Honor the Dead
by BinaryTroll
Pre-read/Edited by Honored Service.
Chapter 42: “History lesson: The chapter.”
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The instant Joel walked into the library I think I got a coat boner.
He was wearing a long, gray tailcoat with a green lining and silver stitching, impeccably detailed with swirls running from the cuffs up round the shoulders and down the back, finally finishing at the tips of the tails. Four gleaming silver buttons lined both sides, and he wore the coat open, exposing a clean white shirt complete with bow tie and an under-jacket, which holstered within it the combat knife and two Glocks. The shirt tucked into a leather belt with an ornate silver buckle, that held up a pair of gray trousers, with similar swirling designs stitched into them. His wore a new pair of shoes too, that looked deceptively formal, but were built like proper running shoes, complete with a sole that had such an insane grip, I wouldn't be surprised if he could casually swagger up walls.
And then there was his top hat. My god, that top hat was incredible. It was a simple gray, yet gloriously elegant in design. The same flowing silver stitching curled around the rim, but that wasn't even the best bit. The best bit was the goggles. A pair of flight goggles wrapped their way around the circumference of the hat, with green lenses and a black strap that had more of the silver stitched into it, they looked simply fantastic.
Joel casually leaned on his AWP like it was a cane and smiled up at me. “So, what do you think Wardo?”
I shook my head. “Jesus Christ on a flaming bicycle made of motherfucking cheesecake. That is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.”
He straightened up and slung the AWP around to rest on his back. “And that's not all, check this out.” He pulled out his combat knife and shredded his jacket sleeve.
“What the hell dude?” I jumped down off my hammock, rolled on the marble floor and ran over.
He smiled and held out his arm. “Wait for it...”
The cut threads of the sleeve whipped out and tangled themselves together in a complex pattern before settling back into their inert state. The sleeve was pristine and whole.
I poked the sleeve and ran it through my hands. It was perfectly smooth. “Woah. I want that.”
He grinned like a kid with a new toy. “And that's not all, it repels all dirt, dust and all that good stuff.”
“Where did you get this?” I asked, shaking my head in wonder.
“Way to Fancy, it's a clothing store.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And when did you get the time or money to get it?”
He shrugged. “I didn't really, Vi just took my measurements and ordered it to my specifications. I don't know where the money came from.”
I laughed. “If it was Vi who got it, I kinda don't want to.”
He laughed along with me. “Yeah, she's a bit... raunchy isn't she?”
“You could call me that.”
I jumped and spun around. “Where the hell did you come from?”
She had licked something white off her lip that I really hope was milk. “Come is the right word. I was having breakfast.”
“It's like, 6 in the afternoon.” Joel said.
She smiled. “And I had an all day breakfast.” Her smile grew wider. “Did you know the hot springs are just a few levels below the library? Very secluded.”
I sighed. “Waaaaaaaaay too much information at this point. Just saying.”
If her grin grew any bigger I swear it would extend past her face. “I thought you were interested in my eating habits, and that should include my drinking habits as well.”
I held up a hand. “Stop. Please, for the love of Celestia stop.”
Her grin did manage extend past her face. Yay cartoon physics. “I thought you liked Luna though.”
I turned my back on her. “This conversation is over.”
She laughed in an incredibly deep voice. “Oh no, its only just begun.”
“Was the voice change really necessary?” I grumbled, reminded of a certain German scientist. His soul can go fuck itself.
Her shit eating grin was still plastered across her smug face. At least it wasn't breaking science anymore. “Perhaps not, but I must say, that one did bring up some interesting emotions from both of you.”
Joel groaned. “An assassination on this insane German Nazi guy. He was about as stereotypical supervillain as you can get. May Satan kick his ass in hell.”
“If that's the anger, then what's the resentment?” Vi asked, raising an eyebrow.
“He owed me twenty bucks.” I muttered.
Vi face-hoofed. “What is a buck anyway?” She asked. “Is it the human equivalent of a bit?”
I looked a Joel and shrugged. “I have no idea how much a bit is even worth relative to human currency. Tell you the truth, I hardly have any idea how much human currency is worth relative to human currency.”
“Stupid exchange rates.” Joel muttered. “I hate economics.”
I rolled my eyes. “You and me both.”
Vi sniffed. “Well, you've come to the wrong city. The ponies here only care about bits and power, and the only reason they care about power is because it rakes in bits.” She shook her head. “The amount of greed in the castle is overwhelming.” She licked her lips and looked off into the distance, as if remembering a fond memory. “Fortunately there's at least some who know how to keep it spicy.”
“Don't want to know.” Joel said shortly.
She sighed. “Fine.”
“Speaking of spices, who's hungry?” Shyv asked, appearing out of nowhere.
I jumped slightly. “Sacrebleu! Could you two please stop doing that?”
Joel raised an eyebrow. “Sacrebleu? Who are you, Poirot?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I don't have the mustache for it.”
“Nobody can have the mustache to be Poirot.”
I held up a finger in objection. “Incorrect. Poirot has the mustache to be Poirot.”
Joel nodded slowly, as if the conversation we were having was of great significance. “True.”
Shyv tapped a hoof to her chin. “Poirot? It sound's a bit like what those ponies from the north speak like. What was it called?”
“French?” Vi suggested.
“BELGIUM!” Joel and I shouted together.
“Well the language is technically French though.” I said, contradicting myself a moment later.
“How are there French ponies in Equestria?” Joel asked. “In fact, how are there English ponies in Equestria?”
“Aren't those the old human words for the different nations?” Vi said, thinking out loud. “I believe the majority of Equestrian comes from the humans' language.”
I dug through my memory, trying to remember lore from a variety of different game and TV show universes. “But wait a sec, those vaults were like the Vaults, from Fallout. Human sized and everything, plus all the mechanisms were made for human hands.”
“Meaning the humans were originally from the vaults.” Joel mused.
“But everything else in the wasteland either died or...” I stared at Shyv for a second. “Holy shit.”
“You're mutants.” Joel said in wonder.
“Thanks.” Shyv and Vi muttered in unison.
“No no no.” I waved my hands, realizing my mistake. “Not like that. I mean you're life forms that were originally a different species, but due to the presence of large amounts of radiation, horses or ponies must have mutated, producing unicorns, pegasi, changelings and earth ponies alike. In fact, humans are probably one of the last remaining species unaffected by evolution and mutation on this planet right now.”
Joel tapped his chin, deep in thought. “I wonder how the brahmin ended up as cows again?”
I scratched my head. “A GECK maybe? It would explain why Equestria isn't a wasteland.”
“Good theory.” We said nothing for a couple of seconds before he muttered, “Wait a sec.”
“What?”
He spread his arms, like he wanted to hug the bookcase. “We're in a library, we could just look it up.”
I raised a finger, stopping him. “No, we can't. Neither of us can read Equestrian.”
He raised an eyebrow. “It's just English though, isn't it?”
I shook my head, pulled out one of the comics on a nearby shelf and handed it to him.
He opened it up and flicked through. “This looks like some sort of crazy Latin, Greek, Russian mix.”
I put the comic back. “Yeah. I really wish I had that one translation potion thingy.”
He crossed his arms. “Why don't we go get it then?”
“It kinda means we gotta talk to Zecora, who lives in the Everfree near Ponyville. And you know how much fun it was the last time we were in there.”
“At least we had actual meat back then.” He sighed. “I'm so sick of eating salad, baked beans and toast.”
“And speaking of food, it's dinnertime.” Shyv said, pointing out the window. The sky was dark. “So, like I said ten minutes ago, can we get some thing to eat?”
“All in favor?” I asked.
“Aye.”
I grinned and rubbed my hands together. “Lets go get dinner then.”
A few hours later
I ran my hand through my newly burnt hair. “Goddamnit. And it had just recovered from when Celly set it on fire too...”
“That's what you get for pissing off a dragon.” Shyv muttered, munching on a particularly large ruby.
“We killed like, twenty in the last month and I came back without a scratch.” I exclaimed, spreading my arms to prove it, not that she'd be able to see any of my skin under my coat.
“You know, I think stones and trees have hurt you more than actual people lately.” Joel observed, eating a vegetarian taco.
I shrugged. “I guess it serves me right then. Maybe I should be more careful in the future.”
Joel raised an eyebrow while sinking his teeth into the taco with a satisfying crunch.
I raised my burrito to my mouth.“Yeah, you're right. Fuck that.” It was rather nice, considering it was made entirely of vegetables.
“Maybe we should actually get searching for the Necronomicon, at least we'll get paid for that. Stealing dinner every night is getting annoying.” Shyv sighed, finishing off the ruby.
“Maybe, but it's kinda nice to do this every night. It's a sort of social thing, you know?” Joel said, grabbing another taco.
I swallowed the last of my burrito. “Yeah, and look at the view.”
I stared up at the sky drinking in the sight. Tiny points of light twisted and turned across the deep blue canvas that was the, forming pictures that disappeared the instant you glanced away. There was always another star, another shining angel floating in the heavens. It was as strange and unfamiliar and beautiful as time itself. And through it all, the moon dominated the sky, blazing like the sun. The mare in the moon shined proudly on its surface, reminding the world that perhaps eternal night wouldn't be so bad after all.
“Thank you Luna.” I realized I was grinning like a fool, but I didn't care. This was what I lived for.
Shyv poked me. “You alright there?”
I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her in next to me. I pointed up at the stars. “Look.”
She searched the horizon before looking at me in confusion. “What? It's just the sky.”
“Just the sky?” I shook my head. “You have no idea.” I leaned back, pulling her to the ground with me. “Look up there, can you see the scales?”
She studied the heavens for a few seconds and nodded. “Sort of.”
“Libra, stands for judgment and balance. The scales of justice. My sign.” I snorted. “Ironic, isn't it?”
“I don't really get it.”
I continued to scan for other constellations I recognized. “It's an old human thing, people used to make shapes out of the stars, trying to find meaning in them. Somebody then had the idea to assign these meanings and symbols to people, based on when they were born. I was born under the star sign Libra, which means it was the highest in the sky at the time.”
Shyv sighed quietly. “I don't know when I was born. I certainly don't remember the sky that night either.”
I shrugged. “It doesn't really matter, it's all a bunch of crap. I just like looking at the stars.” I pointed at a shape high in the sky. “See, there's a knife.”
“It's all about knives with you isn't it?” She said, smiling a bit.
“That's not true! It's sometimes about guns too.”
She rolled her eyes and settled back. “You need a hobby.”
“The last time he got one of those he burned the house down.” Joel said, placing his arms behind his head and lying back beside me.
“Making boats is a perfectly good hobby!” I retorted.
He rolled over and gave me a bored look. “And setting them on fire?”
“Is fun!”
“Branden alle boten.” Shyv muttered.
“Is that spanish?” I asked.
“Dutch.” She replied. “Burn the boats. It's an old saying that originated from when the dragonlands were invaded. They burned the boats so the slave warriors couldn't escape, meaning that they could do nothing else but fight.”
“They?” Joel asked. “Like, what race?”
“It was a very long time ago, griffins took ponies as slaves. They wanted to expand their empire until it encompassed the entire world.” She sighed. “Besides mostly abolishing slavery, they haven't changed much.”
“Actually, wasn't just the griffins. The legion was originally founded by humans.” Vi interjected. “But that was tens of thousands of years ago. I don't know much about it, but apparently some of the oldest history still survives in the depths of the Canterlot library.”
I groaned. “But neither Joel nor I can read Equestrian.”
“Maybe we will have to pay a visit to this Zecora then.” Vi mused.
“Not to mention the library is a good place to start if we want leads on where the Necronomicon is.” Joel muttered.
I cracked my knuckles. “True shit. Let's head off tomorrow. You guys fine with that?”
The was a general chorus of agreement.
“Excellent.” I got up and peeked off the edge of the roof we had been lying on, all the way up at the top of Canterlot. “Now how the fuck do we get down from here?”