//------------------------------// // Date (2) // Story: Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind // by maxxxxxx //------------------------------// I know I already have everything set up, and I already asked Pinkie Pie, as well as Scootaloo and her friends... But even so... Sunrise nervously thought to herself as she rolled over the bumpy streets of Ponyville to Golden Oak Library. The sun was getting lower in the sky, allotting her just enough time to do everything she planned. The amount of though she put into the actual endeavor was far greater than the though she put in to whether she should even be doing it in the first place. I know how I feel about Twilight, well, I feel like I know how I feel about her anyway. She's the first pony that I got close to, she took care of me and treated me like family. It was hard at times, but I know she genuinely cares for me, not Rainbow Dash, but me. Maybe I developed these feeling because she was taking care of me... That possibility filled her body with a wave of depression. She slowed her wheelchair to a crawl. She wished she could stop time to allow her to process all her doubts. She knew she couldn't postpone for long, and more than anything she knew there was no absolute answer to find comfort or solace in. When I picture my life without her, it's bleak and cold. The scents of her and the library, the sound of Spike and Twilight organizing books while Twilight hums cheerfully and seeing her smile at me everyday, that's been all I've known outside of that cold hospital, the things that make me the happiest, all revolve around Twilight. I think that's as sure as anypony can be when it comes to feeling of the heart. She looked up to the sky, the suns warm soft light washed over her fur and a cool, gentle breeze caressed the delicate white gown she wore. The halter top sundress and matching sun hat she wore were both a contribution to her plan from the young filly unicorn named Sweetie Belle. Apparently designed by her older sister. The weather was perfect and she and her new friends had already put so much effort in, she knew, come what may, she couldn't delay any longer. With fire of determination in her eyes, she picked up her pace. It wasn't long before the library came into site and her determination began to once again whither as she approached the door. 'Well, I sorted out how I feel, more or less. But, what about Twilight? What does she feel, and are her feeling really for me? I know I'm good at reading ponies. Come on Sunrise, what to you see in Twilight's heart? What does she feel?' She closed her eyes and focused, running though Twilight's every expression, every change in tone and every word. Her mind clouded with euphoria, she was swept away in her own mind thinking of how she wanted Twilight to feel. Try as she might, she couldn't be unbiased. She wanted it too badly. Somewhere in the haze of emotions, she just felt that there was something there. Something Twilight felt especially for her. But I can't be sure. If this goes wrong, it could ruin what I have with her... If it goes very wrong it could kill me tonight. What if I only end up hurting her? What if she just say no right on the spot? How could we still be friends like normal after that? It's safe just to keep on the way things have been, I haven't even known her for very long... “Sunrise? What are you doing just sitting out here?” The sudden voice made Sunrise jump. A cold feeling quickly spread over her body, she knew that even that little shock could be too much for her fragile heart. Suddenly her fears were confirmed as her heart rhythm became erratic and fast. She felt a sharp pain in her chest. She clutched it in pain. “Sunrise! Sunrise, your pill!” Twilight said frantically, stepping out of the library to Sunrise's side. Turning her head Sunrise bit down on a small lever like device on the side of her chair, causing it to dispense a small white pill. Without any water she swallowed, struggling to gulp it down against the tightness in her chest. After a strained moment she she slowly began to recover. Making sure to take slow deep breaths she rubbed her chest gently. “Oh Sunrise, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you like that I..” Twilight stood over her, her eyes on the brink of tears and her face full of worry and... almost panic. Sunrise felt a strong sense of guilt sweep over her. This isn't starting off well, I haven't even asked her out yet and I almost died. Now she's worried and guilty. All the more reason to call it off... No. I can't, or rather, I wont. I have to know, I have to see if she could ever share my feelings. My feelings as well, I need to know if they're true. Perhaps I'm putting too much on a single event. One date is not an indicator for an entire relationship. But it is a start... “Sunrise, Sunrise say something. We need to get you to the Hospital, come on.” Twilight began to turn to the back of Sunrise's wheel chair when she felt a hoof on her shoulder. “No Twilight, I'm alright, I'm sorry. I should be used to this by now. I was distracted and I didn't even notice you open the door. It's my fault.” Her heart had settled back into normal rhythm and the pain and tightness were mostly gone. She breathed a mental sigh of relief, but she wasn't out of the woods yet she knew. The situation she was about to put herself in would undoubtedly be stressful and dangerous for her. She had to keep herself calm no matter what Twilight's answer or reaction. Meanwhile Twilight still wore a deep look of worry. “We should still get you to the hospital and make sure your heart hasn't gotten any worse for that episode. I told you I'm not going to risk losing you. Please, just come to the hospital.” Her voice was saturated with concern as she pleaded with Sunrise. Her voice alone almost made Sunrise agree, and she knew it was in her own best interest to make sure her heart hadn't just gotten worse. But I have to do this! She couldn't say where her resolve was coming from, but felt an uncompromising drive to go forward. I have to know “Twilight, I promise I'm alright. If it will ease your worry at all we can go to the hospital tonight, but first there's something we have to do.” Her determination and conviction in her voice could be felt by Twilight, she was almost taken aback by it. Taking a moment to weigh up the situation, her curiosity got the better of her and, wearily, she gave in to it. “W-what is it?” Twilight asked, unsure of how to respond. The determination she saw in Sunrise, it brought back many memories and feelings. There was a familiar fire in her eyes, a strength and conviction. It filled her nostalgia and, something she had though she moved beyond, longing. Longing for something she had lost, that the world had lost. It would never be the same now without her. But Sunrise's voice, and those eyes, almost brought her to tears with longing and grief that she hadn't felt in some time. She braced herself, she knew she couldn't hide such an enormous feeling from her friend, who had an almost clairvoyant sense for the inner workings and reasonings of ponies hearts. “Well... I was thinking. It's a nice day and well..” She stopped every few words to take a deep, steadying breath to calm her heart. Twilight listed and watched her, perplexed. Not only did she not call out how Twilight just felt, but she was also uncharacteristically fidgety and nervous. “Sunrise, are you alright? This isn't like you and...” “Twilight wait, just let me say this, please. I- I've been through a lot this last week and, It's been hard and painful, but through it all, I've had one thing keeping me moving forward... You. I've done a lot of thinking about how I feel and what it means, weighing the risks and what I might gain or lose. I found, through all that thinking, that I wont find my answer in logic or reason or deduction. I just need to do it, because that's what I feel.” Though her chest pain from her earlier attack was gone, and her heart rate was normal, she was still rubbing her chest with her hoof, coaxing it to stay that way. She was amazed that she hadn't had another attack. She definitely felt scared and nervous, every second was a conscious effort to keep her breathing, heart rate and blood presser normal. All the while she was choosing her words, running through every possible answer Twilight could give. “Sunrise... what are you saying?” Twilight said nervously perplexed. “Twilight Sparkle...” Sunrise reached to her side at the seat of her wheelchair, and pulled out a small, less than ornate bouquet of assorted flowers. It wasn't much, but thanks to Pinkie Pie, she was able to get the for free from friend of hers that owned a flower and herb shop in town. “Will you go on a date with me?” Twilight stood in shock, her eyes drifting from the flowers to Sunrise's face, and her nervous expression. She wants to go on a date... with me!? Sunrise what are you thinking? Is this for real? I- I have to say no, I'm not ready... I don't know what I feel. Just say no, let her down gently. But, if I turn her down, what if she has another attack? What if it kills her? I Can't do this! Sunrise... Do you really feel that way about me or, do you only think you feel that way? After all, I'm was the only pony in your life, what you're feeling, is it just that? What about me? What do I feel? A moment ago, your eyes reminded me so much of hers. I have to say no, I have to but.. “A date, with me?” Was all Twilight could say through the haze of thoughts and feelings. She wanted to say so much, but she couldn't bring herself to risk hurting Sunrise again. She felt her cheeks heating up as blood rushed into them. Sunrise's gaze held steady, her extended hoof still holding the flowers. For the first few, nerve wracking seconds her eyes were filled with uncertainty and even fear. Taking a deep breath she found her strength and her eyes were again filled with fire. “Yes Twilight, will you go out on a date with me?” What am I doing? This is clearly hurting her, and making her uncomfortable, but, I can't stop now. Twilight, please, just give me your answer. Twilight fidgeted with her hooves nervously. She looked up, and her body was silenced as she met Sunrises eyes. Are they though? Is that really Sunrise? That look in her eyes... Rainbow. She fought with all her strength to keep her tears from pouring out. Twilight stop, don't do this to yourself. She's gone, she's gone and you have moved on. Please, stop looking at me with those eyes. I- I can't say it, don't say it. Don't... “Yes, I will..” I shouldn't have said that, I know why I said it was wrong. Dash isn't in there, and I'm lying to her, to Sunrise, my friend. Maybe... I'm lying to myself. “Thank you Twilight, I promise you'll have a good time, I planned everything out.” Sunrise smiled. The dark tone in Twilight's voice was not lost on Sunrise, neither was her expression or body language. She was fighting an overwhelming conflict in her mind. She hoped it didn't have anything to do with Rainbow Dash. If Twilight was only struggling with her feelings for her then that would be simple, but if she was forcing Twilight to choose between her and Rainbow Dash, then she doubted she stood a chance. It's even worse than that, if she had such strong feelings for her, then I'll never know if any of her feelings for me would be true. I wish I really could read minds. I know this is hard for her, but I have to know. I just feel this is something I have to do. So I will. Twilight forced a smile and her horn light up. “I'll go put these in water then we'll go.” She took the bouquet in her magic and walked into the library. “Right, I'll be waiting out here for you.” The atmosphere of the library always gave her comfort and clarity. The warm, natural sunlight streaming in through the windows combined with the pleasing, dusty scent of books and parchment made her relax slightly as she made her way to the kitchen. I don't know why I agreed to this. This is impossible. I- I can't keep lying to myself. I want so badly to think there's still a chance, but at the same time, I feel like I don't want to lose Sunrise. I can't do this. She looked forlorn at the vase as it filled with water. Placing with half filled vase on the table she carefully placed the flowers in the water. Watching the ripples reverberate over the surface of the water she lost her self for a moment. She leaned in sniffing the colorful petals. The fragrance filled her mind with the feelings of warm spring days. Days spent with her closest friends. In these thought's she began to create a resolution. Spring is back, and it will be back next year as well. Those days I spent with Rainbow Dash and the girls, having fun and adventure... they may be over, but spring will come again and, maybe, a chance to build new memories. Maybe, this isn't so bad. I know, Rainbow would want me to move forward. Rainbow Dash, there are so many things I wish we could talk about. I never though I wouldn't be able to share my thoughts and feeling with you again. Seeing her, with your eyes, it's more than I think I can bear. As much as I want to, my heart wont let go. With a deep, unsteady breath she turned from the flowers and proceeded to her date... with Vibrant Sunrise. **************************************************************************************************** “So, where are we going? It's already kind of late?” Twilight asked, trying to keep her thoughts on the date, hoping to distract from the deeper thoughts she didn't want to confront. Twilight walked in step with Sunrise’s wheelchair. She would look at anything but Sunrise's eyes. There was a quality in them that she hadn't seen in Sunrise before, a kind of uncompromising conviction. It confused her every time she met them, but more than the confusion was the grief and guilt they instilled. “Well, since it is getting late I thought we should start with lunch. Well, it's getting to be dinner time but I have something set up already.” She tried to smile but the fact that Twilight had been avoiding her eyes wasn't lost on her. This isn't going well, there has to be more to this that her not returning my feelings. I think the worst case scenario is playing out. Twilight isn't letting go. I'll never be with her wholly, even in friendship. It's because of the way I'm behaving. From what I know about her, she was stubborn, hot headed and passionate. I must be displaying similar traits now. I don't even know why, I just feel so strongly about this, I have an unyielding desire to see this through no matter what. More than even my own feelings toward Twilight, I just need to know. The pair walked approached a quiet park nestled between two small hills. It was somewhat out of the way but Twilight was surprised to see it completely desolate. The only thing that stood out was a blanket sprawled out under the shade of a large tree. Sever bushes formed a half circle around the park. “A picnic?” Twilight asked, looking up at Sunrise. On top of the blanket was a large basket and another assortment of flowers. Two candles gently flickered on opposing ends of the blankets. “How did you do all this? You don't have any money and..” “I had some help from my friends.” Sunrise said simply as she rolled over to the blanket and started removing the delicious food from the basket. Assorted sweets and sandwiches as well as cider and fresh apples. It was quite a spread. Twilight's stomach growled as the scent wafted over to her, carried on the cool breeze. Sunrise laughed softly. “Come on, let's eat.” With a smile she unwrapped an apple fritter. Twilight followed suit. “This cider and the apples... They're from Sweet Apple Acres aren't they? Did you... talk to Applejack?” Twilight asked cautiously. Applejack was very clear about how she felt about Twilight's decision about not using the memory spell on Sunrise. That night had been the last they had spoken. “No, I haven't cleared things up with her yet, but don't worry Twilight, I will.” She said reassuringly, trying to look Twilight in her eyes, but her dull gaze was set on the checkered blanket. “And that hat and dress... Rarity?” She didn't feel she had the strength left to beat around the bush. The mental fatigue was taking it's toll on her. She didn't know how much longer she could handle it. “I was a loan from a friend of a friend. Listen, Twilight, your friends will come around I promise. I know I can convince then. I can..” “How?” Twilight cut her off with her sharp, cold voice. “By getting into their hearts and hurting them until they come around?” Sunrise was more than taken aback, she was hurt. A dull ache weighed heavy in her chest. “Twilight... you know that's not what I do. You know that right?” Her voice nearly broke into a whimper. The pony she cared about most thought she was a monster? No, that's not what's happening. I can feel it. Twilight, your hiding from how you feel, for both our sakes. I know you, you wouldn't say that unless there was something you were hiding that would hurt worse. I can't let her do this to her self! Again, she felt a rush of resolve. The dull ache was replaced with a hot feeling, a feeling that compelled her. Her eyes again took on the determined fire, her visage was strong and confident. She opened her mouth, ready to confront Twilight with how she was feeling, but before she could... “Don't....” Twilight whispered, her neck craned to the point where Sunrise couldn't see her eyes. But, she could her a quiet sniffle before Twilight continued. Rage seared in her voice as she spoke. “Don't look at me with those eyes!” She yelled. Her head shot up, tears streaming down her face. “Just, just stop.. please. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry..” She stood, her tears were pouring now, unabated and unrestrained, like a damn had just burst. In a way, it had. “Twilight.. don't go. Please...” She could only speak in little more than a whisper as Twilight spun around and began running, before disappearing in a flash of light. Sunrise could only stare helplessly at the empty space Twilight used to take up. She slumped in her chair. Suddenly she felt something small impact her fur on her front leg. She reached up with her hoof to her face. It was a tear. She didn't even realize she had begun crying, but her tears wouldn't stop. She took a shaky breath and began sobbing into her hooves. She sat there, alone under a tree, crying like a foal. A pitiful sight she must have been, she thought. A sudden rustling, followed by hushed whispers took her from her pity. “I know you're there. Come on out. I know one of you has something to say.” She called out, wiping the tears from her face. From the bushes emerged Scootaloo and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders, their expressions were nervous and downcast and she knew it was not only because of the display of intense emotion they had just witnessed, but also in anticipation of the one that was about to came as Spike stomped up from behind them towards her. His eyes were filled with anger and pain. She though he might even try to strike her. She took another deep breath, this was something she had to face before she could think of going after Twilight. She rotated her chair to face him, she was well aware of how Spike felt about her. He has every right to feel like that about me. After all, all he has ever seen me do was hurt Twilight, who he cares about more than anything. I'll never be able to convince him that I want what's best for her. Only seeing Twilight happy will achieve that. All the more reason I have to find her. “How dare you!” Spike growled, grabbing Sunrise’s dress and pulling her towards him. He was strong, nearly ripping her right out of her chair. He was absolutely livid. “Get out of our lives and leave Twilight alone!” Sunrise tried to hold him in a cool gaze, but it fell short as her eyes refused to stop crying. 'I have to go, I can't do anything about Spike. Twilight is hurting right now and I have to help her!' “Spike stop, let her go!” Scootaloo rushed to his side, putting her hooves on his shoulder, but he was too blinded by anger to be swayed. “All you've done is hurt Twilight! She cared for you! She took you in and all you did in return was make her cry!” “Spike, that's enough! Her heart, she can't take the stress! Please stop it!” Scootaloo pleaded to no avail. “Scootaloo, It's okay. I'll be fine. Let me handle this.” She said calmly, though, she was still crying. She brought her gaze back to spike. “If you really cared about Twilight, you would go and make sure she's okay, instead of being here with me.” She made her voice as cold as possible, she had to. Spike would not be swayed directly, he was too angry, but she had him cornered. She knew he only had one way to respond to that. Spike growled before releasing her dress. “Stay out of our lives.” He spoke with chilling seriousness. She shivered at it before he began walking into town, in hopes of finding Twilight. 'Good, he doesn't know where she went either..' “Sunrise, what happened?” Scootaloo asked cautiously as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom came to her side, looking up at Sunrise with the same tentative curiosity. Sunrise glanced up once more at the small purple figure as it vanished behind a hill before she redirected her attention back to the young fillies. “I- I think I just lost her.” She gave a wispy, pain filled smile. Her eyes were sore but she just couldn't stop herself from crying. I think Twilight is lost to me now. She was so angry and confused and I couldn't help her... Maybe Spike was right, maybe all I'm really doing is hurting everypony. What does that mean for me? I though I could save Twilight, I thought I could help her friends, but I've only been hurting them and fooling myself. The fillies could see her vision had become distant as she sunk deeper into her own thoughts. It was Apple Bloom who snapped her back to the present. “You're gonna go after her aren't ya?” She said with worry. That caught Sunrise by surprise. 'Is she worried that I'll say I wont?' “I don't think I should. I've done enough damage. I already hurt her so much, instead of helping her confront her feeling and move beyond them, I think I only made her bury herself further in denial. I was just fooling myself. I...” “So your just gonna leave her like that!?” Sweetie Belle shouted in disbelief. Now Sunrise was really caught off guard, and slightly confused. “There's nothing I can do... I'm only making things worse.” She was distraught and defeated. Her statement seemed to baffle and disappoint Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom which only confused her more. Why do they care so much? “You can't give up, you're the only one who can help her!” Sweetie Belle pleaded with Apple Bloom nodding in agreement. Scootaloo only stared into Sunrise's eyes, her own eyes conferring strength and determination to her. “Why do you two feel so strongly about this? You- you don't even know me... I-I don't understand.” She sniffled, her tears were finally starting to die down as she wiped the remaining drops from her muzzle. “Scootaloo told us what happened, when you talked to her. She was miserable without Rainbow Dash, and now, after you became friends with her, she's better. She's different that before. I don't know how but I know it was because of you.” Sweetie Belle looked almost on the verge of tears as she spoke. “My sister hasn't been right since what happened to Rainbow Dash and it's killing me to see her like that. Me and Big Mac have tried everything but nothing gotten through to her. She'll say she's fine but I've heard her crying at night. Even Granny Smith wasn't able to help. None of us can understand what she's going through, but you helped Scootaloo! You were able to help Pinkie Pie and, and you're the only one who can help my sister. So you can't give up on Twilight, you cant!” She reared up on her hind legs and buried her face against Sunrise's abdomen and cried. At first stunned and unsure, she didn't know how to feel or react. As she looked down at the filly she felt an overwhelming sense of empathy and understanding. The loss of Rainbow Dash had left a lot of scars, not just on her immediate friends, but on those around them. She slowly raised her hoof but stopped in mid air in a moment of doubt. Am I really the one who should be comforting her? After what I did to Twilight? Do I have any right to tell her it'll all be okay? Can I even help her or her sister if I cant help Twilight? I- I don't know what to do! Twilight doesn't want anything to do with me, she can't even look at me without thinking of Rainbow Dash, No pony can... What can I do then? What is there left for me? To be alone? What about all the hurt that's left behind for Twilight and her friends? I- I wont leave them like that, I can't! But, what can I do about it? As she felt the fillies tears soaking through her dress she brought her hoof down to her back and stroked it gently, without a word. “And Rarity, she's been so depressed about all of this. She was always so strong and bright, but now, she's barely gone out and, she cries. I've never seen her like that and... I can't watch her fall apart like that. I've been going over there as little as possible. I feel awful but I've tried everything! So have our parents, but... She keeps saying it'll be alright. That Twilight will bring Rainbow Dash back and everything will go back to normal. I- I don't think there's anything we can do for her. I think she blames herself for all of this and... and.” Her voice cracked and she struggled against the tears, forcing herself to continue. “And it's just not fair! Please Sunrise, you have to help them! It has to be you so please, you can't say you give up! We need you!” Scootaloo padded over to Sweetie Belles side and put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. “Please don't give up on her Sunrise. You love her right? That's why you did all this right? Then you have to go find her!” Scootaloo affirmed. “You can save Twilight, you can save her and Applejack and Rarity just like you saved me. Sure it hurt at the time but I'm better now, I'm stronger now and I'm open with myself now. You're here for a reason and I think it's to help us all, so please go after Twilight and save her.” Sunrise was stunned. Her mind was completely blank and numb as she tried to process what the filly had said. I'm here for a reason? I don't know about that... I don't know if I can save anyone either. All I can see is how much I've hurt ponies... But Scootaloo, she does seem different, better even. Is it because of me? Did I save her from her denial? Did I help her overcome grief? If I did... If I'm capable of doing that then... Her eyes became full of passion, confidence and determination. She looked over the where Twilight had vanished and saw and heard Twilight's words in a new light. She needed help, she was hurting, and, weather or not she could help, she had to do something. Scootaloo is right, I did all this because of how I feel for Twilight. I think, I do love her. I'll do what ever it takes to save her, then, I'll help the others that were hurt by the loss of Rainbow Dash. They're Twilight's friends, and that makes them my friends! I wont leave my friends hanging! I won't stand by and watch my friends hurt! “I have to go. Twilight needs me.” Her tone burned with purpose and strength. Apple Bloom looked up at her, she was smiling, eyes full of hope glistened with tears. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shared similar expressions. “You had better find her before Spike does, or he might not let you see her.” Scootaloo said as Apple Bloom jumped down and joined her friends. “Right, I'll find her first, don't worry.” With that, Sunrise spun her wheelchair around and sped out of the park. “Come on crusaders! We need to help!” Scootaloo declared. With simultaneous nod of agreement from her friends the to, left the park.