Twilight awoke at precisely 8:00 in the morning. She didn't wake at 7:50, she didn't wake at 8:01, she didn't wake at 8:00:01. No. Twilight woke at exactly 8:00 in the morning, because that was what the schedule dictated. She couldn't deviate from the schedule, not today. Not any day really, but especially not today. There were nine of these days that she had to prepare for, spread reasonably equally over the year.
This day was a birthday, and it was likely to cause nothing but stress, anguish, psychotic episodes and suicidal tendencies... unless you were the one whose birthday it was. If that was the case then it was probably going to be nothing but sunshine and rainbows and that feeling you get when you find a five pound note on the floor and didn't see anyone drop it so you don't feel guilty about keeping it despite the fact that you know it was probably a pensioner's.
Today was Rarity's birthday, and she had specifically asked for a low-key get together with her closest friends. At first Twilight had been ecstatic, her fellow unicorn was usually so fussy. However this time she had forgone the usual plans to rent a hall in Canterlot and for everypony to don dresses so formal and expensive that they were all but guaranteed to get permanent cake-stains. Pinkie had needed some convincing to keep it no-fuss, but once that was sorted, it seemed all Twilight needed to do was sort out a nice present for her friend and the day would run smoothly.
But then she started to think about it more. She'd had lots of assignments from the princess recently and there'd been a few more world-threatening crises than usual this month. Twilight was tired, and a low-key, no-stress get-together was perfect. Too perfect. It was all far too perfect. This, of course, meant that this day was bound to become the most high-key, all-the-stress day in the entire history of time. Hence the anguish, psychotic episodes, suicidal tendencies etc.
So, with the knowledge that things were most likely to bite you on the arse when you either overstress about them, or act too laid-back, Twilight had prepared a two-pronged attack. She had decided to remain calm enough not to overstress, but had also regimented herself to a schedule as to not be too laid-back. Nothing was going to get her to deviate from this schedule. Nothing. No matter what. If she were to lose a leg at this very precise moment, she'd have a shower before contacting any medical professionals. Because right now it was 8:02, and that was shower time. Not hospital time.
The unicorn rose from her bed and stretched. She started towards her bathroom door, but, to her dismay, she noticed Spike was still asleep. Next to him was a large, blackened lump of molten plastic. Her face reddened and she stomped over to his basket.
"Spike!" The dragon yelped and sat bolt upright, regarding the room with fearful, sleep-heavy eyes. His gaze fell on his care-taker, who was standing over him with an angry pout.
"Urgh, what the hay Twilight? It's like five in the morning,"
"It's EIGHT, in the morning. What did I tell you about incinerating your alarm clocks?" she demanded.
"But they're loud!" he moaned in retort.
"Spike, you need to go downstairs and get breakfast ready, OK? That is what the schedule says! You're making me stress right now! And you're not adhering to the schedule. Do you know what happens when we stress and don't adhere to the schedule?" Spike went to answer but was immediately cut off, "That's right! The days goes to ruin, Rarity stops being friends with us, thus nullifying the elements of harmony, so when the next threat to the world comes along... we all die! Is that what you want Spike? For us all to die?!"
"Okay!" He shouted, "Fine! To stop us all from dying, I'll go downstairs and make two breakfasts." Twilight immediately calmed.
"Why thank you Spike," she trotted away from the dragon, who regarded her with a look of indignation.
"Have you been doing those breathing exercises Dr. Mind gave you Twilight?" The unicorn wheeled round with her horn lit. Beside her, a piece of parchment phased from the aether.
"Spike, do you see breathing exercises anywhere on the schedule? It says right here that..." Twilight stared at the paper, her look of concentration quickly became one of horror, "Oh no! I'm a minute late! Spike, go and make the breakfast!" With that she hurried into the bathroom. Thanks to a quick light of her horn, the water was already running before the door was closed. The pulled the sliding door to the side and leapt under the hot stream.
If she cut out all of the most enjoyable parts of her shower, such as singing loudly and winning arguments that she'd had months ago, Twilight knew she could easily get back on schedule.
It was going to be a long day.
True to his word, by the time Twilight trotted down the stairs Spike had breakfast ready. He tolerated her panicking all throughout the meal without any sarcasm. He even offered to wash up all by himself to allow Twilight time to double, triple, quadruple and that word that meant fifth time that no-one knows apply the final touches to Rarity's present.
When she had told Fluttershy what she had planned, the pegasus had offered to accompany her to Canterlot to procure the services of a professional calligrapher. Twilight would have quite liked to do it herself, but she knew that Rarity had a taste for the finer things in life. The result had been a elegant book of personalised vouchers. They were redeemable for various services the unicorn would appreciate. 'Voucher holder is entitled to a trip to the spa with Twilight', 'Voucher holder is entitled to a day of Twilight modelling dresses', 'Voucher holder is entitled to give Twilight one make-over'. While the booklet had turned out lovely, she had been determined to give it at least a small personal flair.
Twilight wasn't the biggest fan of makeovers or modelling dresses, not one bit. But she loved spending time with Rarity. Despite their differences, or maybe even due to them, she and the other unicorn were perhaps the closest pair in the group. That was why Twilight would give her this coupon book, and hope what she working on now went down right. She admired the voucher she had spend the last half an hour making. It was aesthetically terrible in comparison to the others. While her writing was impeccable she was no artist, and so the designs were wonky and the drawings were mediocre at best. The laughable crayon depictions of the two of them could have passed for something a foal brought home from school. Twilight smiled.
It was perfect.
It wasn't wrapped-up yet. Everyone agreed to do that at Pinkie's while they set up. Pinkie had more than enough, and, without trying to offend, Twilight knew that some of her friends were less than satisfactory in that department. Many a time had Rainbow Dash given a gift of a bottle of expensive spirits, only to have the recipient say 'Oh wow! Is it a bike?'. Taking a steadying breath and a moment to convince herself this wasn't going to backfire spectacularly, she took the plunge and slipped the personalised voucher into the back of the book.
Twilight packed up her saddlebags and looked at the clock. It was quarter past nine. Plenty of time. She took another calming breath as reassurance. The unicorn trotted back into the living room and sat down. She had fifteen minutes before she had to leave. Twilight thought of Spike. There he was, washing up after making them a delicious meal. He hadn't whined or complained at all. She smiled, her little guy was really growing up.
He'd been so good to her all morning, and that was what made this next part feel so questionable.
"Spike," she called through to the kitchen. The sound of the tap cut off and a Spike appeared in the doorway.
"Yeah Twilight?" He replied. She lounged in the chair while inspecting a hoof idly. The overreaching attempt to portray nonchalance didn't even come close to fooling the dragon.
"Decorating eh? So boring..."
"What do you want?" he jumped straight to the point.
"Me, I was simply going to offer you a way out of helping with setting up all of those fiddly party decorations," she replied with feigned innocence.
"Oh, so this is about me?" he asked,
"Of course Spike, why don't you-"
"No thanks." Twilight's eyes snapped to meet his.
"Come again," said the unicorn,
"It's fine," he said with a smirk, "I like setting up the decorations. But thanks for thinking of me Twilight," he turned to go back into the kitchen. But Twilight called after him.
"Spike... fine. I'm sorry, I need your help." he stopped and turned.
"Fine, what do you need?" at that moment, there was a knock on the door. Twilight felt her blood run cold, she forced a smile onto her face.
"Spike, you love me right? You'd always help me out... right?"
"Where's this going?" he replied suspiciously. The knocking grew louder.
"Ok, I'll level with you. That's the cutie mark crusaders at the door. We can't have them messing up all of the decorations, so Applejack and I suggested they go and pick some nice wild flowers and make Rarity a birthday bouquet. But they're going to need supervising and..." she trailed off. Spike looked at her blankly for a few seconds.
"...Go to hell," he turned around to go back into the kitchen. Twilight launched herself to his feet.
"Please Spike, we need this to go well!"
"So watch them yourself!" he cried.
"I can't! I need to go and set up at Sugarcube Corner!" she babbled desperately, wincing when she heard the words 'Miss Twilight?' from behind the door.
"How about you watch them, and I go to Sugarcube Corner," he replied. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds, that was until Twilight decided to do what we all do when push comes to shove. Bribe a child.
"Spike, the idea of watching them terrifies me. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, so I'll make it worth your while. Twenty five bits."
"Fifty bits," Spike replied without missing a beat.
"Twenty five bits and ten gems."
"Fifty bits and ten gems," he retorted calmly.
"Hold on, you're haggling up, that's not the way this is supposed to-"
"Seventy five bits and fifteen gems, and if this escalates to anything other than simple flower picking I'm out. Deal?" Twilight was stunned silent. She quietly seethed at Spike's expression. Provocative, one brow raised, confident, knowing.
"...Fine," she replied sulkily. Spike nodded and went to the front door. He took a deep breath before opening it. Standing before him were the cutie mark crusaders, each was grinning widely with a basket in their teeth. Applebloom placed hers on the floor to speak.
"We've been knocking for two minutes, did y'all not hear?"
"...Something like that," Spike deadpanned. Twilight picked herself off of the floor and went to the door.
"Okay girls, the party starts at eleven, so you need to be finished, dressed and at Sugarcube Corner by then," they each nodded,
"Where's your basket Mr. Spike?" the dragon in question turned to his caretaker, who smiled nervously at him.
"Well it seems you've had this planned out for a while," he muttered darkly, before turning to the three fillies, "I've already gotten Rarity a present. Speaking of which, do you have yours Twilight?"
"Already in my saddle-bag. Have fun girls, remember that Spike's in charge." Each of the foals nodded excitedly. They turned and tore down the street. Spike watched them before turning to the unicorn.
"Remember Twilight, the minute this goes past flower picking, I'm out,"
"Oh Spike, what's the worst that could-" he slapped a hand over her mouth before she could finish. She was about to glare at him, but what she had almost said dawned on her. That was a close one. The dragon said his goodbyes and took off after the crusaders.
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and locked the library door. She was right on schedule. She magicked up the parchment once again and crossed 'Bribe/Blackmail Spike' off. It was time to head to Sugarcube Corner.
When the unicorn arrived, only Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were there. The earth pony was setting up decorations, which were surprisingly and pleasantly reserved by Pinkie standards. Dash on the other hand was sitting on the settee, nervously twiddling her hooves while staring at her saddlebag like it was an active hand-grenade.
Pinkie shouted a hello to the unicorn without looking away from her task. Dash's head snapped up and she smiled anxiously at Twilight. The librarian decided to see what was wrong with her pegasus friend before helping Pinkie with the décor.
"Hey Rainbow, is something wrong?" the speedster didn't reply. She only looked up from her lap at the saddlebag, before returning to her twiddling.
"What's in your saddlebag? Is that what's bothering you?"
"It's my present for Rares," Dash said quietly.
"Oh Rainbow, I'm sure she'll love your present." Twilight said reassuringly. Dash looked up at her friend,
"No, it's not that. It's just... I can't relax until it's wrapped up."
"Well, why don't you wrap it?" Twilight replied, only to be cut off by Rainbow's desperate reply.
"No! You know I can't wrap stuff Twi', especially not after... I can't get her face out of my mind, you know? I've never seen disappointment like that before." Twilight grimaced.
"Rainbow, you need to forget her, it wasn't your fault. And if it's bothering you this much, one of us will wrap it for you." Rainbow looked at Twilight and smiled, "What did you get her anyway?"
"Oh! It's great, I know she's going to love it!" the pegasus said excitedly. She rummaged around in her saddlebag and withdrew the present, which she passed to Twilight. The unicorn eyed the gift, it was a framed headshot of Rainbow Dash, who was wearing a cocky grin. The photograph had some writing on it, which Twilight read aloud.
"Never stop dreaming. From your hero, Rainbow Dash... Let me get this straight. You're worried about the wrapping paper being the thing that disappoints Rarity?"
"Why?" Dash asked and snatched the photo back, "Don't you think it captures my good side?" Twilight stared, dumbfounded, at her friend for a few seconds, before sighing and pinching the bridge of her snout.
"No. It captures your good side. I'm sure she'll love it."
"Rad!" Rainbow squealed happily.
"Pinkie," Twilight decided to leave this conversation before the compulsion to slap the pegasus overtook her, "I've got something for you." The earth pony was down from the ladder in a second.
"Oooh! What is it? Wait! Don't tell me! Is it an animal, mineral or vegetable... oh what am I talking about of course it's a vegeta-" Twilight lightly pressed a hoof to the excitable pony's lips.
"It's a wand," Twilight levitated a small black stick from her saddlebag. "I know you wanted me to perform the firework charm on the birthday candles, but I figured the cake was better in your hooves, plus I probably need to get mine and Rainbow's presents wrapped up. I've enchanted this to perform the spell, all you need to do is point it at a candle with an idea of the size of the fireworks, the wand will do the rest." Twilight explained. To demonstrate, she aimed the wand at her hoof. The end of the stick lit up, creating a minature firework display on the end of her foreleg.
"You can blow them out just like a normal candle okay?," she demonstrated once again, snuffing out the fireworks out with a small breath.
"Gotcha Twilight!" Pinkie beamed.
"Now hold on, you need to remember to think small Pinkie. Don't overdo it, or it could ruin the cake."
"Ruin the cake?! But that would spoil the party!" Pinkie gasped, "Don't worry Twilight, Pinkamena Diane Pie doesn't ruin parties," the pink pony saluted before taking the wand from Twilight. She hurried into the kitchen in a pink blur, leaving Twilight and Dash in the living room.
"So, how about you take over the decorating, and I'll start wrapping up the presents Rainbow?"
"Paper's in cupboard!" Pinkie shouted through from the kitchen. Twilight nodded to herself. She clopped over to the cupboard at a leisurely pace. She opened the door, finding several rolls stacked up. They reminded her the reams of fabric at Carousel boutique, sans any elegance. She narrowed her eyes, scrutinising each different technicoloured sheet. There was paper covered in smiling suns, paper with balloon designs, paper with 'Happy Birthday!' written on it in about a hundred different fonts. It was a bit overbearing.
In the end, Twilight narrowed it down to five different rolls. A different for each of her friends to use. She had decided to leave the more garish designs in favour of designs she thought would fit Rarity better. There was a sparkling gold roll, as well as a silver. There was a roll covered in art-deco designs of dresses, as well as one covered in gem designs, and finally, a Happy Birthday roll with more elegant script than the childish status-quo.
The unicorn turned back to the settee, ready to make a start. She sat down and retrieved the spell book from her saddle bag, however her ears flicked. The tell-tale rustling of banners had stopped. Twilight turned to find Rainbow looking at her from atop the ladder.
"Um, Twi'... would you mind maybe, wrapping mine first?" she said with uncharacteristic shyness. Twilight couldn't find it in her heart to possibly refuse her friend.
"Sure Rainbow," the pegasus smiled thankfully and got back to her work. The two of them fell into an easy, relaxed rhythm. The only sounds to be heard were the crinkling of paper and the creaking of the ladder.
"Howdy gals!" Twilight and Rainbow had been working in silence for the past twenty minutes. However the sound of their friends voice snapped them from their concentration, both looked up to find Applejack stood in the threshold, "The place looks great!"
She was wearing a large grin, and was dragging a wagon full of party food. In fact full was an understatement. The food was piled in a skyscraper of sugar and soon-to-be dental horror stories. Apple fritters, fairy-cakes, brownies, slices of pie. If you could name it, and it was liable to increase your chances of a horrifying heart disease related death, chances were it was somewhere in that wagon.
"Of course it looks awesome, it's only got the most awesome pony in Equestria decorating it," Rainbow Dash boasted, drawing laughs from her friends.
"Second most awesome today Dash," Twilight chided mockingly, "It's Rarity's birthday after all."
"Hey Twi', would you mind wrapping up mah present for Rares?" Applejack asked politely,
"Sure AJ, that's fine." She replied. Applejack said a quick thanks and reached into her saddlebag. She withdrew a large leather-bound bok. Twilight smiled upon seeing it, she had helped the farmer track it down and was sure Rarity was going to love it. Though as selfish as it sounded, she really hoped it wouldn't end up being her favourite present of the day. She checked the wrapping on the book of vouchers for what felt like the tenth time.
"Is Pinkie around? I promised I'd help her finishing off the cake," Appleack piped up through the industrious silence that had once again descended.
"Yep, she's in the kitchen," Dash replied. The farm-pony said her thanks and trotted through. Applejack's present, being the size and shape it was, proved very easy to wrap. In under a minute the small book was encased in gleaming golden paper.
Twilight had almost finished wrapping up the presents. Rainbow's, her's, Applejack's and Pinkie's sat in a nice, neat pile beside her. However, she had saved the biggest challenge until last. Fluttershy had decided to send her present down with Rainbow, and Twilight had almost no idea where to even start with it. The pegasus had gotten her friend an elegant looking music box, which, when opened, featured a magical apparition of a group of ballerinas dancing to a swirling, orchestral tune.
It was no doubt it was a lovely gift, but the extravagant ornamental decor made the whole package difficult to wrap. Every time pressure was put on one of the swirling, porcelain designs, the paper would tear and Twilight would have to start again. She whined in frustration after the third unsuccessful time. Rainbow, on the other hand, kept her eyes firmly forward and pretended not to notice Twilight's frequent and increasingly strained profanity.
After about ten minutes of this though, Twilight finally seemed to calm down. It had taken all of her knowledge of maths and physics, but the music box was finally wrapped up nicely. She set it down carefully with the other gifts and admired her work with a smile. A check of her parchment once again confirmed that she was right on schedule, and all while staying in her self-imposed sweet-spot between the carefree and the hard-working. However, something still wasn't quite right.
In all of her years as a librarian, student and pedant, Twilight had gotten quite the discerning eye. Not quite as scrutinising as that of the birthday girl, but it was still enough to notice the flap of paper sticking up on Applejack's gift. She breathed a sigh of relief, Twilight had been expecting it to be that infernal music box again. Luckily this was nothing a small piece of sellotape couldn't fix.
Before she could reach for the package though, a green mist appeared. It swirled in on itself a few times, and eventually a scroll materialised from it's confines. Spike. Twilight stood and stretched. Magically summoning her schedule, she discovered they were a few minutes ahead of time. She could easily take a little break in that case.
"Rainbow, I've just got to read this letter from Spike, could you just sellotape that paper down on AJ's gift?" Dash tensed, and swirled around in the air to face her friend.
"Um, do you really think that's a good idea Twilight?"
"Rainbow, all you need to do is sellotape that one corner down. I'm not asking you to wrap the whole present," the unicorn replied with a frown.
"Okay fine, but if something goes wrong then-"
"Nothing's going to go wrong Dash," Twilight said forcefully. She turned tail and trotted into the other room, satisfied to hear the sound of Rainbow touching down. She looked out of the window onto Ponyville, the day was glorious. This was all she needed to do. Stay relaxed, but keep to the schedule, then everything would go fine.
She unfurled the parchment from Spike and began to read.
Dear Twilight,
What did I tell you? I said that the minute this goes past picking flowers, I was done.
Well guess what happened? It went straight past that. Straight flower picking and into... I don't even know.
I'm washing my hands of this, literally. If you were here you'd know that I just literally washed my hands of this. In a stream. We're near a stream.
I'm going to meet Rarity, see you at the party.
Spike.
Twilight's magenta magic flickered and then failed. Her hooves were shaking. It was happening, it was starting to go wrong... No! No she wouldn't panic, this was just one thing! And everypony expects the cutie mark crusaders to mess up anyway. This wasn't surprising, this was manageable. So long as Twilight, stayed totally, completely, calm.
That was the main thing! Don't stress! Because if she did that then the party would be ruined. And if the party was ruined then, as she had told Spike earlier, there was a good chance that she and everypony in Equestria would die! Twilight steadied herself on the window ledge, while trying and failing to suppress the nervous, hot ball of stress that had materialised in her stomach.
"Umm Twilight?" the unicorn's ear flicked at the sound of a soft voice from behind her. The librarian turned to find Fluttershy, who spoke again before Twilight could greet her.
"Something's gone wrong," Fluttershy said, and Twilight's mouth went dry. She didn't answer. That was more than one issue now. And, as everyone knows, if more than one thing has gone wrong, then everything had gone wrong. It was happening. This was it, this was the end. Game over man! Game over! Fluttershy ran over to her friend and said something that Twilight didn't hear, everything sounded like she was underwater. The unicorn could just about make out that Fluttershy was talking about the spa.
At no point on the schedule were problems. She had failed to make any allowances for failure, she didn't want to get too worked up! That's one of the ways it gets you! A thousand different scenarios played through the unicorns fraught mind. She needed to calm down, this could still be salvaged.
She could send Fluttershy to find the CMC and she could fix whatever the other problem was, she just needed to calm down and listen, this could be fixed. Everything would be okay as long as she just, calmed, down!
Then the kitchen exploded.