//------------------------------// // 1: A "Normal" Day // Story: The Wanderer // by Saturn104 //------------------------------// Ah, Friday. The best of days... The LONGEST of days, but all was fine, I had plans. Drive car home, grab gear, and head off into the woods. 'Twas the norm, and I preferred it that way. Hell, even the weather was normal; rainy and cold. Seattle tends to be that way. So after arriving at my cabin at the foot of the mountains, I prepared for my scheduled adventure. Grabbing my backpack, flashlight, matches, and some other necessary survival doohickeys. Put on the boots, grab my cap and walking stick and head out. It was Goddamn beautiful outside, granted I'm probably the only one in the state to believe such a thing. Rain pitter-pattered off the lush foliage, birds cried out to the others, and a small breeze made the most titanic of trees sway. I stepped forward off the back patio, taking a deep breath as I did so, and plunged my boots into the wet soil. --- Quite a bit of time had passed and I was sure I was a few miles out. The rain had stopped and the clouds had cleared. The creatures of the night had begun their symphony, as well as the wonderful natural satellite, Her Majesty's moon. Stars were starting to dot the sky and the evening breeze created a background to all the magnificent sights. As gorgeous as it was, one thing seemed to catch my eye, or rather two things. Two gargantuan trees had grown together, intertwining themselves at the top to form a perfect arch below. Through to the other side of the arch continued the path I was on, twisting and turning around trees and running through an occasional puddle. (I'm sure I could fit some metaphor about my life there, but... nah.) Ivy vines and moss surrounded said arch, covered in dew, they allowed moonlight to reflect off them, making everything shimmer. "Awwwwww yisss," I spoke merrily. "Motha. Fokkin'. Arches!" And being the childish idiot that I was, I bolted under that mother-humper as fast as my legs could carry me... Well actually, I attempted to. Soon finding myself with a mouthful of fresh dirt, I started to doubt my position as an 'adult' male. With my vision blurry and a small bit of my dignity remaining, I began to stand up and brush myself off. Legs, arms, and face... And spit out the dirt, good. I turned back to see my earthy assailant, sticking out of the ground and internally cackling maliciously. Yet something was rather odd about this root, in fact everything around it. As my vision returned I noticed that everything had a cartoonish outline. Even my hands! Although after checking, the texture remained. I rubbed them across my unshaven face, feeling every bump, scar, and hair across my jawline. "I must've hit my head pretty damn hard," I pondered aloud, soon turning back to face the natural arch from which I ran under. It looked darker, and not like the light level. It was twisted, everything about it just screamed evil. Peeking through the structure only to find a path that looked nothing like the one I had just traveled down. Instead, the trail was lined with particularly placed pernicious plants, that looked much like those of a child's idea of a spooky forest. Doing the first thing that came to mind, I ran back under the arch hoping the scenery would change... Only to trip over the same damn root and get a mouthful of delicious earth. I got up, spitting out the last bit of my pride and whatever dirt left over. Nothing had changed, the particularly placed plants were looking pernicious as ever, the cartoon shader appeared to be still on, and the evil vibe was more powerful than a high-school teenagers phone set to mute. Night creatures called out to their friends, and there was the constant feeling of being watched. Quickly, (for some odd reason I decided to do it in a rush) I grabbed my walking stick, which lie on the ground next to a beautiful imprint of my face. Wherever I was, I did not want to be there for the night. --- After walking for several minutes, I came to a clearing the woods. There sat a gorgeous waterfall pouring into a small stream which fed into what appeared to be an over-glorified puddle. The cartoonish moon shimmered of the surface of the water, which sat unrealistically still despite the fact that there was a current to disturb it. However I took this to my advantage, eager to see what this new... happening did to my appearance, I stepped to the edge of the water. There stood a cartoony version of myself; short brown hair swept to the side, raggedy jeans, white(ish) T-shirt, greenish-brown eyes, and the slightly darker patch of skin to the right of my dominate eye. And that big dumbass grin. Yep it was me, and there were a few scrapes and bruises from those falls. So, paying no mind to the rustling in the bushes headed my way, I decided to wash my face in the water before me. I'm stupid. Hi Stupid, I'm Tomas! *RRRRRRRRRRRGG* "That's odd, I don't feel hungry..." *RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAHH!!* Just like that, three VERY large beasties jumped out of the brush... Taking some of it with them? "Ah shit, Timberwolves," I expertly concluded. Of course, it made sense; the cartoony look, odd lack of water physics, and my easy accepting of it all. "I'm dreaming!" I told myself. "I probably fell asleep at work again, watching Friendship is Magic on my phone or something." "Well I need to get back to what I was doing before the boss drills me," I told the angry canines. "Come get me bitches!" ... CRACK "Oof." That was the sound of a fully grown man being tackled by a wooden wolf. And by the looks of it, it was going for my throat. So, holding back the jaws of the beast as best I could, I got a good look at its face... Gag, and a whiff of its breath. The wolf had two shiny glowing eyes that appeared to be made out of emeralds. Using the knife I always kept on my side, I made a stab at its stomach and pushed it off of me. Quickly, I stood up and smashed the beast's head with a powerful stomp. The form of the wolf crumbled into a pile of sticks, leaving behind those two glowing gems from before. "They're enchanted," I thought to myself. "Separate the eyes from the body to make a nice pile of firewood." Using that new found knowledge to my advantage, I made quick work of the next wolf who was stupid enough to jump over me. Grabbing the walking stick that lie next to my previous kill, I lifted it up and ran it through beast's skull. Thanks to the momentum the wolf had given me, I easily smashed its face into the ground, causing it to comically fall apart into a pile of sticks. "Two down. One to go," I taunted. The final wolf charged at me with its jaws wide open. I held my walking stick tightly and aimed for it's mouth. To my benefit, the beast kept running, soon finding its throat full of my wood (oh god that came out wrong). "Gotcha now, bitch," I told the wolf, pinning its head to the ground. "If only I had some lighter fluid..." The beast tried with all its might to back out of snare I had it in. 'Twas truly wonderful but, instead of making the wolf any longer, I smashed its head after pulling my stick out of his mouth (I swear, these wood jokes just keep happening). "Definitely not dreaming," I said, heart still pounding from the adrenaline. To keep the wolves from regenerating like I had seen in the show, I grabbed all six emeralds off the ground and placed them in my backpack. Using their remains, I built a campfire. A quick swipe of a match to set the by grass and leaves below the pile ablaze, sending small glowing embers into the air. Following an ember, I found my gaze soon fixed upon Her Majesty's actual moon. It was bigger than the one back home, and twice as beautiful. And the stars, oh god the stars... With out any bright city lights to drown them out, they shown down so bright. I sat for nearly an hour, just staring up at the night sky. The fire was beginning to die out, so I added a few more sticks from the pile I had 'collected', and prepared my emergency bedroll for the night. Take off the utility belt, watch (which appeared to have stopped working), compass (which spun randomly), and backpack. With all things in order I nodded of into a oddly peaceful slumber. --- The next morning I woke up to a rumbly-tumbly. Birds called from the trees around my small camp, and the place looked much better in daylight. The trees and plants looked much less menacing and the animal calls sounded much more relaxed. Dew still on the ground, producing a wonderful 'wet grass' smell, and the waterfall provided a nice background noise to all the morning sounds. Taking a deep breath in and exhaling happily, I climbed out of my sleeping bag to assess my situation. My nose throbbed, and felt rather swollen. Probably the fault of my childish running through a... Portal? That was a big can of worms. I ran through a portal, that was possibly miles out from my home, which is already miles out from civilization, and tripped twice into what I believed to be a dream come true. I then wandered through the forest to find water that defies science, and get attacked by wooden wolves. All happened while seeing the world through a cartoony filter. "Holy shit..." I proclaimed, coming to a realization. "I'M IN EQUESTRIA! I'M IN EQUESTRIA!" I yelled at the top of my lungs in a sing-song voice, prancing around like an idiot as I did so. I soon gathered my thoughts and returned to the more serious state of mind, gathering my things and noticing my needs. Food. I had that. Rummaging through my backpack I quickly found a pack of homemade deer jerky. I downed it fast, thinking about how that could possibly be my last meaty meal in my life. "No regrets," I stated to the judgemental eyes watching me from nowhere in particular. I thought back to the fight last night, with the Timberwolves. They had enchanted eyes, which was (mostly likely) the source of power keeping them alive. "They're a form of Golem," I concluded. Just then a very dangerous idea passed through my head... "I should make my own!" --- "There," I said, wiping non-existent sweat off my brow. "Now the eyes," digging in one of the pockets of my backpack, I found and placed the two emeralds where the eye sockets were. My work began to glow. "RAWWK!" My beautiful bird-like creation screeched, spreading its wings. It appeared to be something like an Eagle, and actually looked surprisingly badass. Its beak was sharp and curved downward, made out of a piece of charred wood I'd carved. Its chest was puffed out and covered in ash, giving it a black color, and its wings were made out of fern-like leaves layered over one and other, with thin but strong sticks for structure. I, of course, was amazed by my work and utter the first words that came to mind. "... I'm a fucking genious." The bird looked at me with those fiery green eyes, and cocked its head at me as if to ask a question. "Golem," I spat out. "Your new name is Golem." Golem cawed much like it did before. "Hello Golem, I am Tomas Ignis Matthews. But you can call me Tom," I smiled at the bird. "Caw!" Golem replied. Yep, I'm losin' it. --- So, after teaching my new pet the rules of my one-man group I gathered my things and set out, hoping to find... some. I soon began to wonder about my goals and ambitions. "What will I do now?" Another VERY large can of worms. I was a bachelor back home, as soon as I turned 18 I high-tailed it out of the house as fast as I could. I wasn't really the social type and I had no good connection with anyone, even my parents. It wasn't that I had a bad relationship with them either, it's just that no one in the family really expressed any love for eachother. I'm pretty sure the only time my parents ever got it on, was to create me. And that was probably a very awkward experience for both of them. But me on the other hand, had always had wanderlust. I loved the idea of adventure, and I've been running off into the woods ever since I could walk. I was good with landmark based directions and I could scale pretty much anything if I set my mind to it. Having always loved the high-up views of pretty much anything, I would often find myself scaling a cliff just to see the sunset from a different angle. But it still didn't answer my question... "Where will you go now?" Asked a voice that was not my own, causing me to jump and jostle the wooden bird on my shoulder. "Please pardon my starting you, dear Master," Golem spoke in a strangely layered voice. "Well then," I thought. "He can speak." "Yes, and I can sin-" Golem began to sing as I clamped his beak shut. I looked at his eyes, hoping to get the message across... "First, stay outta my head. For your own sanity of course. Second, I don't like flash-mobs, as I am not good at dancing. So, if you ever start singing it better be to music and it better be planned." I shook his beak to add emphasis to my words. "Yes Master," the bird said after being freed from my grasp. "Another thing. As far as I'm concerned, anyone/anything that can voice an opinion is an equal. Call me anything but Master," upon my saying this he cocked his head at me confused. It was going to take a while to get it through his head. "Yes... Tomas. But as for my question before, where do you intend to go?" "Good question Golem," I stroked the leafy feathers on his head, then rubbed my own chin in thought. "To be honest, I don't know. Do you have any ideas?" "I'm afraid my knowledge is only limited to what my past form has seen and what I am doing now," He lifted a wing and rubbed under his beak. "But," he said after a short pause, "I know a of a zebra that lives in a tree not far from here." "Zecora!" I nearly yelled. "You know of this pony?" "You could say that," I didn't want to explain humanity to the bird. So I lifted up my arm for him to take off. "Take me to the zebra!" I bellowed, feeling rather excited. "Yes Mast- Tom." Golem said, flying to a tree and motioning for me to follow him.