Touch Me And Perish…Apparently
The first thing I became aware of as I opened my eyes was the really comfy pillow I seemed to be lying against. It felt like the softest texture imaginable. Soft, warm…and something that, as I pushed my face further into said warmth, brought about an undeniable feeling of safety.
Then came everything else.
My head was still pounding ferociously, my throat was beyond sore and dry, and my body still ached all over. To put it simply, I felt like straw.
"Ohhh," I groaned, gritting my teeth as a trickle of painful tears escaped my tightly shut eyelids.
Damn it, stupid childlike emotions! Stop crying, you're twenty two for Faust's sake, not-
I was quickly brought out of my internal brooding by the…rather pleasant feeling of cool lips upon my forehead. This in turn caused me to open my eyes a touch, wincing at the crusty sleep that was evidently trying to glue them shut.
And what else would I see but a sympathetic…not so creepy looking Mom smiling down at me.
Wait, then what am I laying…on?
It was a rather slow realization, yet still quite a shocking one to suddenly understand that Mom's tummy was the source of warm protection I had been so happy about.
Tummy? Oh for Faust's sake…Stomach, Mom's stomach! Not tummy.
"Good morrow little one," she said, a surprisingly sane smile gracing her muzzle as she gazed down at me. "Dost thou feel any better?"
Tell her you feel fine. Tell her you feel well enough to be left alone for a few minutes. A few minutes is all you need to do a runner, so-
"I don't feel very well Mommy."
...
What?
The words had all but forced themselves out of my lips before I had the chance to stop them. What was worse was that not only did I apparently blurt out that embarrassing confession, but even MORE tears seemed to have accompanied it.
And whimpers too, I couldn't stop them, it just…happened despite my attempts to shut the hay up!
What the hay is going on, I'm not a child, I'm a grown man and Faust damnit I'm going to act like one! Do you hear me brain? We. Are. Not. A. Child!
I would have nodded to solidify my resolve, but unfortunately…
Mom had lowered her head and had promptly began to kiss the bridge of my muzzle repeatedly and affectionately, all the while crooning out various words that made me feel all fuzzy and warm, as if I was but a tiny puddle of pony mush.
"Shh, it's okay, we know sweetheart," she cooed lovingly. "But stay thy fears, Mommy's here. She's going to take care of thee until thou art all better."
She finished speaking with yet another bout of motherly kisses, kisses that to my displeasure I…well, happily giggled at for a few moments.
Get a hold of yourself Oliver! It's embarrassing!
Snapping out of my exultant daze, I opened my muzzle to speak, all with the intent to ward off her loving promises. But to my dismay, all that came out was a pitiful whimper and an embarrassing high pitched squeak of a yawn.
"Thou art still tired min son," Mom soothed softly, her eyes lidded in concern.
"No…I'm not," I croaked…falsely, gritting my teeth at the instant pain that coursed through my throat.
Mom merely chuckled and nuzzled just under my horn, before lifting a wing and brushing it lightly in-between my withers.
Oh you…cheating beach!
The absolute feeling of utter relaxation washed over me. My tense muscles, muscles that had been all but ready to try and run away from the doting mare quickly became very lax.
And before I knew it, I was already pressing my muzzle against Mom's soft…snuggly…tummy…
"Sleep, min baby boy," soothed a…very far away voice. "Sleep soundly, for our wing shall keep thee safe, and our coat shall keep thee warm."
I…no…fight it…
My eyelids drooping, I was scarcely aware of a dark wing swiftly, easily covering my entire body, blocking out whatever light was there to keep me wakeful.
Mhmm…
A gentle breath touched my cheek…and I was out before I could even guess what it was.
…
"We shall warn thee only once hoofservant. He is our little baby and you are only to watch over him. Touch him in our absence and thy punishment will be slow and severe. Do we make ourselves clear?"
The sound of Mom…threatening somepony was the first thing I heard as I came to.
Mmm…why am I not surprised?
Blinking blearily, I opened my eyes and looked over at the furiously nodding, uh…hoofservant?
A bit of an old fashioned title for a servant, but then again Mom is apparently still stuck in the dark ages.
The hoofservant was a rather young looking mare with clear blue eyes, a creamy brown coat and a black mane tied up in a professional looking bun. Lastly, she appeared to be wearing a fairly skimpy looking maid outfit, and had the emblem of said outfit on her flank.
I wonder why I haven't got an emblem on my flanks. My body's a little young yes, but she doesn't look any more than ten, maybe twelve years older than me…wait, how can I tell their age by looking at them? Is it something that comes with being a pony?
This query brought up a few more…
And why am I not hungry or thirsty? I've been here for…what, two days or so? I haven't even needed to go to the bathroom. Hmm, perhaps something to do with being an Alicorn? I can't imagine just being a pony would cancel out bathroom breaks.
A sudden high pitched yawn escaped my lips, catching the attention of both Mom and the hoofservant. Said hoofservant went a little red in the cheeks as I did so, looking over at me with…a somewhat warm yet very peculiar grin on her muzzle.
Mom on the other hoof looked unhappy that I'd woken up at all. And was that…shame in her expression?
"What's going on?" I drowsed tiredly, stretching my aching limbs slightly as I attempted to stand.
This was not to be however, as Mom quickly trotted over and firmly, yet gently pushed me back down, a small guilty smile barely gracing her lips.
"Mommy has to see to a request in her Night Court," she explained slowly, her hoof rubbing my mane softly. "We tried to delay it until thou art well, but there seems to be a…law we were unaware of."
"A law?" I asked, honestly curious with her for once.
"Yes, it involves…thee, and us. But do not worry, Mommy will handle it and return with haste."
Mom sighed deeply and shook her head, leaning down and giving me a meaningful kiss on the bridge of my muzzle. She then turned around and all but glared at the hoofservant, a silent warning leaving her eyes as she walked out of the room…only to turn her head and look back at me once more.
She smiled sadly, and closed the door with but a barely noticeable sniffle.
After a few moments of silence, I resigned myself to sighing and resting my head against a nearby pillow. The pillow itself was quite nice, and was obvious very expensive. In fact closing my eyes and pressing my face into its silky texture nearly made me fall asleep again.
Yet…
It's not as comfy as Mommy's tummy…
I squeezed my closed eyes tightly and grit my teeth as the thought reverberated through my mind. But after twenty minutes or so of similar thoughts, it took opening my eyes and shaking my aching head to finally rid me of them.
Oh…
The hoofservant was quite literally right in front of me, peering very closely into my eyes with a rather wide grin.
"Aww, you're not feeling very well are you darling?" she asked gently, her right hoof reaching out and pressing against my forehead.
Wow, this mare has some ovaries. Didn't Mom just threaten to disembowel her or something if she touched me?
"What is the Princess doing," she whispered…to herself, a trace of bitterness in her tone. "Treating you like you're just a plaything. If you were my child then I'd treat you with respect, not scare you into running away."
"You heard about that?" I asked, both curious and slightly…annoyed with the mare, for reasons I couldn't quite understand.
"Everypony has darling," she replied. "Princess Luna practically tore the castle apart trying to find you, and we all heard her sobs of 'frightening you into running away from her'. Honestly you would have been better off if Princess Cadance adopted you. She's been asking to see you later on today in any case, so maybe she can take you with her when she returns to the Crystal Empire, and give you a better home…and mother figure."
Buck ovaries, this mare has testicles! And…wow I feel more than a little angry right about now.
The hoofservant suddenly lifted me into her hooves and nuzzled me affectionately, smiling warmly as she spoke once again.
"I know you're too young to understand honey," she said. "But between Princess Luna and Princess Cadance, you'd be better off with somepony who knows how to care for you properly."
I didn't even speak, no really; I didn't because for all that is holy I couldn't.
…
"What's wrong?" she asked, apparently befuddled by my wide eyed expression.
…
I watched her eyes widen as a brief snort of hot air hit the back of her neck, causing her to turn around…and rapidly shrink beneath a murderous looking Mom.
Without a single word, she passed me into Mom's hooves. Mom then swiftly deposited me into a…sort of pouch that hung around her neck. It was actually quite comfy, and came with holes for me to wiggle my tiny hooves out of.
Not that I was really paying attention to it at the time…
"Hoofservant," Mom growled venomously.
"Yes Princess?"
"Art thou acquainted with the Canterlot glue factory?"
"N-No Princess, I'm n-not," she stammered fearfully.
Looking up, I found myself witnessing what was possibly the most wicked looking grin I had even seen in my life. Unfortunately her wings swiftly came around to block out all sight…but I could still hear what she said next.
…
"Thou will be…"