I don't have a place to stay or anything yet. In fact, I was looking when I smelt this place. I just had to follow it." I blink at her.
"That's nice. What ever made you decide to come to this little old town of Ponyville?"
"The place I was living in wasn't even big enough for a real name. Just a few buildings is all. And I'm not much of a city mare."
"I see what you mean. I think Ponyville is just right, too. Well, good luck on your search, dear. I must get back to work." She gives me a smile and I return it gladly. I then turn my head back to the cupcake. It looks so good. . .
So I smash my face into it. I yank my head back up, frosting and cake bits stuck all over my face. A stupid smile is on my lips. I then blink, looking at what I've done.
I didn't even know! Stupid schizophrenia.
"Oh no! I've done it again. ." I mutter sadly, my gaze settling sadly upon the smushed dessert. I wipe some off my face, then lick if off my hoof. My eyes grow huge and my tongue slides around my face, cleaning me up.
"Mmm. . ." I smile and finish the cupcake. I then hop onto my hooves. I'm really jittery now, one of the side effects of sugar with my mental disorder. It's just one of the unique things about me interlocking with the disease. Now I'm all hyper, so I might as well wait a bit. I won't be able to think straight like this.
"Excuse me. . . but, um, could you please. . ."
I jerk back in surprise, hearing someone talking to me. I glance around and see a small yellow pegasus near my hooves, cowering low to the ground.
"Yes?" I ask.
"Well. . um, you're, um, standing on my. . . oh, never mind. . ." She slides to where she's no more than a shadow practically. It's then that I realize I'm standing on something. It's her extremely long tail. I quickly hop off.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention."
"No, I wasn't. . . . sorry."
"No. It was entirely my fault."
"Okay. . sorry."
I sigh. "So. . . what's your name?"
"Fl. . ."
I lean down, one ear swiveling out to hear her. "Excuse me?"
"Flut. . " I look at her with my blankest face. "Fluttershy. . ."
I perk up. I grab her hooves and swing her to her hooves, giving her a huge hug. "Hiyah, Fluttershy! I'm Pinkie Pie! Wanna be friends?" I grin in excitement at her face, which is stricken with the most terrified look ever. I blink, not breaking my gaze.
"Sure. . . ." Most of her face is hidden behind her long pink mane. I hug her again.
"Alright! First friend here! I know we'll have so much fun!" I close my eyes for a moment, then turn my attention towards the window. It's getting dark again.
"Oh shoot! Sorry, Fluttershy, gotta run! Bye!" I exclaim in panic, setting her gingerly back on the floor and shooting off.