Once again, Gan here. Are you bored of this? I certainly am, but do not worry, or leave at this matter, for we have finally gotten to the action. So it turns out that not everypony is as nice as Fluttershy and Discord, and, sadly, I found that out the hard way. Though, it's okay, because I'm used to running away from police and criminals and giant fish.
"Goodbye Flutters, bye Discord!" I called to the house, glad at all the new information I had gotten from such little of things. "Now, let's take a night out on the town." I said to myself. It's amazing how many colors you could see in such a small little place. Like I said before, it's almost like plasticy and cartoony. But, out of no where, three cop-ponies came from behind one of the buildings-which funnily all of them had moustaches-and where pointing batons at me, yelling, "There he is! Man, I thought Lyra was on drugs or something, but there it is! Come on!"
"Aw, what the fuck." I sighed, and with that, I was running the opposite direction, trying to keep my hat on my head. Have I ever described what I looked like to you? I haven't? Good, let's keep it that way. But anyways, without thinking, I was running as fast as my long legs could carry me-I'm 6'1, I'll tell you that bit-towards wherever would be a good hiding place.
"Holy horse apples! That thing's fucking fast!" the middle cop yelled, slowing down a little to catch his breathe. I also haven't told you this, but I've gotten so used to running from danger that my leg muscles nearly doubled from their normal size, just from running. I.F.A.N has taught us very well in the art of disguise, but right now I couldn't find any disguises, or anything to disguise as. It's funny, because you'd never expect something that looks as innocent as ponies to be so harsh. They were still yelling at me when I turned a corner into an alley, and soon enough, more cops were coming in and I was surrounded.
But in I.F.A.N, we have learned that self defense is only needed in the most desperate of situations, and that the best way was of out running and disguising. "It's over freak!" one of the 9 cops yelled as they started to close in on me. "We got you surrounded!" another one yelled. But when I thought all hope was lost, I heard something that I never thought I would've heard. "Hey, you need some help?" something called out from above, and then like that, I got swooped up from the ground into a big ass mail cart held by 2 pegasi.
"You're lucky kid." the brown one with a moustache said, eyeing me. "Are you okay?" said the pegasi that saved me, brushing her mane back to reveal her other eye. "Umm, yes I'm fine." I said, grabbing my breast pocket. "No... God damn it NO!" I yelled, grimacing
in horror. "salmon..."
"Huh?" the pegasi said, obviously confused to why I said 'salmon'. "I don't know what that's about, but my name's Ditzy Doo! Or, some ponies used to call me Derpy Hooves because, well..." she trailed off, pointing a hoof to her other eye. "I think you know what I mean." she finished sadly. "I was born with this, and a lot of fillies used to make fun of me." she said, looking away. "What am I talking about! I want to talk to you first. What's you're name?" she said, gesturing a hoof to me.
"Well, again, I am only known as Gan. I get pretty tired of introducing myself to everybody, you know?" I said. "It's funny too, because you didn't freak out or anything because I'm a human. And about that salmon thing, it's nothing. I mean, I just have this thing where if I don't eat salmon, I'll, you know, die and stuff." I said, as if dying was nothing. "And I do not mind you're eye. I've seen many things in my life, and that's nothing bad. This might be wierd to ask some random pers- um, pony, but do you happen to have salmon?" I asked nicely, getting comfortable on the boxes on mail. "Maybe!" she said, looking through her bag. And sure enough, she pulled out a tin of salmon.
"Oh my god you're a life saver! Literally!" I said, digging to the can of fish, solving the soreness in my ribs. "Thank you so much!" I said great fully, hugging the pony. It was wierd hugging a pony. It's like hugging a horse, but a very small one. Oh yeah, that's exactly what it is.
"Aw, it's nothing!" she replied, breaking the hug. "Anyways, where did you come from?" she asked. "fwooh" I sighed, laying back. "how many times do I have to explain?" I complained, adjusting myself again. "Well, here we go," I sighed out, before explaining everything I had to explain before, which if I described me explaining it to Ditzy Doo would surely bore you, so I shall skip it.
"And that's how I came here!" I managed to get out, gasping for breathe after such a long talk and from answering so many needless questions. "Woah! I always thought Lyra was doing some pretty fucking hard crack, but I never thought she was lying!" Ditzy said, apparently fascinated from my story. From this I had to laugh, finding it hard to believe a pony doing drugs. "that sounds really weird, yet funny." I explained. "Ponies doing drugs? Really?" I said, gasping for air from laughing so much. "Well, I know some people..." Ditzy said, glancing back at me.
"What!?" I sputtered, finding it hard to believe such a sweet pony would do drugs. "I was joking silly!" she said, now both of us laughing. "You're funny, you know that? You're cool." I said. "Bro hoof?" she said giggly, putting up a hoof. Without having to ask though, I made my hand into a fist and bumped it against hers.