//------------------------------// // Pumpkin Smashing and Moon Crushing // Story: On My Honor // by Honored Service //------------------------------// On My Honor Pumpkin Smashing and Moon Crushing By Honored Service Edited/Pre-read by Spirit of Harmony My foot connected hard with my target as the tree shook with my kick. Eight apples tumbled out of the tree and landed around the ground next to me. I narrowed my eyes at the tree, damn things were so stubborn. “That’s a whole lot better Honored!” Applejack said as she walked up beside me. “I remember when you could only get five apples down.” “Thanks.” I grumbled out before turning and watching the orange mare kick one leg out behind her and seemingly tap a tree with her hoof, and was rewarded when over fifty apples came pouring down from its branches. “Show off.” I huffed before getting back to work on my tree. “What was that?” AJ said, a smug smile stretched across her face as she looked up at me. “It sounded like you said something about showing off.” I only rolled my eyes at her and wiped the sweat off my brow using my arm. “Yeah, you. You’re showing off. You got those hooves that give you an unfair advantage at something I can’t even attempt to do.” “Oh you mean like those magical human alien weapons you have that you use in battle that your enemies can’t even attempt to fight against?” Applejack’s smile grew even larger as I began to fume under her logic. Bucking apples and fighting a battle are two monumental different things. That’s like comparing apples to oranges. Haha apples. “Listen I use my technology to keep ponies alive.” “Listen ah use my technique to keep ponies alive.” She shot back. Damn it. I was off my mental game today. I shook my head back and forth before narrowing my eyes at Applejack. “Better watch yourself AJ.” I quickly began to sniff the air. “I think you may have stepped in a challenge.” “Oh really?” Applejack leaned in closer to me. I bent down so that I was on her puny short pony level. “Really.” I said, our foreheads touching as we leaned in close to one another, trying to intimidate each other. “Well then ah challenge you to the Annual Apple Family Pumpkin Smashing contest.” Applejack said while pulling her head back and rearing up on her hind legs. “This here contest is at the beginning of every autumn, right before the running of the leaves.” Applejack explained while we each began collecting the apples from the trees. I had tried to buck the apples rather than swig from the limbs like I normally did, and needless to say, the old way was better than lashing out at a tree with my combat boots. “What do you have to do?” I asked. Smashing pumpkins? Too fucking easy. “Well the objective is to crush, smash, destroy, or obliterate a pumpkin in the craziest, coolest, or awesome way possible.” Applejack said while opening the barn door. We walked inside before beginning to sort the apples into their storage bins and tossing the bruised or bad apples aside. “We Apples haven’t lost in over ten years.” She said proudly before pointing to a row of blue ribbons spanning the entire length of the barn wall. Each row of ribbons was their own category. And near the bottom were ten ribbons with a pumpkin smashed in half on them. Suddenly the hay pile across from me exploded out and a yellow filly with a pink bow in her red mane landed in front of us. “Every autumn we Apples walk away with the championship!” Applebloom shouted, a huge smile on her face, “And this year the Cutie Mark Crusaders are entering the competition. We are gonna blast away the competition! Literally!” “Applebloom, ah said no explosives.” Applejack said sternly as she looked at the adorable little filly. “But… but…” Applebloom’s bottom lip began to quiver and her bright wide eyes began to fill with tears as she stared her sister down. “No.” Applejack stated firmly before getting up and picking up the empty apple basket in her mouth. She turned around and walked over to the shelf to put it away. I quickly waved Applebloom closer. She trotted up to me and leaned in. “Don’t listen to her, I’ll give you something that should blow away the competition.” I patted her on the head as she leapt up and gave me a big hug before scampering away to cause untold mischief to others. Maybe one box of gunpowder would help. Aw hell, four would do it. “Sir if I might interject to the idea of-“ “No Tune.” I grumbled out and reached into the pocket on my jeans. “She will be fine. It’s not like I’m giving the Crusaders a land mine or a grenade…” I suddenly stopped and thought how quickly the three little fillies would win if they set a pumpkin atop a pile of fifteen M18A1 Claymore mines. “Sir.” “Alright. Alright. No actual explosives. I’ll at least give them some firecrackers or something.” “Very well sir.” The robotic voice said as I tucked him back into my pocket. Tune was… well he was almost like a butler, only that he couldn’t do anything helpful. Well in the physical sense. He couldn’t wash clothes or make food, but he could think. He had proven able to use cold hard rationalizing to solve problems. He saw the world as a problem looking to be solved, and he would help anyway he could, or at least offer his opinion on how to solve a problem. And he could try. His helpful input is what brought me back to Sweet Apple Acres to work part time. Even if I had more gold and jewels then I needed, I still needed something to do to take up time. And crazy adventures were out of the question with that handler around. That fucking Handler. Fuck them. They were fucking with me now. I would wave hello to Rarity, only to have another Rarity pop up right next to me and ask who I was waving at. This little act would go on throughout the day. And no matter what I couldn’t do anything because I couldn’t tell who was the real pony and which was an asshole handler sent to spy on my every movement. And currently I had Tune working on a solution to this problem. “So Honored,” Applejack said as she walked back into the barn, “You up for the challenge?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “I’ve never lost one yet.” I said smugly, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “Then it’s on.” She said a competitive look spreading over her face. “Not quite.” I said before tapping my fingers against each other. A dull thud echoing around the barn from my metal gauntlet as I tapped my fingers. “If I win, you have to make me as many famous Apple Family Crumble Pies as I want for a month.” “Fine.” Applejack said, she quickly tapped a hoof to her chin before smiling at me with an evil grin, “And if I win you have to…” “Have to what?” I asked. How bad could something she think of be? “You have to Take Princess Luna out on a date. No other ponies, no crazy shenanigans. Just you, her, and a romantic time together at the fanciest restaurant you can find.” I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down at Applejack. She still wore that shit eating grin as I felt a single sweat bead roll down the side of my head. I quickly nodded and brought my hand up to face and spit into my open palm, “Deal.” Applejack repeated the gesture into her hoof and slammed it into my outstretched metal gauntlet. The thud sounded across the room. “Better pucker up lover boy,” she said while withdrawing her hoof, “Ah never lose.” “Neither do I.” “Competition is in two days Honored. Get read to get smashed.” Applejack said with a smile. She spun around and with a flick of her tail walked out of the barn humming a tune and singing something that sounded like, “Honored and Luna sitting in a tree.” * I sat at the wooden desk in the study of my home staring at the design plans for many different pumpkin launching or smashing machines. One of them would have to be the perfect one to destroy Applejack’s. But which one. A trebuchet was too simple. And a guillotine might be to… violent for the pony judges. I could always just do some crazy tricks with my sword and slash a pumpkin into tiny bits before it hits the ground. Or… oh ideaaaaa! I quickly jumped up from my chair and ran down the stairs from the study to the first floor of my house. I raced around the kitchen and then threw open the door leading down to my basement of weapons. I looked around the room before walking over and removing my Element of Sanctuary from its mount on the wall. I slung its sheath around my body and then walked over to my pistol table and began looking over the assorted handguns. I would need one that was deadly accurate and had a larger round. My eyes were instantly drawn to the .357 revolver and the .44 magnum. Each one had a large round, one being larger than the other, but the .44 had a large kick. But I only needed one shot for this trick. I smiled and picked up the revolver, feeling it my hand. It had a wooden decorated grip and a shiny silver coating on the frame. It was a simple Rugger .44 magnum. I strolled up the stairs and outside to my backdoor. I had already gathered a small pile pumpkins to use for practice and they sat across from me as I walked outside. I walked over and picked up two pumpkins before placing them next to each other twenty yards away. I walked away from them, standing with my back to them. I took a deep breath and then exhaled, calming myself down. I spun around quickly while reaching down and drawing the Element of Protection from its sheath and hurling up into the air with my left hand. At the same time I reached to my hip and pulled the .44 magnum from its leather holster and began to spin and twirl it on my right index finger. As I spun the pistol around, I watched the sword fall until it planted itself into the dirt in front of me. I quickly caught the pistol and aimed down the sight, lining up the shot to strike directly on the magically forged blade. I squeezed the trigger and felt the mammoth handgun kick into my palm. The bullet traveled towards the sword’s edge before the round was sliced perfectly in half on the blade. The two halves of the copped coated lead round continued to tumble through the air towards the two pumpkins resting next to each other fifteen yards away. SPLAT SPLAT Both pumpkins toppled backwards, massive holes in their backsides and pumpkin seeds spilling out onto the grass. I smiled and twirled the pistol on my finger before blowing on the barrel and sliding the weapon into its holster. “Oh yeah. I think that’s a winner.” “Nah.” A voice said above me. I turned around and looked up to see Rainbow Dash resting on a small could looking down at me with a smile on her face. She quickly flapped her wings and did a flip off the cloud before landing in front of me. “Excuse me?” I looked at her and then back to the two smashed pumpkins. “Did you just watch the same thing I did?” “Yeah. It was awesome alright. But it was also awesome when Applejack did it with a bow and arrow three competitions ago.” “WHAT?!” I yelled turning around and grabbing Rainbow Dash by the shoulders and picking her up. “How did she do that!? I mean how does and Earth pony use a two handed weapon without magic!?” “Whoa, calm down there Honored.” Rainbow said as she brushed herself off like I had dirtied her or something, “It seems like you’re getting a little nervous about this whole thing.” “Yeah I am!” I walked over to my sword and slid it back into its sheath. “You don’t have to take royalty out on a date if you lose. And Luna will take it all wrong and then… ugh…” I collapsed backwards onto the ground and stared up at the sky until a shadow covered my vision. “Um Honored your little glass thing keeps beeping at you.” Rainbow said while pointing her hoof at the window beside the backdoor. Tune’s screen was flashing red. I groaned and rolled over on my stomach before pushing myself up and walking over to the window. “Yes Tune?” “Sir I believe I may have a solution on how to use direct force of kinetic energy on the large squash.” Tune’s robotic voice said while the red line moved up and down with his words. “The solution might be down in the arms room sir.” “Alright Tune. Let’s go see what ya’ got.” I turned around and waved to Rainbow Dash, “Thanks for telling me Dash. I’ll be sure to do something awesome.” “You better!” She yelled after me as she took to the sky and raced off. * Princess Celestia sat up straighter in her throne as the throne room doors opened and a pony slipped inside. The pony was a Night Guard, obviously because of her bat like wings, slitted eyes, and dark coat, but this one was special. For she wore armor that had never been seen by any of the Day or Night Guards standing post in and around the Canterlot Castle. Her armor was black as night, crafted and molded to almost hug her body. It was trimmed with silver that seemed to constantly change color depending on where the mare stood or moved by, the colors flowing like a river of paint. The mare walked calmly up to the Princess, her armor shimmering slightly to become tinted with red as she stepped onto the carpet leading to the throne. She wore no helmet, revealing her dark purple mane with dark pink streaks running through it. “Ah hello Night Rose.” Princess Celestia called out to the approaching pony. The mare bowed before the Princess before rising and stepping up to princess of the sun. “Princess, I have news regarding the human. News that I think your sister should be a part of.” Night Rose said with confidence as she fluttered her wings against her side. Princess Celestia stared at the gray colored mare before nodding. “If you think that is best my little pony, then I shall send for her to be awoken at once.” Princess Celestia sent a Day Guard to collect the sleeping princess of the moon and bring her to the throne room so that the latest update on Honored Service could be delivered. Honestly Princess Celestia wasn’t worried in the slightest. Honored had actually been behaving since coming back from Coltstown. No erratic behavior. Just living day to day life in Ponyville. Although he did make regular trips into the Everfree Forest, Night Rose said that he went in with only the small hand cannon and returned with nothing but a full coin purse. At first she had been skeptical of his disturbing peacefulness, but now she was used to it. Somehow Honored had changed finally. They finally had the human under some sort of control. “What dear sister could possibly need my assistance regarding the peaceful and docile human?” Princess Luna said while walking slowly into the throne room. Her mane was limply waving against her side rather than billowing out like it normally did. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was having trouble keeping them open. “Night Rose has specific information on Honored that she felt you should be present for.” Celestia said with a smile before levitating Luna cup of steaming coffee. Luna took the mug in her magical aurora and gently blew on the liquid before sipping on it. Her eyes opened a little more as she sipped away on the beverage. “Your highnesses, while watching over the human, he encountered the mare Applejack and the two began discussing a competition the family holds every year involving the smashing of pumpkins.” “Forgive me Night Rose, but I don’t see why this needed my attention.” Luna said. Obviously she was still a little upset about being woken up so early in the day. “If he loses the competition he has to take you out on a super romantic date, straight out of a cheesy romance novel.” Night Rose said with a straight face. Luna was silent as she sat there sipping on her coffee. She calmly set the mug down on the table beside the throne before looking up to Celestia. “A DATE!” Luna squealed in joy before leaping around the two ponies. “AN ACTUAL DATE! I HAVE TO BEGIN GETTING MY ATTIRE PREPARED. AND SWEET, HONEST APPLEJACK SHALL RECEIVE COMPENSATION FOR ARRANGING THIS SPLENDID COMPETITION!” Luna couldn’t seem to sit still as she continued to squeal and ramble on about her perfect date with her would-be suitor. “Um excuse me your highness.” Night Rose outreached a hoof to try and control the excited princess. “It is a competition that he must lose though. If not, then no date.” Luna halted her excitement and sat down, a smile creeping across her face like that of an evil mastermind devising a plan. “Well then better help in all the wrong ways.” * “Okay Tune. What’s your master plan to blow Applejack’s pumpkin out of the water?” I stood in the center of the basement turned armory looking at all the weapons here. Sure some of them could obliterate a pumpkin easily, but certainly not in the spectacular way that could beat Applejack. “Sir I may be mistaken since I wasn’t programed with immense knowledge on the military equipment that was being developed. But I did a scan on that shipping container against the wall and a few curious results have popped up in my memory unit from previous searches you did on the internet before coming here.” “Wait. Tune you can see the stuff I looked at?” “Yes sir.” “Delete anything related to boobs, tits, fun bags,-“ “Sir you mean anything related to porn.” The robotic voice almost sounded gaudy. “Yes. Tune.” I grumbled out. “Done sir.” I nodded before picking Tune up off the center table and walking towards the large green shipping container tucked into the corner of the room. TOP SECRET was stamped on top of the container and below it was ADW SYSTEM. Why did that seem so familiar… “Sir the limited research relating to undergoing military development systems using the name ADW means, Area Denial Weapon System. I have a few pictures of them, if you would like to see them.” Tune spoke out as I walked closer to the container. I reached out and saw that the container was locked up with three separate locks all requiring a different key to open. Whatever was in here was sure meant to be kept locked up. I sent a trio burst of my magic into the locks, ripping the internals to shreds, the top of the container popping open with a loud pop. I turned back to Tune whose screen now glowed with three separate pictures. “What are these?” I asked picking up the small device and staring at the screen. The weapon systems were all dark tan and browns. One of them sat on treads and looked like a miniature tank. A turret on top of a small body. The next one looked like a miniature hovercraft. Four blades inside housing kept it above the ground while a camera system and a gun mount sat in the middle of the four blades. “These look absolutely horrifyingly disgustingly awesome.” I whispered as I scrolled to the last picture. This one looked… amazing. It had three wheels on each side of its rectangular body adding up to six. The wheels each had a series of rollers on them to allow them to function better on any terrain presented to them. The body contained an engine system running off both battery and fuel and capable of reaching almost fifty-five kilometers an hour. “Damn.” I whispered as I looked at the weapon systems included on the automated area denial weapon system. A 7.62 M240 machine gun and a .50cal M2 right along beside it on the same mount rig. And behind those two was a M19 automatic grenade launcher. Two larger boxes hung off the back of the mobile area denial system, but I didn’t know what those things were. Probably fuel storage or something. “Tune you know what that thing is?” I asked, the picture disappearing and Tune’s normal voice line appeared. “Unfortunately the webpage that displayed that image was only giving a conceptual design on a new Area Denial Weapon System designed by a new designer. Very little info was given on the system save for armament, engine, and computer drive systems for the ADW Mark 02.” “Mark 02… huh.” I lifted the lid on the large container and pulled the front wall off of the other three. I stepped back and dropped to my knees. My hand was trembling as I reached out and tried to touch the thing inside of the crate. “Sweet merciful Celestia.” My words quivered in my throat as I was left breathless at the machine inside. “I believe sir,” Tune’s voice was dull to me as I lost all feeling stating at the ADW inside the container, “that this is a new modified prototype of the Mark 02 that you looked up. Maybe if you are able to get it functioning you can use it as a way to crush the pumpkins and win the competition.” “Tune you’re a genius!” I exclaimed before reaching in and trying to pull the machine from out of the crate. But it turns out the thing is pretty freaking heavy. Oh and the fact that this ADW System is about the size of small sedan. It was as tall as my chest and at least five meters long. This little thing was big. Okay so maybe trying to physically move it was impossible. I squeezed my way into the shipping container that I had brought back from earth looked at the beast. “On.” “Start?” “Power?” “Well fuck.” I sighed and pressed a hand against the metal body of the Mark 02. “Sir if I may make another suggestion…” Tune said from my pocket. “Go for it. You haven’t been wrong yet.” I reached down and pulled the iPod from my jeans. “What’s up buddy?” “Sit it seems that this unit was never given its computer hardware program system. Perhaps that is why it was at the development center to begin with.” I shrugged my shoulder looking at my nice new paperweight. “Since it is lacking an AI and a system to run it, you might be able to install me into it.” I looked down at the iPod and then back to military weapon system. “Yeah see you’re an Apple system… this seems like something more down Microsoft’s alley.” “That is an astute observation sir.” I could hear the sarcasm dripping from Tune’s speakers. “But I think you should at least give it a try.” “Okay okay fine. Where do I plug you in at?” “Oh you don’t have to. I can use my wireless link to the system’s radio component to install myself into the machine’s onboard computer. I just wanted to have your permission before transferring myself.” Tune said before his screen went dead and the iPod stopped speaking. “Tune.” “Tune?” “Tune!” I yelled at the automatic weapon system. There was a panel located on the back with a small emblem of a computer screen and the words Caution Sensitive Area. I reached over and twisted a small handle and the panel opened revealing a black computer screen. “Tune?” The screen quickly flashed to life in a white light before my cutie mark faded onto the screen in blood red lighting. The five pointed star suspended from a blue ribbon and the surrounding five stars all slowly rotated in a cheesy 3D model. “Area Denial Weapon System Mark 02 booting.” The familiar robotic voice of Tune spoke out clearly through speakers mounted somewhere on the machine. Of course. Why wouldn’t it have those? It had everything else. “Running Apple Operating System 10.5. Warning. Restarting to finalize hardware emplacement.” I quickly scooted out of the container as the lights on the front of the ADW flickered to life. There were two mounted on the lower front of the body and a light rack with four more mounted on top of the body. Two thin red laser beams came alive, each one mounted to the side of the 240 and .50cal. They slowly moved around and scanned the room before settling on me. “Whoa, easy there Tune.” I held up my hands, trying to show that I was unarmed. The lasers flicked off and the front lights did as well. “I believe that it worked Honored. I now have complete control over the Area Denial Weapon System Mark 02.” Tune’s robotic voice sounded louder and not so… annoying as his normal Microsoft Sam one. “This system is running on the factory battery charge and has an estimated twelve minutes and forty-three seconds remaining before I must enter a shutdown state to save the critical functions.” “Okay, here hold on.” Just as I had done for Tune when he was an iPod, I reached out my gauntlet and began feeding a weak charge of raw magic into his new body of the ADW. “Is that working?” “Affirmative. At the current rate of energy flow, the battery compartment will reach full charge in five minutes and twenty-two seconds.” “Okay I can manage that buddy.” I sat down next to the massive robotic death machine as I continued to feed magic into him. “So what can you do now inside of that thing?” “Well I am now able to move thanks to these Mecanum wheels. I have five weapon systems available for my use along with an extra robotic arm appendage.” “Five weapon systems?” “Yes.” Tune said while the 240 and the .50cal rotated around on their platform on the front of the ADW. “The M240 Bravo and the M2 .50 caliber machine guns are fed from an internal supply of ammunition that holds five thousands round each on one long belt feeding system with minimal parts to reduce jam.” Tune spun the two weapons around once more before stopping them. “These two act as antipersonnel and anti-light armor weapons.” “Cool. But there aren’t any lightly armored vehicles here.” I said with a frown. Damn, that would have made for some entertainment. “I also have the Mark 19 automatic grenade launcher with an eternal supply of one thousand forty millimeter grenades. All high explosive.” “The best kind.” I smiled at the thought of this robotic butler laying down immense fire to enemies around me as I sprinted around the battlefield. Damn I really want another villain to fight. “This weapon also serves as an antipersonnel and armored destroyer. Tune’s voice stopped as the mark 19’s turret spun around on its mount before settling back down to the top of the ADW body. “The storage compartment on the rear of the system are firing pods for sixteen Hydra 70 A2 surface to air rockets.” “Wait. What?” I cut the flow of magic to the robot and stared in shock at the two rectangles sticking off the weapon system. “Eight of the sixteen are M151A1 high explosive target tracking smart warheads, while the remaining eight are M259 white phosphorus rockets that can be detonated above or on target.” “Did you say white phosphorus?” “Yes sir.” Suddenly I was very glad I had stolen this piece of tech. A robot in charge of not only heavy machine guns and a grenade launcher system, but also a chemical so evil that once it touched oxygen it didn’t stop burning. A robot… what had the army been thinking? “Tune what is the final weapon system you were given?” I was almost too afraid to ask. Almost. “This system seems to be equipped with a failsafe critical element in case of being swarmed with enemy or to be used as an explosive counter measurement. This system is made up of 360 degree protection by firing a series of packed explosive plates with thousands of steel pellets around one inch in diameter. They are found hidden under the exterior armor panels and can be deployed upon threat of missiles or other incoming explosive objects.” “Well I doubt we have to worry about those either.” I said while lifting one of the armored plates along the side of the system. Well I guess now it would be Tune. No longer a ADW, but Tune, the ass kicking fighting robot thing… Under the armor was a layer of thousands of black steel balls. From where I was standing I could guess that this cluster of projectiles could cover a seventy degree angle, and these clusters were all over Tune. I tried to imagine what damage this system would have done during one of the battles with the Changelings or Shadow Humans. “Well Tune, let’s get you out into the yard and practice.” I looked at the stairs, which even if Tune was brought out of the container and shed his armor, he would never make it through the door. “How the hell did I even get this thing down here anyways?” “Sir if I might ask, what are we practicing for?” I turned around and smiled into the camera that was mounted just a little too close to the barrel of a .50cal, “blowing away the competition!” * “Dear sweet Celestia.” Night Rose mumbled to herself as she watched the human walk out into the front yard of his home and stop. His left hand was glowing with intense dark red light. It was so bright that it was rivaling the lowering sun in the distant skyline. Suddenly there was a loud ‘crack’ and a flash of light. Night Rose slammed her eyes shut, the extreme light burning her eyes as she looked away. Once the light faded from her blinded vision, she turned around and felt her jaw drop. The human was crouched on the ground on his knees and seemed to be panting heavily. Beside the human was a… a thing. Night Rose could only watch as this miniature carriage with a similar color to his large carriage he had drove around the hard and seemed to skid to halt and then slide to the right. Then to left like it was moving on water, it just glided along the ground on large wheels that seemed to be made of smaller wheels. There were six bright lights on the front of the small carriage that were glowing brightly as the human jumped into the air and landed on the thing. He then pointed in a direction and the tan carriage began moving to where he pointed. The two did quick rushes forward and then would slide, almost drift around a tree and then rush back to the front of the house where the carriage would spin around and around in a circle with the human laughing and doing flips on top of it. But what startled the mare of Night Guard the most, were the weapons mounted along the roof of the carriage. She had been briefed, as well observed his weapons being used, and the ones mounted on top of the carriage were all massive. ‘This can’t end well.’ Night Rose thought to herself as she began to franticly write down her report to the Princesses. And she still had to come up with a way to make sure Applejack won the competition in two days so Honored would have to take Luna out on a date. Seriously, what did she see in the violent, egotistical, and stubborn creature. * “OH HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH!” I screamed as Tune hit another perfect horizontal drift around the front of my house. I flipped off of his roof and landed on the ground running towards the pile of pumpkins. “Ready Tune?” I yelled at him as he continued to spin in place. “Yes sir!” The robotic voice shouted back. I reached out with my gauntlet and summoned my magic around the entire pile of fifteen pumpkins. I reared back, and hurled them all into the air at one. The area went quiet as the mechanical whirring of gears and cogs was heard as Tune’s machine gun mount aimed up and tracked the falling pumpkins. Then the world exploded into a perfect rhythm of sharp M240 retorts and extremely loud .50cal blasts. Each round perfectly smashed into its designated pumpkin and rained down orange chunks of flesh. I ran forward and slid across the ground, arm outstretched and used my magic to catch all the falling pumpkin pieces. As I continued moving forward, I squashed all the pumpkin parts together to form a perfectly shaped orange apple in front of Tune. I then leapt into the air and landed on his roof, gripping the still smoking .50cal, as he dashed forward through the apple, smashing it to pumpkin chunks everywhere. “And that Tune,” I said, while sliding down Tune’s side and wiping a chunk of pumpkin off his headlight, “is how we are going to win that competition.” * “Well if ah say so myself,” Applejack smiled and looked around her contraption, “Ah think we can secure our eleventh win in the contest.” “Eeyup.” Big Macintosh said while walking away from Applejack. He just couldn’t understand why she went all out this year. She had been working on this… ridiculously complex contraption for two days straight. Whatever Honored must be doing to smash a pumpkin must be impressive. * “So did you do what I asked?” Princess Luna was nearly bouncing up and down with excitement as Night Rose stood before the alicorn. “Yes your highness. I delivered the anonymous letter to the Apple family farm where it was found by the mare Applejack. She then spent two days building something to beat Honored.” Night Rose had been extra busy for the past two days. She had to watch Honored like normal and also had to fly to the Sweet Apple Acres to make sure that Applejack was building something that could surpass Honored’s insane tricks with his automated carriage. “Excellent.” Luna tapped her fore hooves together, grinning like a fool. “He’s going to lose and then he’ll have to take me out. Then I can truly impress him with myself.” She quickly looked back down at the pony sitting before her, “Oh that is all Night Rose. Please enjoy the rest of the night off.” “As you command your highness.” Night Rose dipped down and gave a low bow before heading out of the throne room. She walked through the Canterlot castle and out of the massive golden doors. Night Rose gave waves, polite head nods, and salutes as she walked from the castle to the Night Guard officer homes across the training yard. Night Rose walked up to a two story small cottage. For a Night Guard, it was simple home. Two bedrooms and two baths. It was small, but cozy. It was Night Rose’s home and she was thankful for it. She walked up to the door and slipped a key into the keyhole and opened the door. The scent of roses wafted out of the home as Night breathed in the heavenly scent. She missed her home. Ever since she had been selected for this new assignment, she had been spending less time here in her home. She now had most of her time spent watching over the human man child. And honestly, since the whole teleported to his world incident, Night Rose didn’t see what was so bad about him. Sure he got violent. Sure he got crazy. Sure he could even be rude. But he was a soldier trained to fight on a hostile alien planet that was several more violent than theirs is. He just needs to get back to work in Canterlot. Get back to serving the Equestrian Honor Guard like he was meant to do. “Maybe I can speak to Princess Celestia or Capitan Shining Armor about any new missions for him.” Night Rose said aloud while kicking off her armor. The human was simple to figure out. At first it had been confusing, but it was simple now. He was bored. Giving him mindless tasks and adventures would easily solve any problems of his. Idle hands make for Discord’s playthings. Night Rose trotted to her bed and jumped into its comfy sheets, pulling the covers up around herself. She let out a contempt sigh and closed her eyes. At least for the next eight hours she could rest peacefully and be awake before the sun went down to begin her next shift. FLASH A scroll dropped onto Night Rose’s belly. She lazily opened one eye and peered down at the scroll resting on her bed. “Celestia help that human.” She mumbled reaching down and unrolling the scroll. “My diligent Night Rose, I’m sorry to have to interrupt your time off, but the competition is about to start and I feel that we should have eyes on Honored’s newest contraption. And I would like to know the outcome as soon as possible.” Rose rolled her eyes. Why Luna couldn’t just order him to take her on a date was beyond her. It would save so much time, energy, and resources. Night Rose rolled out of bed and began getting her armor back on. Who should she go disguised as today? * “Welcome everypony!” Applejack called out to all the gathered ponies. “We all know why we are here! So let’s get ready to smash some pumpkins! First up we have Berry Punch Sea Swirls!” The gathered ponies around me began stomping their hooves and yelling in excitement. I stood in the center of the sea of colorful ponies looking around and smiling, but there was still a wide circle of emptiness around me. The ponies were keeping their distance from because of what I was wearing. I had decided to wipe out the old armor for this stunt. Not only did it look cool and badass, but the ponies had come to see the armored brown duster as a symbol of scary safety. I wore the old duster with my body armor underneath and a pair of faded blue jeans with dark brown armored pieces on my shins and thighs. My standard steel toed combat boots covered my feet and around my waist was my belt and holster for my .357 revolver, with shiny bullets all around the belt. I of course had my berretta for channeling magic in its shoulder holster under the duster. But I had something entirely new on with all that old gear. A new hat. A had Rarity fashion me a Stetson similar to Applejack’s, but a darker color. And on the front of it, in a dark matte color, was the Equestrian Honor Guard symbol. The shield with four quadrants, two red and two black with a four pointed star and a lightning bolt in the red squares. The sun and crescent moon of the royal sisters on the bottom left and right beneath the shield. Very few ponies saw that symbol outside of Canterlot, and even fewer ponies new what the symbol meant, well until you mentioned anything about humans, and then they would know. It was symbol to mean the best of the best. And I was about to prove that humans were the best at smashing pumpkins too. I looked up as Berry Punch began pouring a bottle of clear liquid into the hole on top of a pumpkin. Sea Swirl was simply standing there, bouncing her blue mane around as Berry emptied the whole bottle into the pumpkin. “And now the smashing!” She called out. All the ponies cheered loudly as Berry climbed up on a three foot tall block and then jumped into the air and came down hard on the pumpkin. Pumpkin flavored alcohol sprayed out over the crowd, ponies going wild as the caught the raining drink. I rubbed a hand across my stubble covered chin. Using alcohol to tip the judges in her favor… well played Berry. Well played. “Nice one Berry!” Applejack announced to the calming ponies, “Next we have the… uh… Cutie Mark Crusaders.” She took a deep breath and swallowed, “Oh boy.” I looked to the three adorable fillies who were standing at the edge of the platform acting as the stage. I gave them a smile and a thumb’s up. Now I knew that Applejack and Big Macintosh were about to come rain hell down on me, but I had told the fillies everything I knew about safety…. So next to nothing, but I still explained to them what a hand grenade does… and I was technically here so I was supervising. ‘Fuck it.’ Was my only thought as Apple Bloom calmly walked up to the stage with the other two fillies following behind her. Scootaloo reached under her small wing and drew the dark green circular object. She bounced it off her flank and to Sweetie Bell who bounced it up into the air on her flank before then off her horn. Apple Bloom jumped into the air and caught the grenade by the safety pin and jerked her head to the side, pulling the pin out. Scootaloo jumped forward and pulled the top off of the pumpkin as Applebloom dropped the grenade into the large berry. While it fell, Sweetie Bell’s horn shimmered in a green light and a metallic ‘ping’ filled the air as the spoon came flying off the grenade. Scootaloo slammed the top of the pumpkin down and the three dove backwards. I quickly snapped my fingers of my metallic gauntlet and a light red aurora formed around the pumpkin just as an explosion filled the air. The pumpkin and shrapnel exploded outward, flying in every direction. My magic caught every single piece of pumpkin and metal, effectively shielding everpony around, but not only that, it froze the chunks midair in the shape of a beautiful and deadly flower, with a center of fire and smoke from the blast of the grenade. I dropped the chunks and metal on and around the platform with the thunderous stomping form the audience. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo and took a bow and ran off stage smiling the whole way. “Well let’s give it up to those three. And I think they may have had some help.” She added with a glare towards me. I simply smiled and waved. “Well I think it’s time for our resident hero and human, Honored Service to give it a try.” Applejack said while giving me a wink. “She would make me go before her.” I sighed and walked forward before climbing up onto the platform. I stood there at center stage staring at the crowd before me. I placed my hands on my hips and waited. It got dead quiet save for a cough from somepony way in the back. Twilight and the rest of the main six had taken spots in the front of the audience and the stood staring at me as I just looked at them. Twilight looked down at a watch and then back up to me before ruffling her wings. I smiled and then looked off at the distance. Ponies towards the back of the crowd began looking around as a strange noise filled the air. The strange noise grew louder until it was able to be recognized as music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufb6T-av-rU Then it got louder. I smiled down to Applejack and gave her a two fingered salute as Tune came roaring around the edge of the crowd. Ponies jumped to the side as the robot came skidding across the ground vertically thanks to its special wheels. The guns on the top of the ADW system were spinning around and the red lasers were flashing randomly as Tune drove around to the front of the platform I was standing on. I jumped into the air, and with a burst of magic, jumped higher than I could have alone. I performed two flips before landing on the room of Tune and grabbing ahold of the .50cal barrel. “Let’s hit it!” As the music thumped out of Tune’s speakers, we turned around and drove around the ponies towards a huge pile of pumpkins. I grinned as we gained speed, hurtling towards the pumpkins. I leapt forward and rolled on the ground, lying flat as Tune drove over me. I stood up and using my gauntlet, picked the pumpkins up and began flying them above the ground in intricate patterns. Tune spun around and came flying back, his two mounted machine guns already tracking the flying objects. “And knock ‘em down!” I yelled. The crowd of ponies exploded into yells and hoof stomping as the thunderous machine gun retorts ripped through the air. The pumpkins each began erupting into chunks of raining goo. I stopped the pumpkins from falling by magic and then levitated all the pieces and chunks in front of the crowd in the shape of a huge orange apple. Tune sped forward past me and as he drove by I reached out and grabbed ahold of a grip rail mounted on the side of his body. I flipped onto the roof as we crashed through the apple, pumpkin flying everywhere. The crowd was going insane as I stood there on top of the ADW system. I bowed gracefully before directing Tune to drive to the side of the crowd so we could watch Applejack lose to us. “Hey good work out there Tune. That was freaking awesome.” I said patting the roof of the mobile weapon system. “Thank you sir!” the robotic voice almost sounded happy. His 7.62 and .50 gun mount bobbed up and down as he talked, it was silly watching that, a voice talking and a gun moving to it. Fucking Tune. “I knew it would go perfectly. My calculations only gave us a .05% failure rate.” I laughed till I fell back on the roof of Tune and wiped a tear from my eye. “Glad you did the math, I suck at it.” “Well I must say that was an impressive show Honored.” I sat up and looked at the platform. Applejack was smiling at me, but it was a confident smile. “So without further ado, the reigning champion will go,” she looked straight at me and gave me a wicked smile that I imagine was her trying to mimic my smile where I show my pointed canine teeth, “Me.” She kicked her rear hoof out and hit a small pebble that was resting in a pipe. “No fucking way.” I said looking suddenly around the platform. I had noticed it early, but around the platform were a series of pipes, ramps, tunnels, string, and wire contraptions. Applejack was going to out complicate me. I watched in shocked awe as her contraption went to work. The pebble rolled through the pipe until it hit a lit candle. The candle fell over in splash of wax before the flame rose up an oil soaked string catching a thicker rope on fire. The rope burned till it snapped and released a heavier rock. The rock rolled down the top of the pillar stretching over the top of the platform. It hit a series of iron pans stacked like a tree, bouncing down every one of them filling the air with a series of loud clangs. At the bottom the rock landed in a bucket of water. The sudden drop of the rock cause the water to overflow and the water fell out and landed on a bed of hot coals. Steam rose before getting trapped in a balloon above the coals. As the balloon began to lift up, it pulled on a string attached to lever. The lever tripped and an apple rolled around the platform on a small funnel before hitting another apple. That apple rolled down a pipe heading towards the apple family barn. As it rolled along the track it began knocking over other candles that all fell perfectly onto fuses. The grass behind the platform suddenly was filled with the quit ‘ssshhhhh’ of fuses burning before the ‘whooshing’ of rockets filled the air. Fireworks erupted into the air, exploding in majestic colors all around the farm. I continued to watch with my mouth hanging open as the apple still rolled and bumped into a fence post. A vase resting on it teetered on the edge before falling down and breaking on an anvil. A chicken sitting near the anvil gave a loud squawk and laid an egg that rolled down a ramp below it hitting a domino that in turn fell over a long line of dominos that led all the way around the farm house. The final domino fell onto a snare wrapped around an apple tree. I watched as a rope whipped around the tree until it hit a stick and fell onto… A catapult? A solid ‘thunk’ filled the air as a pumpkin flew through the air directly at the platform where Applejack was still standing, watching the contraption work. She quickly turned around and kicked her rear legs out, smashing the pumpkin in bits that rained down all over the crowd. The crowd and myself sat there stunned. I stood up and began clapping my hands together slowly before the entire crowd filled the air with hysterical yelling and cheering. The ground was literally shaking with the amount of hoof stomps. Mayor Mare stepped forward to the platform and waited for the cheering to die down. “Well I think it’s safe to say who the winner is.” She smiled politely and lifted Applejack’s hoof into the air. “Let’s hear it for the eleventh year champion in a row, APPLEJACK!” The crowd erupted into a thunderous cheer for the winner. I simply tipped my hat at the farm pony who gave me a smile in return. Then it dawned on me what my loss meant. I had a date. Fuck.