//------------------------------// // Don't Beat Yourself Up // Story: Crisis of Infinite Twilights // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "You dare take my subjects from me?!?" Chrysalis snarled, her eyes glowing with emerald magic as she stared down Twiling. "I was send upon you a thousand horrors for this offense!" "Chrysalis, you can't," Shining said, looking up at all the changelings that were buzzing about them. "We need her alive if we want to get my sister back." "Fine... I will send 982 horrors!" "Please tell me the curse of 'Legos always underhoof' is still included," Tydal stated. "Of course!" Chrysalis said with a mad cackle. "Would somepony please explain to me what is going on?" Skyburst complained. "Which one of the changelings are we suppose to be fighting here? And why are we fighting them... and why does the biggest one look like me?" "A lot of craziness, all but the big one next to the capricorn, because this one is evil, and inter-dimensional hijinx," Spike said quickly. Twixie looked up at her changeling counterpart. "I honestly wish I could say this is the strangest thing I've ever dealt with." "This is clearly a Templar trick," Twizio said, her lips pursed as she gazed upon their many opponents. "I do not know how that Piece of Eden has allowed her to perform such dark magics but I will not allow her to leave with it." "As if you could take the Amulet away from me!" Twiling said with a laugh. Her long, greasy-looking purple mane fell over her eyes as she dropped her head a bit, lips curled back in a feral grin. "With this amplifying my royal magic I was able to not only take control of this usurper's changelings to replace my missing hive, but I was able to improve upon them!" "You mean you are going to give them purple highlights?" Cadence gasped. "You monster!" "Sweetie, you have purple highlights," Shining pointed out. "I do?!?" Cadence glared at Twiling. "How dare you alter my manestyle! For that I shall unleash 1000 sexy horrors upon you!" "Remember when all of this actually made sense?" Scootaloo complained. "Of course I do, most honorable Loo-kun," Sparkle-san stated. "Now I shall call upon the five multicolored robot ligers and have them form Awesomest Coolo!" "ENOUGH! I will show you the true power of an ascended Changeling Queen!" Twiling's eyes glowed greenish-black and a beam of energy rushed forward and struck twenty of the changelings. Those that were hit by the magic began to swell up in size till they were roughly the size of Big Macintosh. Their wings beat harder and their longer, sharper fangs dripped with saliva as they stared at the ponies, perytons and single capricorn and dragon that all remained in the arena. "I give you my Super-Changelings, able to not only mimic the looks of ponies but their powers as well! Worst, they not only feed on love but can absorb your darkest thoughts and project them back at you until you are left a whimpering wreck! Tremble in fear before-" "Super-Changelings?" Scootaloo with a scoff. "Lame." Twiling growled. "They are so not lame!" "Totally lame," Rainbow Dash said in agreement. "Like... 20% more lame than lame." Twiling glared at the group. "What would you have called them?" Scootaloo rubbed her chin. "How about... Ultra Changelings?" Twiling scrunched her nose up. "That is the same as my name for them!" "Nope, totally different," Scootaloo said. "Mine has ultra. Ultra is better than Super." "She has a point," Spike said. "Ultra is really cool. Super is lame." "Very lame," Cold Snap added. "Remember when the Cakes imprisoned me in a cage made out of bread?" Tydal asked. "You are the ones that are lame!" Twiling snapped. "And I will prove it... both with my Super-Changelings and-" "Please don't tell me she's going to begin singing," Twiley complained. "-and with my singing voice!" Twiling said, the winds picking up as several of her changelings brought out bags of snow and began to pour them out above their heads, so that the arena suddenly found itself in a wondrous blizzard. Twiling's body was covered in flames, which quickly created a sparkling red ball gown that clung to her every curve. She took a mic one of the Super-Changelings held out and, clearing her throat, gave her 'audience' a sly smile as the Super-Changelings began to transform into the group below her. Twiling Where have all the good mares gone and where are all the gods? Where's the street wish Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a good stallion to hear what I plead? Late at night, I toss and turn and dream of what I need... HIT IT! Twiling laughed as the music swelled and the transformed Super-Changelings dove towards the resistance. "Yikes!" the real Twixie yelped, diving out of the way of a blast of magic. "Ok, I'd really like to go home now!" "Why?" Twiley exclaimed, leaping into the air and landing on top of a changeling. "This is fun! CUTIE MARK ULTRA-CHANGELING BUCKERS! YEAH!!!!!!!!" The changeling cried out as Twiley screeched this right in his ear, rendering him temporarily deaf. "Oh, I get to beat myself up!" Shining said, rolling his eyes. "Somewhere my psychiatrist is having a field day." "You have a psychiatrist?" Spike asked in surprise as he dodged a blast of green fire from his doppelganger. "Of course I do!" Twiling I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight Tydal chuckled. "I am honored that my humor managed to drive you mad, Captain Armor." He swung is tail, barely missing the throat of his double. Shining ducked a buck that was sent towards his head. "Not everything involves you, Lord Tydal. I got a therapist years ago to help me deal with my fear of public speaker. Dr. Freudian Slip is very well known-" "Oh, you go to Slip?" Chrysalis said in surprise. "I do to!" "Really?" Shining said in surprise. The changeling queen nodded, viciously kicking one of the Super-Changelings. "Oh yes. He's helped me with my abandonment issues." "Mother?" Tydal asked. "Mother," Chrysalis confirmed. Twiling I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light He's gotta be sure And it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life Larger than life... "Shut up and hoof punch'em!" Rainbow shouted as she, Spitfire, Soarin', and Skyburst flew up to meet their doppelgangers head-on. "I swear, even the gods are eggheads." "Nothing wrong with being smart," Skyburst said as she went into a hard spin. At the last moment she veered slightly to the left, causing her whirling tailwind to strike her doppelganger and send her spin out of control. "Every day I pour over old Wonderbolt training schedules to see if there are any maneuvers that were originally discontinued that could be modernized." "Oh come on!" Rainbow complained. "You were supposed to be the cool Twilight!" Twiling Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy Somewhere just beyond my reach There's someone reaching back for me "Look at you!" Chang-Cadence snapped as she grabbed Cadence by the hair and began to spin her about. The alicorn let out a cry of pain, her scalp feeling like it was going to be torn right off. "You're nothing but a slutty joke! We are supposed to be the Princess of Love but you are nothing but a smutty running gag! You don't care about anything or take anything seriously... you might as well be Pinkie Pie!" "Maybe that's true," Cadence said, firing a blast of magic at Chang-Cadence that caused the Super Changeling to release her. Cadence flared out her wings and glared at her double. "Maybe I do act goofy and silly... and yeah, I like sex! I admit it! At least I'm not a prude or all demure and weak-willed. I am a mare who embraces her sexuality and enjoys it and maybe if more ponies were like me mares wouldn't be so ashamed of themselves! I say me being slutty makes me an excellent role model!" "... no it doesn't!" Chang-Cadence complained. "Ok then... Cadence Punch!" The pink princess hauled off and punched her doppelganger, sending her spinning for a moment before she fell to the ground in a heap. Cadence smirked as she walked over, looking down at her fallen foe. "And now a little something I believe the boys call 'tea-bagging'." Twiling Racing on the thunder and has all the moves It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my hooves "How does it feel, knowing that you are utterly worthless?" Chang-Shining said with a sneer as he tried to wrap his forelegs around the true Captain of the Royal Guard. Shining managed to slip away and the Chang-Shining threw up a shield to prevent the blast of magic fired his way from hitting him. "You couldn't save Canterlot from the Changelings... you couldn't even save your wife! You hide behind your little sister, who casts such a long shadow you are forever hidden within its darkness. It’s a wonder you have any balls at all, what with them constantly being ground to dust by all the mares in your life." "And you think it would be better to be all macho and tough and act like a jackass?" Shining shot back, forcing himself forward as his magic pounded on the shield. "Maybe that works for some stallions but not me! Me, I'd rather be true to myself! I know I'm not the greatest ever and I am ok with that, because I know I have a place and role in the world and I am happy to fulfill them. Besides, I have a great little sister, a beautiful wife, and the one being that busts my chops the most considers me a friend and was willing to fight his family to defend me! So yeah!" Shining let off a final blast of magic that send the Super-Changeling flying. "I think I've got it great!" Twiling Up Where the mountains meet the heavens above Out where the lightning splits the sea I could swear that there's someone somewhere watching me Through the wind and the chill and the rain And the storm and the flood I can feel his approach Like a fire in my blood Tydal glared at his duplicate. "Let me guess... you are going to give me some long speech about how I suck and how Oceanic Creatures also feel so one-dimensional and overpowered. You are going to claim that I ruin everything and that I stick my nose into things I shouldn't and steal the spotlight from other ponies." "And I suppose you will counter that anypony that thinks that is just as one-dimensional as they claim you are," Chang-Tydal stated, swinging his tail in an attempt to gut the Lord of the Sea. The capricorn king leapt away just in time. "I suppose you are going to point out that your violence and bloodshed are tempered by humor and a personal code of honor and that you and your fellow capricorns are nothing like the self-absorbed OCs!" "No, I'm just going to smash your face into the ground until the noise coming out of your seaweed hole stops!" Tydal leapt at the Super-Changeling and began to beat his forehead against the ground. "Stop bludgeoning yourself! Stop bludgeoning yourself! Stop bludgeoning yourself!" Twiling I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light He's gotta be sure And it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life “Cadence!” Shining shouted, seeing that Twixie and Soarin' were getting overwhelmed. “Fastball Special!” “On it!” Cadence shouted, leaping into her husband’s outstretched forelegs. Shining threw Cadence with all his strength and Tydal leapt into the air, firing off a blast of water that helped propel the alicorn like a missile into the Super-Changelings while she used her magic and grab him and fling him faster towards the ground. “Now Tydal!” The capricorn laughed like a madman as he fell, spinning like a top before he stuck out his tail. “EN GARDE!” “GET DOWN!” Shining shouted, activating a force field around his allies. Tydal’s tailblade acted like a garbage disposal tearing up everything… and everyone… in his path. "Chrysalis!" "Got it!" the changeling queen shouted, leaping in the air and landing perfectly upon Tydal's back, stopping his spin and using the momentum to launch herself at the last group of changelings and bowl them over.r Twiling, realizing that her army was defeated, glared at her opponents. "Well... if I can't defeat you all at the very least I will take one of you down!" They all watched as Twiling began to shrink, her black exoskeleton transforming into an orange coat while her translucent wings turned into stubby feathered appendages. "Look at you," Twiling said in Scootaloo's voice, a sneer on her features as she stalked towards the startled filly. "Can't fly, can't get a cutie mark, can't go five seconds without causing a disaster..." the Changaloo let out a vicious laugh. "This time though you've really taken the cake, haven't you? You blew up a princess, caused temporal rifts that are wrecking havoc across the multiverse, and have caused the destruction of countless buildings because of your pathetic attempt to fly! No wonder no one loves you... no wonder you are nothing more than a pathetic little weakling who will forever be known as the worst filly ever... and you will NEVER get your cutie mark." Rainbow Dash rushed forward and growled. "Back... off!" Her wings flared out and she pawed at the ground. "Yeah, the kid might make mistakes, but what filly or colt hasn't? Mistakes are how we learn and grow!" "She might not be my Number 1 fan," Skyburst said, moving to stand beside Rainbow, "but if she is anything like MY Scootaloo then she is the best filly there is... and I know for a fact one day she will surpass us all. "It might not be in flying like me..." Rainbow continued, "but she will figure it out! Heck, she already has more experience than all of us put together! She has done more in her life then you ever will!" Skyburst nodded, glaring down at the now shaking Twiling. "My Scootaloo was bullied by ponies like you... and I won't be able to stop that. But I've told her how I was bullied and looking back at it, I see now that they were jealous." "Same with this one," Rainbow said with a grin. "The squirt has more going for her than any filly I've met! My dad use to say that it took a lot of hoof-grease to get a star to shine... well, considering what the kid's gone through-" "-you watch her shine!" Skyburst yelled, the rest of the group moving to stand between Twiling and Scootaloo. The little orange filly gulped, tears in her eyes. "Everypony..." "No need to say a word, Scoots," Spike said, giving her a thumbs up. Shining gave Twiling a vicious smile. "By the way... did you know the worst thing a pony can do is insult a little one in the presence of a god?" His horn lit up, as did Cadence's and Tydal's. "And you happen to have a few right here." "No!" Scootaloo, pushing herself to the front of the group. "No. I have to do this on my own." She turned to Twiling and took a deep breath. "Sticks and stones may break my bones-" "-but names will never hurt me?" Twiling snarked. "Are you really going to pull that chestnut out and try and-" CRACK! Everyone blinked, staring down at Twiling's knocked-out form, then at Scootaloo, who was holding a large stick Twiley had tossed her. "Nope... was going to say that 'sticks and stones may break my bones... so they will definitely mess you up!'." "Aw, I didn't get to throw my rock!" Twiley complained. She'd somehow gotten a hold of both a catapult and a large boulder. "Sorry Tom Jr, maybe next time." "Well, this was wrapped up in a pretty little bow," Spike said as Cold Snap carefully fired a blast of ice at the Amulet, trapping it so it couldn't infect another unicorn. He looked up at the clock on the arena's scoreboard. "And much quicker than usual." "Just goes to show," Twixie began, only to be cut off by a feedback hiss and crackle. "Is this thing on?" a familiar voice called out as the jumbo-tron flickered for a moment before revealing the face of a smiling Twilight. She was wearing sunglasses and an expensive suit, a shotgun strapped to her best. "Got it Boss!" Kinshy called out. The gangbanger Twilight nodded. "Very good. Hello there, Agents of BUTTS. I'm the Boss of the Ponyville Saints and President of (censored) Equestria and this message is just for you. I'm not sure how I ended the (censored) up here or why, but I do know that you (censored) are involved. I want all of you to come to Leodon so we can discuss terms and come to an arrangement. Play by my (censored) rules and everyone wins. Don't... and the Saints will curbstomb your skulls in." "Oh goody, a threat," Tydal said, rolling his eyes. "Like we don't hear one of those every five minutes." Boss Twi tilted her head. "YOu sound like someone I know..." "I do NOT sound like Julius Little," Tydal said, cutting her off. "...ok. Anyway, before you even think about ignoring this..." The Boss stepped away from the camera to reveal a human Twilight, Gilda, a space-ranger Twilight, and an alicorn Twilight cuddling a clearly frightened black alicorn filly secured in cages. "I've been gathering my own Twilights... so I think it would be worth your wild to hear me the (censored) out. Come to Leodon…” "Hey boss!" Spike Washington called out, running into frame. "Our song is on!" "(censored) it, Spike, not now!" the Boss yelled. "Oh come on Boss, you know you want to..." Spike grinned as the familiar beat began to play and the Boss rolled her eyes, a smile forming on her lips. "...fine." Spike I'm Spike Washington preach as ya like it Pipes so smooth, no need ta mic it. Slip and slide, bring it right ta ya With the President of Equestria Boss Twi Baby seems we never ever agree You like the movies And I like T.V. Spike Washington I take things serious And you take 'em light Boss Twi I go to bed early Spike Washington And I party all night Boss Twi Our friends are sayin' Spike Washington We ain't gonna last Boss Twi Cuz I move slowly Spike Washington And baby I'm fast Boss Twi I like it quiet Spike Washington And I love to shout Boss Twi and Spike Washington But when we get together It just all works out I take--2 steps forward I take--2 steps back We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know--it ain't fiction Just a natural fact We come together Cuz opposites attract