( 1384 Years Ago )
I woke up with a jolt, almost instantly calming down thinking that it was just a nightmare, sitting up I the first thing I noticed was voices, not in my mind, but echoing around the... Whatever this place is like it was some kind of creepy music, from what I was able to decipher from my spot on the ground my guess would be fifteen people, sitting up I felt something move in my mouth.
Horrified like anyone would be, I spat it out on the ground and noticed a worm attached to a big lump of dirt wiggling around, grimacing at the disgusting thought I stood up and stepped on it with quite a bit of force.
At any rate, the first thing I did not expect was my boot to crush it and dent the ground something severe, looking around I couldn't help but wounder how the fuck I winded up here, rock as far as your eye could see, far below there was a forest, but the voices seemed to echo from upwards, frowning at the thought of going to the top off a mountain, I honestly did not want too, but perhaps it was a rescue team sent out to find me, and i'm tearing Andreas a new one for drugging me. "Stupid Andreas with his freakin' drugs, always gotta drug me whenever I feel like having fun." I grumbled as I started walking, the road looked like a long and tedious one, one that I personally did not want to walk.
But against my gut feelings, as of later I learned to trust, I continued stomping onward.
And onward.
And onward.
I was honestly getting sick off it by then, I mean if you're not in a very good shape, your body hurts all over and you're attempting to drag your legs up a mountain, you get sick off it pretty quickly.
So, I finally reached what I think was the top, and spotted armored horses, no, ponies. I used to live on a farm, I can tell the difference, and these ponies was minuscule compared to a real life horse.
Didn't help that they were talking, surrounding what I could only assume was a child, I felt a bit of anger, but continued to watch in hopes that I would just wake up from this nightmare.
Then, something happened.
"We sentence you to death for your crimes against Discord and his subjects, abomination of nature, prepare to die." Then, I noticed, they had horns.
Unicorns.
"Well spank me yellow and call me grandma..." I thought I muttered it, but judging by how their heads snapped towards me I could only assume otherwise.
One of them, I assumed it was a he, shouted out something from the tip off his lungs.
"Another crime! Demonpacts are the most grave of sins, seems like we'll need to erase all traces of you, Celestia." so... Her name was Celestia? Wait what? Demonpact? The fu-
Something similar to a fireball impacted with a rock next to me, and I barely had time to dodge out of the next one as it scorched the ground where I once stood, every fiber of my being told me to run, but then I saw that begging look from the child, so I gritted my teeth and pulled the sword, it seemed slightly thinner then what I remember, but it didn't matter to me.
I just managed to roll out of the way from something I could only assume was a lightning spell because it frazzled the rock, at least I think it did, is frazzle a word? It should be a word.
I gave off a shriek as a broadsword cut a part off my hat open, these guys knew what they were doing.
Let's review what we have... Unicorns attempting to kill us because they think we're working with a Pegasus... Unicorn... Thing.
Sounds about right, why not double the insanity? I grinned and dropped flat to the ground as several spells exploded above me, those times you were thankful for having a family that went in the army.
I held the sword tight and barrel rolled out of the way of a pair of hooves, I twisted my body a little and I scooped beneath where I used to be, I grunted in satisfaction as I heard a gasp and a thunk as he hit the ground.
I saw a rock that looked to be practically begging me to take cover, and cover was taken.
Honestly, I was panicking quite a bit, but once again the things my father had taught me kicked in and I calmed down, there seemed to be no ranged weapon around me, and i'm fairly sure tha-
Use the Pepper Grinder.
The thought was unwanted but needed, I think I put it in my hat to surprise Jasper with it but my mind was in a bit of a turmoil from the panic.
Drawing a deep breath I pulled it out from my hat and rolled out from cover, then I realized that I had no idea if this would work or even how I aimed this thing, then I did the one thing my... Six hours on Call of Duty ever taught me and hipfired for all I was worth.
Surprisingly I kinda locked onto one of them and filled his face with pepper, which then gave off small explosions.
He screamed something about his eyes but I were far too busy dodging and rolling out of the way from spells, there was too many of them and there's no way I could fight like this.
Reaching for my pocket I pulled out a home-made smokebomb and lit it on fire, to this day I have no idea how I did that, I blame my gloves.
Throwing it over to the road where I came up, I dashed for the child... Errr foal.
I grabbed Celestia and had to strain my arms just to carry her, I could feel the air charge with electricity and I ran straight into the smoke, whispering to Celestia that she should hold her breath, that we did as I managed to get past the thick wall of smoke and by the time the smoke cleared I was already halfway down it.
Amazing what you can do with flour, a cooking pan and napalm. I had to drop the child by then but we kept running, I knew my mind would catch up with me eventually and that would not be pretty.
We reached the bottom of the mountain and somehow did not fall to our deaths getting there, there was a cave up ahead to I signaled the foal to follow me, reaching it I practically combat rolled in there just in time for the rain to arrive.
When we sat down deep in the cave, she huddled close to me, coming down from the adrenaline high of my life I was too exhausted to object.
Turning my head I tiredly looked at her.
"Hey... Celestia was it?" One of her eyebrows shot up and she nodded.
"I'm Barb, but you can call me Alice, everyone else does." Well, it started back when American McGee Alice came out.
She smiled and spoke in a voice slightly more mature than her body.
"Thank you, Alice." I only put my hand on Celestia's shoulder and pulled her close, I smiled as we fell asleep.
I woke up roughly three hours later and the memories from earlier was already catching up with me, deciding suppress my freakout until I was in a safer environment I tenderly unclasped Celestia.
Apparently my brain decided it was time for comedy and a random thought popped up into my mind
Heh, I just slept with a girl I've never met before.
I didn't groan but simply sneaked out of the cave, it was still raining.
Deciding to guard the entrance while I waited for Celestia to wake up, I found a nicely shaped rock in a dark corner of the cave, not far from the entrance and sat down.
***
I must have dozed off, because I found myself waking up by hitting the stone ground, cursing under my breath I groggily stood up.
No hoofsteps could be heard from deeper withing the cave, but I took a gamble and went to check on Celestia.
I was thankful I did too, because she was cornered by what looked like a scaled boy, he stood slightly higher than me but had fangs, towering her he looked ready to lounge.
Those thoughts were forcefully bashed out of head with the flat side of a sword.
Looking at me his eyes shot wide.
"What's this? An dragoness guarding a pony? Is she your pray, miss? Terribly sorry for that..." Then his eyes traveled past my dress and to my face.
I had twisted it into what could be best described as horrifying cold fury.
Him being on the ground, I slammed the hilt into his face, things escalated from there.
And that's how I met my first boyfriend, Reginald.
*** Present ***
Daring Do watched me with large eyes.
"You're... Over a thousand years old?" I guess she only expected The Princesses to be that old, or something.
"Yeah, I don't look a day over seventeen human standards, i'm pretty good at keeping my image." she didn't even look like she registered that I said anything.
"And you met Princess Celestia when she was a foal, and is the only reason she's alive today." I frowned a little at that, but continued.
"Well, not the only reason, I mean had I not met Reginald things would have gotten very hairy very fast once we ran into those unicorns again." Again, she kinda ignored me.
Sighing I patted her on the head.
"Anything else you want to know, miss Do?" That got her attention, and something clicked in her mind.
"Well... A few years back I found this book written in some language I couldn't understand and there was no know translation, approaching the princess with it I managed to narrowly escape her guards." Hmm... I nod for her to continue.
"I managed to find a few words that I could kinda translate back into the language, but it's rough, from what I understand the title says Life of Madness Before The Grail. I doubt that's the real transla-" I cut her off right quick.
"Where is it." It wasn't a question, and didn't come out as one.
She blinked a bit "In my saddle bags, I don't see how this is relevant." I reached for it and started searching, I found the thin, white tome in the bottom.
"The words on this book is not Life of Madness Before the Grail, Miss Do, this title of this book is The Triad of Madness, King, Queen and Prince." Thank the nonexistent gods that she hadn't been able to read it.
"Wait, you can read it? What's it about? I must know, please! It's been my life work ever since I found it in the Ancient Crypt of Sol, that book have been shrouded in mystery for longer than the murder of Sol." I hmmed and traced my fingers over it, the entire book was written in a mix between Swedish, English and some pretty vital words had been written in Latin.
"I won't tell you everything Miss Do, but I can tell you some. This book is something I personally wrote over a thousand years ago, it contains information that could seriously unbalance the world, spells written by Starswirl, never to be published, theories and secrets written by Clover The Clever, and information of the Triad that should never be made public. Do you understand, Daring Do? If this book got in the wrong hands, claws, talons or hooves the entire world would tear itself apart to get it." I had to use the magic in my gloves to keep talking for that long.
She had a mix of shock, confusion and sadness on her face.
"... I understand, Alice, it's just... Can you tell me something? Something so that I can feel accomplished?" Sighing I opened the book.
"Sure, i'll tell you of a little something known as The Sun of North, it's about The Crystal Empire and my second boyfriend, Sombra." At her shocked face I burst out laughing.
"No but seriously, he was my second boyfriend, not only that he used to be a dragon too, from what I gather today he's portrayed as a stallion" I would have laughed as he jaw hit the floor, but instead I scanned the page and began reading.
"You see, back then, Sombra was a dragon and fought against evil..."
***
Somewhere a lone stallion was hanging on a cliff, a broken wing and the only thing keeping him from falling to his death was a pair of hooks attached to his hoof that had embedded itself into the cliff, he hated hanging like this.