//------------------------------//
// An End to the Beginning 
// Story: With Extra Frosting on Top 
// by Grey Faerie 
//------------------------------//

	An end? Yes, diets ended but why? How? But to do so...

Pinkie stared at the cookies on the plate. Celebrate. Yes, she can do that. She picked one up and put it in her mouth. She chewed it. It won't ruin everything. She picked up the next one and ate it too. But what about when it ends? Another cookie. When she's happy. She threw back the lukewarm tea. She'll want to celebrate a lot then. She finished the plate. I have friends again. I look better. I should celebrate.

But what about when it ends? Will it ever end?

She walked past the smiling Cakes into the kitchen. She grabbed a box of cookies and ate it. She grabbed more and brought it up to her room. I just need to feel better. That's all. Don't think too much, just do.
She dumped her hoard onto the bed. She tore open a box and shook its contents into her mouth. Another box. More, more, more. Don't think about it all.

...Wouldn't that mean everything will go back to the way it was? To the old Pinkie?





Mrs. Cake knocked on the bathroom door.
"Pinkie? Are you okay in there?"
The sound of throwing up stopped.
"Ye-yeah! I just don't feel that well."
"Okay. There's some stomach medicine in the cabinet if you need it."
There's some medicine. There's no medicine that can help me. Pinkie thought, maliciously. She came out after a few minutes. It had been a few days now and she hadn't come out of her room.
She turned on the record player and turned up the volume. The sounds of a mare wailing about getting revenge came through the speakers. Pinkie frowned. Her stomach and throat hurt. She tossed and turned on her bed. Her straight hair tangled from not being brushed.
"It's all going to be for nothing!" Pinkie yelled. She grabbed a box and threw it. " Nothing! It's all nothing! Nothing's changed and it'll never change." She had thrown everything off the bed.
Pinkie laid on the bare mattress. She huffed and panted from the outburst.
"I need to get out of here."
She rolled out of bed. Pinkie only took a moment to rake a brush through her mane and tail. She put on a hat then left the room.
It was warm outside. The sun shone. But everything had a shade of grey to it. The colors weren't as bright. It felt colder too. Pinkie frowned. The world looked dull. She stalked down the road. The ponies on the street smiled too much and it irritated her. A dull pain came from her stomach. There was the smell of food but it only sickened her.
How can I think of eating now? Look at that. It's so gross.
Pinkie felt at a loss. No pony really noticed her. Did they not see how hurt she was? She felt weak and tired. Maybe if I laid down in the middle of the road, somepony would notice. But she didn't want anypony bothering her. She felt like a bother.
Pinkie stopped at a shop window. When had she become so thin? She remembered stepping on the scale at home. She had lost a good chunk of her weight but it wasn't enough though. There was still so much to do. Pinkie decided to pull back to home. It was safer there. All her mirrors are covered and her thoughts won't be aggravated.





"We haven't seen Pinkie in a while." Twilight remarked.
"Yeah! Aren't we suppose to be having a slumber party?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Everyone was gathered in Twilight's main room. They were having tea and talking about the latest events.
"Not to forget, she invited us to that 'Cantering Stallion' place. I'm actually a little excited to go." Applejack said.
"R-Really?" Futtershy sputtered.
"Well, it would be fun to get away from it all for a little while. Be a girl. I might even let that Grey mare pretty me up like Pinkie said." AJ blushed.
"Oh, it does sound fun." Rarity said, "Fluttershy, weren't you the last to see Pinkie?"
"Um, no. I just heard from Discord. They made up and had some fun together." she smiled.
"Hm, why don't we go and see if anything's wrong. I'm anxious myself to get going on this slumber party. I still haven't done everything in the book! I wonder what addendums she's made to the list." Twilight rubbed her hooves in excitement.
Thus the girls all when to the bakery with great expectations. A party from Pinkie always put a smile on your face. Mrs. Cake looked up from the counter to see them. She smiled and walked to them after finishing with a customer.
"Hello girls. How are you?"
"We're good. How's Pinkie? We haven't seen her in a while."
"Oh, she hasn't been feeling well. She's up in her room."
"Okay, thank you."





They didn't expect to find the top hallway so dark. It was strangely quiet even with the music coming through the door. Twilight knocked on the door. No response. She looked at the others who only shrugged. Twilight held up her hoof again and pushed open the door. They had expected to see a flu ridden Pinkie, only to find her sitting in her room crying and eating cake.
"Don't look at me. I'm gross." Pinkie sniffled through the cake. She had tear stains running down her cheeks.
"No, you're not Pinkie."
"All I wanted was someone to love me. Friends just aren't the same as a boyfriend. I wanted someone who is mine, just mine. I didn't know it would be so hard. I just can't win."
They weren't sure what had caused this turn of events. It was so confusing to see Pinkie in this state. Fluttershy ran right up and hugged her, scooting the plate away.
"Oh Pinkie, it's okay." Fluttershy comforted.
"Is this really what it all comes down to? Why you worked so hard to lose weight? Because you think it will bring you love."
"Well duh, pretty girls always get the guy. It's in every story, movie..The fat girl's just for comedy."
"Pinkie ya need someone who loves you for who you are."
"I've already gone through this with Overo. I tried that! I was myself for how long!? And look what it's got me, nothing! I don't know if I even like myself sometimes. I try so hard to get ponies to like me because I'm so afraid of being alone."
Pinkie couldn't speak after that. She didn't want to think of the memories of the lonely days on the farm. No friends, no toys. Even after getting her cutie mark, nothing changed. That first party might have actually made the nothingness worse as she had gotten a taste of real happiness. She knew what she never had and never will have. At least there, in that place of grey.
Pinkie sobbed into her hooves. Fluttershy rubbed circles on her back and cooed reassuring words. Rarity grabbed a box of tissues and the hair brush. The rest of them gathered around her.
"It'll be okay dear. Why, even weight comes and goes in fashion!" Rarity tried to reassure. She only got some blaring looks. She swallowed and smiled apologetically. She started to brush Pinkie's hair.
"Pinkie, I just don't get why you'd be doing something so silly then. It's one thing to want to change a little but it's too much to be wanting to change everything. This whole diet thing just isn't very you." AJ bravely commented.
"'It's not very pinkie?' I'm Pinkie! I get to choose what I'm like. Sorry if I decide to change the definition from time to time!"
"Begging your pardon, I didn't mean to be rude."
"Well you were! Just, I know it's just.. don't say things like that, okay? It's frustrating to hear others say 'what you're like' and 'what's Pinkie'. I can't stand others trying to dictate what I'm like. If you'll let me be who I choose to be, I'll do the same for you. I mean, I wouldn't bother you if it turns out you like to do something that seems..unlike you. Okay?" Pinkie huffed, "If you're my friends, you'll stick with me even if I change. I'll still be me, just a different me."
"It's not going to be the same though. You can't change everything about you. Then you wouldn't be you." Rainbow rubbed the back of her head, "What if..I decided I didn't like racing anymore and I don't know, took up knitting like Fluttershy. I wouldn't be the same awesome daredevil that you got to know. I'll be somepony completely different. Now, if I decided that I liked knitting as well as racing, then if would just be a new part of me. Not, um, replacing it." She waved her hoof around.
"Wow, Rainbow actually said something smart for once." Pinkie looked a little taken a back. Rainbow looked crossed between blushing in embarrassment and anger.
"Yes, and she's right. For once. You can add parts to you but you can't go around changing the fundamental parts that make up who you are. Then you really wouldn't be you. And that's not something we'll trying to force on you. We just want you to still be Pinkie at the end of the day."
"Then who is Pinkie? Who am I then?"
Rarity had finished with her mane and had started on her tail. "I think Pinkie is somepony who can think outside the box. You can come up with such ideas that I'm inspired. While some of your fashion choices are, well, 'particular' some of the basic qualities are quite unique. Sequined tulle? Glittered tulle with sequin? Who would have thought? And it's all thanks to you and your dreadful, um, dreadfully creative outfit for the Gala."
"Really? And the candy?"
"Edible clothes does sound distasteful to me but I can see a market for it."
"I think you're a really nice pony who always puts others first." Fluttershy commented next, "It's always so inspiring for me to see you work so hard to make others smile. You'll give them an extract cupcake or tell a joke. I remember the time you suddenly broke a cup and made a joke about it so no one saw I spilled grape juice all over myself." She blushed.
"I remember that! I never did like that cup." She mused.
"You always seem to know exactly what to say to make other glad. Well, most of the time. But I do enjoy seeing you so earnest about your work. And I admire your party skills as well. Ohwee, you seem to know things about a pony even they don't know. I remember you giving me that silky scarf for my birthday. I didn't realize how much I had been admiring it in the shop window." AJ said.
"Oh yeah, you always let your eyes linger on it for moment too long. It was really pretty with its picture of fall leaves. Do you still have it?"
"Sure do! It's my fancy going out scarf."
Rarity couldn't help rolling her eyes at what Applejack considered 'fancy'.
"I'm not as sentimental as all these other girls but I do love how you find time to go pranking with me." Rainbow laughed, "And you're always excited to see my new trick like it's the next triple back loop. You can't ask for a better cheering section then old Pinkie Pie."
"I do love your tricks."
"You're always there for everypony. In one way or another." Twilight started, "And as much as I hate it at times, your silliness during a serious situation does help take some of the tension off. It does put more annoyance into it, but nothing seems as bad when you're cracking jokes. You make sure everypony remembers to live. You'll drag me out of my studying binges and other from their own work. But it's done in such a way that we realize needed the break. You don't always me to get in the way."
"Wow Twilight, I didn't think it was possible for somepony to cram that many insults into one paragraph." Pinkie deadpanned.
Twilight, who mid lecture had sat up straight and tall, deflated. She slouched over, stunned.
Applejack laughed, "What I'm sure Twilight meant is that for all the negative about you, or anypony for that matter. You come out on top as having other ponies best interest at heart. It might not always work out but you try harder than anypony we know. And that's the best we could ask for."
"I feel selfish at times. Like I'm only trying to make others happy so I'm happy. That my joy comes from seeing other's joy."
"That's silly. I love seeing the crowd cheer in amazement at how awesome I am! But I don't need them feel awesome. I practice my tricks alone plenty of times." Rainbow Dash said.
"Ha, I guess this is what happens I focus so much on making others happy that I don't make myself happy. You girls are right, other ponies' happiness isn't my own. I had thought for so long that I could be happy by making other ponies happy. That they were happy cause I was happy but I was only happy cause they were. I didn't realize I had started to rely on other ponies' happiness to feel my own. I also didn't realize I would be having a sort of identity crisis." Pinkie chuckled, "Though, the main part of it is that I really wanted a special somepony I could exclusively have. Somepony I could make happy by simply doing nothing. By my being there and by being me." Pinkie shrugged, then continued on.
"I've realized how silly this all is. No one forced me into being this way. It was me. I was so sad for so long that once got the chance to be happy I went for it. I let it control everything. I let myself believe I couldn't change or I'll stop feeling good. Or that others could force me not to change. I wanted to change. But, it didn't work out the way I thought." Pinkie shook her head then started to nod, "Everypony is secondary. My parties and good nature have made my business. And they're a part of my me that I would never want to give up. I've just got to make a bigger show of what my 'public' life is and what my 'private' life is."
Pinkie felt great. She's wanted to talk about this for a while but, for obvious reasons, never felt she could.
"So, you're still going to be you right? I mean, the happy, crazy Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie we've all come to know, right?" Twilight was the first to ask.
"Of course silly! That's who I am. It's just not all of who I am. I'm a generally optimistic, outgoing, party loving pony! I just also like to do other things like go out and drink on Saturdays or mess with people without them knowing. It'll take time but I hope everypony will get used to all of me."
"I'm sure they will cause if they don't," R.D. swung her arms, mock fighting, "They've got us to deal with!"