Sunset was currently driving Screwball to the animal shelter where Fluttershy volunteers; the same place where her pet raccoon was currently being held. Normally, Sunset found driving to be a relaxing experience; a good thing to calm down after a stressful day of being a teenager.
AND ANOTHER ONE GONE, AND ANOTHER ONE GONE!
…Of course this time she was riding with Screwball in the car, who felt the need to sing (very incoherently I might add) to the lyrics of “Another one Bites the Dust” playing in her earbuds.
This is basically the perfect scenario for some genuine, Sunset Shimmer brand, road-rage.
Screwball’s terrible singing was starting to throw off Sunset’s driving, prompting another driver to loudly honk his horn at her.
“SHUT UP!” Sunset screamed at him, slamming down on her horn.
“YEAH I GOT A HORN TOO PAL! PISS OFF!” She yelled.
Screwball pulled the earbuds out of her ears and wore an annoyed look on her face.
“Do you mind? Some people are trying to rock out here.” Screwball said.
“Sorry, but it’s kind of difficult to keep my cool when you won’t shut up. So unless you feel like getting killed in a car crash, I suggest you be quiet.” Sunset retorted.
Screwball was about to launch one of her smartass comebacks, but realized that getting killed as a twelve-year old didn’t sound very appealing.
“Yooou, make a decent point. Fine, I’ll just stick to trolling people on the internet.” Screwball said, typing something into her smart-phone, grinning evilly as she did so. After a few moments, the “Notifications” sound played on her phone, and she clicked it again. Almost immediately she burst out laughing.
“Oh god, I know I’m gonna regret this, but what’s so funny?” Sunset asked, fearing the answer.
“It just amazes me how amazingly stupid some people on the internet can be. You’re not supposed to respond to a troll, such as myself. That’s like, EXACTLY what I wanted. Idiots.” She laughed.
Sunset wanted to facepalm to the point where her hand would shoot out the back of her head, but resisted due to having to drive. Instead, she had to try a different approach.
“Screwball, what in the hell is wrong with you?” She asked.
Screwball perked up before answering.
“Why whatever do you mean Sunny?” She asked.
“I mean, what’s your beef with everybody? Why the hell do you have to drive everyone nuts?” Sunset asked again.
All of a sudden, Screwball’s usual, happy and slightly insane demeanor went into extreme decline, and she looked slightly angry and sad at the same time.
“…I’m not sure. I didn’t plan on recounting the terribly tragic backstory that is my life today. Besides, why should I?” She asked.
Sunset sighed.
“Look kid, you don’t like me, and BELIEVE ME the feeling is mutual. But you’re stuck with me, so we might as well learn to tolerate each other. Now, did something terrible happen to you, or were you just dropped on your head or something?” Sunset asked.
“Hehe. Both. Look, I’ll tell you alright. But I’m gonna warn you. I tend to get a little…emotional whenever I have to tell this. I freaking drove my parole officer crazy with my tears last time.” Screwball said.
Sunset looked a little surprised for a minute. From her point of view, it looked like Screwball was actually trying to be serious.
‘Oh jeez this is gonna be sad.’ Sunset thought.
And so begins the extremely long and depressing story of Screwball’s life.
“Well let’s start back when I was first born. Dad was in college at the time-“
“Wait a second. How in the HELL did DISCORD get into college?!” Sunset asked.
Screwball held up her hand.
“Hey, who’s telling the story here?”
“Sorry. You were saying?”
“Ahem. Yes. Well as I was saying, Dad was in college, and he was actually pretty close to graduation at this point. But he ended up having to drop out. The reason? You see, he was at one of those legendary college parties. You know the ones right? Music that makes your ears bleed, setting your friend’s sofa on fire, that kind of thing? So some evil genius thought it would be funny to spike the punch, he and this other girl got SUPER wasted and well…” Screwball then pointed at herself.
“…And here I am.” She said.
Sunset had been too shocked for words. This entire time she had seen Screwball as nothing but an annoyance, and she didn’t actually take into account that she could have been illegitimate.
‘Wow, I…kinda feel like a bitch.’ She thought.
“To make things worse, my mother wanted to give me up for adoption. Now what her reasoning would have been, I have no fucking clue. Why would ANYONE not want to keep me? Dad on the other hand was a bit more considerate of me. And after I was born, he actually wanted to keep me. Good thing too. If he hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be the mastermind I am today. But dear old mom on the other hand, didn’t give a rat’s furry ass and bailed out the second she got the chance, which left only Dad to take care of me.” Screwball said, sounding a little sad at the mention of her mother, but kept her composure.
“But it wasn’t just Dad that gave me the idea to prank the shit out of everyone. And I didn’t just wake up one day and decide “I think I’m gonna troll everything that breaths.” No. I was sort of…pushed.” She said.
“Oh god, what happened?” Sunset asked.
Screwball rested her chin on the top of her fist.
“All that happened when I was about ten. Back at my old school, I was teased non-stop. Most of the asshole’s insults weren’t even clever like mine. Screwed Senseless, Purple Twat, I mean who the hell came up with this shit? But that’s beside the point. There was this one bitch that was probably the worst out of all of them. Her name was Jet Stream or something, I don’t really remember. With her it was constantly hurling insults, sicking her little minions on me to break into my locker and all that shit. Kids can be so very cruel you know.”
Sunset nodded.
“But then there came that one point where she crossed the line. She had her cronies sabotage my locker to spit ink whenever it was open. By now, I know enough about ink trolling to know that that shit DOES NOT COME OUT…wow I think I’m turning into Rarity. I can see it right now. ‘Ohhh Daaahling Pleeeaaase!’” she said, imitating Rarity’s voice and pushing her hair out of her face.
Sunset’s sense of humor was usually kind of dry, but she had to admit, that was pretty good, though she resisted the urge to laugh, seeing as Screwball was actually trying to tell a tragic life story here.
“Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was covered in ink, she was laughing, her dumb minions were laughing, the other kids were laughing, some of THE FUCKING TEACHERS FOR GOD’S SAKE. I was the butt of every joke after that fiasco. I swear I didn’t come out of my room for about a week after that. I had gone full emo that week, and let me tell you, it’s not a good experience. Eventually, Dad came up there to check up on me (or maybe he was getting sick of hearing the same depressing song on loop for five days straight, I’m not really sure). He told me that if I wanted to get people to quit laughing at me, then I needed to make an example out of one of them. He also said that whenever he didn’t feel so great back in high school there was one thing that made him laugh more than anything.” Screwball said
Sunset raised an eyebrow.
“Which was?”
Screwball let out a small giggle.
“Chaos…Duh.” She said.
“Figures.” Sunset responded.
“He had shown me some of the stuff he pulled back when he and Celly were back in high school, and I have to say, Dad is a fucking glorious bastard, he is. And with all that in mind, I went back to school. And I was back with a vengeance BITCH!” Screwball shouted.
“And who was that one kid I made an example out of you may ask? None other than Jet-mother-fucking-Stream. I went all out on this one. All day she was questioning why a snapping turtle had been in the girl’s bathroom and straight up chomped her ass, why some random girl in a purple cape flour-bombed her in the face, or why her locker had been rigged to explode with Chinese Fireworks. After that last one, she ended up on the floor with the most hilarious look on her face and her eyebrows were fucking GONE! Meanwhile, I was on the ground laughing my little heart out…I’m just too awesome aren’t I? Unfortunately, the principal didn’t take to kindly to my antics, and she expelled me. Yeah, unlike Celly who stuck me with you, she didn’t take any of my crap. And I ended up transferring to Canterlot High a while later, were to this day, I continue my…ahem…”Reign of Terror.” That moment where I had prank-nuked the mega-bitch had been so hilarious, that there’s no way I could end things off there. I mean, I’ve never laughed that hard in my life, and laughter feels good ya know? I also had to make sure nobody ever fucked with me EVER again, so that’s pretty much how I ended up where I am now. Satisfied?” Screwball asked.
Sunset didn’t even know what to say. The entire time she had been trolling everyone because she didn’t want to relive her old school days of sadness and teasing? Not to mention she found it WAY too funny to quit.
“Well…damn kid I…I’m sorry to hear that.” Sunset said.
Screwball waved her hand.
“Naah, don’t be. I’m over all that now. I kind of do all that just for the hell of it now. No strings attached anymore.” Screwball said.
Sunset had to take her attention back to the road but took one last glance at Screwball, who thought that Sunset wasn’t looking when a slight tear fell out of her right eye.
“…Mostly anyway.” Screwball whispered to herself.