//------------------------------// // Do You Like Bananas? // Story: Regicide Squares // by Shakespearicles //------------------------------// Princess Celestia sat at the dining table in the basement of her captor. Opposite her, a familiar stallion delivered her breakfast. It had been two days of this, since she was captured. Bound as she was, with a magic inhibiting ring of her own, she relied on him to feed her. He levitated the fork over to mouth. "I'm glad to see that your cooking hasn't suffered." Celestia said between bites. Her meal was an assortment of her favorite breakfast foods. He knew all of her favorite meals. Luna's too. "You know that I'm a benevolent ruler." Celestia continued, resuming her conversation from their previous meeting. "If you let me go now, I'll see to it that you are given leniency." "I could always tell when you were lying Princess. Because you were never any good at it." He answered, bringing the fork to her lips again. It was a bizarrely intimate act, him feeding her like this. But neither enjoyed it particularly. "Well I never acquired your comfort with it." She said. Her first night there, after he was able to capture her, she resisted any placation from him. But immortal as she was, her belly still pang for sustenance after time. 'Come Princess, eat. It's your favorite. I wouldn't want it to go to waste, nor you.' A question had been bothering her for some time now. "What exactly is your endgame with this plan of yours? Are we to just sit here every day staring at one another until one of us expires? Because I've become quite good at the game of outlasting." She asked. "Oh I don't think so." He said smugly. "I've read far too many Daring Do books to know better than to reveal my plan. Even when victory is all but assured." He fed her another bite. "The entire kingdom will be searching for me. Luna will find me. And when she does, well, I can't ensure your safety at that point." She said. "Luna is not even looking for you. As far as she knows, you're already dead." "Then she is certainly looking for you!" Celestia barked. "I do not think so. She thinks that Twilight is responsible." He said with a cruel grin. "Twilight will find me!" Celestia cried. He chuckled, as his laugh bubbled into a full on bout of laughter. "Oh, I am COUNTING ON IT!" _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ FLASH Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash appeared in air, falling a short distance before splashing down. "OOF!" Twilight grunted as Rainbow landed on top of her. Both were soaked, landing in the warm water of the bathtub. The door opened as Zecora stepped into her bathroom. "Quite a ways off the beaten path, to travel just to take a bath." The zebra said. "Zecora! Sorry to keep dropping in like this. But we really need your help! Our plan last night didn't work. And now I have no idea what we're going to do!" "Actually, Zee? Could you just, give us a minute?" Dash groaned. Zecora blushed and backed out of the room, closing the door. "Dash, what's wrong? What did you need to-" Twilight was cut off as Rainbow kissed her. She had been afraid to before. But having both just narrowly avoided certain death just a moment earlier, she no longer cared what happened. She loved Twilight. And that was all that mattered now. Twilight, though surprised for her part, relaxed and kissed her back. Her kiss was heavenly. The warm water, divine. Each silently hoped for this moment to last forever. "Ow." Twilight moaned into Dash's mouth. Dash didn't relent. "Ow ow ow!" Twilight sat up suddenly, causing the water to splash a bit as it suddenly shifted. As soon as her back surfaced, Twilights wing's sprang free, spraying water. "Really now?" Dash asked with a coy grin. "It's your fault." Twilight blushed. "Why don't you come over here so I can wash them." Dash said suggestively. Zecora knocked on the door after a minute. "I don't want to come off sourly. But I don't rent my bathroom hourly." The subtle reminder halted Dash's roaming hooves. Twilight stepped out and dried off. She levitated a washcloth to Dash's stained fur, cleaning the cuts quickly. "Come on." Twilight said, helping Dash out of the tub. She drained the water and refilled the bath with fresh, hot water for Zecora. Dash leaned on Twilight as she led her out to the living room. Dash rested on the carpet. "There now. Let's get a look at you." Rainbow looked up at her incredulously. "Whoa? Really? I'm not sure if she's gonna be in the tub long enough for that." She said. "I mean your injuries silly!" Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Oh. Right." She held her bad wing out. The one that was bent badly. Twilight carefully ran her hooves over it, trying no to hurt her. "Actually I have good news." Twilight said after a minute. "It's not broken." "Um, are you looking at the right wing? It looks pretty bad." "Well, it is dislocated at the Margin Joint. But I should be able to set it." "Um, how exactly?" Twilight placed her hooves on either side of the crooked point. "Okay, brace yourself. I'm going to count to three." She said. Dash took a deep breath. "Okay. One-" *SNAP* "OOWW!" Dash cried out. Fresh tears stained her cheeks. "I thought you were going to count to three!" "I lied. Sorry. But try bending it now." "Nghh" Dash groaned in pain, but she was finally able to close her wing properly. "It still hurts really bad." "It will. It's still pretty swollen, but at least it's properly aligned." Twilight kissed her wing. "There. Better?" "Not really." "Fine. Let me check your hoof." Dash sat up and put her busted hoof into Twilight's. She looked at her wrist closely, bending it slowly, checking the metacarpals. Again, Dash tried her best to stifle her discomfort. "Your hoof should be okay. It's just a bad sprain." "It feels broken." "It's not broken. It's just a sprain." "It feels broken." "Oh, I'm sorry Dash. Did you ace three years of pony anatomy and kinesiology too? I didn't realize that you also had your doctorate." She said sarcastically. Dash rolled her eyes. "I know what a sprain looks like. It's a sprain." "Egghead." Twilight gave Dash's hoof a subtle, directed bend. "AH ah AHH!" Dash's body contorted, following her hoof. "You were saying?" Twilight said. "Gah! What about your hippopotamus oath?" Dash cried. "Okay I'm sorry!" Twilight let her go, opting to hug her instead. "Oof!" Dash grunted. "Oh, yeah, but your ribs are broken. Sorry, I keep forgetting that." Twilight loosened her grip. "Well, what kind of cast do I get for ribs?" Dash asked. "There isn't one. It's one of those things that just take time." "Aww. Can't you just, I dunno." Dash pointed at her horn. "Magic them better?" "No. I haven't gotten to advanced healing magic. Manipulating living tissue is incredibly complex. Only the princesses and a hoof full of others have been able to do it." "Yeah and you're a princess now. So don't you get a, like a power boost?" "Well, yes, my magic has been getting stronger. But I still need to learn and practice the skill before applying it to a live subject." "Subject?" "You know what I mean. If I tried to grow your bones back together, I could grow it right into your lung or something." "Eek." "Yeah, so just try to take it easy for a while instead." "Okay okay. Don't lose your head over it." Dash said. "I won't. We still need to figure a way out of this. Our next step should be to-" Dash sat smirking "OH COME ON! A guillotine joke? Really? Too soon Dash." Dash stifled what would have been a painful laugh. "We need to figure out exactly what happened that night. If they follow proper investigation protocol, Celestia's room should be sealed off and untouched." "And? So what if it is?" "So... I could go there and gather some evidence to figure out what happened." Twilight said. "Don't you think they'll have it alarmed like the library?" Dash said. "Probably. But I know exactly what I'd be looking for. I'd be in and out before they'd even have time to react." She explained, grabbing a couple of jars from Zecora's shelf. "I'm coming with you!" Dash demanded. "No. I've put you in harm's way too much already. Besides, I'll be right back. I promise." "Pinkie Promise?" "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." FLASH _______________________________________________________________________ Twilight reappeared in Celestia's private chamber. It was stuffy. The door and window's had been sealed. She felt a shiver run up her back as she tripped the signalling ward. She had only moments before the guards would be here. She worked quickly, gathering up the mess on the floor into a jar. The pastries from the plate into the other. She could hear hooves getting closer. Her work done, she vanished again, leaving not a trace of her intrusion. - The blue Alicorn stormed into the room a minute after the initial guards. "Anything?" She asked. They each shook their heads. Luna smelled the stale air. It had a subtle odor. The faint scent of o-zone, with just a hint of... lavender. She was here. The gears turned in Luna's mind. 'Why?' She wondered. 'Why return to the scene of the crime?' Her eyes narrowed. Nothing about this made any sense to her. She didn't like it. "I want two guards posted outside this door, twenty four hours until this is resolved." She commanded. It was unlikely Twilight would return. But she had nothing else to go on. _______________________________________________________________________ Rainbow Dash nearly gagged. "Is- is that- her?" She said, eyeing the jar. Twilight held up the jar of liquefied... something. "I don't think so. Something else is going on here. And that's what we're going to find out." She said, placing both jars on the table between them. "Now let's go over exactly what happened that night." "Okay." Dash said, recounting the events. "We got that letter from Princess Celestia, inviting us over for pastries and tea. We get there, and then she exploded." "No. There was more to it then that. We have to examine every detail. Somepony else is behind this. They have to have planned for every detail." "Well, we got there, and she offered us the... that." Dash said, looking at the other jar with what she presumed to be raspberry squares in it. "She ate one and just exploded!" "But she offered it to me first!" Twilight corrected. "I know her. She always waits for her guests to eat before she does." "So she was trying to kill you!?" Dash asked. "No. That can't be it either." Twilight said, wracking her mind. "She offered me the plate first. But I always thought her little 'you first' rule was silly. So I fed her mine before I ate." Dash gave her a sideways glace. "I thought it would be endearing." "Until she exploded." Dash said. "She didn't explode." "Twi, I was there. I saw it happen. You saw it happen." "Yes, but I don't think it happened like it looked. I'm getting to that. The point is, if she was trying to kill me... or us, she wouldn't have allowed herself to eat it if it was fatal. She couldn't have known that would happen." "So somepony else did it?" "They must have. But who? And why?" "I was thinking more about the how." Dash said, picking up the jar of... Celestia. "I don't think she's dead. I know this isn't pony." She said, looking at the jar. "This isn't what exploded pony looks like." Dash gave her a shocked, implying look. "I know what exploded pony would look like if I saw it. Which isn't to say that I have. Okay?" Dash relaxed a bit. "So what do you think happened?" Dash asked. Twilight looked at the pastries in the other jar, clearly more concerned with them. "When I first held these, they were practically humming with magic. I just thought it was latent from Celestia making them, but now I realize that they're definitely enchanted." Twilight tried to piece the plan together. "Whoever made these, had to have known that she'd be having guests that night. And anypony close enough to her to know that would have known that she never eats first with guests. Which means..." Twilight gasped. "Which means what?" "Which means that they were after me!" ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ Princess Celestia sat across from her royal cook. A pony she had trusted for over a decade. He brought down her lunch from upstairs. Once again, it was nothing less than the best for her. "I really must apologize again for this imposition, outlandish as it is." He said. "I never meant for it to happen this way. But alas, I'm nothing if not pragmatic." He said flatly. "Oh it's no imposition." Celestia said. If she was going to be trapped with this pony, they could at least be pleasant to eachother. She was confident that time was on her side. It always was. "But I do wonder how exactly it was meant to go. I'm sure you'll secure a tidy ransom for me." She said. "Oh, no. This hasn't anything to do with money." He said. "Oh. So it's personal then?" Celestia pried. "Ah ah. Now we don't want to give away too much now do we?" He said as she finished the rest of her sandwich he was holding for her. "We wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for you." He said. He cleared the table, making sure the large, silver ring embossed in the stone floor behind him was immaculate as he passed by it, before heading back upstairs. _______________________________________________________________________ Rainbow Dash looked at the jar of goo. "How is Celestia not dead?" "She must have been taken somewhere, and replaced with a sort of... dummy that exploded. This isn't natural." "Nothing about this is natural, Twi." "Well I mean this specifically." Twilight said, swishing the jar. "This is closer to... ectoplasm than anything." "Okay, I get the whole, magically foalnapping somepony. But why the need for the mess?" ----------------- "Because, Celestia," her cook said, "you can steal a princess's crown and disappear. But if you steal a princess, they will find you unless-" ------------------- "...unless they think I'm dead." Twilight concluded. "But... why do it then?" Dash asked, trying to think like a criminal. "How do you get a reward or... ransom if they think she's dead?" "I don't think this is about money, Dash. This is something more... sinister." She said. She took the raspberry squares from the jar, eyeing them cautiously. "So what's the plan now?" Dash asked. "Eating this would take me wherever Celestia went." Twilight said. "And you're sure it won't kill you?" She asked. Twilight waited a long pause. She couldn't lie about this. "No. But, unfortunately we're out of options here." She said. "Whoever made these, intended for me to eat them." "So it's a trap." "It's obviously a trap." "So what's the plan?" Dash asked. "...Spring the trap." Twilight said, bringing the square to her mouth. "TWILIGHT! WAIT!" Dash cried. "Oh, right." Twilight said. She headed outside. "If my duplicate explodes, I don't want to make a mess indoors here." "No, that's not what I meant." Dash said, grabbing her, pulling her into a kiss. "You better come back to me." She breathed. "I will." Twilight said before eating the square. POW! Dash wiped what she hoped was ectoplasm from her fur. ______________________________________________________________________ Celestia looked up at the flash in the room. Twilight appeared, standing inside the silver ring on the floor. "Princess!?" Twilight said, seeing her mentor tied and bound at the table in what looked to be a basement. "TWILIGHT! DON'T MOVE!" Celestia cried. "I'm not leaving without you!" Twilight tried to approach Celestia, but smacked face first into the invisible wall of magic around the ring. Celestia tried to warn her, but it was too late. The entrapment spell was triggered. Arcane manacles captured the purple mare, binding her hooves, wings and horn. Footsteps creaked overhead as the door to the basement opened. A slow, sarcastic clap came from the unicorn at the top of the stairs. "Well, well, well. It looks like I owe you a cider Princess. Celestia, that is." He said walking down. "You were right. She did find you. But oh what of our dear Princess Twilight, hmm?" He gloated. "So smart, so talented. So foolish." "I knew full well that it was a trap." Twilight said. "Ah, apologies. Not foolish. Reckless then?" He said. "Well I guess I've picked up some bad habits." Twilight said. "Well my dear, a valiant effort I suppose." He said. "You have good timing actually. We were just about to have dinner." "What's the point of all of this!?" Twilight demanded. "I know the trap was meant for me, but why?" "Ugh," He groaned in frustration. "Again with the questions. You could learn a lot more from you mentor. At least she has the good manners to be a quiet guest." "You won't get away with this." Celestia said. "Well, mostly." He amended. "And to be quite clear, I already have gotten away with this. Had things gone properly, Celestia would have been the X factor in your capture Twilight. Just as you were for hers. But now here you both are. Safe in my keeping." "But what do you want with me in the first place?" Twilight asked. "Oh it's not you I want." He said, setting the table. "It's your brother." "What? Shining Armor? But why?" "Now that is a proper question that I'd be happy to indulge." He said, settling into his seat. "Perhaps because he married my marefriend." "Cadence!?" "Well, I can see that your mind just whizzing now, you scholar, you." He said. "But save us the noise emanating from you mouth for a bit." Celestia looked closer at him. All this time, and she never realized. "Your mane-" Celestia said. "Yes. Back when I courted Cadence it was, greener. But alas, I am now Emerald 'Greymane'. Early onset due to... traumatic loss." "I didn't even know you two were-" "Nopony knew!" He cut Celestia off. "Which is why it was easy for you to so handily set her up with her brother." "I did not-" "You knew exactly what you were doing!" He sneered. "Setting up your niece with the brother of your star pupil!? It was a strategic power move! You puppeteer everypony around you. All with that smile of yours. But now I'M in control." He opened the lids the dinner plates. "Tonight, soup. Gazpacho, to be exact. Served cold, like revenge. Which I will be serving your brother tomorrow." He up a bowl in front of Celestia. Another beside her. He moved to Twilight. He dispelled the force field around her, while maintaining a firm, magical grasp until he could get the proper horn ring on her. FLASH Rainbow Dash appeared in the middle of the ring. It served as little more than a floor decoration against a non-unicorn. Her vision narrowed at the pony holding her Twilight bound. With Emerald predisposed with Twilight, and caught unawares, what ensued was one of the most one-sided beatings that Celestia had ever witnessed. If Dash's hooves weren't broken before, they sure were now. But she just kept swinging, long after he went limp. She yelled and screamed through the pain, fuel by rage. It wasn't until the combined strength of Twilight, and a recently freed Celestia pulled her off could they tell if he was even still alive. He was. But he'd be eating the rest of his meals through a straw. _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Luna took time out of her pursuit to preside over her sister's funeral. Celestia's appearance at her own funeral made short work of clearing the names of Twilight and Rainbow Dash who were there with her. "Dash, I almost didn't want Celestia to heal you right away." Twilight said to the newly restored Rainbow Dash. "What? Why not?" "Well, sometimes too much of your love can be a little... scary." "Hey, nopony hurts my Twilight." Dash said, pulling her into another passionate kiss. Even Celestia was a bit surprised. "Hey, I'm not your Twilight." She said defiantly. Rainbow Dash answered by licking her cheek. "Wha!? What was that for!" "I licked you. So now you're mine." Dash explained. "I'M NOT A COOKIE!" --------------------------------- Turning Emerald over to the authorities for trial landed him in the prison hospital. His assets were liquidated to repair Rarity's Carousel Boutique. His ability to wield magic was destroyed quite permanently when Dash broke his horn. Luckily for him he was already unconscious at the time. The clock on the hospital wall said it was lunch time. Emerald waited, cuffed to the bed, for the nurse to come feed him. Imagine his surprise when none other than Princess Celestia herself showed up. In an act of turnabout, she pushed a cart inside with a meal tray on it. It was some kind of pudding. It was about all he could eat. She smelled it, and levitated a spoonful over to him. "Emerald, let me ask you a question, Do you like bananas?"