//------------------------------// // The Pony Who's Done With Winning, Because She's Already Won // Story: The Life and Times of a Winning Pony // by Chengar Qordath //------------------------------// H.R.H. Princess Celestia Solaris of Equestria, The Unconquerable Sun, Pony of the Three Tribes, Sovereign Diarch of Ponykind, Protector of the Western March, and probably a dozen other titles I’m forgetting: You did ask me to write you a report, so here goes. Now, according to Rainbow and Fluttershy, the whole point of these friendship reports is to let you know what I’ve learned from my experiences. I’m not sure why you’d need to know that; I imagine you know basic stuff like ‘friends support each other,’ ‘don’t be a doormat,’ and ‘books are awesome.’ It’s probably not about us telling you stuff you don’t know, though. The point is probably for us to put it all down in writing for our own benefit. So, what have I learned? Well, sometimes friends and lovers will screw up, make stupid decisions, and get into arguments with each other. Sometimes we’ll even really drop the ball and end up really hurting each other. But no matter how badly we mess up, at the end of the day true friends always apologize, try to set things right, and find a way to work it all out. Rainbow Dash dropped a large bag of bits in front of me. “Take it, Cloud.” She was fighting dirty this time. Bringing Blossom, Derpy, and Eepy along as backup was to be expected. I could even deal with having Sparkler on my case, but using Dinky against me was just nasty. Said filly had, of course, firmly attached herself to one of my forelegs. I couldn’t find any crowbars to pry her off, so for now I was stuck with her. Or rather, she was stuck on me. Dinky looked up at me, and unleashed a smile that was far too full of innocence to be genuine. Somepony must have coached her, especially given what she said next. “Mommy said you were havin’ money trouble ‘cause of needin’ to pay for school an’ stuff, which is rilly bad ‘cause I dunlike school, and I get to go for free. But then I told Mommy that if ya needed some extra money t’pay for school, then ya could have my allowance for this week. I dun need candy, ‘cause I’d rather use the money t’help you, ‘cause you’re super-nice an’ I love you.” Urgh. At this rate, I would need to use the bits to treat the nasty case of diabetes Dinky seemed intent on inflicting upon me. Dinky-induced diabetes. Dinkybetes? “We all gave what we could spare.” Fluttershy stepped up to give me a quick nuzzle. “I’m afraid I didn’t have very much, but I suppose I can hold off on expanding my chicken coop for a while...” Derpy good-naturedly nudged Eepy in the ribs with a wingtip. “Not very much? Most of the bits in that bag came from you and Rainbow.” She paused, offering me an apologetic smile. “Not that I didn’t want to help, but the single mother with two girls doesn’t have as many spare bits as the animal caretaker or the weather manager. Go figure.” “Same thing here.” Blossom waved a hoof. “I just haven’t had much of a chance to get any bits saved up. That’s what you get for dating a mare who’s five years younger than you: youthful good looks, but no financial resources.” “That’s the beauty of sharing.” I settled in between Fluttershy and Blossom, throwing a wing over each of them. “I get to have both.” I let out a lame chuckle, and my eyes drifted down to the bag of money. “Seriously, I really appreciate the offer, but the whole West Hoof debt thing is something I’d rather take care of for myself.” Sparkler rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Momma. Never mind that if it was anypony else who was in a tight spot financially, you’d be there insisting they stop being a stubborn mule and let you help them.” The kid had a point. Hay, a couple hours before I got saddled with all this debt, I’d been trying to convince Bon Bon to let me help her out. Maybe I should put the horseshoe on the other hoof this time. Rainbow snatched the bag of bits up again, and stubbornly shoved it into my hooves. “Cloud, shut up and take our money.” I hesitantly accepted it. “I’ll pay you back as soon as I can, alright?” “Don’t worry about it,” Rainbow answered with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “You need the help, we’re here. S’what friends are for.” While I’ve made a lot of mistakes with my friends, I think the ones I made with my family caused me a lot more trouble. It’s hard to explain exactly why; it’s not like I love my family more than my friends. Family and friends both mean the world to me, but I think the difference is that my family’s a more fundamental part of who I am. Hay, it’s right there in my name: Cloud KICKER. Plus, there’s how everything worked out with Mom. A part of me still wishes I’d been able to snag Shadow’s Armor and rip Chrysalis’ head off for what she did. Aunt Wind would probably say that chasing after revenge isn’t healthy, but it sure would’ve been satisfying. Still, as long as Chrysalis is out of the picture, I guess I can live with it. It’s not like killing her would bring my mom back. I really wish I still had her around. There’s a lot of stuff we never really got to say to each other. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though. Hay, if she was still alive we’d probably still be butting heads. Dad always said that he had no idea where I got my stubborn streak from, because Mom kept every bit of her own hard-headedness. What matters is that we loved each other despite all that. We didn’t need some big, deep, meaningful talk to hammer that out, because we always knew it, even if some stupid horseapples stuff got in the way of it sometimes. Dad walked into the living room, holding my discharge papers under a wing as he moved over to the couch. Princess Celestia had already signed off on them to make it official, but he needed to as well. A princess’ signature might be enough for most ponies, but the military bureaucracy was picky about having every little detail in place. I took a quick look at the latest, final set of discharge papers I’d gotten. Celestia had pulled out a couple versions of them while we were hammering everything out, so I wanted to make sure we’d gotten the right papers this time. Rainbow might think I was being stupidly self-deprecating by refusing an honorable discharge, but it still felt like the right thing to do. Thankfully, the paperwork now said that I was getting a clemency discharge, as it should. I’d feathered up bad by running out of the Guard, but between trying to do the right thing during the changeling attack and paying back my education costs I’d come close enough to making up for it to clear my name. It was sort of like the equivalent of getting a royal pardon, as far as my reputation was concerned. I sighed and curled up against Dad, resting my back against his chest. “Not exactly what you wanted out of me, is it?” I waved a hoof over the papers. “Less bringing honor and glory to the clan and family, and more managing to fix my screw-ups enough that I don’t end up going to jail.” Dad slowly put a wing over me, and pulled me up against him. “You’re right, this isn’t exactly what I had planned for the end of my daughter’s long and glorious military career.” He set a hoof on my shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. “Are you happy?” “Yeah, I think I am.” There were a lot of problems left to sort out with my life, but I think I had it under control. And really, who goes through life without ever having to deal with trouble? Life getting messy is just part of the package. It’d be nasty, unpleasant, and complicated, but I could deal with it. Maybe that was another thing to put into that report for Princess Celestia? Dad nodded, and gave me another squeeze. “The way you’ve lived your life might not be something your mother and I planned for, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what we wanted. What we wanted, what we always wanted, was for you to be happy.” He paused, and let out a wistful sigh. “Well, that and for you to visit more often. And grandfoals.” I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at the last one. “Sheesh, I’m barely into a semi-stable relationship, and you’re already bugging me to start procreating. Give us a little bit to settle in before I have to turn into a foal factory for you.” My joking mood slowly faded as my mind turned to the rest of what he’d said. “I guess ... after West Hoof, I kinda felt like I didn’t belong anymore, you know? Always told myself I was the black sheep of the clan, a failure and disappointment. Now ... maybe I was just being stupid about it. I used to always think Mom bugged me about coming back to the Guard because she didn’t want to have her daughter fail to live up to the clan legacy, but now ... maybe she just wanted me to come back.” “Nimbus ... didn’t always express herself clearly,” Dad confessed. “And she could be stubborn and proud, much like somepony else I could think of.” His wing tightened around me. For some reason that made me smile. If nothing else, Mom and I at least had our flaws in common. That fond reminiscing was interrupted by a set of filly-sized hooves clambering up onto the couch. Alula pulled herself up next to us, then trotted over and squeezed in between Dad and me. That is one advantage of being a kid; it’s a lot easier to fit into group hugs. Once she’d comfortably settled in, she turned to face me. “Daddy’s right, you gotta come visit more.” Well, I guess somepony had been listening in for a while before she decided to get some paternal and sibling affection. “I will. Promise.” A thought popped into my head, and promptly shot out of my mouth. “After all, you’re getting big enough that it’s about time to start your early wing training. Gotta start getting you ready to fly, and teaching you how to use wing blades.” Alula’s ears perked up a bit at that. The one thing you can almost always be sure will catch a filly’s attention is any discussion of them growing up. When we’re young, all we dream about is growing up, only to turn into adults who long for the good old days of being kids. Ponies are weird, complicated creatures. Though sometimes, things are less complicated than they look. “You’d have to come visit, like, every day if you’re gonna train me!” Alula chirped out. “Well, I don’t know about every day.” I did still need to hold down a job in Ponyville, not to mention two fillyfriends and Derpy’s family. One of the problems of trying to live more responsibly, you start picking up responsibilities. “I’ll be around as much as I can in between everything else, though. Every other weekend, as long as nothing goes crazy.” Alula thought that over, a slight frown of concentration on her face. “I can come visit too, right?” “Anytime you want.” I tightened my wing around Dad. “That goes for you and everypony else in the clan too. I know it’s gonna be a lot easier for me to come visit you guys than the other way around, but still ... I’d like you guys to come over, sometime.” “We will, Cloud.” Dad squeezed back, and my little sister joined in on the hugging. “I know Ponyville’s your home now. Just don’t forget you have a home here as well.” “Don’t worry, I won’t.” I know Rainbow and Fluttershy always try to end their reports with a lesson of some sort. You know, talk about what they’ve learned as a result of everything they’ve gone through. I don’t know if I can really do that myself. I mean sure, I’ve learned a lot over the last couple months, but it’s not really the kind of thing I can just sum up with a neat single-sentence moral. A lot of stuff happened. Some of it bad, some of it good, and all of it changed me. I’m not the same pony I was before all this. I’d like to think that, overall, the change has been for the better. I’ve picked up some new scars, but eventually they’ll heal over, and I’ll move on. I guess that’s the thing about ponies: we’re good at healing. Yeah, we screw up a lot, sometimes really bad. But we never let that stop us from carrying on. Maybe it takes us a lot longer than it should, but eventually we get back up and try again. I spent a long time hiding from what happened with Fluttershy, but it wasn’t forever. I’d like to say I managed to bounce back all by myself, but the truth is that I never could’ve managed it without a lot of help from some very special ponies. Some of those ponies need my help now, and I plan to be there for them, just like they were there for me. “I picked a terrible time to stop drinking.” Lyra and I slowly trotted around the hospital courtyard, letting her stretch her legs for the first time in the last couple days. They were still holding her for psychological evaluation, but the fact that she was conscious, lucid, and capable of going for a walk with me, even in a closed environment, was a good sign. Plus, she was complaining about little stuff. If she could put up a fuss about how she couldn’t have any mint-tinis while she was in the hospital, she was definitely getting back to normal. “I’m sure I could smuggle something in for you, if you want.” Hospitals generally frown on patients doing much other than focusing on recovering, and getting drunk falls into that category. Sex does too, aside from that one nurse a couple years back who I’d persuaded to join me for some ‘intense one-on-one physical therapy.’ Good times. Sure, my days of randomly seducing anything attractive and alive might be over, but nopony said I couldn’t fondly reminisce. Lyra and I certainly had our share of memories worth hanging onto. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather stick this thing out.” Lyra glanced over at Bon Bon, who was sitting on one of the courtyard benches to give us a little time for ourselves. I was pretty sure that this was the first time she’d been more than ten feet away from Lyra since the invasion. “I did promise Bons that I would cut back, and it’s a lot easier to avoid falling off the wagon when the hospital staff says I’m not allowed to drink anyway.” Lyra lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Besides, if Bon Bon caught me—and you know she would—I would never hear the end of it. I love her to bits, but once she makes up her mind, the smart thing to do is just give her what she wants.” Lyra paused, shivered, and took a steadying breath. “I’m not gonna let those bugs get to me, y’know? I might still be freaking out every time I run into a pony I don’t know ‘cause I think they might be a changeling, but I’m not gonna go back to getting drunk every night ‘cause of the bug bitch. It’s gonna be hard, but I figure if the bugs can’t make me drink to deal with them, then I can work out the rest of it eventually. Especially with Bons there to help me.” “Bons won’t be the only one helping.” I gave her a quick pat on the back. “Don’t forget I’m around too. Granted, after the whole discharge thing I don’t have any spare bits to help you guys out if you’re in a tight spot financially, but anything else I can do...” “Just being here is enough, Kicky.” Lyra gave me a hug worthy of Dinky to prove her point. “And don’t worry about money. Apparently Princess Celestia set up a charity for everypony who got hurt in the changeling attack, so we’re covered.” Oh yeah, Celestia had mentioned something about that. Hopefully some of the bits I’d thrown her way to cover my West Hoof debts wound up in Lyra’s pockets. Lyra nudged me in the shoulder to get my attention. “Thanks for the visit and all, Kicky, but I’m not the only pony who could use some cheering up.” I followed her pointing hoof, and spotted an all-too-familiar grey stallion. The too-flat bandage over where his right wing should have been still made me wince every time I saw it. Cirrus was sitting on one of the courtyard benches, idly tossing some food to a few of the local birds. Judging from the way he was staring at them, and how he flinched every time one of them flew somewhere, he was brooding. Obviously, I needed to do something about that. I trotted over and took a seat next to him on the bench. “Hey, Cirrus. How you holding up?” He slowly turned to face me, his face a roadmap of depression. Baggy, slightly red eyes, flat ears, a messy mane that clearly hadn’t been properly brushed for days, and a bit too much fur growing out on his muzzle. For a couple seconds he just stared at me, then slowly turned away and tossed some more breadcrumbs to the birds. “Think I’d like to be alone right now, Cloud Kicker.” “Horseapples.” I scooted a bit closer to him instead of backing off. “You didn’t come all the way out here and just happen to sit on a public bench twenty feet away from me all so you could be alone. You could’ve done that just fine by staying in your room. Tell you what, though—if you really want to be alone that much, you can just get up and go somewhere else. I won’t follow you.” The stallion stared at me for a while, then offered an uncaring shrug and went back to feeding the birds again. Looks like I’d called that one right. “Rather not be in my room right now. S’hard, every time Dee and her girls come to visit. You know how it goes: gotta put on a brave face for them, let everypony know I’m doing okay. S’not like I can tell Dinky about how I freak out every time I just try to use my wings without thinking, and then...” He sighed, running a hoof over his face. “S’not what ponies wanna hear, though. They wanna hear about how strong I’m being, and how I’m not letting being crippled get me down. You know, the whole ‘brave veteran who willingly sacrificed himself for the sake of Equestria’ deal. So that’s what I show ‘em. War heroes aren’t supposed to cry.” My first instinct was to give him a wing-hug, but doing anything with my wings might not be the best thing for him right now. The last thing he needed was another reminder of what he’d lost. Instead he got a slightly awkward pat on the back. “You talked to anypony about this?” “One of your aunt’s ponies came by.” Cirrus slumped down, the rest of the bread tumbling out of his hooves to be eagerly set upon by the birds. “Talked to him some. I guess it helped.” He fell silent, then abruptly changed the topic. “So ... 'Momma,' huh?” “You heard about that?” Guess I should have expected it. Once Dinky finds out about something that excites her, she’ll tell everypony she runs into. Kids. “Yeah, Sparkler kind of adopted me. Not something I’d anticipated, but I’m starting to like it.” “Hope you know how important that is.” Cirrus shot me a loaded look. “It took Sparks months to really accept Dee. She doesn’t trust easy, so if she thinks you're all right you must’ve earned it.” He glanced down at the birds and shook out the last of his breadcrumbs. “She and Dinky need more than just Dee in their lives. Granted, Rainbow's all but surgically attached to Dinky, but godmoms and uncles in another city don't really compare to a proper mom. Besides, kids their age need responsible adult role models, and Rainbow’s still a big kid at heart.” “If you’re looking for responsible adult role models, you really messed up when you picked me.” I let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “I’m pretty sure Derpy would kill me if either of her daughters wound up anything like me.” “I didn’t say you were perfect.” A ghost of a smile crept onto Cirrus’ face. “Still ... you're a way better pony than I gave you credit for, back when we first met.” He paused, and his ears went flat. “Sorry about that, by the by. Don't think I've ever said that.” “Water under the bridge.” Getting an apology was nice, but I wasn’t going to carry a grudge against a crippled stallion over something that happened a decade ago. “You gonna be okay?” “Doesn't feel like it,” Cirrus grunted. “Hard to get over losing a wing. Your aunt's subordinate said that was just the ... how'd he put it? ‘Melancholy of the moment.’” A flicking ear and an annoyed grumble in the back of his throat made it clear what he thought of that diagnosis. The doc was probably right, but knowing you would eventually bounce back doesn’t make the low points sting any less. “I'll keep talking to ‘em. Two kinds of therapy to keep up with, but I'm alive. I'll take that and run with it. Besides, I do have some stuff to look forward to. Bedspace is kind of a commodity here, so the docs are gearing up to transfer me to the hospital in Ponyville for therapy. Be nice to be more than just the uncle who spends the weekend once or twice a year. Silver linings, right?” “Hope you’re ready to deal with getting Dinky hugs on a daily basis. I swear, at the rate she’s been going, my shin is to have an impression of her body permanently molded into it.” We shared a quick laugh at that, but it didn’t last anywhere near long enough. There was too much else to talk about. “Any word on getting a prosthetic?” Cirrus slowly shook his head. “Not too enthusiastic about one, unless I get something that's flightworthy. It's ... this might sound stupid, but I don't see the point if it's not going to do me any good. If I can’t fly on it, it’d just remind me. Acceptance, right? It's not there, so no point in pretending it is.” Cirrus reached over and scratched at his bandage. “Still, not all doom and gloom. They’ve got a couple things close to the testing stages, and they got a bunch of new donations after the attack. Guess we’ll see if anything comes of it.” Just like last time, too much discussion of his injuries led to a quick change of subject. Not that I could blame him for not wanting to talk about losing a wing, but it was kind of the elephant in the room. “So, I guess being 'Momma' means things are on the mend with you and Dee?” “Yeah, seems like we finished patching things up.” My voice turned a bit wistful. “Romance is off the table for now, but at least we saved our friendship.” “Good to hear. You two go back a long way.” He let out a humorless half-chuckle. “Never would’ve thought I’d say it, but I was kinda hoping you two would work things out. Still, staying friends is the most important thing.” “Hey, don’t count me out yet.” I gave him a quick nudge in the shoulder. “When a mare’s as sexy and charming as I am, there are always possibilities.” Cirrus quickly held up a hoof to forestall any further commentary. “Let's stop that line of thought right there. Not that that's not good news, but I need enough therapy as it is without learning the details of my sister’s sex life.” That got a snort out of me. “Wuss.” Still, if he was cracking bad jokes, he was probably getting better. I think I managed to do a pretty good job of working everything out. I’m not saying I got everything perfect, but I’m pretty confident about my future. Yeah, things are gonna be difficult; I don’t expect the whole ‘sharing’ solution to my love life to go off without a hitch. Still, I think we’re good enough to get through the rough spots. Like Derpy said, we’ll just keep going forward together. When problems come up—and they almost certainly will—we’ll find a way to deal with them. Thus concludes the first and only friendship report of former Lt. Cloud Kicker of Her Royal Highness’ Guards. Hope I see you at the wedding reception, and try not to spend all the bits I sent you in one place. Shining Armor and Princess Cadance’s wedding reception was a much more high-energy affair than I would’ve expected for a royal wedding. In hindsight, I probably should’ve guessed that would happen; Pinkie Pie was running the festivities, after all. It was certainly a lot more fun than the sort of stodgy, stiff-necked affairs Canterlot high society normally liked. Pinkie had pulled out none other than the legendary Vinyl Scratch to DJ for the reception. And by that, I mean literally pulled out from under the table—I had no idea that Vinyl was under there until Pinkie brought her up into the open air. It raised some fun and interesting questions as to what she was doing under said table while Pinkie was conveniently standing so close to it, but that's a line of thought for another time. Unsurprisingly, Vinyl's choice of music was not the fancy full-orchestra-starting-off-with-a-waltz music that tradition called for, but aside from Storm and a couple of the noble snobs everypony was quite happy with that. The newlyweds trotted out into the yard and got the dance properly started, as long as you overlooked the groom accidently stepping on the wife’s hooves a couple times. Between Shining Armor’s showing and what I’d heard from Rainbow, I could only conclude that bad dancing was coded into the Sparkle DNA. Soon enough other couples started drifting out onto the dance floor: Rainbow and Pinkie, LyraBon, Aunt Wind and Uncle Typhoon, and plenty of others. Derpy and Dinky took a small corner of the floor to themselves, sharing a mother-daughter dance that made up for a lack of skill with no shortage of energy, enthusiasm, and the potential for mass destruction if anypony came too close. Star seemed to be in similarly dire straits; Sparkler danced with the kind of wild abandon that made it quite clear she was enjoying herself far too much to be fully aware of where her hooves were in relation to her partner. Still, Star was smiling, so I guess they were alright. That was when the problem emerged. On the right, Blossom was trotting over to me with a grin on her face. On my left, Fluttershy was slowly inching towards me, offering a hesitant smile when she caught my eye. Unfortunately, my dancing skills weren’t up to handling two mares at once, unless we were doing the horizontal tango. Blossom was first to the punch. Her dress obviously wasn’t as nice as the dress Fluttershy had gotten for being a royal bridesmaid, but the simplicity of it suited her. “Hey Cloud, I think you owe me a dance.” That gave Fluttershy the final little push she needed to make her own move. Unsurprisingly, Eepy was her usual elegant, drop-dead gorgeous self. “Actually, I really wanted to dance with her too...” That got a slight frown out of Blossom. “Well, I did ask first...” Oh. Super. Another argument over who got to spend time with me was brewing. Just when I was hoping we were done with those. Fluttershy’s ears instantly went flat, and she took a half-step back. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to—of course you can have the first dance.” Blossom’s ears immediately flattened as well. “No no, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry, I think that came out a little harsher than I meant it. If you really want to have the first dance with her, I don’t mind.” “I would hate to impose...” “No, please. I insist.” “I wouldn’t mind at all if you want to go first.” “You and Cloud were together long before I entered the picture, you deserve to go first.” “Cloud and I have already had plenty of time together, I would love to let you have the first dance.” Well, that didn’t go the way I’d expected it to. I guess them fighting over who got to politely stand aside worked just fine. Still, from the look of things they could keep going for hours, and I’d spotted somepony else who needed a dance partner, as well as giving me a graceful way out. “Excuse me for a minute, girls.” I left the two of them behind, and caught up to my father, sitting by himself with my little sister. “Hey, Dad. Think I could have this dance?” Dad met my offer with a smile, but slowly shook his head. “Sorry, Alula beat you to it. Maybe you can have the next one.” ‘Lula took advantage of the fact that Dad’s back was turned to stick her tongue out at me, then latched onto his foreleg and dragged him out to the dance floor. Well, so much for that bright idea. I turned back to my two fillyfriends, only to discover that they were headed out onto the dance floor as well, hoof-in-hoof. Normally I would’ve been happy about the two of them bonding like that, except that it left me without a dance partner. I swear, sometimes the universe just has a cruel sense of humor. Before I could spend too long feeling sorry for myself, somepony tapped me on the shoulder. The large white hoof with a golden shoe gave away her identity, and the voice confirmed it. “May I have this dance?” I turned around, and offered my most charming grin. “Well, it’s not like I could turn down a princess.” I let Princess Celestia escort me out onto the dance floor. It was a touch awkward trying to dance with a mare who was twice as tall as I am, but I found a way to make it work. Or rather, she knew what she was doing, and I didn’t manage to mess up badly enough to be obvious about it. “Your friendship report made for some very interesting reading.” Celestia offered me that all-knowing smile she seemed to use as a default expression. “I’m glad you learned something, even if it wasn’t anything you could properly put into words.” “Me too.” She spun me through a quick circle around her, which felt a bit strange on account of the size difference. I probably looked like Alula dancing with Dad, except I didn’t have the excuse of being a filly. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. I noticed, after I paid off my West Hoof debt, that if you took the charity money Lyra and Bon Bon got, and added it to a large anonymous donation the hospital received for their new prosthetics program, you wound up with the exact same amount of bits that I paid you.” “Is that so?” A hint of a smirk graced her royal lips. “What a crazy random happenstance. Life is full of such curious coincidences, isn’t it?” “Yeah. Coincidences. Sure.” I offered her a knowing smirk of my own. “So, what are the odds that all my friends who loaned me enough money to pay off my debts will ‘coincidentally’ happen to get large bonuses in the next couple months to make up for the cost?” The supreme ruler of all Equestria answered with a coy grin. “Why Cloud Kicker, you make it sound as if two of the wielders of the Elements of Harmony haven’t earned a reward for everything they’ve done for Equestria. And after her display in your compound, I suspect my school for gifted unicorns will be very interested in Sparkler Doo. I think she’s more than earned a scholarship, too. As for Blossomforth, I have been hearing excellent things about her performance as part of Ponyville’s weather team.” I shook my head in bemusement. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but it seems like you’re going to an awful lot of trouble just to help me out. Not sure what I did to deserve it.” Princess Celestia kept her cryptic, teasing smile firmly in place. “Why do you assume I’m only helping you? Maybe I wanted to help Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy—they are both Element-bearers after all—and that meant helping you in the process. Or perhaps I was more interested in Blossomforth or Ditzy, and that brought you to my attention.” She leaned down, and her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “Or perhaps I just enjoy a bit of good-natured meddling in the lives of my subjects. It’s rather interesting to see how a few small acts of kindness can ripple out to make so many ponies so much happier.” Huh. That last one sounded more like her. I guess it says something about the princesses, that they can look at Equestria on that level. Could make for some fun philosophical pondering at some point in the future, but not right now. “I was just wondering if maybe the old conspiracy theory about you being my secret grandmother was right,” I shot back. “It would explain your interest.” Celestia didn’t give that any answer beyond a faintly amused chuckle. To be honest, I’m not sure how much I bought into the old family legend. If Aunt Wind was around, she’d probably say something about how I’d fixated on the old story in response to what happened to Mom, so I could use Princess Celestia as a replacement mother figure. Whatever; it did make for a fun subject to tease Celestia about, though. The dance number wound down, and the two of us slowly parted ways. “Thank you for the dance, Cloud Kicker.” The Princess offered me a final smile. “Enjoy the rest of your evening. And even if you don’t owe me any more reports, I would welcome another update on your family.” “I’ll keep that in mind.” I grinned up at her. “For the record, that was one of the best dances I’ve ever had.” In truth I’d been more focused on the conversation than the dancing, but one does not just dance with a mare—and especially not Princess Celestia—without offering a compliment afterwards. After a moment’s thought, I amended the statement. “Well, the best dance that didn’t involve the kind of dancing I’m usually into.” Not that I would’ve wanted to break out the sexy bump-and-grind moves on my maybe-really-distant-grandmother. I turned about and trotted over to Blossom and Fluttershy, who had just finished up their own dance and were both headed my way. I still had no idea which one of them I should dance with first. Maybe I should try both at once and just see how well it worked. Worst case scenario, we’d trip over each others’ hooves, fall flat on our faces, and end up with a couple bruises we would need to kiss better once we were all done. Blossom met me with a grin. “Well, I suppose I can forgive getting passed up for a dance when Princess Celestia wants one. You’re not getting out of it this time, though.” Fluttershy didn’t say anything as assertive as that, but she took one of my forelegs in her own and held onto it with a grip that felt as gentle as silk while being as unbreakable as steel. I got the message loud and clear. Since she didn’t need to say anything about the dancing, she went for small talk. “It looked like you had a nice chat with the Princess. Would you mind if I asked what you two talked about?” “Oh, nothing major,” I answered, a casual smile on my face. “She just wants to join my growing harem.” The two mares I loved exchanged a look, nodded, and simultaneously wing-whapped me on the back of the head. Despite the obvious reprimand she’d just delivered, Blossom was chuckling. “You never change, do you, Cloud?” I suppose I could’ve given them a big, long, boring speech about how I’d grown over the last few months, but who wants to listen to that? “Nope. It’s part of my charm.”