Dear Princess Celestia
They say that the greatest lessons are learned not form one’s successes, but from their failures. If that is the case, then the epiphany that is due to come in the next few days shall make me a genius equal to Twilight Sparkle. Such is the weight of my error.
While writing this, I can’t help but think back to an earlier lesson I learned over the past year, one you were there to observe me speak of in fact. During the young flier’s competition, I was granted wings by your student in what would be a process that allowed us all to go and observe and support our friend in her hour of need; and ironically, the whole thing was my idea.
I say ironically because once we arrived in Cloudsdale, the presence of my wings made most of the pegasi population enamored with me. After all, I was a unicorn with magical butterfly wings, something most ponies had never seen before and well, I don’t need to tell you how we ponies seem to become enchanted at the drop of a hat by anything that’s shiny and new.
I became so swept up in myself, I stopped caring about my friends and forgot the original reason we were all there. Even after your student tried to talk some sense into me, all I could seem to care about was how the crowd adored me. Then, after the comments of some less than reputable pegasi, I foolishly decided to enter the competition against my friend. Even worse, I went out during Rainbow’s turn, changing the music of her routine to mine. To be honest, I still wonder if the reason she did so poorly at the start of the contest was because my music knocked off her rhythm. That day is my personal greatest shame, and even now I can feel my stomach churn over my actions.
So when I started to see my friend Rainbow engage in the same egotistical actions I did, I agreed to partake in a plan to…curb these behaviors. I was even a little miffed about the whole thing. Didn’t Rainbow see she was doing what I had done to her? That was the thought that ran through my mind when I agreed to help with Applejack and Twilight’s idea.
As for the plan, we did not decide to talk with her, or explain to her how we believed she should behave, or even just let it all go and expect Rainbow to work things out on her own. No, we decided to outshine her, like I did in Cloudsdale. I didn’t see it at the time of course, all I heard was how we were going to in Twilight’s words: set an example for Rainbow to follow. Although if I am to be honest with myself, I believe Applejack only cared about outshining her, the competitive nature of those two seems to cause no end of problems for their friendship.
Getting back on topic, that was our brilliant plan: we were going to outshine Rainbow Dash.
As for what Rainbow was doing that we needed to beat her, that’s where things become complicated. She was helping ponies. She was helping ponies, and bragging about it. She wasn’t hurting anypony, she wasn’t mean or cruel, she didn’t go around yelling at her friends, she was just bragging. Oh, and my friends were starting to get annoyed with her bragging.
Before I go on, I should say that in all fairness, I don’t think any of our friends know Rainbow Dash quite like I do; and even my connection with her was brought on more by necessity than anything else. Once again, it comes back to that Sonic Rainboom of hers. I don’t really understand much about it, but apparently when Rainbow Dash performs the action, there is a bit of a backlash in the ether veins of her wings. They become overtaxed in a similar way that some unicorns find themselves after casting a powerful spell. For us, it means that magic is verboten for some time, for Rainbow Dash, it rendered her flightless once everything had settled down. I just thank Celestia um, you know what I mean, that it did not also mean the end of her cloud-walking, or she probably would have fallen out of Cloudsdale in the middle of her lunch.
Of course I didn’t find this out until the next day when Rainbow Dash had returned to Ponyville ahead of schedule thanks to a ride given by the Wonderbolts and I found her staying at the local inn. Even then, she believed her wings were just a little overworked, or she was coming down with a case of the feather flu, which had apparently happened the first time she performed the Sonic Rainboom as a filly.
I must say now that what I am about to write must never be repeated to another soul. I only tell you this because you are the princess, and it is needed to be known just to understand the weight of my foolishness.
Being the friend I am, I invited Rainbow to stay at my boutique rather than that ghastly place we call an inn after I found out about her problem. When two days passed and she had yet to lose a single feather, Twilight was called in and we learned that Rainbow’s wings had been stressed like a horn, things became a bit problematic.
She was all smiles and brave faces in front of her friends of course. That pony will never let anypony see her down. But, after the lights went out and she thought me asleep, I heard her crying into her pillows and came to comfort the mare.
I could understand her fear. Nothing like this had ever happened to a pegasi before. While Twilight compared it to a horn being overcharged with mana, that is what happens when a unicorn experiences a surge, the rules might have been different for a pegasus. Rainbow Dash was struck by the fear of never being able to fly again.
But fear is the most devious of emotions. Like timber wolves, where there is one, more are sure to follow until a vicious pack lurks in the dark corner of a pony’s mind, striking down any hope and joy that is able to form. With the fear of loosing her ability to fly came the fear of being worthless, of being forgotten, of being simply cast aside for somepony better to come along and take her place.
I tried my best to assure her that such things would never be, and while I could indeed make my case in respect to her friends never forgetting or replacing her, Ponyville was another matter, as were the feelings of worthlessness. After all, Rainbow’s special talent is to fly (although considering her rather incredible ability for weather work I have to wonder if her cutie mark isn’t a bit more encompassing) and what is left for a pony who can not do what they were born for?
Ponies have killed themselves over less.
The thought terrified me. After all, this was the pony who saved my life, and the thought that the act had cost her the most important thing to her, I cannot even describe what I felt that day. So distraught over this fear of my own, I filled the week with activities for her to do in order to keep her mind off such ideas. We talked about things, from her day with the Wonderbolts that was cut short, to who she thought was the best up and comer among the group, as well as personal topics like my family thanks to a visit from my parents. However, she was tellingly mute about her own.
Over the following days, I came to a rather unsurprising conclusion about Rainbow Dash: the poor dear can only see the value in herself through the eyes of others. I know I’m not one to be making judgments on such things as I am very much the same way, but there is a key difference between myself and Rainbow Dash that I have support whether the things I create are successful or not. My friends are always there for me, and failing that, I have my family that moved to Ponyville this past year to support me as well.
This is the case with all the other Bearers. Applejack has legions of kin to call upon, Twilight has both you and Spike, Pinkie lives with the Cakes and her family resides only a short distance from Ponyville itself, even Fluttershy can go to her animals for support should she need comforting. As for Rainbow, she had her friends, and that was it.
But we were there for her when she needed us. We told her she still mattered, that she was still worth something, that everything was gong to be okay; and when everypony else left, I was there to hold her and stave off the worries that came in the night.
A week passed, and Rainbow found herself able to fly again. She hasn’t performed a Rainboom since, and quite frankly, I don’t blame her. Overusing one’s source of power on a constant basis is dangerous in the extreme and risky at best. It’s probably why the poor dear still worries about getting into the Wonderbolts, as her greatest feat comes with such a price.
But I digress.
After a week of learning all these things about Rainbow Dash and how she puts value in herself through the eyes of other ponies to such an extent, it is no surprise to me she gained such a swelled head as a whole town cheered for her.
So we decided to take those cheers away, in order to teach her a lesson about humility and how a hero doesn’t need the support of other ponies to do heroic things. We created a new costumed hero persona that three of us shared (I simply designed the suit, getting sweaty while running around town was a bit much for me) and went around town performing acts Dash could not do. I’m sure Twilight thought the whole thing was simply benign, and they did do some good while in costume, so I can’t fault them for their actions on that, simply their reasons for doing so.
It worked about as well as it should have. Soon Rainbow was feeling irritable and moody with the town quickly forgetting about her thanks to the appearance of the shiny new hero and her stunning ensemble. So then she came to us for support, to reenergize her sense of self-worth.
That is where my true failure as a friend stands out the most Princess. I will admit that I could get behind this whole Mare Do Well plot we concocted if it were to teach Rainbow that it was okay to fail, or whatever the hay we were supposed to be teaching her; after a little debate between Pinkie and Twilight that happened an hour ago, I’m not even sure what the real point of this stunt was anymore and I don‘t think they are either. But when our friend came to us looking for support, she found none.
In fact, we did worse than abandon Rainbow when she needed us. Instead of talking about prior successes to cheer her up, we listed tasks that our heroic persona did. Then, to finish off her sense of self-worth, we laughed at her. We laughed at her pain, her panic, her abandonment; even as we were the ones abandoning her. We replied to her cry for help with cruelty.
And as I write this, I have come to realize that those actions are my new greatest shame.
When I was in trouble, after everything I had done to her, I reached out and found her hoof waiting to take mine.
When she was in need and reached out to me, I slapped her hoof away, and laughed at her pain.
I can only hope that with the Element of Loyalty comes the ability to forgive one’s friends, if that is what we even are anymore.
As for the lesson that I’ve learned? This experience has given me plenty.
Do not judge others on the faults you have yourself.
To be a friend is to offer support and advice rather than condemnation.
The path to humility is not made with humiliation.
And a true friend accepts the ponies around her for who they are, rather than trying to make them who we think they should be.
Your Unworthy Subject
Rarity.
P.S. Please forgive the blotches of ink that some words may have become. I couldn’t look away from the page as I wrote, and some droplets fell off my muzzle no matter how much I tried to stop them.