"A team-building exercise, seriously? They want us to go on a team-building exercise?" Bryan whined in disbelief.
"It's the least we can do for them, we'll need all the favor we can get if we want a chance at returning to the Brotherhood." Vargas said, adjusting the short, slightly blunt sword at his waist.
Dusk snorted, "What would they know about Enclave teleportation tech?"
"Nothing at all, but they have another way back." Vargas replied.
"Which is...?" Bryan said.
"Equestrian teleporting magic."
Bryan blew a short burst of air at the hair hanging over his forehead, "That's total bullshit by the way, I called it now. When we're exotic sex slaves in some dungeon for the big white one, don't say I didn't tell you so."
"It's our only chance. Show some respect, they might be monitoring us."
"Oh shit, they're onto us!"
"Abort! Abort!"
"Girls, that's enough. Just because 'Pinkie is as Pinkie does' doesn't mean that we're abandoning her to wherever she ended up! She's been gone for a day! No note! No goodbye party! And no warning! Actually, the last one is fairly typical of her... Anyways, not the two out of three I was hoping for." Twilight Sparkle hefted her slightly worn saddlebags with her magic as a variety of items flowed into them, ranging from sunblock to erotic fantasy novels.
Applejack bit her lip, the brim of her hat slightly lowered as she attempted to kill a rock with her newfound heat-vision, "Look, Twi, I'd love to go adventurin' and all, but I really gotta get back to work. We've been off saving the world for so long, that the farm's literally falling apart at the seams. Really, we had to sew the leaves back onto the trees."
"And I haven't actually done my job in months! I'm pretty sure I'm fired by now, actually. No harm done, then. Let's go, Twi! With me, you won't even need the rest of these girls." Rainbow snorted at her joke, which was met by poorly hidden universal disdain throughout the group.
Rarity responded, "Well then, if that's the case than I'll be heading back to the boutique if you need me. I have a very large order to fill." She turned and began to trot out of the library, only for Rainbow to catch her tail with her teeth.
"Nrough! Yerr shtaying hright here!" Rainbow grunted as she and Rarity played tug-of-war with her tail.
Fluttershy interjected, in her own way that barely qualified as interjecting, "Girls, uh, if you're done fighting and all, I think we should all go. I'm really worried for Pinkie, and I'm sure you all are too. Can't your farm wait one more day Applejack? Rarity, surely you wouldn't lose your client if you postponed by one day. I think." Applejack scrunched her brow in a brief moment of consideration, and broke off her staring contest.
"Fluttershy's right, ya'll. Pinkie is an Element, and most importantly, our friend. If she were lookin' for one a ya'll, she'd be out the door in a jiffy."
"Alright, it's settled then. We split up and search the normal spots, three groups of two- oh, wait, Pinkie's not here. Okay, two groups of two and I'll go alone. AJ, Fluttershy, head to Zecora's. See if she's seen hide or tail of Pinkie. Rainbow, Rarity, comb the Whitetail Woods. I'll send a letter to the Princess, and check the Old Castle."
"Twilight dear, are you sure you'll be fine that deep in the Everfree? Alone?"
"Don't worry Rarity, I'll stick with Fluttershy and Applejack until Zecora's. That's almost halfway already. Then it's just a hop, skip, and jump to the Castle. What could possibly-" A series of knocks at the door interrupted Twilight's near-suicidal comment. "Oh, sorry, we're closed right now!"
"It is of utmost importance that you let me in, this idiot primate is in critical condition."
"So it blew up your door, then ran into the embers and knocked itself out?" Twilight said as she sipped at her tea.
"Mostly correct, Alicorn. Its actions have caused drawn to it very much scorn." Rhymed Zecora, who spat on it after she finished. Twilight stood and crossed to a bookshelf, where she pulled out an unmarked spine, causing a section of the shelf to retreat, revealing a massive double-sided lavender dil-
"Woops, wrong door, just a sec girls!" Twilight hastily shoved the spine back in, and pulled the spine next to it. Within, a book proudly displayed its title: "Humans, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Thumb."
Twilight lowered the book into a small pack, and floated it to Zecora, "Don't show this to anypony, just head back to your house. I'll take care of the Human. By the way, have you seen Pinkie?"
She crept along the canopy of the Everfree, drawing ever closer to her prey. The small pack of creatures scurried along the forest floor, while calls of 'Pinkie Pie? We're here to rescue you!' and 'Get out here so I can go back to sleep!' emanated from her quarry. As they entered a clearing, they paused. The trap was sprung. She descended, the night-vision goggles straddling the bridge of her nose casting a faint rosy pink hue before her.
Below, the quartet of Brotherhood and Night Guards begrudgingly cooperated in their goal to track down the rogue Element of Laughter. Their brisk search of the Everfree had proved fruitless so far, as they were unable to stay still for long in fear of attracting Manticores, or worse. While their fight-or-I'm-getting-the-hell-outta-here instincts prodded them to do otherwise, they paused when they reached the clearing they had last spotted Pinkie in.
"I swear on the Lyons' Pride's pride, she was right here." Wilks said as he gestured towards the tree.
"I don't really care where she was, I want to know where she is." The lucky pony who'd been pulled off the shit list (Which, in Equestria, was an actual list of who would remove the feces of their comrades from the pot.) to accompany the mass-murdering psychopaths in power armor was appropriately named Doesn't-have-time For-your-shit, whose name had inspired a running pot at the barracks over whether his parents were clairvoyant or assholes.
Wilks sighed, "Look, it's not like we have magical displays in our eyeballs with magic radar that tracks everyone. Well, the Lone Wanderer does but that's a story for a-"
"I don't have time for this shmmmm-" Doesn't was cut off as Vargas, who had up to that point remained silent, hooked an arm around his neck and pressed a gloved hand over his mouth.
"Don't look back, it's right behind ushmmmm-"
Wilks mimicked Vargas' maneuver on the man himself as he whispered, "Quiet, it's right behind ushmmmm-"
Doesn't's partner, The Other Guy, a.k.a Theo, stuffed a hoof in Wilks' mouth. "Am I doing it right guyshmmmmm-"
"I FOUND YOushmmmmm-" The pink specter shouted as she inserted her own foot into her maw.
Twilight trotted along the path, horn illuminated to grant her sight in the restrictive darkness cast by the canopy. Even the most primal of creatures knew of the Alicorns, of their power, and thusly she was granted a wide berth. As she neared the castle, she overheard... something. Something that was loud, squeaky, and somehow sounded pink. It was either Pinkie Pie or a Hydra's chewtoy. She broke from the path and proceeded towards the sound. She was nearly blind in the thick underbrush even with her magic, and figuratively walked into the five self-held hostages.
In the front of the conga line of interdimensional diplomatic nightmares was a guardspony she recognized as DG, who appeared to be in some form of chokehold by a human in some sort of uniform. The aforementioned human was held in a similar hold by another human, clad in the same outfit. Within the human's mouth was the hoof of another guard, who was suspended from the treetops by the grip of a black-clad interloper whose own foot rested in its mouth.
She cocked her head to the side, scrunched her eyebrows, and gave a sigh that rivaled those of Celestia after putting up with Blueblood's antics. Since the five had essentially formed an interspecies knot, she lifted them in her magical grip and teleported straight back to the library.
Breaking her silence, she shouted, "Spike! Tea! Earl Grey! NOW!"