Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website

by RainbowBob


Chapter 6: Onward To A New Future... Hopefully

“You know… you looked much smaller on your profile picture,” Celestia mentioned. She giggled nervously, taking an awkward sip from her wine glass. Coughing, she fanned herself with a napkin. “And redder, too.”

Optimus Prime shrugged, delicately picking up his menu. He was seated awkwardly, practically leaning over crosslegged just so he wouldn’t destroy the table or ceiling where they sat. “Appearances can be deceiving. There’s always more than meets the eye.”

Celestia nodded, taking another few gulps from what was her third glass of wine that evening. “Sorry that I’m a bit on edge tonight, Mr. Prime. I’ve never… well, dated a robot before.”

“I prefer the term Autobot or Cybertronian, if you don’t mind,” Optimus said, reaching down and daintily picking up his cup of motor oil. After downing it in one sip, Optimus twiddled his thumbs. “So, Celestia, tell me about yourself.”

“Oh, I’m nothing special. Just another pony princess in a kingdom filled with them,” Celestia said, chuckling lightly. “We get the odd villain or disaster here and there, but overall it’s relatively peaceful. What about you, Mr. Prime? How goes leading your rob—er, Autobot... people?”

Optimus shrugged, the robotic titan’s gaze going off into the distance. “Oh, it’s a struggle alright, but a worthy one. My people have lost their homeworld, many friends, and most of what they cherished, all because of a destructive civil war that split our planet in two. It hasn’t always been easy, and more than one time all hope seemed lost, but we pulled through like we always do. It’s only when I fight for my friends and fellow soldiers that I find the strength to make it through each day.”

“Wow… that’s… that’s amazing,” Celestia said, her eyes filled with awe at the staggering visage of her date. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to live through such turmoil on such a daily basis.”

Sighing, Optimus said, “Sometimes I can’t either. Like I said, it isn’t easy, but as long as I have hope for a better future for the Autobots, I fight on.” He turned his attention to Celestia, those brilliantly shining blue eyes of his captivating her soul. “Just as you do for your people, Celestia. Our struggles may not be the same, but within both of us are great leaders who will do whatever it takes to defend justice and what they stand for.”

At that moment, Celestia couldn’t help but blush. Everything was perfect. Heck, she didn’t even mind he was a robot or Autobot or whatever. So far, he was the most captivating and perfect immortal she had met thus far on the site.

Of course, it had to be ruined.

The ceiling exploded, drywall and bits of the roof falling everywhere as the restaurant filled with smoke and dust. Another giant being of metal and might fell into the restaurant, already making a grab at Optimus.

“So, Prime, this is where I find you?” Megatron jeered, the Decepticon lead commander lifting his arch-rival up by the neck with one hand. Contrasting Optimus’ blue and red were Megatron’s dark purple and puke green colors, which gave the Transformer a sinister appearance. That, and the giant laser cannon attached to his arm, the muzzle currently pointed at Optimus’ face. “On a date with this insignificant lower life-form? Ha, it’d be expected someone as foolish as you would have romantic relations with such vermin!”

Optimus barely managed to get out of the cannonfire from Megatron’s blaster by punching his arm. The shot caused a section of the floor close to Celestia to ignite in a fiery blaze. Landing another blow against Megatron’s chest plate, Optimus asked, “How did you even find us here, Megatron?”

Megatron backed up a few steps, smiling slyly as he trained his cannon on Optimus. Pointing with his other hand at Celestia, he said, “That one!”

“Who, me?” Celestia asked.

“No, the stupid one behind you!”

Looking over her shoulder, Celestia groaned. “Oh, for the love of…”

“Heya there, sunny buns!” Deadpool said. This time he wore a bowtie with his usual spandex attire, holding out a box of chocolates and flowers to Celestia. “I thought I’d bring along some gifts for our date tonight!”

“Deadpool, we are not dating!” Celestia hissed under her breath. “Besides, tonight I’m with Optimus, not you! We went on one date, and you stood me up for most of the night!”

Glancing over Celestia’s shoulder, Deadpool whistled. “Well, looks like your current date is too busy beating the snot out of his boyfriend.”

Turning to where Deadpool was staring, Celestia saw the incredibly embarrassing spectacle of Optimus and Megatron punching and throwing each other around the restaurant, completely decimating the place.

“Optimus, can you please stop fighting Megatron so we can continue our date?” Celestia called out.

Optimus shoved Megatron off himself and then followed by pile-driving his foe’s face into the floor repeatedly. Stopping for a moment, he shouted, “I’m a bit busy right now! Call me!” Optimus returned to introducing Megatron’s face to the floor over and over and over again.

Celestia sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Great! Even when they’re not married, there’s someone else stealing me away from them!”

“There’s always me,” Deadpool reminded her, smiling cheerfully beneath his mask.

Staring at Deadpool, then back to the box of chocolates and flowers in his hands, then back at Deadpool again, Celestia sighed. Snatching the box of chocolates to withdraw a sugary treat from within, she said, “We’re going to the movies and watch something cheesy and filled with explosions. You’ll buy me as much candy as I can eat. Understood?”

Deadpool stretched out his bowtie and nodded. “Ooh, can we make out as well?”

“Only if you can sneak this in with us,” Celestia said, levitating him a wine bottle that had somehow survived falling on the floor.

As Celestia departed another restaurant she had inadvertently helped destroy, Deadpool hobbled close behind with an awkward jump in his step.

“Sure do hope they have sanitation wipes at the movie theater!”