//------------------------------// // Rainbow Dash's Day, or: Twisted Firestarter // Story: Statistically The Worst Birthday Ever // by Seer //------------------------------// "Wow, the one and only Rainbow Dash, with presents too?!" screamed a scruffy looking foal. Rainbow looked at him, clearly endeared by his flatcap and chimney sweeping brush and adorable English accent which was really just an American doing an offensive approximation of working class cockney à la Dick Van Dyke after a non-negligible amount of crack cocaine. He wasn't the only one either, there were many children around. All dressed and speaking like the small amount of Charles Dickens characters Rainbow was able to recall. "You know it guys, 20% cooler! Totally tubular! Bungakowa!" Everyone in earshot clapped at her repertoire of awesome phrases, and the headmaster of the orphanage she was visiting came up and stuffed a bunch of tenners into her hooves while repeatedly telling her how fast she was. "Here are the presents everyone, enjoy!" Rainbow yelled, opening a sack next to her from which multiple wrapped parcels spilled. All the foals excitedly swarmed them like maggots on a festering wound or I don't know something like that but cuter. She laughed loudly, Applejack appeared out of nowhere, told he she was the strongest out of the two of them and then immediately fell through the Cloudsdale ground. But wait, something wasn't right. All the foals had stopped and were staring at her. "I thought this was a motorbike!" one unicorn filly rattled accusingly "But it turns out it's just a bag of turnips wrapped poorly!" "Yeah," another child agreed, "I thought my present was the intangible concept of lifetime happiness, but actually it's just a book wrapped in a way that made it look like the intangible concept of lifetime happiness!" "Well that does it!" screamed the headmaster, "Disappointed orphans don't raise any money. This lot is being shipped off the army first thing, hopefully to become soldiers that they might contribute to another of Equestria's various militarily achieved imperialist atrocities." Everyone saluted in tandem, then a corny studio audience said 'woah uh oh' before creasing into laughter. Rainbow backed away until she hit a nearby wall, trying to shield her eyes from the chaos she'd wrought... The pegasus woke up in cold sweats. She fumbled for the switch on her bedside lamp, and upon finding it was relieved to see her own illuminated room with no disappointed foals. It always got like this before one of her friend's birthdays. It didn't matter how often someone told her 'Oh Rainbow you're blaming yourself too much' or 'You need to move on' or 'Oh my god it was just one kid who was a little let down by the wrapping and they weren't even an orphan now shut your trap about it', she just couldn't shake the guilt. It had been a play put on by the local school to raise money for charity, and all the foals that had participated were given presents for their efforts. Rainbow had been more than happy to chip in, picking up a beautiful cuddly dragon for her gift. However, no matter how many times she wrapped it, it always looked... funny. After the fifth time, she had just decided that the present itself was the important thing, and left it. The day of the performance had arrived, and Dash couldn't wait to make some little kid's day. When she came to give the present over to the filly who Cheerilee had pointed out to her, it all went wrong. "Oh my gosh missus Dash, a penguin?!" the foal had babbled excitedly, and from a certain angle Rainbow realised it did look strikingly penguin-like. She had tried to warn her but it was futile, the filly jumped around talking about all the fun things she was going to do with her brand new penguin teddy, all while the gift was still wrapped. When she finally tore into it, and saw the extravagant red dragon's eyes staring back at her, the tears were immediate. Cheerilee had looked over and given Dash a sympathetic smile, but all Rainbow could focus on was the foal's weeping. Ever since that day, the very idea of having to wrap another present inspired in her the kind of dread that was normally reserved for phrases like 'Tory supermajority'. Resigning herself to the fact that no sleeping would get done now, she rose and looked at the clock. Mercifully, it was only a couple of hours until she was supposed to get up anyway. She walked over to her desk and assessed her present again. Now let's be real, there's no way Rarity wasn't going to like the present. Who in their right mind wouldn't like, on their special day, to receive a picture of their friend who they see all the time anyway sporting a full Dreamworks face? The autograph element was just the cherry on top of this enormous, not at all a massive insulting disappointment so don't even imply it, cake. However, if Rainbow was the one to wrap it... she could just see it now. Rarity would assume she was about to receive a lovely model of Rainbow Dash or a Rainbow Dash body-pillow or one of those commemorative Rainbow Dash bobble heads the pegasus had bulk ordered in a display of catastrophic overestimation of market demand, only to find that it was a simple picture. The disappointment would crush her like a badger under the wheels of a formidable articulated lorry. She tried to banish the thoughts from her mind. An early morning fly around Ponyville before she got ready for the party would be sure to do the trick. She took a final glance in the mirror before heading out and sighed, it was going to be a long day. Spoiler alert here, but Rainbow's early morning fly had actually not done the trick at all, and she had worried all the way to Sugarcube corner. She pushed open the door, and found a decent bulk of the decorations had already been done. Presumably Pinkie had awoken at an ungodly hour as usual. "Hey Pinkie, is anyone else here yet?" Dash yelled into the apparently empty restaurant. "Erm yeah! I'll be out in a minute okaycoolthanksrainbow!" Pinkie replied very hastily "Is... is everything okay back there?" the pegasus called back, slightly concerned with how out of breath the party-pony sounded. "Yeah it's fine don't come back here!" the response sounded more desperate than before, making Rainbow even more suspicious. She flapped her wings and gently glided over the the door to the kitchen. "Didn't quite here you Pinkie," she lied, "Can I come in?" "NO!" was the screeched reply, which immediately sealed the deal in Dash's mind. She was the element of loyalty, not the element of obeying sincere requests by close friends, and as such she burst through the doors with all the subtlety and grace of an eight kilo lump hammer to the face. She gasped, Pinkie gasped, that creepy lizard Pinkie owned didn't gasp but if it possessed the slightest level of emotion or sentient thought it probably would have.. "Don't look at me!" screamed the earth pony, but it was futile for Rainbow had already seen. On the worktop was an enormous pile of party invitations all bearing Pinkie's erratic hoofwriting. The feeling of betrayal was instant and cutting, like the sort of feeling you get waking up in a bath of ice next to your cousin Dave despite him assuring you he was going stop attempting to harvest your organs for cash. Her wings pumped and she was pinning Pinkie to the ground in a millisecond. "Wrap my present for me! No wait, I mean what do you think your doing?!" she shouted down at her tearful friend. "Ten party guests including the birthday girl?!" She bit back through tears, "That's not a party, that's barely even a work outing!" "She said 'low-key' and 'intimate' with her 'closest friends', who could we invite that we haven't already?" Rainbow demanded. "Well I thought Princess Celestia and Luna and that guy from the donut shop from after the ball and all those pegasi from that time you had to make a tornado even though magic would have probably been a better way to transport the water and -" Rainbow clamped a hoof over Pinkie's mouth, then grimaced when the distinct feeling of Pinkie's tongue told her the baker still hadn't stopped talking. "Look Pinkie, I know you think that Rarity was trying to send you some coded message by explicitly forbidding you from inviting the whole town and making each of the rest of us swear to stop you if you ever tried to," she paused to shoot the pile of invites an unimpressed look, "But she really wasn't." Pinkie babbled some pitiful excuses for a second before bursting into full blown sobs. She buried her face in Rainbow's chest and wrapped her hooves around her in a hug which instantly crushed the breath from Dash's lungs and presumably caused irreparable spinal damage. "IT'S JUST SO HARD!" she screamed in anguish. For her part, Rainbow tried to seem outwardly sympathetic which internally considering that this might the stupidest thing that had happened to her all week. She couldn't understand why someone would work themselves into such a frenzy over something so utterly trivial. Plus this was cutting into the time she could be spending convincing someone to wrap her present for her! Pinkie's crying didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon, and so Rainbow simply accepted her fate. A long day indeed. Fifteen minutes later, with the help of consolation from Rainbow, Pinkie's habit of wildly unpredictable mood swings and the Cake's garden incinerator in which they disposed of all their old plastic packaging despite several warnings from the council, all the invites had been burned and Pinkie was cheerfully setting up more decorations. Rainbow trotted over to a nearby settee and allowed her aching back a moment's respite. "Hehe thanks for talking me out of that one Dashie!" she trilled, the speed of her recovery was slightly disconcerting to Rainbow, not to mention it was another piece of evidence to add to the case against this story being very good. "It's lucky you got here when you did, one of those invites was for Prince Blueblood!" "Why?!" Rainbow asked, thoroughly disquieted by the whole situation. "Well, I didn't know whether a disastrous romantic faux pas from the past qualifies you as a family friend. Then again he's a prince, it's hardly like he'd have the time!" she giggled. Rainbow thought back to Blueblood's recent ill-fated foray into the world of reality television with that show where he interviewed poor ponies and berated them for being victims of circumstance in front of a cackling studio audience. "Nah, he'd probably have time." "Hey Dashie?" Pinkie called over, her tone sounding noticeably less jokey this time, "Do me a favour and don't let the others know about this... hiccup?" she blushed and didn't fully meet Rainbow's gaze. "Haha, sure think Pinks," the weather pony replied, considerably relieved the whole situation was said and done with. Shortly after the bell above the door rang as Twilight entered, apparently not a moment too early. Pinkie called out in greeting while Dash's anxiety came back full-force. Okay here it was, all she needed to do was get Twilight to wrap the damn picture and she could relax. She stared at the her saddlebags on her lap for a second and apparently this was enough to alert the unicorn that something was wrong. "Hey Rainbow, is something wrong?" Rainbow tried to formulate a response that wouldn't sound too desperate. "What's in your saddlebag? Is that what's bothering you?" Twilight pressed on. "It's my present for Rares," Dash said quietly. "Oh Rainbow, I'm sure she'll love your present." Twilight said soothingly, and Dash's anxiety ebbed a little. She'd understand, Rainbow knew she would. "No, it's not that. It's just... I can't relax until it's wrapped up." "Well, why don't you wrap it?" Twilight replied, only to be cut off by Rainbow's desperate reply. "No! You know I can't wrap stuff Twi', especially not after... I can't get her face out of my mind, you know? I've never seen disappointment like that before." Twilight grimaced. "Rainbow, you need to forget her, it wasn't your fault. And if it's bothering you this much, one of us will wrap it for you." Just like that, several thousand knots in Rainbow's back untied at once and the worry left her. Twilight smiled, showing just how clear her relief must have been. "What did you get her anyway?" "Oh! It's great, I know she's going to love it!" the pegasus said excitedly. She rummaged around in her saddlebag for the party's inevitable pièce de résistance. She passed the picture to Twilight who stared at the gift in what one could only assume was awe. Her pose was perfect, as was the message to Rarity. Even down to the frame the picture was stunning, it was cyan blue with little pegasi carved into the wood. "Never stop dreaming. From your hero, Rainbow Dash," Twilight read out loud, "Let me get this straight. You're worried about the wrapping paper being the thing that disappoints Rarity?" "Why?" Dash asked and snatched the photo back, "Don't you think it captures my good side?" "No. It captures your good side. I'm sure she'll love it," the unicorn responded, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Rad!" Rainbow squealed happily. She set the picture delicately on a nearby table while Twilight went off to talk to Pinkie about something. It felt like a ten tonne weight had been lifted off her back and she could properly breathe again. Twilight could wrap up the present, it would look great and Rarity wouldn't be disappointed. She hopped up onto the ladder Pinkie had just been on and set to working on the decorations. Maybe this party wouldn't be so bad after all. It had been going very well, very well indeed. Applejack had already arrived and set to helping Pinkie in the kitchen. Twilight was wrapping everyone's gifts and making all the fiddly small decorations while Dash busied herself with applying the finishing touches to the room. Admittedly, Rainbow had felt a little tense while Twilight turned the air blue as she wrapped whatever the hell Fluttershy's present was supposed to be, but other than that preparations were going very smoothly. Right up until... "Rainbow," the unicorn called over, "I've just got to read this letter from Spike, could you just sellotape that paper down on AJ's gift?" Dash tensed, every muscle in her body seizing up at once. She turned to see Twilight getting up off the settee, her magic grasping a parchment scroll. "Um, do you really think that's a good idea Twilight?" "Rainbow, all you need to do is sellotape that one corner down. I'm not asking you to wrap the whole present," the unicorn replied with a frown. "Okay fine, but if something goes wrong then-" "Nothing's going to go wrong Dash," she said forcefully. effectively ending all argument about the idea. With that, Twilight turned and trotted away to the other room. Rainbow descended the ladder and tip-toed over to the table, regarding the present with the kind of wariness and primal fear usually inspired by someone approaching you in a busy public retail area brandishing a petition to sign. She sat at the table and looked over the setup. Okay, all she had to do was sellotape a corner of paper, no problem, none at all. Bloody hell was it hot in here? Rainbow wiped some sweat from her brow and shakily reached for the roll of tape. However, it occurred to her that she couldn't possibly be expected to wrap with such little light! Of course not! This was definitely reasonable and not simply stalling until Twilight got back! She stood up and went behind the counter. After a short while's rummaging, she managed to procure a candle and some matches. There we go, some light finally! A quick glance revealed Twilight hadn't returned yet. Rainbow sat and struck the match. Carefully, she moved the flame closer to the candle's wick, being very careful not to put it anywhere near the presents or the wrapping paper... What sounded like an explosion sent Rainbow flying behind the settee in shock. She shook the match out and stood to check the presents were okay before wheeling around to find the noise's source. Fluttershy had kicked the front doors of Sugarcube Corner so hard Dash was genuinely surprised they were still on their hinges. Before Rainbow could scold the normally demure pegasus crossed the distance between them and grabbed onto both sides of Dash's head in a decidedly non-demure fashion. "Where's Twilight?!" she demanded. "Woah, woah tone it down Shy! She's in the next room!" with that, Fluttershy sped off in that direction leaving a thoroughly confused Rainbow to collect her thoughts. She stalked back to the wrapping station, thoroughly upset about having been interrupted and also the fact that it was now very unlikely Twilight was going to be coming back into the room anytime soon. She sat and struck another match, and this time was able to actually light her candle. It provided about a hundredth of a percent more light than she'd had previous but Rainbow was far to committed to the whole thing to stop now. "Okay, wrapping. Piece of cake, right? All I need to do is just sellotape that corner down, no biggie at all." Her pep talk did absolutely nothing to assuage her doubts, but Rainbow was not a quitter. She slapped herself twice in an attempt to perk up and concentrate like all the cool ponies on telly do except this was real life and not telly so all it did was hurt her cheek and upset her more. Dash decided to finally stop messing about and get on with it, and this time wasn't like the previous five times she promised. She manoeuvred AJ's present into a manageable position near her candle, pulled off a piece of sellotape, flattened the corner down and then the kitchen exploded. The force toppled the settee over backwards and the candle was knocked over, igniting the nearby rolls of wrapping paper. "Oh god oh man oh god oh man," Rainbow spluttered as she climbed back to her hooves. She zoomed over to the table and managed to swipe up all of the presents away from the growing inferno. However, there was now another issue to contend with. You know those Rube Goldberg machines? Those things designed to do something really simple in an amusingly convoluted way? Imagine one of those, except instead of finishing with boiling a kettle or knocking over some dominoes, it burned everything important to you. That was how Rainbow felt as she watched the table wobble with the sudden force of her grabbing the gifts. The candle rolled and its lit end came to settle on the box of matches, whose card architecture was no match for the flame and was ignited in seconds. She backed away slowly as one, then two, then a hundred telltale sizzles of lighting matches sounded from the burning box. The pressure became too much, and in an instant it exploded sending burning matches everywhere. They struck balloons, banners and confetti and lit up everything in their wake. Twilight and Fluttershy came in from the other room just in time to see the fire begin in earnest. If they had had more time, this may had provoked a serious discussion about just how flammable everything from the local party supply shop was. Especially considering their clientele was near 100% parents buying things for young children. However this was neither the time or the place. Instead, Twilight fell to her haunches and watched the blaze despondently and Fluttershy began to run around in circles panicking. For her part Rainbow flew around trying to blow out the flames by beating her wings furiously. Now, if she'd paid attention in school or ever heard the incredibly common phrase 'Fan the flames', she might have been aware that her attempts to put out the blaze simply blew them higher and stronger. However, the intention was there which could on some level count for something. This carried on for a time sufficient to become a comment on the intelligence and emotional maturity of everyone present. As she flew around, her grip on the presents loosened and finally she dropped the small rectangular parcel which was Twilight's gift to the ground, where it landed dangerously close to some burning streamers. In an instant Twilight snapped out of her catatonia and leapt over to grab it. There was a second of relief while she clutched it to her chest, but it was short lived when Rainbow informed, although shrieked at may be a more apt term, the unicorn that her tail was on fire. Fluttershy galloped over and began trying to stamp out the tail-blaze which only served to hurt Twilight a lot. "Enough!" the librarian shouted, her horn glowing. A large ball of water was conjured above her head and it began to spin rapidly. Once it had gained enough momentum the magic holding it was released and a torrential blast hit coated the entire room. The assessment was poor to say the least. All the decorations were destroyed by fire or water damage or a terrible combination of both. Thankfully the building itself was relatively fine, but scorch marks and damp wallpaper sloughing off the walls had done enough to rule it out as a party venue. One of worst casualties had been the gifts, a particularly significant blast of water had hit Rainbow and sent her careening into a wall. What presents had survived the impact had been utterly and completely soaked. Also, to make matters worse, it was then that Pinkie decided to storm in from the kitchen, whereupon she was met with the site of carnage and began to emit a series of deafening screams. Fortunately, the ponies present didn't immediately begin to blame one another for the wreckage, because the word immediately implies there was no delay. Unfortunately, after a short delay to survey the damage, the ponies present began to blame each other for the wreckage. Raised voices began to chorus with one another in a discordant symphony of outrage. 'Rainbow why were you fanning the flames...', '...yeah well I never would have if you hadn't asked me...', '...do you even know what happened in the kitchen...'. This carried on for quite a few minutes more than it should have. "Okay QUIET!" Twilight yelled loudly enough to silence everyone, "What's done is done, this should be about damage control! Pinkie, what happened in the kitchen?" "That wand was cursed I tell ya, cursed! It blew up half the cake!" "Did you follow my instructions with it?" Twilight demanded. "It was Applejack that was using it!" Pinkie spluttered indignantly. "Okay, how much of the cake was damaged?" "The bottom," she replied breathlessly, the last few minute's excitement clearly starting to take their toll. "If the top is still okay, we can just eat that right?" Twilight asked. Pinkie thought for a minute before nodding, "Okay, if all we need to do is just clean up the mess, Rainbow you should go and help. You're the fastest out of all of us." Rainbow didn't wait for anyone to protest before tearing off towards the kitchen. The second she could get out of that room the better. The normally pristine kitchen wasn't doing particularly well itself though. It looked at if someone had put explosives inside a cake and detonated them. There was sponge and icing everywhere, mashed together in a sweet-smelling but unappetising gloop that had been catapulted against many of the available surfaces in the room. Stood in the middle of this ruin was Applejack, who was faced away from Rainbow while staring off into the distance and mouthing something. "Hey Applejack, what help do you need with?" She received no reply, "Hey AJ, I can help you with the cleanup here," Still nothing, the farmer simply kept up what she was doing without turning around or even acknowledging Rainbow's presence. The pegasus felt the blood rise to her cheeks. "Hey, I know this isn't ideal but why are you just ignoring me? Oh what you think this is my fault or something?!" she trotted up closer prepared to give AJ an earful, until she saw she had an earful of something else. There were wadded up balls of tissue stuck in her ears, and she still hadn't noticed Dash. Curiously this annoyed Rainbow even more, they had all been out there panicking while Applejack was just hanging out in here, calm as a cucumber and blocking them all out! She grabbed onto one of the balls of tissue and yanked it out of the farmer's ear and shouted her name. Once she got two hindlegs to the midriff for her trouble, Rainbow couldn't help but wonder whether she had shouted AJ's name a trifle too loud. First though, god damn it all those years of applebucking had really been working, second thought, where the hell was she? Her natural instincts kicked in as she looked around to see what she was headed for and realised with dismay that it was the cake. Rainbow was a pegasus and a faster than average one at that, so she was able to manoeuvre her body that it could avoid destroying the dessert, but it was the lesser of two evils as opposed to an outright save. Her wing sliced through something decidedly cake like before she slapped against the wall and collapsed to a counter-top in a ball of pain. It wasn't long before Rainbow heard some desperate hoofsteps in her direction. "Rainbow! Are you okay?! Ah'm so sorry!" AJ hoisted her friend off the counter, and was rewarded with a pained laugh confirming the pegasus wasn't quite dead yet. "My God AJ, you kick hard," Rainbow chuckled. She was helped to her hooves and was able to see the cake's latest downgrade. Her wing had slit open the middle tier and ripped up the pillars upon which it sat from the lower cake, leaving ugly marks in the icing. Worst of all however was that the large icing sculpture had hit the ground when AJ saved the top cake. Now it wasn't destroyed, that's important to note. However what had happened was that little Rarity had taken the blow totally to the face, squashing it and giving her weird flat head with all her features pushed in. It would have been funny if not for the... actually scratch that it was funny just generally. However it would have been a lot more funny if it weren't for the fact that Rarity was set to arrive very soon and cake's beautiful centrepiece and sole saving grace now looked like a model spitefully constructed with the sole intention of insulting the birthday girl's appearance. Worse still, the top and bottom cake were hardly unscathed. Applejack's hooves and Rainbow's collision had marked them with countless holes, bumps and imperfections. "Right," Rainbow broke the despondent silence that had fallen, "Considering the decorations are all burned and the presents are destroyed, I'd say all we need is the cake to be non-poisonous and we're home free." "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?" Applejack bellowed, reminding Rainbow that she hadn't actually seem the main room yet. "There was a fire and the presents unfortunately were... shall we say 'victims of the counter-attack'?" "Do you know how much that book was Rainbow?" The farmer snarled. "Do you know how unpleasant broken ribs are AJ?" Dash retorted coolly, gesturing to the angry bruises already appearing on her midriff "... Ah retract my statement. Okay, who's the least non-artistic out of us?" she began. "Well not to toot my own horn but occasionally ponies can actually tell what my drawings are of," Rainbow replied smugly, provoking an impressed look from her friend. "Well missy it looks like we have a volunteer. I'm gonna try and make these cakes semi-presentable, you need to try your best to redo the face on that there mini-Rarity." Rainbow turned to said mini-Rarity which was giving the two of them a flat-faced look of disapproval... and then she laughed. Applejack went to scold her, caught sight of the model and also laughed. As was made clear, despite the circumstances, it did look really funny. But then both snapped into action. Rainbow first tried to unflatten the face by pressing both sides of it in the hopes that it would simply pop back out in perfect form. Unfortunately this wasn't a cartoon so all that happened was that she squashed Rarity's head into a bizarre ovoid-prism. She could see the look on the model's face and for a second it looked almost as if she was in pain. It made Rainbow sad. Then again it still did look funny, so she laughed sadly which was weird and made Applejack uncomfortable. When it became clear this wouldn't work she set to trying to re-sculpt. Luckily the mane hadn't been too adversely affected and the body and dress were still pristine. With a great deal of care she took the head off and peeled the mane away. Applejack wasn't having a lot of luck with her task, finding that every time she tried to fix one issue she created another, which was understandable considering having a pony mush their hooves up against a cake has never really been known to improve it. For this reason she decided that ragged but tasty, the kind of assessment one would never like to be on the receiving end of, would just have to do for this party. "Okay Rainbow there as good as they're gonna get, do you need any help?" "Nah we might be okay, all we need is a new head. If you start rolling up a ball for it, I'll go and get Pinkie. I'm sure she can sort one in, like, no time at all." Rainbow replied, finally allowing herself a smile. "We're in the home stretch now," AJ looked relieved to have the first good news in a while. Dash turned to the doors and poked her head out to find Fluttershy pulling down damaged decorations in one hoof and blowing Applejack's gift with a hairdryer in the other. Twilight was scrubbing scorch-marks off the walls with various telekinetically controlled scouring pads while looking over Fluttershy's water-damaged gift intensely. "Um..." both turned and fixed her with intense bloodshot stares, looking not unlike owls fresh off the maddest sesh of their lives, "Is Pinkie here?" "No, she had to go and get the fillies, Spike said something weird happened... why do you need her?" Twilight eyes narrowed suspiciously. At that moment, faced with the choice of doing the adult thing, admitting what had just happened and taking responsibility, or risking the entire cake on her and Applejack's sculpting ability, a skill neither had ever once attempted or been the least bit interested in, Dash knew what her response had to be. "Oh nothing, don't worry about it." She walked back into the kitchen prepared to tell AJ the news, but was surprised to find out they had a visitor. Behind Applejack, who was concentrating on her first venture into the wacky world of 3D art, was a very happy looking dog with a considerable amount of icing slathered on its face. "What the hell is that thing doing here?!" the pegasus yelled, startling her friend into turning around. Farmer looked at dog, dog looked at pegasus, pegasus looked at farmer who looked back at pegasus. The dog barked happily and turned to walk out of the kitchen, however it found its way barred when Rainbow dove in front of it. "Are you out of yer mind? We can't have some dog walking about in here, let it go!" "Which cake did it eat?" Rainbow rasped breathlessly and was met with a look of sudden and horrified comprehension. "Ah... ah didn't even know it had come in here!" Applejack babbled remorsefully. They both looked at the animal, it seemed friendly enough, but it wasn't very clean and it didn't have a collar on. "We can't serve cake this thing might have touched! I mean, sure I've been known to extend it to the two minute rule when I need to but... I mean just look at it!" Rainbow exclaimed desperately, "It looks like half its weight is fleas!" Applejack nervously cantered over and shooed the dog to a corner of the kitchen away from the mess. She then retrieved both of the baked good and showed them to their visitor. "Hehe, now puppy," she began, trying and utterly failing to sound gentle, "Which of these did you eat?" "It can't answer you AJ!" "Wait I've got an idea," Applejack put one of the cakes closer to the dog and held the other away, and in response the dog barked and wagged its tail. She then reversed the cakes, holding the other one closer to the dog, who in response barked and wagged its tail. "Ah see you don't wanna cooperate," Applejack growled. "Do we have enough time to make another cake?" Rainbow said as she ran her hooves through her mane in desperation. "Rarity could be here any moment! We need to serve one of these cakes which means that this feller needs to talk," she glared at the dog, who panted and looked around excitedly, "Rainbow, get me my rope," she muttered darkly. "AJ are you sure this is okay?" Rainbow asked for the fifth time in a minute. "God damn it Rainbow of course it is," Applejack snapped while gesturing to the dog. In order to best recreate an interrogation, they, or rather Applejack while Rainbow stood in the corner sniffling pathetically, had lightly tied the dog to a chair and put a lamp shining at it . However, at Rainbow's insistence and to prevent Applejack finding herself in hot water for animal cruelty, the 'tying' had consisted of simply draping the rope around the dog's shoulders and fixing a very loose knot. So the animal wasn't so much held captive as it was sat on a chair with a rope placed onto it. It sat there staring happily at both of them and looking like it was quite enjoying its new seat. "Okay, go and get her." Applejack said to Rainbow, who sullenly went back to the kitchen doors and poked her head through. "Hey, could we maybe borrow Fluttershy?"