About an hour later, Skyward emerged on the dark side of the moon. As he poked his head above the surface, he frowned.
"Must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque..." Just before the mole-Pegasus returned below the surface, an incredibly bright light shined right next to his hole.
"Hello? Is someone out there? Can you please help me? I'm stuck!"
Skyward froze, turning slowly to the sound of the strangely electronic-sounding voice...
And then he was sure he had finally gone mad.
There was a little white ball with a blue center... and it was talking to him.
“Ah! Finally! Do you think you could... wait a minute. You’re not a person! You’re a horse!” Skyward stared blankly at the talking eyeball, causing it to groan in response.
“Great! Stuck up here with a dumb farm animal... How is that even possible?” That part managed to register within his mind, his blank expression melting into a disapproving scowl as one of his sharpened wings shifted dangerously close to the glowing eye of the object.
“Oh dear... that’s quite sharp.” The object said, at first not quite realizing it was inching closer. Once it had, the small blue ‘iris’ shrunk down to a pinprick.
“Wanna try that again?” Skyward asked, his own eyes narrowing on it’s ‘eye’.
“It talks?!” The eyeball blurted out before it’s pupil shrank once more. “Uhm, yes, that would be lovely, uhm... if you could just pull me out of this hole here...”
Skyward tilted his head to the side in mock confusion.
“Just, you know, uh... grab the handle and pull me up...” The ball said, motioning with its 'eye' thing towards the handle like protrusion growing out of the edges of the sphere.
Skyward stared blankly for a few more moments before turning around and crawling back into his own crater.
“No, No wait! Come back! Please come back!” The eyeball pleaded. Suddenly, the Pegasus’ head popped back up above ground.
“I’m just fuckin with ya. I’ll be right there.” Skyward said, a wry smile on his face as he moved back towards his new friend.
“Oh. Humor. Yes, I see. Ha ha ha ha ha.”
Ignoring the robot, Skyward grabbed the strange handle like part of the eyeball in his teeth, and, with a quick pull, yanked it out of its makeshift socket.
“AHHHHH... oh. We’re okay. Alright then mister... horse... thing. I believe introductions are in order.”
“Sure. Whatever.” The Pegasus said, trotting back to the hole he came from.
“My name is... what are you doing?” The eye ball asked, trying to glance behind itself.
“That’s an odd name.” The Pegasus replied, lining the eyeball up with the hole.
“Oh, not again...” Without warning, Skyward dropped the poor robot down the hole before jumping down soon after.
- - - -
“Space, I’m in space. Space. Space space, watch out space. Space is in me. Space.”
“What the fuck is that thing on about?” Jolt asked, gently prodding it with his hoof.
“Space. Space. I’m in space. Uhoh here comes the space cops. Space cops going to take us to space jail. Space.”
“I... honestly have no idea.” Luna replied, prodding it with a hoof of her own. “It seems to like space...”
In his mind, Jolt saw him placing his hoof over Luna's, looking to her, and smiling. The smile in his mind drifted to his face in real life as he slowly lifted his hoof-
“OHMYGODOHMYGOD! I’M IN SPAAAAAAAA-” The robot’s sudden scream caused both ponies to jump back... with Jolttix falling into the hole Luna had managed to dislodge it from earlier.
“WHY IS IT SO LOUD?” Super asked, returning unsuccessful in finding another method of suicide.
“AAAAAAAAAAA-”
“I DON’T KNOW! MAYBE IT’S BROKEN?” Luna replied, hooves over her ears. “GODDESS, MAKE IT STOP!”
“AAAAAAA- Yep, I’m in space.”
With a sigh of relief, Luna lifted the sphere up in front of the trio, holding it in the air with her magic.
“So. What are we going to do with you?”
“Yup, Space cops. Here comes the space cops. They’re taking me to space jail. Yep we’re going to space jail. Space.”
“It seems to like space. I say we chuck it into orbit.” Super offered, rubbing his temples. “My head was already hurting. Damn caffeine cravings...”
“I say we bury it under Winter’s moon rock collection-” Jolttix offered, then flinched.
“WHAT’D YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOON ROCKS?” A scream echoed throughout the moon.
“WE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR DAMN MOON ROCKS.” Super yelled back in the voice's general direction.
“OH.” It yelled in reply, then fell silent.
“Jolt, new rule.” Super began, shaking his head. “From now on, don’t say anything unless someone asks you to.”
“Fuck you.” Jolt retorted while glaring at his friend.
“Actually, I agree with this.” Luna spoke up from her held silence.
Jolt looked from the moon goddess to Super, before sighing in defeat, nodding at the Princess, showing that he would follow her command.
(And now we take a break to do something silly)
-In an alternate universe, somewhere far far away.... BUT NOT THAT FAR.-
“Ever have one of those days where you feel like something’s just going to go wrong?” Larry asked his friend Bill while stopped out in the middle of the road at night. They were hauling gasoline to the next town over, and figured they could stop for a lunch break..
“Nah.” He replied, taking a swig from a small flask he always seemed to carry around.
And then the truck exploded.
(Now, sort of getting back on track)...
The Waffler continued his long search across the barren surface of the moon. He was having trouble finding a fishbowl. Or coke for that matter.
He looked ‘up’ out into space and... what he saw next he would never be able to explain.
A large flaming ball of metal hit the moon inches from where he was standing. He stared wide eyed at the large Conoco logo slowly melting away from the intense heat of the flames. He had no idea what it was... and yet, it felt strangely familiar to him.
He got a strange feeling urging him to back away several feet, which turned out to be a smart idea as the foreign object exploded into little bits of shrapnel. Luckily, every bit of it missed Waffles, all of it floating out into space where it wouldn’t ever hurt anyone ever again.
Except maybe aliens.
But those aren’t real, are they?
Nope. Totally not real.
(Many lightyears away...)
“No. You can’t do that.” A rather angry looking editor reprimanded the lazy writer. “You already did that once in the chapter. Get back on track. Now.”
With a sigh, the writer then wrote us back to where we should be: on the moon.
(Back on track... again.)
“What the fuck was that?” Jolttix asked, only to get punched in the back of the head. “What the fuck was that for?” Jolttix asked, turning to Super, only to get another hoof to the back of the head.
“We think this is a sufficient punishment for violating our agreement.” Luna said, grinning. Jolt opened his mouth to protest, and then stopped himself when Luna raised her hoof to strike him.
A loud rumbling noise caught everyone’s attention as a part of the stone surface suddenly burst open, revealing the mole-Pegasus and his new friend, still clenched in his teeth.
“‘Ey guysh.” Skyward began through closed jaws. “Yush ‘ever ‘elieve ‘at I...” He stopped when he saw the other eyeball, this one with a strange yellow light.
“Oh great.” The blue one said. “Him. Again.” Dropping the eyeball to the ground, Skyward wordlessly examined the new sphere, despite protests from the old one.
“Space.” It repeated over and over again. He looked to the blue one. Then to the yellow one. Then back to the blue one.
“I kind of like the yellow one better.” He said. “At least that one doesn’t call me names.” He grumbled, his wings flaring in anger.
“Wait, that one actually talks? And knows more then one word?” Super asked, moving closer to the glowing blue sphere.
“Yes, yes I do!” The sphere said in a frantic tones.
“Interesting.” Luna added, standing on the other side of the eyeball. “I wonder if perhaps they are some indigenous species-"
“No, actually, we’re not." The blue eyeball cut her off. "You see, my name is-”
And those were the last words our poor Wheatly every spoke.
Without warning, a large stone boulder found it's landing right on top of the unfortunate robot, crushing it to bits. Thankfully, he went peacefully. Well, as peaceful as any robot ever could, with a few shrill electronic screams and robotic beeps before the light finally went out.
All stared wide-eyed and mouth agape at Winter, whom was dancing atop of the boulder, an expression of wicked glee across his face. When he noticed everypony staring at him, he just shrugged.
“He was evil.” Claimed the Pegasus. “Trust me. One-hundred percent evil.”
-Totally canon in portal. Totally.-