"Wowee-to-the-ultra-zowee, these pork chops sure did hit the spot!" Exclaimed a gleeful, and thoroughly-meat-filled 5-star Sergeant General Thompson. Not only does he like guns, alcohol, and smoking, but he also enjoys himself some good meat from time to time.
"You should try this ham," shot back Fleet Admiral Davis. Thankfully, he used his mouth to do the shooting this time, and not his gun. Friendly-fire is bad.
"Enough eating food," butted in Lord Commander Ramierez who was still in his titan because he didn't know which button to press to leave it, "we have important things to kill."
Even 5-star Sergeant General Thompson could agree with that sentiment. Killing things is far more important than eating. Even animals know that. That's why they generally kill things before eating. Sometimes they do both at the same time, but that's not relevant.
"Did somebody say killing things? What's it gonna be today?" Asked Commander and Chief Stevenson as he came back from a nearby tree. He'd just finished 'draining the main vain', and by 'main vain' I don't mean his carotid artery, radial artery, or any other arteries, I mean his penis.
"We are kill ponies of course," replied Lord Commander Ramierez. "They have kill many humanitaurs, and now we must many kill them in return. It is only fair."
"Many ponies kill will be had indeed, but where might be many ponies to kill?" Asked Fleet Admiral Davis, getting right down to business. After all, the hardest part of killing things is finding things to kill.
"I can answer that!" butted in Iron Will who was standing near them the whole time. "The ponies nest just East of here. Many ponies reside there, and their deaths would be glorious should you choose to slaughter them all."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Asked Commander and Chief Stevenson, "let's go!"
And so they did, heading due East with much haste. They ran and they ran. Storms rolled in and storms rolled out. The sky turned dark and light again many-a-time, and the seasons came and went like paper bags in the wind. Eventually, though, they made it to their destination, a quaint little pony town, filled to the brim with potential-homicide victims.
"We have made it," remarked Fleet Admiral Davis. "What's that over there?" He pointed to a wooden home built into a hillside, surrounded by trees and lush grass and flowers.
"That must be Bilbo Baggin's home," explained Lord Commander Ramierez. "But who lives there?" He pointed his titan's arm at another, similar building built into the hillside, but this one was surrounded by chirping birds and frolicking little animals.
"Who would live in such a stupid house?" Wondered 5-star Sergeant General Thompson aloud. As if summoned by his query, the owner of the home stepped out of the front door, answering his question. A stupid horse lived in that stupid house. She almost instantly spotted the group, as they were about as sneaky a not-sneaky thing and she approached them.
"Hi, my name's Fluttershy," she introduced, a huge smile upon her yellow face as she looked up at them with blue eyes that were absolutely brimming with joy, kindness, and wonder. Soon they would be brimming with tears and blood. "Aw, you guys are so cute. I haven't seen anything nearly as adorable as you all before."
Commander and Chief Stevenson didn't appreciate being called 'cute'. He is a man, and men are ugly, not cute. Enraged by her insult he pulled out his combat knife and swiftly lodged it in her eye. There was no scream or struggle, just instant death as her brain was punctured. And then he pulled out his knife and chopped her body into tiny bite-sized pieces, saving them in a Glad container for later.
"Wow, I sure hate animals," said Fleet Admiral Davis as he lobbed a frag grenade at Fluttershy's previous home. The grenade blew up, and the entire building was torn to pieces, and every animal died, and the rubble lit on fire. Then he leveled up from killing so many animals. Supreme Fleet Admiral Davis couldn't help but feel good about how his day was going so far...
Unfortunately, the explosion got the attention of the entire town, and now they were converging on the humans' location. Surely they would all be slaughtered, their flesh devoured and their bones gnashed on by blunt pony teeth. Or would they?
Well I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out, ya' dingus!