Pantheon nervously fiddled with the frilly pink apron draped carefully over his armor. It had been Pinkie's idea for him to wear it as well as the baker's hat perched jauntily atop his helmet. Something about "getting into the true spirit of baking."
"Flash shouldn't be taking this long," he muttered with a glance towards the closed door the orange guardspony had bolted through. Pantheon had been using Flash Sentry as a sort of taste tester for the things he baked, another of Pinkie's ideas, so that Pantheon didn't have search town for someone to give him an "unbiased" opinion of his baking.
According to Flash, Pantheon's skills were "steadily approaching tolerable levels."
Finally, after an incredibly long four minutes, Pantheon heard the sound of a flushing toilet. A few seconds later a slightly more green than orange Flash Sentry emerged from the bathroom.
Seeing the state his baking had put the guard in, Pantheon heaved a great sigh. "That bad?" he asked.
The look Flash gave him said more than words ever could. Just in case his point hadn't gotten across, the pony walked to the mostly full tray of croissants and vehemently hurled them -tray and all- into the nearest trash can, then lit the trash can on fire and stomped on the burning remains.
Pantheon watched Flash's nonverbal tirade with a shocked look hidden underneath his helmet. "I... see," he managed to say.
Flash ignored the man. Apparently not satisfied yet, Flash spat on the ashes then swept the charred remains into a bag, grabbed a shovel, and walked outside to bury the remains in a place nopony would ever find them. At the doorway he paused to level a deadly serious look towards the immobile warrior. "Let us never speak of this again," he said.
Pantheon could only nod dumbly.
~~~
Several hours later the two were seated at one of Ponyville's many outdoor cafes. Pantheon had suggested they visit Sugarcube Corner for a meal after his latest disastrous attempt at cooking but Flash had shot him down, claiming the man's horrendous baking had turned him off of pastries for the time being.
"You seem remarkably relaxed about your duties compared to the other Equestrian guards I've seen," Pantheon remarked as their food arrived. He had been mildly dismayed, but not remarkably surprised, to find that the ponies were entirely vegetarian. He would make due with the cafe's salad for now. He could always go hunting later if the need arose.
Flash took a bite of his own meal, a sandwich featuring some sort of flower, before replying. "How do you mean?"
"He means you're not being all statue-like and emotionless like your buddies up in Canterlot!" Pinkie Pie chirped. Both Pantheon and Flash startled at the mare's sudden appearance. Pantheon's arm was halfway towards grabbing his weapons before he realized who the sudden intruder was. "You're like, waaay more talkative and you actually make expressions and stuff! See, you're making an expression now!"
The completely flabbergasted expression on Flash's face slowly morphed into one of confusion. "I... erm, what?"
"Exactly!" Pinkie exclaimed. She pointed a hoof right into Flash's face. "You're completely un-unflappable!" Pinkie reached below the cafe's table to produce a sandwich identical to the one Flash had before him, including the missing bite, before swallowing it whole.
Pantheon coughed into a hand to draw attention away from the pink pony. Flash jumped as if he'd forgotten about the man's presence. "You seem undisciplined in comparison to your statuesque counterparts in the capital. And, now that I think about it, why are you orange?" Pantheon eyed the armored stallion. He was most definitely orange. "I recall every guard I encountered with the exception of yourself on my trip to Canterlot to be in possession of either a white or a gray coat."
Flash glanced nervously towards the smiling Pinkie Pie before forcing himself to ignore her. His tone took on a slightly mechanical tone, as if he was regurgitating information someone had told him on multiple occasions as he answered Pantheon's questions. "The 'stoic brick wall' attitude is a means of ensuring a guard isn't distracted from his post while on duty, not a fun section of basic training if you ask me, and the uniform color comes from an enchantment on our armor." To demonstrate Flash tapped the gem studded in the center of his armor's breastplate. With a glimmer Flash's coat lost its hue and brightened into an unremarkable white. A second flash reverted it to its orange color. "Its used when anonymity is necessary. It's possible that a single guard could be the target of somepony with malicious intent, an event which is stymied by making it impossible to tell which guard is which."
Flash's voice lost the "I was trained to say this" quality and slipped back into his more informal tone. "My job here's to make sure you don't hurt ponies. I don't need to be anonymous about it, especially since you already know who I am."
"Anywhoo," Pinkie said. "I was just stopping by to deliver these invitations! They're for a party which may or may not be an overdue welcome party in honor of Ponyville's newest resident and his faithful sidekick slash guard. Normally I'd throw a welcome party as soon as a new pony came to town, but I may or may not have been able to do that for various indeterminable reasons. You guys may or may not be the guests of honor, and it may or may not be a surprise party you may or may not be supposed to know about!"
Pantheon and Flash found themselves holding onto a pair of pink envelopes decorated with hearts and swirls. "Goodbye now!" Pinkie chirped and bounced away.
"So... um." Flash's eyes were locked on the spot Pinkie had occupied. "That was..." At a loss for words, he opened the envelope in his hooves. "You're invited to a super-duper extra splenderifically special party!" the invitation exclaimed.
"Indeed," Pantheon agreed. He was also looking at his invitation. "Seven PM at Sugarcube Corner," Pantheon read.
"Are you gonna go?" Flash asked. He reached for his sandwich only to discover it was missing. In its place was a small note with the words "Sorry I ate your sandwich, have a cupcake!" written in curly letters resting against a cupcake adorned with an apologetic face. With a shrug Flash popped the cupcake into his mouth. The contrast between Pinkie and Pantheon's baking only made the already delicious cupcake taste even better to the pegasus.
Seeing the fate of the pony's meal, Pantheon was quick to consume the rest of his salad before Pinkie could take it away too. "I don't see why not," he said between bites.
Flash glanced to the nearby clock tower. It was one fifteen in the afternoon. "Well, what're you gonna do until then?" he asked.
Pantheon gave the cupcake crumbs lying on Flash's plate a thoughtful look. "I'll be the first to admit that my baking is inadequate."
"Buddy, my job here is to protect ponies from you. If your baking was any worse I'd need to stop anypony from eating it for their own safety."
"Which is why I need to improve. I doubt Pinkie Pie is available to instruct me at the moment. In fact, Sugarcube Corner is probably off limits to us until the party." Pantheon tapped his fingers against the table thoughtfully. Pinkie and her employers, the Cakes, were the only bakers he knew in Ponyville.
"You could always, I dunno, read a book or something," Flash suggested.
Pantheon thought on that for a moment. "Yes, that is an idea," he said. He stood up from his seat. "To the library then."