Featherweight shrieked.
"A girl! Get away from me, I don't want cooties!" he shouted, clearly the youngest of the group.
Dinky huffed at the boy's rudeness.
"Is that any way to treat a lady?" she asked, but he was already inside the cabin hold.
"You..." the one named Rumble scowled. "What are you doing here?"
"I want to be a pirate! That's what!" she replied.
"A pirate, huh? Well, only boys can be pirates!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"And why can't a girl be a pirate?"
"We're real pirates! This isn't a game!"
Dinky smirked.
"And what do you do then?"
"We explore the skies and seas in search of treasure, fighting off monsters and the occay...occo...sometimes bad pirates!"
"And you're good pirates?"
Rumble realized his mistake and corrected himself.
"N-No! We're the baddest pirates of them all! The Lunar Crusaders!"
While the two continued arguing, Captain Pip was in the background, looking at the new girl. Back in school, he had a bad experience with them: Two girls, made out of money as he'd like to think, made fun of him for lacking a cutie mark. He'd even stay after school because of the moments when he would fight back. Since then, however, he now wears a compass on his flank and has traveled the seas showcasing his bravery and swordsmanship.
This girl was different, though. She had a beauty to her that he didn't mind, and yet a spunky attitude that would make adventuring with her fun. If only she was there at Ponyville, to join his crew at the same time Rumble did. He could see him playing with her a lot. However, she was still a girl, and girls were too different from boys to be pirates. After all, how could she help with making sticky bombs? That's a boy's job. Despite that, he still felt like he could make a place for her to-
"PIPSQUEAK!"
Pip snapped out of his trance. Rumble had the girl's wrists tied by rope.
"What do you want done with her?"
Pip wanted to say something against it, but he couldn't find the words to use to keep his crew's respect.
"In the jail hold!" he blurted, rather randomly.
"Aye aye," Rumble responded.
As Rumble took the girl into the ship, Pipsqueak just stayed there motionless, and questions began to circle his mind. How old is she? She looks around my age. And I'm 10, so that means... he counted what grade he would be in on his fingers. What if she was in fifth grade like me? Is she nice? She seemed funny. Can girls even be pirates? Just then his heart felt warm, something he hadn't felt since he last saw his mother. Why do I feel strange thinking about her? There were so many questions to ask, and his adolescent mind couldn't comprehend such. There was only one question he did know the answer to: Who do you go to when you need to ask questions?
Princess Luna.
Dinky was pushed into the lone jail cell. It was larger than she expected. It looked like it hadn't been used for ages, yet no signs of dust could be found. There was a small bed of hay to sleep on in one corner and a bucket in the other.
"I don't even know how girls use the bathroom, but the bucket's there if you need it," Rumble said. He paused for a moment. "Uh...yeah...listen, I'm sorry. I just don't understand girls, okay? Just be good in there. Pip will decide whether you stay or not."
As Rumble retreated, Dinky used this opportunity to observe her surroundings. The room was lit by a single lightbulb, but it was still bright enough to see clearly...wait, how do light bulbs work on a ship at sea? Ignoring the lack of logic, she noticed a collection of barrels in one corner opposite of her position outside of her cell, smaller than what she's usually seen on the docks. One of them was open, placed near a bucket on the floor. The room was barren except for a rusty sink, a paper towel dispenser, and a step stool. Oh Celestia, I really hope I'm not where I think I am... she thought. That was answered when two pirates slammed open the door, one struggling to hold his bladder.
"You have to learn eventually, Featherweight." Rumble ordered. "You can't be a pirate if you're a wuss." He rushed over to bring the step stool in front of the bucket.
"But I get shy! I have to sit down!" defended Featherweight.
"Come on, I'll leave to let you go if you actually do it."
"But Rumble-"
"What's Captain Pip gonna say when he finds out that you can't pee standing up?"
"But what if it gets on my leg or shorts?"
"Trust me! Plus, Luna can clean us up if she has to. Look, just watch and try to copy me. First, pull down your shorts..."
Dinky took her cue to look away. She didn't know which fact was the most disgusting: a boy teaching another how to pee, standing up and peeing in general, that the one being taught was now half naked as his shorts and underwear were on the ground, or the sounds of pee hitting a bucket or wall. Maybe it was the fact that a boy no older than a first grader is exposing his blank flank rear directly at her. Any one of these was something she didn't want to witness but had no choice.
"This is embarassing and I don't like this!"
"Stop complaining. Don't aim too low, or else you'll drip some onto your pants when you're done."
Much to Dinky's relief, the auditory urine flow was coming to a halt as the younger boy released the last of the liquid into the bucket. Rumble shook his head in disapproval.
"You have a long way to go." he observed.
"I'm sorry," replied a timid Featherweight.
"There's pee all over the wall."
"I know..."
There was an awkward silence, before Rumble spoke up again.
"You know what to do."
"Yes, sir..."
"You aren't in trouble. Just you get to dump the bucket into the barrel."
Featherweight looked in shock.
"You're...you're not making me clean up?"
"Not this time you aren't!" Rumble laughed. "Every time we finish using the bathroom, we dump our pee into the barrels in case we're attacked by a sea monster or bad pirates."
Featherweight gave a nervous chuckle. Dinky could see that he probably didn't clean up after himself before now. Rumble helped the small lad lift the "heavy bucket" (it was light, but said otherwise for Featherweight's confidence) and poured the waste into the barrel. Dinky noticed as time went on that Rumble wasn't a bad guy, but just misled. School hasn't exactly helped between the battle of the sexes. After all, every playground had a similar rhyme, no matter what sex it was targeted to:
Girls go to college
to get more knowledge.
Boys go to Jupiter
to get more stupider!
Pipsqueak looked around the hallway, packets of fruit snacks in his shorts pockets. He opened the door to the massive expanse that was his bedroom. Royal magic could make anything possible, and being blessed by Luna, he and his fellow pirates have their lives (almost) easy. His pirate-themed room, aside from the bed and dressers, had more than his accomplices would live with: Two foam cutlasses hung from the wall for sparring, an antique desk he "stole" sat in a corner for his journal entries, and the ambiance retained similarity to a dark summer evening on the beach, a setting that calmed him from the tense goings of being Equestria's coolest pirate.
In the center of all of this was a shallow open pool, not so much for swimming as it was for bathing. A shower head extended high enough to pour down soapy water onto his always greasy hair. Pirates weren't supposed to be afraid of dirt and grime drying on their skin, but some old habits die hard. Plus, it was Luna's suggestion that he should look "presentable" whenever he comes back inland.
On the very opposite of his entrance was a shrine designed with a crescent moon and array of stars, and despite the dark room, it shined like a nightlight, always visible. Luna said that it was made out of mythril (a word Pip continues to mispronounce), one of the strongest metals in the universe. It wasn't difficult to carry, yet it could deflect any arrow that tried to pierce it. It kind of came with the Lunar Crusader code that one acquaints himself to. Even their swords and cannonballs were made of the stuff, so that it's easy enough for a grade schooler to lift. Plus, it was dark blue, just like the night sky, to match how awesome Luna was.
Pip set his sword (or rather, his dagger,) on the shrine along with an unopened box of fruit snacks and knelt.
"O Night, I sacrifice these...uh...fruit snacks in your name!" he chanted.
The room began to dim, until all light inside was absorbed by the shrine. Before Pip could react, lightning began to spark from the base. Startled, he jumped underneath his bed. Even with the sacrifices, he was still scared of what resulted from them. If there was one thing being a pirate wouldn't help, it was his fear of storms. A cloud of stars emanated from the statue, a mixture of supernovas and nebulae visible within. The sound started to die down, and all light was slowly coming back into view. He heard the opening of a packet and a familiar voice.
"It's been quite literally ages since last I've eaten these."
"Luna!"
Pip dashed from the safety of his bed and hugged the tall princess. Luna chuckled.
"Of course, brave pirate! Now prepare yourself for the Monster of Tickles!"
She lunged at the boy and started attacking him, plucking one of her own feathers and using it as Pipsqueak tried his best to fight off the laughter. Pip loved Luna. She seemed like his mother, in a lot of ways, except for being "a hundred hundred times cooler" and she was playful and nice to whoever she came across. Luna helped Pip remember that he was still childish, and he didn't mind a bit.
"Hahaha...stop!" Pip shouted. "I'm not a little kid anymore!"
"Yes you are you silly ruffian!"
After what seemed like hours of constant giggling, he finally convinced the Princess to stop tickling him. He was about to ask why he summoned her until he realized a wet spot in his shorts.
Note to self: change your clothes after this talk.
"It appears you need a bath, Pipsqueak the Pirate." the princess stated as she pointed toward said wet spot.
"Great, so you saw it too..."
"I know you, Pipsqueak. You tend to get overexcited whenever you see me."
He started taking off his clothes as Luna placed each on a rack, one by one.
"I have to ask you something," Pip began. "A lot has happened..."
So, he began to tell of his story with the new girl.