Urohringr

by Imploding Colon


The Wrath of Nancy Jane

"What did he say?" Eagle Eye whispered.

"Where's Elma?" Rainbow Dash muttered, flying through the crowd.

"What did he say, Rainbow?"

"Never mind that. We're screwed if we don't give up Prowse to these dodoes in the next four and a half minutes."

While Eagle Eye gasped, Josho glared towards the Lounge's ship. "Define 'screwed?'"

"I don't intend to find out."

"But we can't give them Prowse!" Ebon squeaked.

"I know that, Chef Enstallion!" Rainbow hissed. "I don't trust these masked hornjobs any further than I can throw them. Now where's Elma?"

Floydien emerged from the cockpit, kicking the shivering turtle into view.

"Gaaah!" Elma hid behind Josho so as not to be seen by the masked figures. "Can I pleeeeeeease go down below?"

Rainbow squatted until she was even with her scaled face. "These dudes say that they want Prowse."

"Well of c-course they want the Professor!"

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"How should I know?! That's what the pirates captured us for to begin with! I already told you that!"

"They claim that Prowse is a liar and a murderer of local passengers."

"Propsy's Uncle?!" Ebon said through a grimace.

"The Professor certainly has a short fuse and he's been known to wave a boomstick in a few ponies' faces." Elma Boreal gulped. "But he's never finished a fight unless somepony else started it!"

"Are you sure about that?" Josho asked, glaring.

"He may be a bit nutso, but he's not st-stupid! The Frozen Sea is no place to make enemies. We've had enough trouble as it is being bullied by pirates to bother rubbing other travellers the wrong way out here!"

"Well, whatever the case, Prowse has made enemies in the wrong places," Rainbow Dash said. She motioned over her shoulder towards the floating ship. "And now these guys have come to collect."

"Collect?" Eagle Eye blinked. "You mean they're bounty hunters?"

"Different mouths, the same old spit," Floydien grumbled. "No sea is the same unless it can run red."

"Then what do we do?!" Ebon Mane asked. "They sure don't look friendly! What'll happen when the time they've given us is up?"

"I'm not going to let it come to that," Rainbow Dash said.

Zaid smiled. "I say you head-butt them!"

"What? No!" Rainbow frowned. "We gotta go about this carefully."

"Go about what, exactly?"

There was a tapping sound from the adjacent ship. Rainbow glanced over to see Razzar looking directly towards her.

"What's that all about?" Ebon remarked.

"I think we're down to three minutes..."

"So go on and headbutt him!" Zaid hissed.

"Floydien, carefully and quietly, turn the intercom on," Rainbow Dash murmured aside. "Patch us through to the engine room."

"Yes yes yes..." The elk shuffled over and stealthily tapped the console on the wall with his rear left hoof.

"What do you have in mind?" Eagle asked.

"It's going to be risky, but it'll take all of our concentration and teamwork to pull off."

"Pull off what, exactly?" Josho asked.

"Yeah." Zaid nodded. "It only takes one pony with wings to headbutt them."

"Shhhh! Will you shut the heck up about the stupid headbutting thing?!"

The intercom crackled. "Scrkkkk! Mareshi Mareshi!"

"Props..." Rainbow spoke while keeping a trained eye on the seven figures still facing the Jury. "I'm going to give you a signal. When I do, I want you to fire the skystone engines into full drive."

"Whoazies! The skystone engines?"

"Dang straight."

"Isn't the weather too ugly fugglies for doing a test run?"

"This is no test run," Rainbow said, shaking her head. "This is the real deal."

"But Rainbow!" Eagle stammered. "We can't speed headlong into those clouds?! The Flurries will tear us apart!"

"That's a slower way to die than being blasted to bits by whatever friggin' crap they've got trained on us from inside their ship!" Rainbow hissed. "Besides, the cloud cover will provide us with the only way to lose them!"

"To lose who?! What are we dealing with?!"

"We've met some friends of Elma's and your Uncle's," Rainbow droned. "The Lounge."

There was a great deal of explosive chatter on the other end, followed by Props' nervous voice. "Uhm... Unky Prowsy wants me to tell you not to trust those guys."

Josho spoke up. "Did he explain why?"

"He... used a lot of four letter words that even I don't understand."

"Tell your Uncle that I'll talk to him about this later," Rainbow said. "Right now, we gotta prepare to jump into the skystone drive right when I give the signal."

"Poor boomers will get sucked into the wind wind," Floydien remarked.

"Right. That's why we gotta jump inside as soon as we hit it," Rainbow said. "Me, Josho, and Eagle Eye will haul flank to the stairwell. The rest of you follow Floydien into the cockpit. Shut the doors and buckle up."

"Won't they chase us?" Ebon asked.

"I'm guessing you have a plan to knock their lights out," Josho said.

"Right..." Rainbow nodded towards him. "You make them run for cover with your shotgun. Floydien?"

The elk blinked.

Rainbow pointed. "You give them the zap with your... zappy antlers..."

"Floydien isn't sure that the glimmer will be enough."

"Do the best you can. Shoot their engine—or what you guess is their engine. Then rush into the cockpit, close the door, and throttle us straight towards the clouds."

"Hrmmmf..." Floydien's muzzle twisted. "Nancy Jane is not going to like this..."

"You think she'll like being pawed all over by these freakazoids?"

Floydien nodded. "Color wheel has a good point. Glimmer shimmer it is."

"We'll lose them in the clouds, pull to a higher elevation, and stabilize the ship." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and gazed at everypony around her. "Got it?"

"Mmmmm..." Zaid fidgeted.

Rainbow and the rest glared at him.

"Fine..." He sighed, waving a hoof. "You've got a soft fuzzy head anyways."

"He's right, of course," Eagle said.

Rainbow squinted at the stallion. "How would you know?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"My little ponies..."

Everyone turned and looked.

Razzar stood on the edge of his ship with arms outstretched. An errant ray of sunlight glinted off his mask. "Time is up. Have you come to your decision?"

"I don't recall you giving us an actual choice in the matter," Rainbow remarked in a dull tone.

Razzar icily nodded. "True. But I was hoping that your proper wisdom would pull through."

"Oh yes..." Rainbow Dash nodded. "It has alright." Her nostrils flared. "Are you ready?"

"We wouldn't have approached you in the first place if we weren't."

"Works for me." Rainbow spread her wings, spun around, and slapped Josho's flank with her tail.

Snarling, Josho twirled his shotgun out and fired two broad shots.

The rolling thunder masked the blasts as his weapon discharged on the exposed deck of the Lounge's ship. The six figures behind Razzar juked and dodged with extraordinary ease. Meanwhile, Razzar—unfazed—jerked his upper body and slid a ridiculously large double-barreled rifle out from his sleeve. Kneeling, he slid a slender tail out from his cloak, used it to prop himself in a low squat, and returned fire instantly.

Josho gasped as a stream of red energy soared straight for his skull. Cl-Clank! Eagle Eye's shield flew up, deflecting the blast.

Panicked, Rainbow hissed out the side of her muzzle. "Floydien—"

But the elk was already dashing forward, all antlers charging in full. "Grrrrrrrrrrgh! Here comes the magiccccc!" Bzzzzzzzt!

Bolts of electrical energy surged into the polished black hull of the Lounge's spherical ship. Something burst dully from inside, and the ship immediately veered away from the Noble Jury's port-side. Razzar and the rest of his crew stumbled for an even stance.

The ponies on board were already scrambling. Josho and Eagle Eye galloped towards the stairwell together. Rainbow Dash scooped up a breathless Elma and flew after them. "Punch it, Props! Punch it!" The door slid behind her, just as it slid behind Floydien, Zaid, and Ebon on the opposite end. Half a second after everyone was inside, the red skystone crystals atop the ship's deck pulsed brightly and the entire vessel rocketed east, skimming its way straight into the clouds.


"Rrrrrgggh!" Floydien hissed, his face tense and sweating as he gripped a pair of controls tightly in two cloven hooves. Behind him, the other three stallions gasped and stumbled as the entire cockpit flounced. "Forgive your beloved in advance, Nancy! A darling anniversary this is not! No no no!"

"Yeesh!" Zaid blanched. "Bouncy enough?!"

"This is crazy!" Ebon squeaked. "At this rate, the bulkheads will shatter within seconds!"

"Sorry to disappoint the sailboat boomer," Floydien gruntled. "But Nancy hasn't t-taken a swim yet!"

"Huh?!" Ebon craned his head to see over the elk's shoulder. His ears folded while his pupils shrank.

The dark wall of the thunderclouds loomed straight ahead at a crooked angle. They were about ten seconds away from piercing the tumultuous layer.

"You've g-gotta be kidding me..." Ebon reached out and hugged the first body he could.

"Whatever you do..." Zaid gulped. "Don't pee on me."

"Get ready for the shimmer shiver!" Floydien shouted as his body tensed.

And then the Noble Jury struck the cloud wall.


"Aaaaaugh!" Josho and Eagle Eye immediately lost balance, rolling awkwardly down the stairwell as the entire ship buckled around them. Rainbow Dash gripped Elma with all four limbs as she ricocheted off wall after wall.

Grunting, Rainbow Dash flew down and collapsed across a stretch of metal floor alongside the two former soldiers. She rolled Elma upright, stretched her feathers, and fought gravity until she ascended onto the second floor of the stairwell.


Inside her cabin, Bellesmith gasped, pratfalling out of her cot. She rolled across the floor, winced, then immediately jumped up to catch Kera as the filly fell limply from the mattress. Holding the catatonic little pony tight, she braced herself against a wall as the ship rattled all around her. Panting, she strained to pull herself across the tiny compartment and burst her way through the hallway door.

Outside, Pilate was already stumbling, his breaths coming in quick spurts beneath the perpetual clamor of the turbulent ride.

"Belle! Beloved, is that you?!"

"I'm right here, Pilate." Belle reached out to him with one arm while lying on her knees and cradling Kera with the other. "I think the skystone engines have been activated!"

"But what for?! The weather's too unpredictable!"

"Rainbow Dash must have a good reason..." Just then, Belle saw movement in the mess hall. She craned her neck and shouted, "Rainbow Dash! What's going on?!"

"It's all under control!" Rainbow sputtered, though her voice was drowned out by the clattering of pots and pans hitting the floor of the kitchen she had emerged from. Undaunted, she flitted from porthole to porthole, staring out at the churning waves of cloudy chaos. "I just gotta make sure that we've lost them!"

"Lost who?!" Pilate gulped. "Those strangers who pulled up in their ship just now?"

"They're bounty hunters who're after Prowse!" Rainbow exclaimed. "And they're willing to blow us out of the sky just to get him!"

"You sure about that?!" Belle asked.

Rainbow snapped, "What does it matter?! With all the crap that's been trying to kill us out here, I don't want to take any chances!"

Pilate blinked blindly. "You... you risked everything just for Props' Uncle?" He gulped. "Even though you've only known him for a day?"

"Look, if you don't agree with my decision, that's fine, but—"

"I didn't say I disagreed!" Pilate exclaimed, his lips curving slightly.

Belle glanced him while holding Kera tight.

Rainbow took a breath and looked out the port side windows. "Anyways, no sweat. Looks like we lost them." She exhaled heavily. "We should be able to pull out of this mess now." She flew over to an intercom and pressed her hoof against the shaking console. "Floydien? We're clear. You can tell Props to turn off the engines and—"

"Uhhhhh... Rainbow Dash?" A wavering voice picked up.

Rainbow grunted. "Zaid, what is it?"

"Don't look now... but... uhm..."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash squinted out the porthole. Just then, a round black shape lifted into view, pulling itself parallel to the ship as it effortlessly pierced the clouds. The mare gasped.

"I... uh... really th-think you should have headbutted them."

Belle backtrotted nervously. "R-Rainbow...?"

In the next flash of lightning, a piece of the Lounge's black hull could be seen separating from the rest of the ship, swiveling a full circle, and stopping with a two-pronged cannon aimed at the Noble Jury. Two tiny holes glowed orange as the weapon charged.

"Get down..." Rainbow Dash muttered, spun around, and flew across the mess hall, covering all three ponies with her body. "Get down!"

KaPOW!